- Forum
- Journals & Diaries
- in the wonders of my mindš.
in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
"she" wasnāt talking about me. she was a girl Iāve never spoken to before in my year group. that told everyone I grabbed her by the collar and went psycho on her. shockingly I didnāt. never even had an interaction w her. "she"s said a bunch of other stuff too. also werent true. but they spread all the way to primary secondary and senior. and I lost all my friends. but that person was right- itās not the end of the world.
hihiĀ @yyeyiiLy š©·so- I realized that obv you were the one upvoting all my posts <3 I thought it was my friend. because she was online for a long time and sheād get tagged here but I guess even she canāt be bothered to check on me anymoreĀ :')šan ex best friend used to come on here and talk/support and upvote all my posts the way you didš©·but- were not friends anymore and since then this space made me feel horrible. Itās just really lonely and no one ever comes here the way I see them go and support on other spacesšnot even the people that promised theyād visit or come here oftenš¤I think you could tell I wasnāt the bestĀ :')š©·and the way you were there even without saying anything is sumthing that I appreciate so muchšI donāt know youšif youāre new to cups or anything because I checked forums and you were never tagged beforeš¤but I just wanted you to know your v little nice things make big impacts :3 <3šI hope you get this tag and nfta. my class is just being noisy so might as well xDš©·love you anonymous friendš
@iloveyouxx
omgg ur so so sweet šš im super glad to hear all this ykāØ and im sorry for your ex friend T^T things just suck a lot sometimes don't they... brighter days are here to comeš©· oh! and im not sure if my recent upvotes are getting through because when i try to heart one of your posts it just shows a sad blue lil heart with the number 0 next to it :(( but just know im always here and supporting you even though you dont know meš„° sending love and hearts your way š
@yyeyiiLy
:000 you replieddddšI didnāt expect you to honestlyš©·so so sweetš„ŗš? I was trying to act normal and not get attached to someone Iāve never talked to before xDša lot sometimes hahaĀ :')štruešI think the only brighter days Iāll ever get is by turning on the lightsĀ :')šor opening the curtains in daytime- I donāt have brighter days aahjajaja xDš©·Iāll be forever helplessāØhehe lemme explain that :3 so :3 cups decided to put a heart limitšand limit the lovešbasically you get a specific amount of upvotes but itās for different people- same amount but like :0 Iām not sure what the limit is but letās say itās 30 :0 so if you upvoted 30 of my posts and like 12 of someone elses- youād still be able to upvote their posts but now that youāve reached that limit for me you wouldnāt be able to upvote anything by me anymoreš¤sad blue lil heartš„ŗšI wish they didnāt limit the love hehešbut o well :Pš©·that means a lot to meššyur honestly so sweet <3 btwwwww hehe whoās in the pfp cos omggee they so prettyyyy shshsjsjjsjewjedixdwjkwdeuiedujišššI was gonna go insane out of how so fricking gorgeousš¤§šand compliment yu but Iām not actually sure who it is hehe xDštheyāre so beautiful tho my god <3ššim kinda scared of getting attached now wkwjhsjw T^TšI still love yu tho friend <3 what would yu like me to call yu :0š(*gets hopes up and pushes them down again* T^Tš)
@iloveyouxx
you dont think you have brighter days anymore? š sweetie dont ever say thatš there is a balance between good and badš«¶ and when you have lived your very worst days, if you get through it all you will be rewarded with the best days of your lifeāØ and i speak through experience :') hehe- but at least try to get through all the tough days that are going to come and all the tough days that already have comeš thank you for sharing that info with me about the upvotes btww š„ŗ and it's me in the pfp ahaha no one's ever told me i look gorgeous or pretty in such a sincere manneršš please dont ever get scared of getting attached to meš©· but I do understand if it takes time ! I love you too and I'll try to be here for you a lot <3š aaanndddd- you can call me Kiemi or Ki ^^Ā
@yyeyiiLy
hm nu hehe- I donāt think it :3 I knuw it :3šI donāt know friendš©·not for me I guess :Pšmy situations pretty- unique xD T^TšI wonāt get out of the tough days I donāt thinkš¤
whattttšdo people not understandāØ*masterpiece*āØwhen they see itššš©·and I turned up my brightness and zoomed in and ahwjhdjsjsheinašyouāre so pretty my godšševen thu yur phones covering most of yur face (yur phone case is vvv pretty btw hehe :Pš) I can still tell youāre soooo gorgeoussss eurgh why donāt I look like thatšare your parents like..goddesses or sumthingg T^Tš? your hairstyles so perfect and your eyes are so bootiful and youāre just so pretty ajajkajjwhwusbsšI wish I looked like you smh TvTš/genš
