A place for my thoughts (and yours) as I cycle through life

@CyclingThroughLife

I hear you my friend. Your not alone .

ABB

I think I need to do some de-cluttering today. I've been putting off cleaning and straightening the garage and basement, waiting for the weather to get nice so I can put out the outdoor living furniture but mother nature is not cooperating. Last fall, I just kinda thrown the outdoor stuff in both places, just to get it inside, with the intention of straightening the areas out over the winter months, but never really did any of it....right now, its still too cold and rainy to put out the patio set, but I'm gonna do it anyway hoping that getting the basement and garage in decent shape will help my frame of mind. I'm just tired of looking at it.... I hate going in there and seeing everything just thrown in and stored for the winter/cold months....what makes it worse is my garage gym is also out there so I have to look at it daily when I go work out....anyway...this is my random diary post for the day....

@CyclingThroughLife Hello there, I hope the weather be in your favor. ^-^ Making new changes in our space can be very positive in many ways so I am glad that even though it is hard, you are trying to make it happen. I usually start with small things when everything feels like it will take too much time and effort, music always helps with work :3 Hope you are having a great day/night!

@BlueDarkAurora I do have a habit of taking on projects around the house that are too large for me to get done in the time I have, but its who I am and what I do....the de-cluttering is always good for me, but it seems like I'm always doing it.....I always play music....music is my go to in everything in life...I have different playlists of different genres for everything.....I always have some sort of music going almost all the time.....Thanks for the reply and have a great weekend.

@CyclingThroughLife That makes sense <3 ^-^ Also music for life *-*

Its been a stressful couple days since starting my week on Sunday. Shuffling staffing and looking for coverage due to staff having covid symptoms and needing testing. I have one guy who seems like he WANTS to get it just so he doesn't have to come to come to work.....Add in the regular work things and stressors and now my mind is mush.....I usually can handle it pretty well...but for some reason, this week, things have been hard for me...there are things going on at home, but again, not things that I don't deal with on the regular so I'm not sure why this week is so hard for me......I'm definitely in one of what I call, 'my funk'.....I don't like to use the word depression....I would say its not quite a depressive state, but has all the makings of one if I don't get my shit together and pull myself up by my boot straps and get my self together.....I "cycle" through one of these "funks" every 2 or 3 months, and they usually last a few days...with the longest lasting about a week, that I can remember....this has been going on for some years, the trigger being some overly stressful times at work or home.....How do I know I'm in my funk? I don't feel like working out or riding my bike at all is the first sign....those are two things I absolutely love to do, but on the days I come home and just want to do nothing but watch tv or mindlessly scroll instagram reels, I know I'm in the beginning stages of "funk"....One thing I think about all the time....that I read on self help sites, quotes, etc, is that removing yourself from some of those situations is soooooooo helpful.....I'm here to say, sometimes, removing yourself isn't an option....and sometimes, when you do remove yourself, the grass isn't greener on the other side....I've been there and I know....I honestly believe that its better to learn to deal with, and find coping strategies for the situations and stressors that you know, than to learn how to deal with new stressors....because when you walk away....it may be nice for a time, but there will always be something else there in its place and personally, I'd rather not find out that its worse than what I am going through now....Just my thoughts and opinions.....

Been a long couple days since I've written here....I've not been feeling myself physically the last 4 or 5 days but I've been trudging along, because, well, its what I do...Headaches and body soreness mostly, but this morning I had a terrible sore throat, stuffed up nose and sinus pressure....I'm sure its only allergies because I get terrible sinus things this time of year every year, but with "the new normal", one can never be sure....soooo......I finally broke down and called sick to work today and went to get COVID tested....waiting on the results....I'd like to get here and write more but its hard for me to get the alone time to sit at the computer and put my thoughts and feelings down....I refuse to do it on my phone.....I don't have the patience to swipe and type on those tiny letters on that tiny screen.....anyway...I'm going to take a nap.....whatever is ailing me is kicking my ass at the moment....

Been a while since coming here. Its actually been a while since coming to the 7cups community altogether. I think that is because I'm "doing good". I seem to only visit and do these things when I'm not in such a good space. I guess that is a good thing. I figured I'd check in and scroll the site, read some of the forums and just leave a note here that I am doing well at the present time. Hopefully things will stay this way for a bit......If you are reading this, have a wonderful weekend.

