In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

@mytwistedsoul

well, i am trying to...

its just that the restless mind says otherwise.

Whats on your mind J?

Been having some pretty strong pita moments. Being a nusance - a pest - inconvenience. Story of my life. Even just writing this is causing issues because of people possibly taking time out of their day to read it

Been trying to keep busy. Busy is good - busy keeps the thoughts and feelings away. You would think busy would be something to leave you exhausted enough to sleep too - I wish

The garden is in the whole way. Potatoes planted over the weekend. Mowing done - weed wacking started. I haven't been in the shop much for the past week. Other then a stop in here and there for other things

Had someone get triggered this weekend - someone I didn't think even had any triggers. Had to sharpen the mower blades - used the grinder. It takes alittle bit to do it and the heat on the metal - well it puts a metalic taste in your mouth and in your nose - similar to - well - blood

The Queen - the ultimate bully - there is no escape

Idk - I have this insane idea that I should be better - better influence - better at keeping in touch - a better me - better at explaining - better at being better. I bet there's a book somewhere on how to build a better you - I'll have to look

Idk - words seem to be in short supply so -

Be gentle with yourselves and your thoughts

@mytwistedsoul

Whats on your mind J?

Hello twistedsoul now i finally got what "J" meant.

Been having some pretty strong pita moments. Being a nusance - a pest - inconvenience. Story of my life. Even just writing this is causing issues because of people possibly taking time out of their day to read it

Well, you can actually put it to 2 perspective. But before you read on, [FIRST -> PAUSE AND BREATHE]

Feel better now? Mind abit neutral state?

Thought 1 - May be a pest or inconvenience to others

Thought 2 - Releasing or Letting go of mental dump

Thought 3 - Opening up more opportunities for aid or support or consolement or <anything that helps>

Pink - Lastly about the how the application of the statement, if you are in a neutral mentality or open minded now... this statement only applies to thought 1. And also... you mentioned the word possibly which doesn't infer that it will definitely cause issues. So yea. If others (me???) want to read, its their choice. Whatever one choses to do, its a matter of choice of oneself. So dont be so hard on yourself.

Been trying to keep busy. Busy is good - busy keeps the thoughts and feelings away. You would think busy would be something to leave you exhausted enough to sleep too - I wish

Sometimes, when the mind is too cluttered, yea, i agree somehow it helps. Just a thought that it will be good to be busy with what matters for you. - This is where my problem comes in, I have this mentality that everytime, every effort the "energy" must be spent effectively, "where it counts/matters/effective/efficient" which is not necessary true all times.

The garden is in the whole way. Potatoes planted over the weekend. Mowing done - weed wacking started. I haven't been in the shop much for the past week. Other then a stop in here and there for other things

Ah... hope you had a good harvest.

Had someone get triggered this weekend - someone I didn't think even had any triggers. Had to sharpen the mower blades - used the grinder. It takes alittle bit to do it and the heat on the metal - well it puts a metalic taste in your mouth and in your nose - similar to - well - blood

Hmm, may I suggest that it is a lesson and experience gained?

Previous perspective and assumption - Does not apply anymore. Time to update it.

The Queen - the ultimate bully - there is no escape

Idk - I have this insane idea that I should be better - better influence - better at keeping in touch - a better me - better at explaining - better at being better. I bet there's a book somewhere on how to build a better you - I'll have to look

Idk - words seem to be in short supply so -

Its ok, dont have to explain in 100% clarity. I believe everyone had the mentality for striving for the best for oneself, for work, for company, for family, for children/elders, for <whatever>

Sometimes we push and push, until we forget the origin motivation, the goals and wants and rationale/reasoning.

Yet sometimes we even forget something simple - It is good to strive and achieve them, but it is not mandatory to have them all. It is ok to be at current stage or be it any.

It is ok to be not ok. It doesnt have to turn out as expected everytime.

Be gentle with yourselves and your thoughts

Will try, You too please J. Take care.

I hope that the above thoughts and opinions are taken with a pinch of salt, and don't over engross in it that it is 100% true either. Its just another one's thoughts.