hehe its just that I get attached a lot and always end up getting hurtĀ :'Pšso I distance myself from everyone but gosh youāre just an angelš„ŗš/lhšI just feel like everyone I know even on hereās justĀ :') theyād always say something. proving theyāre just. the exact same.Ā :')šyou genuinely seem so sweet thošyou remind me of someone for sum reasun :Pš¤tho at the same time I know Iāve never ever met anyone everrr as *gorgeoussss* as you areššmaybe like a movie or sumthing :0š©·or a model :Pšfriend this is random but can I ask why yu joined cups :0šor how yu found it :3 just curious hehš¤
you donāt have toš©·š„ŗIām hard to put up with hehĀ :'PšI want to be here for you tooš<33/gen
kiemi/kiāØš„ŗI love thoseš/genšahhhh Iām indecisive theyāre both so cute I canāt pickššmaybe Iāll just- figure that out w the convo lol :3š
@iloveyouxx
you have to just āØbelieveāØ that it'll get better my love <3š©· but I understand it's hard , just consider it okie?š„°Ā
thankuuu i really cannot believe how nice your beautiful soul is šš„ŗ i dont have that many people as kind as you in my lifeš but oh well *** im not worth their time :') <3 but seriously im not as gorgeous as u think dearš most of my pics- actually, it's all of my pics- i cover my face/mouth TvT because i just cant stand the look of it :( š©· please dont ever wish to look like meš im sure you're already so much more prettier š„ŗ<3 you just dont know it yetš
sorry to hear that you end up hurt when you get attachedš but there are so much people out there for you , just give them a chance and let them inš you never know who's right for you until you try :D <3 your comments about how gorgeous you think i am is just šš it makes me heart melt like omgš„ŗ how can someone as nice as you existš„ŗ/genš <3Ā
i joined cups because i just need to find people who are there for me... yk? I don't know š i can be so confusing... <3 and i feel embarrassed to say what i want to people in real life , idk why T^T i usually just say what they wanna hear and then everyone's happi āØ (except for me wiweojdfewjowiš„ŗ)) there's like only one person irl who i can freely talk to š©· but anyway... back to answering your questions and enough about my āØissuesāØ <3 i found it from a social med post lol <3Ā
ahha it's ok š you have as much time as you want to decide š im literally fine with anything!! <3 but what can I call u?? not sure if you want me to give u nicknames like 'dear" or 'love' XDš©· honestly i feel so old when i call someone dear... and ur prob older than mešĀ
Ā
@yyeyiiLy
ajwhahahahwj Iām sorryyyyyy friend T^T I replied before I left for school and it didnāt sent- then it logged me out so itās all goneĀ :') give me a minute to reply againš
@yyeyiiLy
(yur upvote sends a (slight- :P) sense of okie in meš©·tytttt to replyy :3š/gen Iāll waitšbut :P not too- wait-y- so- you donāt have to rush XDš)
@yyeyiiLy
š©·I try <3
Iām only being honestššawwwwe >: >:š©·people..are such strange species lmao :')šI donāt get them. or. how they could be so purposely cruel to others. and sleep at night. smiling. :')škilovelyš„ŗš©·youāre worth all the time in the worldš„ŗš/genšI swear tho like :') I feel like you deserve so much more than whatever youāre getting right nowš©·yu own such a beautiful soul <3ššand yu make me feel betterš
not as gorgeous as I thinkš?canāt stand the look of you >:šgosh lovely do you compare yourself to those alien beauty standardsšyouāre literally so pretty- you know what subliminals are? your face would probably be put in one of those- I bet everyoneās secretly obsessing and jealousšthey all envying you so maybe why they donāt use their time w you is cos they just wish they were you :Pš©·sad people cover it up with evil sumtimes. or just- insecure people put others down sumtimes too- make themselves feel better sumhow :PšI genuinely do thošI wish I looked like youšyouāre drop dead gorgeous like bro why and how are people so*āØ*šI would definitely look twice if I crossed by you irl :P like- "wait what-"ššthen Iād probably stand across you with myāØanxietyāØand try to get myself to compliment you calmly aushakjaja xDš
nuuuu Iām really notšno one can be compared to you in general- but Iām like hahashasxhxsaj :')š©·I took a bunch of photos of myself at school today after reading this- then turned up the noise reduction to the maximum (to make it blurry :P) and now I just look like AIšI swear I literally look like aišand without the blurring I just- idk :Pš©·I can show you tho XD Iād just send a link and make it expire after you see it :Pšso it canāt be opened afteršI just have to crop my school logo XD but really Iām not at all prettier than youš
