Ni's Little Solace
Not sure why I am creating this thread exactly, and I'm doing this so late at night as well :') I just felt... like I should do this haha. I do have a one line a day thread although I... don't think I have felt so free over there to write as much as I wished. So I thought maybe... I should just make another thread, a diary perhaps.. where I can really be myself.. and maybe post pictures and quotes, literary quotes maybe... and poems.. specifically haiku hehe. Also vents.. thoughts and maybe letters :')
Replies are welcome as well <3 although please remember to stay respectful and kind.
*sending lots of love and hugs because why not*
why do i keep leaving and coming back? why ni? what is wrong
@_@ my brain is making me start to believe it’s a sign of sorts. lmao.
a sign that one day i will leave but there won’t be any coming back.
maybe that day is close.
@LoveMyMoonflowers
i really hope not.. 🥺
@justmeeva
💜
s i l e n c e
@LoveMyMoonflowers
Nii 🌙🥧🥺 *hugs I okie*
@VictoriaLove7
hugs…
@LoveMyMoonflowers
*hugs Nii 🌙🥧🤗*
Nii 🌙🥧 is kitty your favorite animal? ^-^
@VictoriaLove7
kitties 🐱 and bunnies 🐰
goodbyes.
they are scary, aren’t they?
i’m not even me anymore, am i?
i’m dead and gone and silent.
once upon a time, i said there was a new me. but no. there is no new me.
there’s a dead me.
dead inside. dead and gone…
nothing more to receive. nothing more to give.
i arrived because of what i thought i’d receive. support. i stayed because i could give.
listeners…? i give up. rooms…? :')
forums…
………..
and then, there’s nothing more i can give. nothing. i’m dead.
just, dead and silent.
@LoveMyMoonflowers Hey you 💙 It's hard when it's like this. I know. I think sometimes there's so much going on inside that everything just shuts down. Maybe we feel dark inside and we're afraid to share that darkness. Maybe it's just hurt. Maybe it's alittle of everything
You don't have to give anything Moon. It's ok to receive support and it doesn't need to be paid back. A time will come and you might be in a better place to be the person to give
Idk. I'm sorry if that's not what you meant. I just wanted to just say that's it's ok to just be here 💙
offers safe hugs
@mytwistedsoul
thank you Soul <3 thank you for your words. thank you for being so understanding, for being you 💜 *sending safe hugs right back*
Tbh i don’t really know what i meant… i just said what came to my mind. I’m not even sure why i haven’t deleted my account and left cups already. i’m not sure why i’m still here, i just am. :') Idk 🤷🏻♀️
How are you soul? 💜 how have you been? <3
@LoveMyMoonflowers Don't you want to be here on site anymore? Or are you just not sure? If it's affecting you and being here is making you feel worse it's ok to step back. I know myself and a bunch of other people here would miss you alot but we also want you to do what's best for you. I know you look in on a number of people and you're dealing with your own things - do you think maybe you could be emotionally burnt out? Did something happen on your trip? Or maybe triggered? *No pressure to answer* If there's anything I can do Moon - all you have to do is let me know. You can talk to me about anything ok? No judgement - you have my word on that 💙
@mytwistedsoul
yeah… I’m not sure. i’m not even sure about what’s best for me. i don’t care about me in the first place 🤪 not that much. so i’m not sure what’s best for me… perhaps i should just… be on a partial break for a while.
i don’t know Soul… 😞 i appreciate you for asking 💜 i appreciate you for caring. thank you. it means a lot to me, seriously 💙 but yeah tbh i don’t know, i’m not so sure of anything. i think i come on here and get triggered but at the same time i don’t care that im triggered. there are things i love about this place and i love my friends here and want to stay in touch with them but at the same time… mmmmmm. ):
thank you Soul 💜 just you being here, being my friend, being your caring, understanding self 💙 it means a lot 💜
@LoveMyMoonflowers It is hard to figure out because there's good things but also some not so good things here. Maybe you could try to take a look at what you feel when you start to come here? At the time do you want to be here? Or do you feel obligated to be here because you need to check in on someone? I know sometimes people can make us feel like we NEED to check in on them. But it's hard when it feels like you're always the one asking all the questions and takes a considerable amount of energy. There's alot of truth in the saying that "you can't pour from an empty cup" 💙 Your friends will understand. It's ok to say No. Boundaries for the win yeah?
tw/sh
basically… i was clean for 6 or 7 days i think. this past week, it’s been blurry, it’s felt blurry. everything feels blurry and strange when i try to remember, only bits and pieces and flashes are clear. Idk…
i relapsed last night. but at this point, does it really matter? Does what i do to myself matter? it doesn’t, does it? because i don’t matter. nothing about me or any of that *** matters. so if i tear myself to pieces and if i try to hurt myself and *** it doesn’t matter, i deserve it anyways .
i’m not okay dude i can’t be okay. what the *** does okay mean anyways?
