"I might be Ok, but I'm not fine at all" My little blog (This will contain triggers)
Heyyyyy guys, I have decided to make a little blog about me and my goal is to try and write in it everyday. This blog WILL have triggers scattered throughout it so sorry in advance
I will start with a little of my past and have a list of all my triggers i have identified so far.
TW sa, sh, su*c*de, eating disorder, abuse and probably alot more lol.
When I was in grade 3 I was sexually assaulted at school and I havn't been the same. I have been extremely careful on what I wear so it covers my body. I have tried to commit 4 times twice being the wrists, drowning and overdose for the other times. Mum is abusive because she doesn't know what happened at school so she don't know why I tried to commit. Today I also self harmed just a little bit but its still self harm and I am putting myself down for it. I dont even know why I self harm but I have been atlest once a year since my last su*c*de attempt. I have been getting awfull nightmares/flashbacks from this too so I havnt slept properly in a while lol. I am freaking out for Thursday aswell because I have a doctors appointment and I have lost so much weight its visible to me even and she some how allways can tell when I have lost weight. so I am not looking foward because mums going to be really mad after. Any way thats enough for now... See you next time and Hope u didnt get triggered. Down Bellow I have listed my triggers.
Sexual Assault
Self Harm
The colour Red
Also anyone can comment and support me! So feel free to do so!
@Listeningsarinn @Nightskypleasure @shinequeen001 @HelpfulDiamond @WarmLightXO @Londo
@Swiftygirl13 Im so sorry you had to go through so much. I wish i could be there for you. I hope you overcame that situation right?
@yourbuddy30
Kind of, I'm still going through a lot of it and struggling quite bad.
@Swiftygirl13
*sits with Swifty* <3
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Hru going?
@Swiftygirl13
I'm doing okay, Swifty, thank you for asking. <3
Here with you, aye! How was your day? <3
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Thats good u doing ok (but are u fine at all? XD)
My day was yeah don't wanna think about it XD. I tried to eat though, didn't go too well but eh Ummm had a huge argument with a friend on Saturday and they threatened to tell my mum about me sh daily andddd she was coming over later that day and she did tell mum soo that was I bet very entertaining for her XD. but eh
@Swiftygirl13
(Hehe yes, fine fine xD)
Aw that's really awful thing to do as a friend, being threatened to like that, after the fight and the already not so good mental health was probably the last thing you needed, I'm so sorry to hear the day didn't go okay! :/
Glad you did try to eat, despite it being a struggle for you. <3
Somedays are quite eh, we just try to hold on tight and let them pass. Hang in tight, aye?
OMG this song is soooooo meeeee!!!! I love it XD Shit Bo Burnham
[Intro]
How we feelin' out there tonight?
Hahaha, yeah
I am not feeling good
[Verse]
Wake up at 11:30, feeling like a bag of shit (Oh, no!)
All my clothes are dirty, so I'm smelling like a bag of shit
Go to pour my coffee, and I miss my cup
OMG, that is just my luck
Look in the mirror, say, "What's up, you useless fuck?"
I haven't had a shower in the last nine days (Ah-ah, ah)
Staring at the ceiling and waiting for this feeling to go away
But it won't go away
[Chorus]
I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit
(Tell us how you're feelin') Well, I feel like shit (Oh, shit)
Feeling like a saggy, massive sack of shit (Oh, shit)
Big ol' motherfuckin' duffel bag of shit (Oh, shit)
All day, all shit
I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit
(Tell us how you're feelin') I'm feeling like shit
[Outro]
Ladies (Yeah?) Do you feel like shit?
Tell me, do you feel likе shit? (Oh, yeah)
Fellas (Huh?) Are you feeling likе shit?
Tell me, are you feeling like shit? (Oh, yeah)
Ladies (Yeah?) Do you feel like shit?
Tell me, do you feel like shit? (Oh, yeah)
Fellas (Huh?) Are you feeling like shit?
