in the wonders of my mind💗.

@iloveyouxx 😔🩷

@unassumingEyes

_{everytime I try typing I start cryingand I don't want to be sad or anything it's just a lot for me I guess. ice was really special.❤️}

_{thank you🩷💙for being here and :p I was gonna say I could really use having someone to talk to and then I can't really talk, but thank you🤍you make me feel less alone 🤍}

@mytwistedsoul

@iloveyouxx *offers safe hugs* 💙 It's ok to be sad. I'm sorry that you are of course but it's understandable to feel upset. Animals are special. Tbh I like animals more than I do most people - which sounds kind of horrible I guess 

@mytwistedsoul i dont think that sounds horrible 🤔 people are, to put it nicely, very...complex, in many different ways. Animals are relatively easier i guess you could say. 

@iloveyouxx *offers hugs and pancakes 🥞🥞* 

@unassumingEyes Complex is a very good way to put it! You're absolutely right too. They are very complex. Animals are typically easier to "read" than people are 💜

_1:47am.

_{i thought it was later honestly}

_{the girl I talked about before the one that was involved in all that drama} 

_{I’m switching lead classes with her}

_{I’ve been really really trying to avoid thinking about school}

_{and everyone kept bringing it up or reminding me all summer break}

_{and someone just reminded me to be annoying. it’s not funny why’re you ruining my summer break when it was never even good in the first place :')}

_{but um. apparently the girls been messaging me and every time she would my dad would delete the messages and I just genuinely kept convincing myself of well stuff and I mean she’s not really a “good” person and if she did make new friends she’d leave with no second thoughts and she doesn’t actually care about you at all and she makes sure you know it but you can’t really not love her I mean I love her she’s my friend and she didn’t deserve any of the things that happened to her so I like being there for her even if I’m being used to temporarily make her feel less alone. I care about her. she’s my friend :’)} 

_{i don’t know why but the way she talks is so funny to me :p everything I say she’d just reply with (in caps) “righttt” “frrr” “stoppp” “reallll” and for some odd reason when people talk like that it’s just funny to me as in}

_{not them but more like :p the fact they talk like that :p} 

she makes me feel less alone too.

it makes me sad tho 

I don’t know.

my grandfathers in the hospital.

_{feel like I’m existing wrong.}

_{I’m looking at a mini cockroach and I’m sort of terrified :’)}

_{I stayed up watching horror movies last night} 

_{I had to go then but I have to go again I just thought I should say that because that was a random time to poof but}

_{i still have to go :’)} 

(I didn't run away I just got lost)

on purpose

@iloveyouxx reminds me of kwt 🙂

_{so. I thought school was on the 2nd of september but apparently it's this tuesday} 

_{3 days. my brother's.. friend's, parents said that friday might just be completely off this year because we used to have friday as a half day} 

_{alot of events are canceled this year because of all the incidents}

_{I hated my lead class but I don't think I'll be able to get used to a new one}

_{and I know so much about 9b it's so horrible but in really different ways}

_{like there's that one guy that calls everyone ugly and he was the first person to comment when I took the mask off there're so many chamakis and they don't take much seriously they make fun of everyone that's not them and I'm not talking about everyone there but}

_{you'd know them for always being mentioned in assembly,  I used to have friends there idk everydays so crazy for them} 

_{I know one girl in 9b that's nice ish but if someone didn't like you now she hates you} 

_{and plus I'm gonna miss my lead teacher- but either way my class is gonna have a substitute lead because my lead teacher was pregnant so I won't even get to see her}

 _{I don't think 9b is worse than 9a so I shouldnt complain :')} 

_{I think out of all the lead classes 9a and 9b have the most 'bullies' but when the hoy was thinking of moving me she was making it seem so nice and I was just like yeah sure because it's me and the other girl that were gonna move together and she wanted to and I want to and I wouldn't change it but it's still scary tho-}

_. 

_{I was crying about something earlier but I don't remember what it was.} 

_{the earlier I stress out the easier it is later on- probably.} 

_{my lead teacher said she thinks I'd be good at psychology but my dad wants me to become a doctor or something like literally everyone else in the family.} 

_actually

_{every guy in the family is an engineer- and my brothers becoming one.} 

_{speaking of my brother by the end of this year he'll be in university :') he's doing something to skip the last 2 years I don't know what it is but you need good grades and it needs to be for a specific type of job I think} 

_{.................} 

_{this is such a quiet morning I don't like it}

_{I'm gonna go walk around for a while-}

It feels so different using black text but. Im gonna force myself to get used to it 

I feel so much more judgable this way. 

_{we're walking :')} 

_{I saw a cat. but it won't load for some reason-}

_{the whole app glitched and I couldn't get a picture of her looking at the camera or walking TvT}

_{I've been avoiding thinking too much about stuff- so that- I'm less worried :') or anxious or anything}

_{it's like if you forget a bad memory then it doesn't affect you anymore right-} 

_{if you don't think about a bad memory it doesn't affect you anymore. :') right.} 

actually- does it :p 

I don't think it does :') and I think I've been doing pretty good probably

:P

it's starting to get hot 

I just saw a whole group of birds fly by 

_{I told my brother about ice and he just went 'that's crazy'} 

_{you know when you look at a light and you look away and there's this blob of green/purple in the middle of your vision in the same shape-} 

_{that stays for a really long time for me :') it can just be there for hours and I blackout alot in that time}

_{and a while ago my eyes hurt and I closed my eyes and I saw a face. it wasn't anyone's face in specific it wasn't detailed it was just that green blur made into a creepy smiling face and I didn't just make it out to be that it was there and :') it only popped up when I closed my eyes and it wouldnt go away for a long time.} 

_{I'm trying to find references :p}

_{I've been walking for 50 minutes now :p it doesn't feel like it}

_{I think I'm gonna go back now.}