in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{Lately, I'm tryin' to improve my existence
I'm ***' through with just wishin'
That things could be different
I been takin' in a new firm position
And move with precision
The usual, just usually, isn't this beautiful image
I keep inside my musical prison}

_{…..my- my family’s watching that series again :')}

_{in this scene- TW this guy grabbed an axe and basically- *slaughtered* this other guy.-}

_{it reminds me of that nursery rhyme- TvT}

_{bout lizzy borden. I wont post it cos like ;-;}

_{TW I kinda don’t think she was the actual murderer- there’s a lot backing it up too :P}

*TW*

_{lizzy borden took an axe,}

_{she gave her mother 40 whacks,}

_{once she saw what she had done,}

_{she gave her father 41.}

_{felt weird typing that ;-;}

_{people say it was actually like 17 and 19-}

_{the thing is. we were taking about it in drama. the whole story and everything. and there’s *alot* backing her up but also *alot* that leads to thinking she was the murderer but I don’t think she was.-}

_{I don't like the darkness
Cause it reminds me of myself
Lately, I been wishin I was any. body. else.
And I'm just hashin it out but you can't really tell
Even the voices in my head are telling me to go to ***}

_{Wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
Said I'm fine but I just pretend to be
And nobody knows what gets to me
It's not really just my anxiety
It's the way we preach sobriety
It's the teachings of society
Show your vulnerability
I know it's hard,}

_{I know it's scary
Some burdens you just cannot bury
Deep inside a cemetery
Or some kind of sanctuary
My relationship with God, it varies
Maybe it's hereditary
Hopefully just temporary
But why do I feel secondary?}

_{Kickin' it, layin' back
Chillin' in a looney bin
Locked up in a piggy pen
Waitin' 'til the drugs kick in
Spongey wungey dungeon
Eyes are red and rollie in
Crawlin' in my skin again.}

_{Kickin' it, layin' back
Waitin' on the time to pass
Caged in like a maniac
Feel like an insomniac
Locked up like the zodiac
Just wait until this beast attacks.}

_{52 minutes.}

_{my dads gonna start “working” again after eid.-}

_{I miss having him work tho.}

_{I had time to- not be okay in other ways- then.}

_{I had other reasons to not be okay.}

_{even when he got an email from school then he barely cared.} 

_{he just assumed that I’m getting influenced by bad people or something.} 

_{now if I’m late to a class I’m lucky to not make it to hosp.} 

_{there’s a girl in one of my classes that always tries really hard to be my friend-}

_{she has friends. a lot of them.}

_{but o my god :') idk why she likes me so much-}

_{she’s so fricking. nice.}

:')

_{she had to go. I spammed for like another hour tho.-}

_{I have all these✨sides✨of me- tho they’re still all me ;-;}

_{I don’t know me tho.} 

_{the realest me I get is on 7cups I’m pretty sure.-}

_{there’s 7cups me-}

_{broken. “dead”. doesn’t feel real. desperately needs help. talks about suicide and death too much- ;-; tries but can’t.  ***. oop I think my dads coming hold on-}