Countless perspectives

Each discovery is yet another open eye

Some eyes you wish you could close

Tomorrow night is the final supermoon of 2020. In case anyone was interested. Might be nice to let the inner wolf sing to it one last time

@mytwistedsoul

Noooo waaay🌚

They are so rare...thank you so much Soul!🤗😊

@GreenAndRedBoat You're welcome

Welcome back :) It's not quite the same around here when you're gone

It's too quiet lol

@mytwistedsoul

Quoet and silence is heavy, that is why we have friends😉🤗😊. From time to time we may seek solitude, but solitude as a way of life is slow poison...😔

Oh wow, soo glad someone else knows about supermoons🌚🌚🌚

@mytwistedsoul

Beautiful pics🌚🌚

@mytwistedsoul

How in the world did you know about super moons?🙄 you have my admiration😶...

@mytwistedsoul

A white rat and white woof, rare creatures...did someone drop their white paint bucket on us or smth?🙄😁

@GreenAndRedBoat Lol - knowing us we probably got into something we shouldn't have

@mytwistedsoul

😂😂😂 we stepped in wisdom and turned our hairs white...

Or we just played in the flour again and got our dirty furs white 😉

@GreenAndRedBoat Probably making explosives to take down the Queen Bee's men

@mytwistedsoul

Naay😉, we don't need that, just the four dirty paws🐾🐾 and her furry friends...

Gosh I wish somebody would make animated movies on these kids' songs...

Black, red and yellow for Of Monsters And Men...

@GreenAndRedBoat There's allways need for explosives

@mytwistedsoul

Botte of coke with a mint in it?🙄 😂😂😂

@mytwistedsoul

I wrote a while ago in a thread about agoraphobia that some times I imagined myself as an atomic bomb, oblitterating the bang out of everybody and everything into silence...😊

@GreenAndRedBoat Should the X be on the front of my shirt or the back? Lol

@mytwistedsoul

😊🤗😶Soul...

@GreenAndRedBoat Hey! Welcome back! How are you today?

@mytwistedsoul

A bit better thank you😶, I saw her all night, bits of clouds on her from time to time...🌚

Just because

@mytwistedsoul Haha! I have been selfishly wanting to let you know that I miss you but I was too afraid to type it out until now. Thank you for giving the courage! *sprints away as fast as she can* 🏃‍♀️💨

@intelligentWheel627 Hey Rinny :) How are you?

I've been wanting to let you know too - that you're often in my thoughts and wondering how you are. Hoping things are going ok for you - stuff like that

I think you may have broke the sound barrier as fast as you sprinted off

Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts

@mytwistedsoul

😂😂😂😂

@mytwistedsoul

Every time I read it I laugh like hell😂😂😂😂

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BROhrbyUuE

Noah Kahan - Busyhead

You're weak on the surface
You speak when youre nervous
And all the wrong words seem right in your head
You can't stand the space in your bed
So you shake in the darkness
You break like an artist
And all your big plans are small the next day
You can't wait to throw them away

You perseverate
And the truth might be a million miles away
Hide your secrets, disguise your weakness
And lose yourself inside your busyhead
Burn your bridges and leave no witnesses
All alone inside your busyhead
Your busyhead

You sleep in the moment, but dream like a poet
And all your good grace, like faded tattoos
You spend your days in wait for bad news
So you perseverate
And the truth might be a million miles away

Hide your secrets, disguise your weakness
And lose yourself inside your busyhead
Burn your bridges and leave no witnesses
All alone inside your busyhead

Going nowhere
Fast enough to tell a lie
Give yourself an alibi
Youve been gone lately
Stand upon your peace of mind
You're bound to fall if you take your time
'Cause we're all waiting
And you can stare below into the abyss
Find a home on the edge of it
And be defined by its presence
By its size and its message
You can move along through the dark
And when you wonder where you are
You'll be proud of your weakness
So, busyhead, just keep breathing, oh
Oh, busyhead, just keep breathing
Oh, busyhead, just
Hide your secrets, disguise your weakness
And lose yourself inside your busyhead
Burn your bridges and leave no witnesses
All alone inside your busyhead
You're all alone inside your busyhead
You're all alone inside your busyhead

It's all about positivity here. Whether it's real or fake. Think positive. Smile and think positive thoughts. I mean - dont get me wrong if you're happy and you know it clap your hands lol. But if you force it - it's fake. Forcing it takes alot of energy to maintain which makes you feel worse. If we were all truly positive and happy would we actually be here? I say - be you - good - bad. Be true to yourself

Oh god - that was positive wasnt it? See! Its contagious - someones slipping things into the koolaid

@mytwistedsoul Some of the people are just rude. Or - Idk maybe it's just me. Reading too deep or Idk - something

