in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{and even if I did I wouldn’t consider them family.}

_{I’d still rather know I’m adopted. I wish I was tho.} 

_{It’s a better thought- it’s easier to think I’m adopted than that I’m related to this.}

_{we might be related by blood but we’re not family.}

_{I’m so tired..}

_{those 24minutes- was trying to see again :')}

_{I lose my vision sometimes..}

_{I blackout yeah but sometimes it lasts for a while}

_{lights flash bright to dark and blurry then- nothing..}

_{It’s hard to describe nothing..}

_{It’s not pitch black. or a blank page.} 

_{or one color.}

_{I think..most of the time- when nothing is used}

_{It’s not really nothing. nothing- could- it does- mean something. most of the time. at least that’s what I think.}

_{I’m not talking about when a box is empty and you say "nothings in there" no not that type of nothing.-}

_{my- my head- :')}

_{I can’t anymore.}

_{my dad just left the house again.}

_:')

_{I’m too tired to consciously breathe.} 

_{is it possible to feel like you’re barely breathing.} 

_{is that a feeling.}

_{I don’t feel like I’m breathing.}

_{I don’t feel like I’m real.}

_{I’m not real.}

_{sometimes I’m..tempted to ask someone- if theyre real. if any of this is.}

_{there are so many whys. to this all. nothing makes sense.}

_{nothing really actually matters.} 

_{we live to die and for a new and even worse generation to come next.}

_{I’ve always been negative and I know it}

_{but having a positive outlook on things just feels like I’m lying to myself.}

_{my whole life I feel like I haven’t been living}

_{I don’t feel alive.}

_{I feel a lot more dead than alive.}

_{I’ve always been more- surviving- even when I wasn’t trying to.}

_{even when i didn’t want to.}

_{I’ve been surviving- everything- surviving it all.} 

going and getting through it.

_{but I’m gonna d.ie..}

_{I’m gonna di.e either way at some point for some reason but I’m gonna di.e}