Its been a good while since I've been on 7 cups. I went through a very tough stint with work burnout and depression last year after Thanksgiving that lasted through the holidays. I did reach out and paid for a couple of therapy sessions through one of the more popular "online" help sites. I did 3 video sessions, which I wasn't really into. I would have much rather done an in person session with a local professional in office, but the nearest therapist that would see me in office, that took my insurance was a 40 min drive. After figuring 40 min drive there, 40 min drive home, 45 min to an hour in the office, I"m looking at a good portion of my after work hours trying to get help for myself and decided that created more stress on myself because I value my time out of work to do and get other things done. So I reached out online....and I wasn't happy....the guy had some good ideas on how to deal with my burnout but some of the ideas were just plain silly, or so I thought. And I didn't want to hurt his feelings telling him that so I just left it alone. My depression and burn out eventually worked its way out of my life on its own, but, I'm sure it will come back, it always does. I just wish the local office here in town would accept my insurance. Whatever. Anyway....I've been hanging in there and doing well.....work is still a big means of stress for my life, and I'm still burnt out, I think, but not as bad....its tolerable at the moment. My home life is the same its been the last how many ever years....I am hoping to get here more and "diary" or write....I always say that....but it doesn't seem to happen....

One thing that I have been thinking about lately, and for the life of me, can't come up with an answer to, is what is my purpose for being where I am at this point in my life, at 50 years old.....honestly, I feel like I haven't really accomplished anything at my place of employment....there is no "fulfillment" in my job....I have raised 4 grown kids and they are doing fine, but that isn't really a "purpose in life" if you know what I mean.....at 50, I don't feel like I've done anything with purpose....I've just lived a life...and now I'm feeling like I should be doing something with purpose.....I keep telling myself, maybe it will show itself after I retire... and what I do in my retirement will be my lifes purpose....but then I think, what if it doesn't.....I guess I just keep doing what I'm doing and continue to wait and see......

Been a long time since I've posted anything here in "my space". I've been doing some venting in an online journal, in an app, that is offered through my EAP. While it feels good to type it out, I'm still thinking about finding a listener or even a therapist on this site because I feel that some feedback may be good for me. Looking at the profiles of each though, I'm hesitant. I don't think people understand where I'm coming from when it comes to my job and my stressors. I stopped sessions with one therapist because I felt he didn't understand. He offered up, in my opinion, some very silly advice for my work burnout situation. I feel that unless you've been there, you just don't get it. So rather than go through multiple listeners or therapist who just don't get it, wasting their time on me when they could be helping someone in their wheelhouse, I'm searching for the perfect fit. Most of my hardships stem from work stress. I'm at the end of my rope with work and feel like I'm at a stage of burnout where I'm just sooooo ready to walk away. There is no consistency among my co-workers and I get frustrated because of it. Most of them cut corners and operate "in the grey area". When you feel like you are the only one trying to do things right, well, you tend to get frustrated and give in to the urge to cut corners sometimes, which I hate about myself. Don't get me wrong, these employees get the job done but do just enough to get by and complain the whole time. Everyone I work with is so negative. It has always been this way as long as I've worked here. Its just a negative environment all around. The bad part is I knew this going into this profession in 1997 but the money and benefits are great. The worst part is the job isn't a job where you have a product or project and feel accomplished at the end of the day. There is no sense of accomplishment in this job. I feel defeated, beat down and been that way for some time. I feel like I'm done with the negative staff and negative vibes that come from this place. I think I've been doing this job too long and am done with "peopleing". The problem is I've created a lifestyle for myself and family that if I leave I won't be able to sustain. The money and benefits I'm making here just isn't there at other jobs. I'm 3 years away from being able retire with a pretty decent lifestyle. So do I sacrifice my mental health well being for the next 3 years for the money and retirement, or sacrifice the money for my mental health well being, which if I do that, I add a different set of stressors in the form of how to manage to pay the bills and get by. I guess its a decision of "go with the stressor you know vs the stressor you don't". I really don't know what to do or how to fix this. I've tried to do things right, be a good person, stay positive and grateful that my job pays well and offers me a nice lifestyle. I've tried to keep my negativity to myself at work, you know, set the example. Yet none of it seems to help. All I know is I need to come a decision and soon. Sometimes I wonder if this is a door that keeps opening that I"m supposed to walk though and something better will be on the other side. I've had so many times that I felt like I should just walk away. Or maybe this is a situation that is supposed to teach me something as I work through it, and help me to come out stronger on the other side. The problem I have with that is I'm not good at seeing those signs or making those decisions without a clear path laid out in front of me. Sometimes I think that God or the universe, (I'm not wanting to start a religion debate, that is for another time, this is just some background on me. I was raised in church and think there is a higher power, but based on some of the events in my life, and the things I've learned and know about religion, at 51yrs old I'm not sure what I believe anymore or how it all fits together),anyway, sometimes I feel like this higher power is saying to me, "how many times do I have to give you an opportunity to get out", but I'm not taking it. The problem with that opportunity is there is nothing immediate on the other side, and I'm not ready to take that risk. I'm just not sure what to do or how to make this decision. This is a long one so if anyone has read this, thanks for taking the time.

