in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{I know that.}

_{but I’m not reporting him. weather I’m near death or screaming in pain, infront of a pool of blood or in sight of a gun. I’m just not.}

_{in fact I know it’s not easy.} 

_{becos calling the police is just the best thing to do for- everyone- isn’t it -?}

_{and thats why I’m gonna make sure I’m dead before the time I can’t take it anymore.} 

_{I’m not gonna say don’t refer me cos. no one cares enough to refer me. so.} 

_{I’ve tried to do crazy *** to myself the past years becos I knew no matter what I’d end up in a better place than with my "dad".}

_{wherever that was.}

_{and yk}

_{I planned to k.ms when I was 6. I had a whole *** plan just fully thought out.}

_{summarized- I was gonna jump off the highest floor. pretty dumb plan.} 

_{I don’t want anyone to know if I’m gonna k.ms.}

_{I barely had access to the internet at the time. there are much better ways-} 

_{and no not to like deal with ***- there’s no other better way to deal with that- but I mean to k.ys}

_{my fav atm is this drink. that I wont talk about cos even tho literally no one gives a *** and would bother reading this I still can’t talk about it.}

_{2 ingredients.}

_{but kills you almost instantly.}

_{then there’s the yk- also can’t talk about it but literally just blink and you wont open your eyes ever again.} 

_{I love how I’m talking about *** suicide techniques rn-}

_{I like these tho.}

_{cos it doesn’t include- *just*- a possibility to die.} 

_{It’s like you’ll die for sure- no slow or long pain. no broken bones. no struggle. just- find yourself dead.} 

_{and I love it.}

_{cos yk}

_{my mom died becos of my dad.}

_"dad"*

_{and I will too.}

_{and no one will know ***}

_{have you ever just thought like.}

_{I’m- not even alive. I’m literally not alive and I’m not living either. I just. exist. and then I die. I was born to exist for a while then die. literally. so why exist any longer. to get abused. raped. tortured. to suffer. to be in pain. to bleed. and cry. just to give up. over- and over again. you already gave up. but for sum *** reason you’re still here. why’re you still here?} 

_{literally what the *** is keeping you alive}

_{I just love how they were online the whole time reading and seeing how much you really just *** needed someone to be there. and couldn’t care any less.}

_{I need help. I need a hug. a friend. a family member that’s "normal". a world that’s not falling apart even more every single day.}

_{I literally just woke up to my dad and grandma talking about another death.} 

_{car accident.}

_{I really just can’t} 

_{I really, really can’t}

_{can someone} 

@iloveyouxx 

*gives you a long hug if okay*

@iloveyouxx

and if you think i only said that because you said nobody was there for you, just because you pointed it out, it’s not so. let me explain myself, just in case. 

i came here a few minutes after you had posted that. i stayed on this page until i was finally free irl to respond, so i didn’t even see the next page before saying it. how did i know to do this explanation then? i went to the next page after i had posted that. 

i know i haven’t been there for you as much as i wish i could, and i’m sorry, but i know it doesn’t change anything. but i do love you. and i do care. and i do think about you constantly. and i do tell life to stop hurting you so much. but it doesn’t listen. and i do wish i had something to say to you. but i don’t. so, all i can do right now is sit with you and give you a hug. a virtual one, but still a hug. 🩷