Tell me, are you feelin' like shit? (Oh, yeah)
I’m getting quite upset over on my end, a lot has happened tonight/this morning I’m getting scared tbh. I have made myself into this ugly thing with scars all over and broken so bad that I am having trouble stopping myself from harm lately. I don’t want to do it anymore and I am scared that I will break my 2 day streak. I went 6 days but then got some bad bad news on Sunday and broke the streak. I want to be better I really really do and I am trying hard but I just not seeing much improvement.
*sitting with you* <3
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
@Swiftygirl13
sorry late reply btw
@Swiftygirl13 haha love the gif and *noms sorry* :P your time is good time <3 no rush <3
How was today?
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
today was EH, mum visited me and things went ok with that but I has been bottling things up a lot soooo. The nurse left room for a while today and I took that as opportunity to lock myself in bathroom
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
huggles. I has just been stressed about a lot of things but mainly my weight. I am wayyyyyyy to underweight and it is scary tbh. I am so weak and get dizzy standing up. Thats all i want to say rn tho. I am triggered 😢
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
also i have a tip for notifications. Go back to the home page every now and then and it refreshes and u get all new notifications.
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Tbh rn i am struggling to hold on :,) i can feel myself slipping
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
huggles. There is this loud voice telling me i’m not good enough and never will be and its really upset me now. Ik its just myself talking but it overpowers all other things.
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
i enjoyed reading ur essay lmao, remember the first time we properly met was on the kindness thing i did? Ur fav line out of whole interveiw was kindness is something that comes naturally. (I shall finish replying later really went down hill fast but as buster moon says: “the only good thing about hitting rock bottom and thats because there is only one way to go and thats up!”
@Swiftygirl13 essay lol 🙈
Yassss, loved itttt! <3<3 awh that's a nice quote hehe, and so true, only way up. <3
Take your time to reply. <3
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Also I just need some time to process what u said so can answer
@Swiftygirl13 no rush <3
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
thank you, I have learnt to recognise those voices but it's just a matter of trying not to believe them. They always focus straight on the negative and goes past the positive. it is draining, very draining. I really want to be ok because I am done feeling this way. The ED is so so hard to get over and its not be easy
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
okie. No one really gets back to me through there and I just need to talk rn
@Swiftygirl13 aw that is really sad :/ im unsure what rooms are open in the teen side but, would a group chat help? Or you can ask a listener if they are available to listen 1-1 in the group chatroom?
I feel so so bad rn. My bestest friend ever on cups has been struggling and i not even notice. Well i kind of did notice tonight because they said they wasnt ok but they didnt want to talk about it. The worst part is that i has been ranting about my sh*t and they just listens and tries to help me, when really they is going through a very hard time too. They just seem so happy and bubbly and kind in the rooms but then u see them in other places and it just broke me to read that they been struggling so so bad. I hate myself for not noticing.
Our first forum interaction lol https://www.7cups.com/forum/DepressionSupport_52/InterviewSeriesDiscusswithDepression_2344/DiscusswithDepressionRandomActsofLightwithswiftygirl13_280114/
🥺🥰 love this interview so much!
@Swiftygirl13
Hey Swifty. 💜
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through much. But a small reminder, you're stronger than you think. I witnessed a huge part of your journey before I crossed over to the adult side. I'm sorry that things have went down from there but I could sense they started getting better since then. I really wish you all the best and I hope you do remember me 💜
@HelpfulDiamond
Huggles yes have gone down hill and I miss our chats, you were very helpful, and I hope u are Ok and fine. I has been thinking about u a lot.
@Swiftygirl13
Huggles 💜 would you mind giving me a small update about how are you doing?
@HelpfulDiamond
Sure, I am still in hospital, very exhausted and tired this past week. I has gotten a lot weaker and I slept for almost 2 days the other day they had to keep waking me up to try to get me to eat. I went six days no harm but Sunday I broke it but I hasnt harmed since! My I been to weak to walk around by myself and they has put thing in arm for nutrients or something but they not saying much because I cant get too stressed out
@Swiftygirl13
Understandable to feel that way while in the hospital. I hope everything gets better. You know they're doing it for your own good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10DPoFk8qXI
rn this is how i feel. If u need me I will be here with my emotions. 🥲
@Swiftygirl13 Aww all of you and all of your emotions are valid always, and can use all the time and space they need. <3