Update, since its been a while. I've been using 7cups forums for this and that and its been very helpful for me. I just posted the following in the work and career section under my stress and burn out thread that I started at one point in time.

I've struggled through stress and burn out, some of it really bad, since my last post. My immediate supervisor went out medically and won't return. While this was a good thing(he was a weak leader and terrible supervisor), This put more on me because I was second in charge of our section, so now I was doing both our jobs. 7Cups has been helping me a lot. I've taken a vacation, which helped with some relaxation, but then going back to work last week, the stress level went back up playing catch up. I could have put in for the job of the supervisor of our section, but due to my already stress and burnout, I didn't want it. After long consideration, I realized I would be happier where I'm at, even with the stress and burnout. While considering taking the promotion, looking back I realized that most of my issues were with subordinate staff and issues related to the fact that our supervisor was so terrible at his job. I was always playing go between with him and the staff, fixing his messes, etc. I met the new section supervisor yesterday. He's a no nonsense, straight by the book, guy, which mirrors my leadership style. The old guy worked in the grey areas. I was bending my work ethics and style to try to make it work with this guy and I believe that is what contributed to a lot of my stress and some burnout. Knowing this guy was cutting corners and working in the grey area. Worrying about things going wrong all the time. And the staff below us liked some of his grey area style because it was easy. Things are going to change now, and I think having this new guy in there will not only help make my job easier, but I will be happier doing things how they should be done. Here's hoping a change in leadership will help my stress and burnout. I'll keep you all posted.

I still haven't reached out to a listener. I don't need a listener in the traditional sense. I don't need immediate "chat" so to say. I've never been "critical or on the edge" to where I needed an immediate response. I think that is why I've never reached out. I feel there are people out there who are worse than me and need the immediate help and I don't want to be taking up a listener that can be helping them. I guess what I'm looking for is someone I can just send messages to regularly, as I need to, that can acknowledge, send advice and ideas, and reply when they can, as they can. I thought about creating a thread, specifically for this, and letting anyone answer as they want, but I'm not sure where this post would live within the 7cups community. Having multiple ideas and advice can be a great thing. But, I also think that having a regular chat buddy who knows details of my stress and burnout that I may not want "out there" may have different advice to offer. So I'm still thinking on this.

If you are following along and reading this far, thank you for coming along for the ride.

@CyclingThroughLife. I hope the new supervisor and their leadership style will be helpful. Hopefully he will “run a tighter ship” and less in the grey areas.I believe I saw a post about your job once and think that it is a very difficult work environment. It may be hard for us outsiders to comprehend.

I do think in general running things in a lax way and in the grey areas can lead to problems.

After a lot of reflection, I have come to the conclusion that much of my work stress and anxiety came from that grey area...just waiting for things to go bad, if you know what I mean. That stress and anxiety is probably what led to the burnout. I'm hoping this is more like a fresh start.

Been a long time since I added to this page ("my journal").  My days off at work have changed from Friday/Saturday to Sunday/Monday.  This week was the first Sun/Mon off and I'm kinda liking it so far.  Working Saturday wasn't all that bad, especially with two other staff there.  If I can get them trained properly, it will be a good day to be at work.  Until people start taking time off, that is. 