awe but friend I donāt think there is. I mean :P Iāve let a lot of people inšand I canāt anymore :') I really donāt get hoomans kiemi :')š
nu I understand :0š©·yur issues matter tooš„ŗšIād love to listen to yu >:š©·talking freely and venting or rantingšyou deserve to have better hoomans in yur worldš„ŗš
XDDDDDDDD "come on deary comā herešµš»" sorry - I feel weird rn lol XD
nah Iām not hehā ļøšIām the youngest you can be on cups xDš©·I dunno how old yu are tho :0šbut my birthdays august 15 2010 :Pš
Iām at lunch rn :0šat school-Ā
i wanna go on caps but like Iām so happy cos my swimming teacher forgot to sign my planneršso that makes 4 swimming lessons left which I can just get the signatures- term3 is 12weeks- in my school if you donāt reach a standard you get a teacher signature in your standards card and there were 6 swimming lessons this term which Im not doing :P first got cancelled and this time the teacher forgotšshe asked for my planner and just completely forgot and she was even signing some and giving them back and was like yeah thatās the last of it like omg she forgotšbut yus Iām relieved hehe :Pš
i have french after this- ttylllllllšš
@iloveyouxx
i dont get it eitherš but some people just dont... care. i mean, they have like 70-80 years ahead and im like, only a teeny unimportant part of their life. So why would they care-Ā
whaaatttt nono i *swear* if you really saw my face u would change your mind in a flash-š i only look good in a ponytail ..:((
nopeāØ you cannot change my mindš im sure the moment i see you i will be all š±š„ŗššš cos of your beauty /genš©· <3 but i guessĀ i cant argue with her majestyš/lh š
that's alright, i wont force you to do anythingš but just *know* there are people for you, trust me i knowāØ right when i thought i wanted everything to end this amazingš„ŗ human popped into my life and he is literally a dreamš way out of my leagueš and i didnt know it at first but all he wanted was my trust, and eventually i let him in, and he really did listen to me and care like no one else tried to doš so maybe you dont believe me when i tell you that there are people for youš but then what am iš„ŗ am i just a dream you see every nightš i am a human and I am here for you, alwaysš
im pretty sure i dont deserve anything less :P maybe this is karma for existing š
that's not that bad of an age difference āØ im just 4 months older lollll <3 i can be the best big sister you never had :0 or maybe you did have one... idk-Ā
at my school, lunch is purely chaoticš and i totally dont join in on the chaos just to fit in <3 XD
oop you dont like swimming? me either tho- i really dont get why i have to swim when im not gonna go anywhere near a large body of water anyway-
sorry btwww this is kinda brief because im like 5 minutes late to my class now but who cares not meāØ ok actually i do kinda care but i dont like that class anyway and ur wayy more important than some class i didnt sign up for-
hope u had fun in frenchš and now I gotta gooo lolllš„ŗš ttyl as well <3
@yyeyiiLy
sum people alsoā¦suck :P :D I mean yuh like most of us have 60-80 years ahead of us- but how bout they donāt- yk- waste those years being horrible hoomans :P?š©·just a suggestion TvTš?? I careš„ŗšI swear I do thošyou mean so much to me and I wish I could take all your hurt and transfer it all on meš©·you really deserve none of itšš
noooo your pfp literally shows your hair omigod itās so purfectšI loaf the haircut smšškiiilovelyyyš„ŗyouāre literally so pretty like bro you should be confidenttttšš„ŗšif I saw your face Iād scream. :P I can barely see yu through the pfp and youāre literally so gorgeous what the flufffffššššdonāt denyyy ittttš„ŗši swear youāre so pretty thošš
ššnuuuuu- eugh smhhhhh/lh Iāll prove yu wrong hehe give me a minute :Pš
really tho there arentĀ :')š©·I bring out the worst in people- they see me- I look like an easy target- they make my impossible life even more impossible :DĀ
are you kiddingšway outta your league?ā ļøbruh no oneās outta your leaguešI bet they all begging for youšš©·he sounds so amazing thoš
awwwweš„ŗšš©·ššššš©·š(I couldnāt pick which one T^TāØ) yur an amazing hoomanširl weāre (IāmāØ) just fighting for our(myāØ)lives(lifeāØ)Ā :')š
whatš„ŗdonāt say thatš„ŗššyouāre a giftššyour existence- itās a giftšthe fact I met you before I left is just incredibleššyou light up my soulšIām so grateful for you <3 youāre so beautiful inside out <3š©·
ouuu Iām not the only teenie :0š4months isnāt a big age difference :00šhehe I never had one- youād make the best big sister everš
huh su you do or you donāt XDš©·?
