In the Corner

Me reading fics about ppl who dont know what to do when theyre free: if that isnt a sign theyre overworked idk what is

Me, not knowing what do when im free: 

Oh- 

I woke up just now and i have a headache. Not a little one, either. Already eyeing the painkiller but im going to see if breakfast helps first.

This feels like a bad one, tho

@iloveyouxx ur- hiding. And thats oki! And i really appreciate the hearts u drop off to my post- makes me smile- but- i didnt check in before because omg eyes stop being so clingy xD but then it went from few days to not-so few days and- i thought- maybe seeming clingy is better than seeming uncaring? And- yeah? So i thought- i mean- i just came here like- write smth to nadia- obv i didnt think much about what- just- how are u?/nfta and if its not ✨️amazing as you deserve to be✨️ is there smth i cn do to make it better/help/not be annoying? :p u dont hv to reply to this if ur not ready yet- or u dont hv to reply like ever- but i thought- i shld just say, i do miss u, i do remember u, i am still here, waiting for u 🩷 i just- didnt want to be a burden? So thats why im so *late* in checking in on u. Or maybe im not late and its just my brain- but it feels like. Its been years since u went hiding. And thats not ur fault- its just that i miss u 🩷

My brains being creative today!! After a long spell of being unable to write in the book ive been working on! Lets gooooooo 

I barely slept last night

And at like 4am i was in the "lily was a little girl" mood so thats not good :p 

Hmmm but i had a really long talk with my frnd last night so that was nice 

Tw dont bother reading im just gathering thoughts

Its like. Looking towards a (faraway) future is the  thing that helps (consciously ignoring the part where ill have to marry in an arranged marriage eventually bcz no-) so im pretty much ignoring my near future because 

new school

with kids speaking a different language that im not good at

and new teachers

and more stress 

and like no thanks? xD 

id rather think about: 

teaching

establishing a (good!) school

completing books

etc 

the arranged marriage thing is such a mood ruiner-

like it worked for mom nd dad. And it worked for uncle and aunt. So i shld hv hope?

but.

we arent allowed. To talk to the guy proposing. Without an adult/guardian near. And like its just…marrying a random guy

i dont care if the guy has a good job or a good education if i dont know him

and i want kids but the -ew- process- with a random guy i marry- nOPE-

Tw

Atp i be giving my sis little warnings when moms mad. And its not a fun job 😶 going to sis when shes having a fun time at an event or smth and whispering that moms glaring at u because if x reason so take care not to do x again. I can just see the way her face falls and she gets irritated. I get it, its an instant mood ruiner. But honestly? Better for her to listen to my whispered warnings rather than moms yelled anger.

Tw 

Not a poem, maybe. Dramatic- as always. But its not hurting anyone i guess, so- 

There are so many ways to fall apart
So many ways to break a heart
So many reasons to stop and just
Not go on at all
The light you claim is hidden beneath
I have lost in it my tender belief
Why keep getting up
When you'll just fall

I keep pushing on and on and on

Believing in right and wrong
The act is blurring into my life
How long can i keep going on
How long
Till the cracks begin to show
How long
Till theres nothing left but sorrow
And belief is dying
The world is falling
Believe me ive been trying
But this isnt my calling
How long
Till i can bid farewell
How long
Why stay when i already fell
How long
Till there's nothing left
A future full of lies, lying to myself
How long 

Tw

From a fanfic that i will name if asked, referring to SH scars, 

"This [the scars] isn’t what it looks like when someone’s trying to di.e. That’s what me up at the top of a tower balancing on one foot on the edge looks like. That’s not what this is. This is what it looks like when someone’s trying to live"

^ reason no.2 i read fics- they can be brutally honest