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8FwnY284RE

Flight Paths - Erasing the Grey

Don't make a move
Dancing around the truth
Hold tightly to the bitter end
Lost in the blue
Emotional abuse
Where sorrow is your only friend
Love at first sight
Broken in two
Fight to survive
Nothing to lose
And I've seen it all before
The other side of me
On fire at the door
No lock without a key
When you can't take anymore
The flames will set you free
Erasing the gray dying light
Fear, love, and war
It's no concern of yours
To stop the walls from caving in
Behind closed doors
Falling on your own sword
Fighting the same battles again
Love at first sight
Broken in two
Fight to survive
Nothing to lose
And I've seen it all before
The other side of me
On fire at the door
No lock without a key
When you can't take anymore
The flames will set you free
Erasing the gray
Erasing the gray dying light
(I've seen it all before)
I've seen it all before
Yeah!
And I've seen it all before
The other side of me
On fire at the door
No lock without a key
When you can't take anymore
The flames will set you free
Erasing the gray
Erasing the gray
Erasing the gray dying light

Wow instant post and panic

We need some rocks in here to hide under

hey it worked! Thank you @NoneTheWiser

You shine my boy, she said. You shine like a million suns. You may be damaged and broken unlike any other. But I'll tell you a secret if you'll lend me your ear. With a hand on my cheek and tears in her eyes she said, at least you aren't your fucking mother.

@mytwistedsoul

This goes for my "bee queen" too...

We are not them and 🐾🐾 takes care of "bee queens"...

On my mind -

Words are kind of - missing - or - maybe not. Maybe it's just not having any faith in them or maybe there's too many and I'm not sure where to start

There's a ball of anxiety - it's huge. Makes me feel sick. Most of the weekend was spent waiting - waiting and waiting - on the alert. Watchful - fearful - of the original Red Queen and her flying monkeys. I still heard about it anyway. How I'm a horrible person for not doing this or that - not sending a card - not calling

Let's mix some dread and depression with the ball of anxiety - so not only is it huge but it's heavy. Everyone knows about the dogs - they both have health issues in some way or another. One has joint issues and there's been signs that they're getting worse and she takes all sorts of stuff for them - has for years. Welactin and Dasuquin with the ocassional pain meds. Massages and heating pads on days when it's really bad. Early this morning - while standing in the kitchen - the stairs are right there to go upstairs. Standing in the kitchen getting rocket fuel - when there was the undeniable sound of a body coming down the last few steps - way too fast. Coffee spilled - cup broke and a dash to go five foot and there she was - laying on the landing - tail wagging like crazy and a big goofy grin on her face - like - oops watch that last step - it's a doozy. The arthritis is getting worse in her front legs - and Idk if the front just gave out or couldn't keep up with the back ones. Maybe it was asleep - Idk. We've noticed before that sometimes it drags alittle - doesn't get lifted as high as the other one. The vet has said to just keep an eye on her and if she gets worse - bring her in - but there's only so much they can do with joint issues. So there's fear - looming. We'll make some adjustments here - try to avoid the big steps - come in what we call the ramp room when we're downstairs and go the long way to get upstairs - where there's only five steps instead of twenty - but the fear is looming - looming and lurking. Sorrythat seems to be on repeat - looming fear and there's thoughts of - I don't want to do this - not again. Other thoughts of - this is why we shouldn't care about things it only tears you in piece when you have to let them go

Wow - seems like a panic attack is coming

@mytwistedsoul

I've got you Soul🤗😊🤗🤗🤗

That is why we always fight the queens and are above them😉🐾🐾

I am sooo happy thatyou have dogggies 😀😊😀😀😀🐶🐕🐕🐕 do not worry about her, she wags her tail because she is happy-happy with you, she has bones probles like Bones😉😊, just enjoy her every day and as long as you do your best for her that will suffice😶, you take her to the vet and consult with the vet and have her on meds and I cannot thank you enough for talking care of her😶...

Imagine you give me your panic attacks when they come😉, tell them to go to cosmin...😁😁😁

@NoneTheWiser

That is sooo nice of you...

@NoneTheWiser Thank you

I'm trying to get it under control but everytime I think ive got it pushed back - it comes back at me twice as hard

@NoneTheWiser

All that counts is that you care, not what you say...

Saying is irrelevant but Soul cherishes that you care like I always cherish that you really care...❤💙💚💛💜