In the Corner

Somewhere in the school that i no longer go to, on a desk thats no longer mine, i have written the words

"I cant."

More than once.

Id never written on desks before to be honest

I wrote "i cant" as i talked to frnds. 'I cant" as the teachers asked me questions. If my desk was moved id go and claim that one desk having "i cant" lightly scribbled in several places

Noone ever saw

*screams* she keeps *** threatening me about my result like there isnt even anything i can *** do about it now so  

Sis named the black cat in the building Truffles (we're arguing if its a he or she xD i say Mr. Truffles)

White cat with brown ears and tail is just Mr.Cat 

Dead. Deadeaddead.

Do you know what i feel when people die? No? Neither do i.

I float

Floatfloatfloat

And the feelings are sososo far away

After my p.grandfather died i thought floating meant i didnt love him

Now turtle is dead. Master Oogway is dead.

And i know i loved her. Love her. So thats not what it means.

It just means im a *** weirdo. 

Deadeadead

I keep worrying about her kids

*exists* 

One word to describe myself: 

Coward.

It took me 12 years to learn how to nit yell back when yelled at

It took me 5 years to start understanding sis again

It took 1 year to get hope,

And 1 more to lose it

And now optimism feels like nothing but a necessary lie, 

And I am a born liar

With my newer cups frnds, i slip into role easily. Im fine! Lets cause chaos! Someone the other day said teen chaos room and i thought of flowers the rest of the time on cups. Anyways, its like before but not. Like everything in the rooms changed- but me. Almost like when the conflicts started, everyone started falling out of the rooms, and i was the one who managed to stay. Only, it doesnt feel like a good thing, anyways. Not bad, not good.  

The new ones feel almost like kids

(We all are)

Still hoping. Still laughing. Still having fun. Oh theyre all hurting, yes, thats why we're all here, arent we? But the difference is clear

And- none of you are replacable- but there are parallels. Similarities. Almost...scary similarities. In their thought patterns, i mean. Thats what eva would hv said, before. Thats what flowers wld hv said, before (teen chaos room-) thats how nadia wld hv reacted, before (before what? Just before?)

(Dont feel bad about "changing" youre all still lovely) 

Point is, sometimes i wonder if im just going through everything again, just witu different people. Im not, not exactly anyways because i dont open up like i did with eva and i dont laugh like i did with nadia and i dont feel safe like i did with flowers, 

But theres a similarity.

And its kind of weird to witness.