"I might be Ok, but I'm not fine at all" My little blog (This will contain triggers)

@Swiftygirl13

I'm like super tired rn XD

@Swiftygirl13

Understandable to feel that way while in the hospital. I hope everything gets better. You know they're doing it for your own good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10DPoFk8qXI

rn this is how i feel. If u need me I will be here with my emotions. 🥲

@Swiftygirl13 Aww all of you and all of your emotions are valid always, and can use all the time and space they need. <3

@Swiftygirl13 thankyou for the share. im so sorry u have been put through these things. i hope coming here u can find friendships and some sort of relief. i hope u have a great day.

@ambitioushope1234

thx hope u have an amazing day and know u are loved

I feel so broken rn, Idk what to do with myself. I keep harming when get to 6 days and i cant pick myself up no more. I need to distract but idk what to do

@NoneTheWiser

huggles thanks u for that. I guess I am getting better at that

I remembered that how I found 7 cups was because i was googling ways to poof myself from life for good.

@Swiftygirl13

and i caught myself doing that again today and I hasn’t done that in long time

@Swiftygirl13 hope u have a good day.

@ambitioushope1234

it is now night where i am and don’t think I can get sleep tonight. I don’t trust my mind :)

@ambitioushope1234

but i hope u has an amazing day and it is filling with joy and comfy, happy thoughts

Oooh I just did something I hasn’t done in long time... I actually went on queue for listener. I hope i get a good one who actually wants to help me

@Swiftygirl13 yay <3 hope you did get a good listener <3

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

i end up canceling because after half an hour no one pick up and the green bar down bottom was starting to bug me xd

@Swiftygirl13 half an hour :o dang I'm really sorry it's so difficult finding available listeners :/

*hugs* <3

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

its why I stopped XD

Shit i just got really bad started looking things up and was about to act on one of them

@Swiftygirl13 *keeps hugging* and here with you. <3

Do you have someone around at this time? Would it help to request a nurse to sit with us too? <3

Swifty can always reach out to Crisis resources too, when needing them okie? <3

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

no no no no never help me make me worse make me feel invalid and like a stupid idiot because i cant deal with my problems no good experience with them

@Swiftygirl13 I'm really sorry about the bad experiences :/

Swifty is very much capable of tackling any issues, and is valid always, but swifty is human too, and sometimes we need and can use some extra support from others, swifty is allowed to reach out for this extra support when needed also. <3

we'll try taking some deep breaths now, mhm? <3

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Swifty never reach out to them again rather go ahead with it then feel that way because of people who is ment to help me

@Swiftygirl13

I get how terribly the negative experience impacted you. :/

we will just keep holding on tighter currently mhm? This moment will pass very soon. <3

<3

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

i am really really sorry for what i just said i am so sorry

@Swiftygirl13 *hugs* <3

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

hugglesssssssssssss

@Swiftygirl13

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

i want to be done with my issues

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou I could do this Breathe in Breathe out thing forever. It's mesmerizing lol.

@SweetPea321

MY fav is this one https://i.imgur.com/bg6J9md.gif

@SweetPea321 Glad hehe yay! <3

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Hugglesssssssss

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

I need help

@Swiftygirl13

I so broken rn, like literally cant pick myself up anymore. I hate bing this way, its so paiinful and lonely and messes with my brain. I keep telling myself I'm not good enough and not worthy of anything good and all I deserve is pain and to poof for good and nothing is helping me. I shut myself down today and yesterday. Oh about yesterday...

I had a counselling session and I am still pretty upset on how it went. I thought I could be brave and start hinting about how I was SA at school by my teacher. This is how the convo went:

Therapist: Do you have anything specific on ur mind today that you think you are comfy talking about honey?

Me: (Not looking at her and wraps blanket tighter around turning away a bit more) Sometimes u not safe at places, and u can never trust teachers.

Therapist: What do you mean by that honey??

Me: Please not call me honey rn, I am trying to stay calm and talk which I am finding very hard and I am being ridiculous saying this allowed but, if people of a higher role than u take advantage of people and do this to them, imagine how many people are so mentally, (says super quietly so she cant here this part), and physically, (goes back louder so she can hear), fucked up and traumatised basically. Too scared to talk about too embarrassed.

Therapist: Ok I am sorry for calling u that...

That is all I remember hearing, I zoned out, and shut down before I went into a mental breakdown, I started getting flashbacks, first they came slowly, just like they always do, but then they came on faster and stronger. Everything around me was literally not there it felt like I was back there, I started crying and repeating the word no over and over rocking and crying.

By the time I had died down, my time finished and

@Swiftygirl13

Sorry I wasnt meant to press send yet. as i was saying...

By the time i was finished being overly triggered and stimulated, my time with the therapist was over by a lot but they couldn't get me out of the state. I had tr

@NoneTheWiser

It hurts pushing through, I go into that state wayyyyy to easily now and i dont need that right now. I just should be quiet again until ready