Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
ok here’s how it’s gonna go:
i’ll get bad
i’ll no longer be able to support people and be my sweet and helpful self
people will stop coming to me for help
i will lose contact with everyone
i’ll be useless
i’ll get even worse because of all the things above
i’ll end up completely alone
i’ll have to deal with myself by myself while the others will just find someone else, someone better, someone more stable and still be okay
isn’t that just cool? can’t wait for the voices to tell me “i told you that was gonna happen” lol.
oh *** i just realised i don’t even really wanna live anymore :D like i’ve lost any hope there ever was! not gonna do anything because i can’t so no worries about that, just gotta live knowing i don’t wanna be here :D
i don’t think i’ve ever been so bad yet lmao. never had those thoughts before. never experienced those feelings before. never hated myself more before. never craved anyone like that before. *** *** ***.
@justmeeva
*sits with you* 💙
@LoveMyMoonflowers
*sits* thank you… 🩷
i don’t wanna be like that, i don’t wanna push people away with this attitude thing, i don’t want to seem cold, i don’t want to be alone, i don’t want to lose people..
aaand i started venting. nvm it all.
@justmeeva
can me just tell eva buddy bean :') that it’s okie to struggle sometimes, mhm? 💜 it’s okie to feel what you feel. me knows how messy emotions can be. and how things can get so overwhelming in our heads 😞 while i’m not exactly in your place and don’t know what your exactly going through, i’m honestly proud of you for still being here. 💙 me promise lovely, you can never be replaced. you are eva. 💜 your loved. your appreciated. we will always love our eva friend 💙 the happy eva, the sweet eva, the supportive eva, the sad eva - no matter what your feeling or no matter what your going through, you’ll always be loved. 🥺 me promise. *hugs you vvv tight*
@LoveMyMoonflowers
hehe i wish my mind would let me believe that rn. hopefully i will one day. it does mean much to me, that i can promise, it’s just hard to accept it atm. thank you for this, thank you for caring, thank you for still being sweet even if you’re struggling yourself aswell. i’m sorry for being this mess right now, for being distant and not knowing anything. i don’t even know what happened to me, i don’t know why or when it happened.. i’m probably being dramatic anyway. still, thank you. 🩷
@justmeeva
oof :') you not alone in that buddy. T^T me understand how our brains seem inclined to believe the hurtful words, and it’s hard to believe we are loved. 💜 i think it’s probably something we struggle with for a long time :')
you don’t have to be sorry for anything lovely 💙 and i don’t think your being dramatic. sometimes we don’t know what’s going on, we might just feel so overwhelmed or life just gets so… yk, lifey and messy :') there’s no need to apologise for *feeling.* 💜 *keeps hugging you tight* 💙
me proud of you for making this safe space for evabuddybean to write. 🥺
@LoveMyMoonflowers
thank you *for the 100th time*. i do believe you understand. i love you so much, i’m happy to have you 🩷
*hugs probably forever*
@justmeeva
awwe, yay, eva hugs 🥺 eva hugs are even better even eva-buddy hugs forever hehe. 💜 me loves you *that* much and more 😛
@LoveMyMoonflowers
and if it’s any question, you’re not alone either oke? i’m still always rooting for you, and always here, even if i might not be much help rn. 🩷🫂
@justmeeva
me thinks you being here, showing you care and being kind is plenty of help. seriously. 💙 ni friend is grateful for you 💜 kindness is powerful especially in the world we live in :')
@justmeeva
🥺💕
in the kind of world we live in* somehow english can’t be wrapped around my brain some days 🧠
@justmeeva
me lurked a teeny tiny bit in SR and saw evabuddy. 🥺 you okie lovely? 💜 me here if you need anything, okie? 💙 no pressure to talk about anything 💜 me just telling you, me here. 💙 *offers huggies*
@LoveMyMoonflowers
hi ni buddy.. i don’t know why i’m even trying anymore, every time i go to the chat rooms i’m looking for hope that maybe, just maybe the voices in my head are wrong, that maybe there is a chance that there’s someone waiting for me or something, but it’s never like that, just when i most need it. people rarely notice you when you’re there but boy they’re quick to say goodbye. i’m not mad at anyone, i’m not blaming anyone, i just hate that those things happen at the wrongest times.
eugh i don’t like that i’m venting again, i know you’re struggling too, i should be there for you too but i can’t rn and it makes me feel like i owe you… i’m telling you those stupid feelings are really messing me up. i’m sorry…
@justmeeva
awwe no lovely, absolutely not. eva buddy’s been there for me too 💕 and that means a lot to me. we’re friends, and that means we are here for each other, mhm? 🥺 you don’t have to apologise for venting or talking. 💙
@LoveMyMoonflowers
it just… it feels wrong… i don’t want to seem like i’m going off on you because of my own *** because i swear i’m not, i’m just mad at myself and life and how everything’s happening how it’s happening… and i can’t be sweet and positive and happy rn which leaves me looking so cold and unappreciative… i don’t want you or anyone thinking differently of me because of this place..
@justmeeva
*hugs you* no buddy, me no think differently. i’ve always thought your a sweet hooman, emphasis on both sweet and hooman. 💙 and that means, as hoomans we all struggle and have our a little off days :') and that okie. 💜
me sorry, ni friend won’t be on for a while now. had to leave earlier because of some things at home. 💙 me hopefully talk to eva buddy tomorrow