in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{he's still asleep- he hadn't slept at night TvT}

_{we have over a week more of break and till now I still get school nightmares :>}

they needa word cos of how often they happen like.. ✨schoolmares✨? :'P

_{I woke up at 7am cos of them :') I felt that horrible nostalgic feeling again. I used to just wake up everyday being so scared. :D}

_{I can't get a break from school even in the breaks.} 

_{I felt my heart beat all over my body before I slept. and that kept my mind active and awake but school was the last thing on my mind before I did fall asleep}

_{*** I needa distraction-}

_{I hated the feeling. of waking up or maybe not at all cos most of the time I wouldn't sleep. the first thing I'd do every morning is check the time just to freak out even if it's 4am or smth cos school mornings just never last. I'd probably realize something is missing and freak out about that. then I'd realize how horrible I look and freak out about that and atp I'm rushing too much and I can't and don't even have time to cry. I leave the house ofc late and the weather prolly messes up my already messed up hair. I go up 4 floors already being too drained also who tf lead class is gonn be 4floors up- I make it to lead class after assembly and then that eyad kid starts saying a bunch of stuff like *** :D and the *** *** persun I won't say their name would be their *** ***. ofc someone would make a joke about me trying to km.s which like id gladly do but thats made up so haha how funny :>. I'm gonna have to say my name in register which idk why that's so hard atp I just get a lot of attention shifted to me since I'm usually mute and don't talk. most days we have English first period and that's where the girl that almost killed me is cos she got switched all the way to the last class and we have like 15lead classes in our year group- she also started that rumor about me tryna km.s and jump her and doing psycho things and all sorts of stuff. yk- the reason I lost everything and everyone. so I have to mange almost everyday to get past her and.. *survive*.  I ofc have math somewhere since I do everyday and that's where I sit next to this other girl- basically talked horribly about her supposed to be best friend and her best friend asked me about it. I didn't say anything but she figured it out either way. somehow that turned to even people in senior and primary hating me. I have dance this term so that'd just great. we perform almost everyday and ofc have to be in groups. I managed to get out of it in term2 somehow without performing and if work alone in a paper- but no one wooing ever get that lucky again. I have swimming too which I can't even talk about that cos I have problems with my heart if I get too anxious.  but I genuinely hope I die before we start swimming. Istg I literally hope I die. it's okay :') but it's obv not okay is it and I could go on did hours which is making me want to cry but like o well fml :') I'm gonna go look for that "distraction" now.} 

my brother has a swipe keyboard so that's why I can't spell *** here 

_{someone's doing smth at the other side of the wall--}