"I might be Ok, but I'm not fine at all" My little blog (This will contain triggers)
Heyyyyy guys, I have decided to make a little blog about me and my goal is to try and write in it everyday. This blog WILL have triggers scattered throughout it so sorry in advance
I will start with a little of my past and have a list of all my triggers i have identified so far.
TW sa, sh, su*c*de, eating disorder, abuse and probably alot more lol.
When I was in grade 3 I was sexually assaulted at school and I havn't been the same. I have been extremely careful on what I wear so it covers my body. I have tried to commit 4 times twice being the wrists, drowning and overdose for the other times. Mum is abusive because she doesn't know what happened at school so she don't know why I tried to commit. Today I also self harmed just a little bit but its still self harm and I am putting myself down for it. I dont even know why I self harm but I have been atlest once a year since my last su*c*de attempt. I have been getting awfull nightmares/flashbacks from this too so I havnt slept properly in a while lol. I am freaking out for Thursday aswell because I have a doctors appointment and I have lost so much weight its visible to me even and she some how allways can tell when I have lost weight. so I am not looking foward because mums going to be really mad after. Any way thats enough for now... See you next time and Hope u didnt get triggered. Down Bellow I have listed my triggers.
Sexual Assault
Self Harm
The colour Red
Also anyone can comment and support me! So feel free to do so!
@Listeningsarinn @Nightskypleasure @shinequeen001 @HelpfulDiamond @WarmLightXO @Londo
@Swiftygirl13
I am so sorry... I can relate to this kind of... (A lot of detailed triggers i'm sorry, i need to let it out)
I was sexually assaulted by my uncle when I was 7 (I am now 15) around this time of year (he came up to see us for Christmas). All I remember is him giving me some sort of drink and a brownie and waking up with no clothes on and my mom covering me up with a blanket, my grandma yelling, my mom yelling, and my step-dad beating up my Uncle... I have tried to commit 3 times- choking with a belt once and cutting my wrist twice. My mom found out somehow and sent me to a mental hospital which made it worse, being separated from my friends and family. I am now a lot better but around this time of year I don't feel the same and I try to keep myself away from everyone.
I am so sorry this happened to you and i hope you get better...
Again- I am super sorry if I triggered anyone- I needed to let it out...😔
@MissysRider07
i am so sorry that happened and I am so glad you are better about it all, things dont trigger me too much lately because I am constantly triggered here. I am getting moved to a propper mental hospital within the next couple days
@Swiftygirl13
I hope the mental hospital will work for you :3 The mental hospital I went to was a small one and they weren't the best. So im glad you are going to a proper one :3
<3 *leaves comfy higgles for swifty* <3
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
higglessssss I miss u long time no see
Hope ur alright and keep on shining
Aww so good to hear from you, @Swiftygirl13 missed you more <3 <3 how've you been? *higgles back*
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
AAAAHHHHHHHHH U ONN of my caps wouldn’t turn off. I have been eh lol ups and downs
@Swiftygirl13 Aw hehe it's okay. xD
Darn yes, ups and downs are a part of life, I get that. <3 Here for swifty if she wanna talk/ share anything. <3 *more hugs* how was today?
@Swiftygirl13
Oh noes, I'm sorry to hear it's been a difficult time lately with both mental and physical health. Mind's being meanie lately :( sometimes the meanie side of our brain starts growing stronger when it notices we aren't doing well, and gives us the most awful thoughts ever, but we will not believe anything this side tells okie?
Meanwhile we will also try to hold on tight and try to be a little gentle with ourselves.
What can we try to make meanie mind be less meanie and more kind to us? <3 (listening to comfy Tay Tay counts :P but ofcourse swifty has the floor to think of more ways to be kind to her)
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
@Swiftygirl13 lol this gif though xD
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
i just had to do that gif
@Swiftygirl13
Swiftyyy hi hi <3 Soo happy to see a message from you! <3
And ofcourse aww, right here with you! Feel free to share! <3 *higgles*
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
omg omg omg I really not ok rn kinda panic and (tw ed) I just made myself be sick because I ate my ed is really bad
@Swiftygirl13
Oh noes, I'm sorry to hear your ed is making you feel sick and panicky after eating some food. :/ Super valid to feel all sick and not-okay when ed gets triggered.
You did nothing wrong when you ate though, okie. <3
*sitting with Swifty* <3
@Swiftygirl13
Im so sorry to hear about the abuse, Swifty, its not right in anyway and you do not deserve it. :( I wish there was more to do here and ensure your safety, but I hope you know your safety and wellbeing is so important. Please be gentle and kind with yourself okie. <3
Sending lots of higgles. <3 How was past week for you? Any plans for weekend?
You're in my thoughts. <3
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
hugs hru sunny long time no talk I miss our chats lol im again up next year and terrified
@Swiftygirl13
Aww miss you too, Swifty, you're in my thoughts. *hugs back*<3
Ooh you'll be joining oldie side next year? Hehe I'm so excited to hear that!
Its valid to feel terrified though, is there something in particular making you feel more nervous?<3 We'll get through together okie. You're not alone. <3
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
lmaooo this is going to sound weird but if u know about school thing u will understand. Im terrified because 1 its going to be people I dont know
2 I have so many friends here on teenie side
3. lots of men
smh I keep missing the reply button! *-*
Aw I felt that, it's sad getting used to terrible days. You deserve better days, lovely swifty. <3 you wanna talk about today though? no worries if not.
I'm trying to do some to-do list for the day lol, so far going alrighty, I'm feeling I need something 🍫 to sweeten the day! XD swifty's tags and huggles already sweetened quite a bit!🤗
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
huggles, well today I had to make a balloon bouquet before 12am and it takes like 3-4 hours to make it. I got it done on time and I was about to start on my schoolwork and mum started getting mad because all I do is schoolwork and I dont get any jobs done im lazy and whatnot. I did ALL my jobs thismorning, I took the bins back in and I even vacuumed and everything but mum was dropping lil sis to school so she didn't see it and I got in trouble for no reason. My English assignment just came out today too sooo I was stressing about that because its multimodal
@Swiftygirl13
Thinking of youuu! <3<3<3
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
DID U listen to 1989 taylors version today???!!!
@Swiftygirl13 hehe yuss I diddd. Me vibinnn! 🥰
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
goodddd omg I loveeee itttt
@Swiftygirl13
It is okie, you can always answer when you feel like or skip hehe. *huggles swiftyy* <3
Enchanted, I got the remarkable chance to meet you today and I’m so glad this meeting happened. Also, abuse in your home is never right. You deserve to be in a safe space. Also, I ran out of compassion hearts to give to your poetry and your posts, so I hope I didn’t overwhelm anyone’s notifications.
Let me tell you this one thing: You are wonderfully and fearfully made. You are perfection itself, right now! From here, you can go everywhere.
Love and Courage,
Rose
@CalmRosebud
I have this shirt https://www.narrowpathcollective.com.au/products/fearfully-wonderfully-made
♥️🙏🏽🙏🏼🙏🏿