yus :P like Iām not gonna *be* in a *pool* with my *classmates/people in my year group* in a *swimming suit* T^Tšeugh idek why we have to do it at all- :Pš
awwe I amĀ :')š? hope teacher doesnāt ask why you were late or sumthing :0š©·teachers get on my nerves heh :Pš
i didnāt XD infact I broke my record of not crying at school XD then ran to the bathroom and broke down ajajhahahahjajsjakajhaja XDD
hope yu have fun thoš<3
@iloveyouxx
noooo whattš„ŗ i would never let you transfer all my hurt to yourself š¤ you dont deserve it not even for half a second š
u can never prove me wrong ahewrjsd3wes u are most likely a princess āØi swear the moment i see you i will get down on my knees and bowš
i wish i was there with you irl so i could give you irl hugs and comfort and drive all the bad people away so you can see how much good people there arešš it literally breaks my heart to know you suffer like thisš </3 you deserve every good thing in the world, you deserve every kind heart there isš/gen<3Ā
yeahh a gift for the graveāØ but wdym before you leftš u cant leave so young :((( i dont want the most amazing person in my life to disappear...šš /genĀ
oh nus u cried?? im here if u wanna talk , friend š funny coincidence, i cried too XDD isnt that crazy- and no i didnt have fun :( i hate that class honestly the teacher is so strict and mean. š
i really hope you're feeling better by the time you read this š <3
@yyeyiiLy
im su sorry D:š©·Iām so late >:š
but you donāt deserve it eitheršIād take it all for the rest of my life if it meant yu didnāt have to go through itš„ŗš<3/genšI wish it were that easy :')š
smhhhhh okie but expect the worst :P/gen/takeitseriously T^Tš©·
https://picallow.com/aghuksghiusiutysi/?usp_success=2&post_id=314498&form_id=27
mhm :')š©·Iāve never met a good persun. genuinely :')šwhatever I might deserve are things Iāll never get :Pšissokiieeee :'Pš
D: nuuuuu donāt say thatttttššša gift to the worldššomg people should literally be so *g r a t e f u l l* to even be around yur presence T^Tšš“ļø/vvvvvvgenšš
mmmmm :')š©·I wanted to *leaveāØ* when I was 7. I had dumb ideas tho. TW like jumping :P what a dumb idea :P that way there was a possibility that-ā¦.i should stop talking about that :Dš
nuu Iām notšIām just sumone :P *āØ~deletes paragraph~āØ*š
yur so sweetšwhat nuuu not funnyššwhyād yu cryy D:ššeurgghhhhh I hate teachers :Pš¤bruh all the teachers here are just soā¦ :>>>>>>>>>>ā¦theyāre so damn miserable in their toxic relationships they canāt stand to see us (meāØ) do sumthing other than be the lonely loner you always were at the back of the class. I swear Iām so targeted all the time I donāt get it T^Tš¤I literally get the best marks. and no not for my class :P for 2 year groups above me- what I get is basically- the highest you could ever get from year11-13 and Iām in year8šand I donāt talk or disrupt or talk back or be disrespectful or loud or any of that. but literally if sumone asks me for a pen or sumthing Iām immediately so targeted shysnej T^Tšbut issokie- not gonna rant on yuš
hehe Iām a lot worse :3š©·yu hoping Iām better is sumthing Iām grateful for tho <3š
I have to go for moral ed- take careš
@iloveyouxx
no worries š
eh it'll pass for me š©· i'll probably be gone soon anyways... <3 :') šplease just try for me <3 never wish someone's pain upon yourself!!
