in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{I could have a real reason to be happy but I’d still fake it.}

_{my smiles are meaningless.}

_{nd my happiness doesn’t matter to anyone huh.}

_{me just me I don’t matter to anyone-}

_{I still have that rumor about me that I slt my wrist. and no I didn’t actually. I don’t care about that stuff and sh never helped me anyway- *** my sh didn’t even include cutting.}

_{that rumor was made to start drama and also cos it’s really funny to them.}

theyd wish it worked.

_{stare and laugh.}

_{come up to me with their friends and ask if I’m okay with the widest smile trying not to laugh and leave before I can answer.} 

imagine wanting to di.e. it’s so funny tho right. the fact someone might be having it so hard they’d try to kil themselves. 

_{people won’t give a *** about me before or after my funeral. and no I’m not gonna try and do anything.}

_{I actually did end up getting that hair treatment :’) I thought it was tmrw but :P}

_{way too many things happened today-}

_{my days have- too much :') that happens.}

_{sometimes I genuinely think about things thatve happened last (school) term and think that was last (school)year.}

_{it hurt so bad. I knew it was painful but that pain was unimaginable :')-}

_{I couldn’t even move. they put me in this thing that wouldn’t let me move. so like you know it hurts huh-}

_{then they left that thing on my hair for one hour. it’s meant to be like that. you’re meant to keep it on for one hour then get it washed again.}

_{I’ve put fire to my skin before and I genuinely think this hurt more.} 

took 4hours+ overall.

_{4pm-6pm then 7pm-9pm but they had extra minutes that I can’t exactly estimate :P}

_{and I look like a doll :')}

I look so fricking perfect and no that’s not a good thing.

_{I’m not comfortable :') I can’t even look down or up-}

_{I have to keep my head and posture straight}

_{and there are still 2weeks till term3}

_{this mom and her daughter came nd sat next to me somewhere during that hour.}

_{idk. their presence kinda gave me a lotta reasons to be even more depressed :')} 

_{the mom genuinely seemed so nice and sweet..}

_{she was smiling bright at everyone the whole time}

_{and kept talking to everyone in such a positive attentive and just a really nice and friendly way :')}

_{and I could tell that she was really kind to her daughter too.}

_{and not just for the audience.}

_{or as part of an act,}

_{she was talking in a different language too :')}

one that I know. and I can tell even when she thinks she knows no one else understands what she’s saying she still spreads nothing but kindness-

_{It made me sad cos well idk :') i knew she could notice me and I was such a negative presence to be around omg-}

_{her daughter was really cute and silly thou :P💓}

_{I just get sad when I see families. together. idk. especially ones that seem decently stable.}

_{never had a stable family.}