I have a list of things to get done today, mostly finance things.  I hope I can accomplish them.

I have an MRI coming up at the end of the month for some medical things.  I'm stressing it but there is nothing I can do about it.  It has to be done.  Worrying about the result will do me no good, but I'm still stressing the MRI more than I should.  Its one of those "it is what it is" things and if the results aren't what I'm hoping, there really is nothing I can do but deal with it when the time comes. 

I haven't been happy in certain aspects of my life for a long time.  I want to change that.  A professional may help but I'm not all about therapy right now.  I am searching out ways online, to help me be happy in those areas.  I've been so miserable for so long, especially at work.  I don't know what will make me happy in that place but learning to let go of some of the things will help. I just don't know how to be that guy who just shows up, does 8 hours and goes home.  Its not me.

I also want to force myself to write something here daily about work, life, etc, but get tied up with other things and what not.  I always seem to use these sites when things aren't so good and lay them aside when I'm in a good place.  There are really good and nice folks here who have helped me when I was in a bad place or having a bad time. I shouldn't abandon them when I'm in a good place.. I should journal regardless. 

I didn't get much accomplished today. The dog as been sick so a trip to the vet was in order. Long story short, she had an issue that required surgery. She is a little over 13 years old. We are hoping she can recover from the surgery ok. She will come home tomorrow. We will take it one day, one step at a time. I have been working on doing that....dealing with the moment I am in rather than treating my life like a game of chess and looking 3 or 4 moves ahead to dictate what I do now....if that makes sense...looking at, and trying to manipulate, what is coming down the the pipeline has been my source of grief for a long time....preventing or trying to prevent things from happening and using critical thinking to go through my day has served me well in a lot of situations....but....more times than not, the situation I am planning for is usually something I made up in my head and either does not happen, or isn't quite as big as my brain made it out to be. This new way of thinking is a work in progress for me....I'll keep chipping away little by little....

The dog recovery from the surgery is not coming along like we were hoping.  We knew the recovery would be hit or miss due to her age(13 years 6 months) but I had to give it a shot.  She is coming along but it is slow....a lot slower than we had hoped.  Like I said in my last post....one day at a time. 

@CyclingThroughLife It’s hard when pets get older. I hope that your dog will be feeling better soon ❤️.

@CyclingThroughLife You are very much the white collar warrior, from the sound of it. A few thoughts for you...take them for what they're worth:

• If you only have three years or less until retirement, yeah...that is an inducement to stay where you're at. You presumably have a 401k & whatever other benefits, if any, locked in by now. If it was me & I had your physical stoutness & health, I would probably stay on until that fine day when retirement starts & I could happily empty out my desk, look at my replacement & say "It's been good meeting you, sir. I wish you luck...you're gonna need it in this place" & walk out the door, grinning in triumph. But if it is costing you your very soul... 🤔 still, you don't want to be yoked to a job when you're pushing 60, knowing it won't stop until you're carried out feet first.
• Re purpose: the only purpose there is in life is the one we come up with. That is the truth as I know it to be. Religions tell us differently but as you said your beliefs are not that of the church you were raised in, so you presumably don't subscribe to the "I must serve the good Lawd" creed. You must invent your own purpose because that is the only purpose you will ever get. I wish I had an easier answer. But outside of faith in a religious or political doctrine, it's the only game in town.
• You are not the only one who has problems with tiny "keys" on phone screens. How millennials & zoomers (particularly the men) use them so fluidly, I have no idea....maybe it's the consequence of not learning how to do more useful things like changing a tire, or swinging a hammer. That's my theory!  Am not doing it right now but I still prefer my laptop or a desktop computer more often than not.

Good luck. I hope whichever road you take is the one to contentment.

