Eva’s Crazy Mind

and there comes my mom somehow managing to make things even worse than they already are. 

@justmeeva

it sucks when people do that 😞 i’m sorry buddy. 

*trying*

@justmeeva

i’m proud of you for that ❤️

“stay positive eva don’t let those thoughts get to you”

ok so it might be too late for that uhhhh…

*** *** ***-

it’s just a bad night it’s just a bad night it’s just a bad night 

someone make my brain shut up please..

(it’s not possible, i’ve tried.)

oh my. 

i- that.. is probably not good. 

i understand it now

i’m going. 

@justmeeva

eva buddy…? going where? if it’s ok to ask. me don’t want to invade your space 

@LoveMyMoonflowers

off cups hehe. but i’m back now..

@justmeeva

okay buddy :') *huggies*

@LoveMyMoonflowers

*hugs tight*

@justmeeva

ni friend loves you lots. 💜 *keeps hugging eva friend* 💜 i'm so sorry the nights are always so tough and the days have been getting harder too :') 💜 i'm sorry friend.

me hopes evabuddy will let me know if there's anything me can do to help (?) 💜 :')

@LoveMyMoonflowers

i appreciate you vvv much ni fren. hehe me’s not sure if there’s anything anyone can do, but me trusts nibuddy and you just being here helps lots. *keeps hugging* 🩷

@justmeeva

i appreciate evabuddybeanie vvv much also. 💜 

@justmeeva eva frnd? Hru now?/nfta 

@unassumingEyes

i’m fine, thank you. 🩷

;

can’t watch a good movie because it’s gonna leave me with a strange empty feeling afterwards. can’t watch a bad movie because that’s simply not worth the time. can’t watch a good series because if it ends, i’ll be ‘depressed’ over the fact that it ended and feel like there’s a part missing of me. can’t listen to good songs because they stop hitting the same way after a while. can’t have fun because that only creates memories that will haunt me forever afterwards. can’t do anything related to happiness because once the happy moment is over it’s only gonna make everything worse. can’t feel emotions because that’s just overwhelming. can’t feel numb because that’s not living, that’s existing and there’s no point in that. everything is wrong. suddenly, finding a reason to keep going became a task. 

@justmeeva This is…relatable 😔 *sits* 🪑

@unassumingEyes

i’m really sorry it is.. *hugs if okay*

@justmeeva *hugs* its probably why i went to fanfics tbh. Endless amount of works about the same characters. It helped…but it wasn’t worth it, either. 

@unassumingEyes

it’s fine. <3

i wish there was a way for me to express myself, try to explain what’s all going on in my head but the only yk healthy way to do that is art (music, drawing, poetry etc) and i can’t *** do any of that so i’m just stuck with those thoughts that don’t *** leave but instead keep coming until i can’t anymore and then- …

oh and apparently i can’t speak either. 

oh and the difference between my night self and my day self is decreasing, my days are becoming as bad as nights *but* the nights are becoming worse than they’ve ever been. 

(lol i really struggled to find words for what i wanted to say here so it sounds very unprofessional lmao.)

lol my brain isn’t working at all right now when i want to explain myself but it is indeed successfully overloading me with new thoughts and ideas. 

i’m probably *whatever the word for talking nonsense was* a lot rn, at least feels so, but my brain actually can’t do words rn.

i clearly did not think this through. 

had a talk with my mom. now where to start-

there’s so much. 

oh apparently she has chosen what gymnasium i’m going to (i’ve never heard of that name in my life and rn i’m wondering if i can manage 9th)

uh she said that if i need someone professional to talk to she could make that happen… that’s a good thing but i started to think, would i even be able to talk to anyone normally..?