In the Corner
Sometimes, the thoughts in my head repeat over and over and over again until I need to tell them to someone, even if noone's listening. So, this is my little corner to do that. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. Trigger warnings, just incase. And, @LoveMyMoonflowers, @justmeeva @DarkerPlaces and @iloveyouxx are welcome to replies. Not really comfortable with anyone else. Sorry for tagging. Be safe everyone <3
Somewhere in the school that i no longer go to, on a desk thats no longer mine, i have written the words
"I cant."
More than once.
Id never written on desks before to be honest
I wrote "i cant" as i talked to frnds. 'I cant" as the teachers asked me questions. If my desk was moved id go and claim that one desk having "i cant" lightly scribbled in several places
Noone ever saw
*screams* she keeps *** threatening me about my result like there isnt even anything i can *** do about it now so
Sis named the black cat in the building Truffles (we're arguing if its a he or she xD i say Mr. Truffles)
White cat with brown ears and tail is just Mr.Cat
Dead. Deadeaddead.
Do you know what i feel when people die? No? Neither do i.
I float
Floatfloatfloat
And the feelings are sososo far away
After my p.grandfather died i thought floating meant i didnt love him
Now turtle is dead. Master Oogway is dead.
And i know i loved her. Love her. So thats not what it means.
It just means im a *** weirdo.
Deadeadead
I keep worrying about her kids
@unassumingEyes
*sits with you* 💜 your not weird… it’s okay. i know what you mean by this feeling :') when i found out i just went numb. i’m still numb. idk what to feel and still cant believe it fully
*hugs eyes if okay* here with you eyes, we all here with you, the ones who love turtle and knew her. sitting with you and grieving with you 💜
and yeah im worried about her little ones too 😔 i can’t imagine how it must be for them right now, how they must be feeling. they’re so small too
6 chemistry chapters, 4 physics chapter and 5 maths chapters.
By next saturday.
And im really, really stuck on this damn math chapter
One word to describe myself:
Coward.
@unassumingEyes
:') what makes you feel this way eyes bean? :( I don’t want to sound invalidating 😞 but i have to disagree :') 💜
@LoveMyMoonflowers
If i wasnt a coward id study. If i wasnt a coward id know how to deal with mom. If i wasnt a coward, maybe i wld even leave home and do something useful for once.
None of that makes sense but its whatever.
@unassumingEyes
(I'm sorry I’m not in the best headspace to reply properly but I will when I can… Love you Eyes)
@LoveMyMoonflowers
No apologies needed ❤️ Love you too ❤️
@unassumingEyes
💜💜💜
It took me 12 years to learn how to nit yell back when yelled at
It took me 5 years to start understanding sis again
It took 1 year to get hope,
And 1 more to lose it
And now optimism feels like nothing but a necessary lie,
And I am a born liar
With my newer cups frnds, i slip into role easily. Im fine! Lets cause chaos! Someone the other day said teen chaos room and i thought of flowers the rest of the time on cups. Anyways, its like before but not. Like everything in the rooms changed- but me. Almost like when the conflicts started, everyone started falling out of the rooms, and i was the one who managed to stay. Only, it doesnt feel like a good thing, anyways. Not bad, not good.
The new ones feel almost like kids
(We all are)
Still hoping. Still laughing. Still having fun. Oh theyre all hurting, yes, thats why we're all here, arent we? But the difference is clear
And- none of you are replacable- but there are parallels. Similarities. Almost...scary similarities. In their thought patterns, i mean. Thats what eva would hv said, before. Thats what flowers wld hv said, before (teen chaos room-) thats how nadia wld hv reacted, before (before what? Just before?)
(Dont feel bad about "changing" youre all still lovely)
Point is, sometimes i wonder if im just going through everything again, just witu different people. Im not, not exactly anyways because i dont open up like i did with eva and i dont laugh like i did with nadia and i dont feel safe like i did with flowers,
But theres a similarity.
And its kind of weird to witness.
The fanfics arent working.
This happens every now and then. Interest lessens. Attention lessens. Fanfics are no longer working distractions. It happens, every now and then. After a week or so ill find smth that will work, that will keep the thoughts away when i read it and itll be back to normal. Until then im in the waiting period, where im tired and theres too many thoughts and the fanfics dont keep they away.
I dont like the waiting period.
