In the Corner

@LoveMyMoonflowers you have nothing to apologize for. I get feeling like youre at fault or like you havent done enough but the thing is- you’re allowed to take breaks. Even from people you care about. Its normal, its valid, and depending on a lot of things- it can be healthy. I cant blame you for not being here, 24/7, tending to my needs. Not only is that selfish- its impossible. I know that, i accept that, and i knew that when we became friends.

Its not your fault. 

But the thing is, cups feels like…a lie. 

Always supporting you deleted forum posts

Here to listen listeners ghost you or tell you you’re wrong

Trying to help you tell you theyre “working” on the issues we raise on cups but show nothing for it

It’s tiring. To come on here hoping for that acceptance we dont see irl and watching as all my cups teen frnds one by one give up on cups. The number of cups doesnt feel right or this doesnt work for me  or its just tiring to be on here now or noone on here really cares or listens

The rejection. 

I can take it- its the norm for me, hah, but i cant take watching those i care about go through it.

go through the seemingly inevitable -now- feeling of being alone after all.

its with teens on cups. Its with teens irl.

i dont want to leave teeny side. I want teeny side to feel accepted.

but we dont.

and i dont feel enthusiasm for a mental health site that keeps dismissing teens speaking up on mental health

so i stay for @justmeeva and i stay for @iloveyouxx and i stay for you, flowers, because while i cant say im needed, i can say that you say you want me here, and i can do that. 

I can stay. 

For now. 

And i cant take a break because leaving- leaving hurts. But to leave when you’re all still here- even if i am coming back- i cant. I always say everyone who takes breaks when they need to are really brave.

Im not that brave

Its none of your faults. Listen to me, its not, and you can trust me because when i blame someone- im not so nice about it xD i have a kind of protective anger in me- an issue since it gets alot sometimes- and if you were to have, say, wronged me in something, i wouldnt have kept quiet about it, even if i wanted to.

And this is for all 3 of you, im tired of cups. Im not tired of you nor will i be.

so i stay for you 3 and then, i think, itll be due time i bid cups land farewell. 

Hugs for u 3 🤍

I go to fanfics for several reasons- including but not limited to the fact that no one, not a single soul in the world, expects me to do it and its entirely 100% my choice and thats so...

Freeing.

But one thing that just, i love about them, is how creative and gentle and soft the titles can be: 

I promise to be patient, if you promise to be kind.

We chose you.

Family in all but blood.

There are soooo many more. Theyre not, outstanding titles maybe but theyre just so gentle 

I want more of that, in my life. That...gentleness. and i want to be like that, for someone. You know? Ive had an irl frnd and few on here call me gentle but i dont- i dont know if i am. I know my sis wpd never call me gentle- kind, maybe, if shes in a good mood, but not gentle, and she lives with me like 24/7, so- i dont know

Im- ive been-

tomorrows my last exam

my last exam

Im terrified of result day. Im proud of myself for making it through this. Im surprised at how much has changed since december. Im- 

Nervous

Is that weird?

My exams are...over 

...

Now what? 

Im just.

Here.

Going to bed. Goodnight 💙

How. Does. One. "Vacation"? 

Im literally so confused.

I did nothing- nothing!- all day 

Surely I should be doing something

I need to find something to do before i start studying or smth

Even moms like "dont study! Relax!" 

H o w 

"What to do at home alone" 

Yeah that sounds sad

Plus googles like: 

Read a book (no kidding, google)

Music (in this house? More like, read the lyrics)

Have a spa day (boringg-)

Watch a movie (thats just, no?) 

Go to a theater (what part of "at home" is google not getting?) 

Hence i am sitting here, doing nothing :/ 

The one good listener i had has not responded since 2weeks. Should i be worried about them or should i consider myself "ghosted"- 

Heh. That made me feel better.