nadiaaa u are so so pretty. not even joking rn- i am serious. *puts on a very serious face for you* <3 i want your hair so badlyyy.... T^T
well you've met me :3 (if you can even call me good...)Ā i wish so badly i could just give you everything you deserve... like just press a button and *boom* you have everything you need. you are more than a gift to the world, you are a gift to *everyone* and the *universe*.Ā
thank you so much for your kindness š„ŗš
mm i wouldn't say anything you think is dumb or stupid. š
yes you are Someone. You are my Someone, a very special Someone. you are the universe's Someone, the literal definition of a Gift to All. š/gen <33
im not trying to be sweet, im just being genuine and realš©· <3 you dont need to know why i crieddd im just not okay (ahahha)Ā for *real* teachers are just too much for me š they only see my fails and not my improvement, my growth, or my success.
you shouldn't be targetedš you shouldn't be treated like this.. at all. you can rant on me any time, i won't mind š i'll listen to everything and i'll care. š
can i do anything to help you?... i hate to see you so broken... i really do care about you, friend, all my feelings are genuine, i hope you know it š<3
you take care too <3 remember you'll get through all these bad things, ok? you got through like 13 years or smt already. you can get through another decade and even more. always here for youš
when someoneās nice to me I just assume itās cos theyāre dying soon or smth.
@iloveyouxx
Kinda alive here, friend!š
I'll be nice to you from *beyond* as well! XDĀ
And then we'll conspire a theory that not all ghostiees are bad ghostiees, some are a lil sunny š® and that a certain Nadiabeanie deserves nicenessssss from everyone alive or ghostiee!š
a totally random question. would you care if I died? if I just couldnāt put up with this *** up world where all we ever do is try to survive. if I just couldnāt put up with school and the *** itās done to me. if I couldnāt put up with all these memories locked in my mind and all the experiences that arent gonna end. would you care? if I just. put some things together. and slowly left it all.
it was a rhetorical question.
i swear I give up.
@iloveyouxxĀ
i know you may have doubts about it or it might not be that big of a deal, and i know itās not gonna take the pain or want for a break away, but i do mean it. i would care. i do care. š©·
@justmeeva
nu. it would help.šand sorry but itās not a break. I donāt even feel like apologizing atp itās more like "youāre welcome-"šI donāt want to say anything that- i dunno :P itās not like i wouldāve said anything badš©·but Iām not really sure I can genuinely believe it lovelyĀ :')š©·
I mean :P I dont want to sound.- whatever I come off asšbut really what would happenconsider you as one of my closest friends. but I know that doesnāt always go both ways.Ā
I feel like this whole post is irritating-
im sorry.š©·
Iām shutting off inside atp. Itās not like Iām gonna talk about myself forever- just ignore this if youād like <3
@iloveyouxxĀ
itās your space. itās made by you, for you to talk. and iām always happy to listen. you, ni, eyes - the corner buddies lol, are my closest friends. notice the āyouā in it? yeah, remember that š©· iām just hoping to keep you for as long as i can. because youāre awesome. even when youāre struggling. even when youāre exhausted from life. youāre still awesome. and youāre still my friend. and i still love you. always. no matter what. you can always tag me if you want to talk. or literally just sit together in silence. just.. company. i never have anything against that. you deserve to not feel alone. even if you donāt feel like it. Ā
and.. i feel like you need this more.
sometimes I think. why do we actually try to survive? why does it matter-?? it doesnāt matter. literally nothing *** matters. telling me to not give up is exactly equivalent to telling me to be set on agonizing myself for the next 70 years.
everyoneās so damn simple. theyāre literally all the same. I just donāt understand.