Eva’s Crazy Mind

4:30am. 

gonna try to sleep-ish something. to stop not trying to sleep. or something. idk. 

5am. 

today’s also ‘national make a friend day’.

…

well that took a turn. 

“i don’t believe in bad people i believe in bad actions.”

i don’t think i’m real. 

why am i still here?

no but it’s not so bad. i know many others who have it much worse. what am i complaining about. just my own stupidity. everything’s stupid. stupid stupid stupid. 

i’m just living in a loop. waking up. school. hating myself when i’m around any human being. pretending i’m okay. nighttime. a little sleep. only difference is, things are getting worse loop by loop. maybe one day the loop will get to end afterall. 

i want to break something real bad rn. 

unfortunately for me, fortunately for whatever i would’ve broken, it’s night. quiet time. 

it’s so *** ironic that night is supposed to be the time of peace and rest and silence and then there’s my head full of screams wars and loudness. 

lol another vent i’m not able to post for whatever reason. l o l. thanks cups. 

@justmeeva

*sits with eva friend if okie*

@LoveMyMoonflowers

*sits and hugs ni fren* happy to see you still here 🩷

@justmeeva

*huggies tight* <3<3

@LoveMyMoonflowers

❤️

basically, my school day started at 9am and i left school past 8pm. coming home, i had a moment to eat and now getting straight to homework. *sigh*.

buuutt since we’ve been so busy today, we’ll give ourselves a longer break because we gotta take care of our needs ✨ (jk there’s not a thing called self care in eva world) and we’ll see what relatable we can find on pinterest that will definitely help us be motivated to study 😃✨ (we’ll probably end up having a little cry session (if we’re lucky enough to be able to do that)) (also idk why i’m saying “we” let’s not question it) isn’t that such a great idea :D

combine it with some depressing (comfort) music and it’s perfect 👌👌

ohh and the lights off as well? the dark thoughts are gonna lovee this. 

oh oh oh and did i mention? it’s not just the nights that are bad, the days are starting to be invaded my my mind as well :D

yeah idk. 

*me trying to express my feelings and thoughts but ending up deleting and rewriting and deleting it every time* 

guess not then. 

i wish i could just ~*does absolutely nothing*~ and people would understand what i mean. 

pinterest quotes it is. 

“i felt so much, that i started to feel nothing.”

i just realised- i hate happiness-

….

losing touch with reality sucks so *** much man like i doubt i even exist atp

nah but those 2 unposted posts i wanted and planned to post were so real tho

the fact that my mom told me to go to bed right now (not even 12am) or i won’t get rest although i won’t be sleeping for the next couple of hours lol. 

no bc how could anyone ever possibly love someone like me. 

@justmeeva

*sits with you if okie*

@LoveMyMoonflowers

*sits*

hehe yeah the brain is definitely braining rn. 

so many *** changes. 

kinda tempted to just leave everything (hw) be and go to sleep and see what’ll happen tomorrow.