Its a good space for a "Brain Dump".... keep it up. I'm Rooting for some relief for you soon 😌

Sunday.  (The site automatically puts the date but I'm adding the day of the week so when I go back to re-read I have some more clarity on what what actually going on when I made the post)

The vet gave the dog an appetite stimulant.  She is now eating some solid food and we no longer have to puree her food and feed her through a syringe.  Since she started eating more, she seems more like herself.  We are still having a hard time giving her the pills but that has always been a thing.  I'm happy that she is doing better and hopeful that things are going start moving along toward normalcy(as far as normalcy for a 13 year old dog goes).  I have some other personal things that I need to get off my chest.  While I know this is a safe space, I'm not sure how much I want to share so I've been thinking about whether or not I'm going to put it out there in the 7cups universe.  What ever I decide to do, I'll keep all you who decide to follow here informed. 

Monday 29 January 2024

My dog seems to being getting back to her former self after the last few days.  Not that you all want to know, but she still hasn't pooped since she came home on Thursday.  She only started eating solid food on Saturday though and she is only eating a little at a time.  I will give it another day and then contact the vet again for advice.  We are having a terrible time giving her the pills.  It is a massive struggle and sometimes to the point where we just want to give up and let her go without.  Yet we press on until she keeps it in and it goes down.

I have to have an MRI tomorrow.  At this point in time I won't say why or for what but its one where if the results come back a certain way, things could change for me.  It has been scheduled for a month and for a month I have been thinking the worst, because that is what we do as humans.  I am stressed out and a mess in my head with all the possibilities and scenarios.  Of course, going online and using google is the last thing anyone should do, but I did.....anyway, I probably wont' have the results tomorrow, the Dr said he'd call me with them usually a day or two after.

On a more positive note, things at work are going well right now.  The new immediate supervisor is doing a good job in my opinion.  He is tough to work for, has to have things "his way", but that is usually the right way.  He is holding the staff accountable, which the old guy never would do.  As the second in charge, I had a hard time holding those under me accountable because I didn't have the support of the immediate supervisor.  He liked to cut corners and work in the grey area, and I didn't and that is where the breakdown was.  The new guy is a lot like me which makes working a little easier.   While I'm still ready to leave the high stress, high strung environment that I work in, I feel like its a little easier moving toward retirement right now.  

@CyclingThroughLife

I'm very sorry to hear about your dog. May he Eventually come around and get the feeling better.

You know sometimes we can't share too much information personal stuff but good job trying not to worry or see the worst of things. Keep us posted, don't need a lot of details unless you want to but let us know if it's good news bad news middle of the ground news.

Thanks for sharing.

Sunday Feb 4th 2024

My dog is covering nicely now.  She is almost back to her normal self.  I Had my MRI on Tuesday but still haven't heard back from the doctor.  I will call on Monday if I don't hear from them.  Not knowing the results is still getting to me but I"m really working hard on not letting it bother me.  Overthinking is human nature.  I said I wanted to journal here at least twice a week and I've already failed at that.  Again, it has to do with time to sit in front of the laptop.  As for my mental and emotional state at work, I'm in a holding pattern.  Its not really all that bad, tolerable, but I still am not happy.  Tolerating my employment and the lifestyle it creates for me is the word I'm going to use.  If tolerating and holding is where I need to be so I"m not completely miserable, I'll take it. 

Monday 12 Feb 2024

I'm not getting here to journal, visit, read or participate at 7cups as much as I want to.  Finding the time to sit and read the forums, participate, journal, etc is hard.  I have plenty of time to sit around.  Yesterday I watched 3 movies with the family.  There lies the problem.....with the family.  I do not like to come here and journal, respond to threads, etc with the family around.  Everyone always wants to know "what ya doin?" or "You're doing a lot of typing over there, whats so important?"  It's easier to just come here when I'm by my self.  I use the site as "my time"....but...."my time" is sparse.....

Anyway, I have  few minutes this morning since I am awake before everyone else on my day off work.  I'm in what I call "status quo" when it comes to life and work right now.  Just existing.  The months of January and February in my part of the world are what you would call "one big grey bucket of suck".....its usually cold, overcast, wet or snowy, and when the sun does shine, it is cold outside. These two months are the worst for my SAD....cabin fever sets in....I'm definitely moving south when I retire to a warmer climate.  I'm done with snow, cold, etc.  As far as the job is concerned, I'm just floating along, doing what needs to be done.  Things aren't all that great, yet they aren't all that bad...kinda middle of the road, which is ok right now. So for now....I'll just float on down this river of life.....I do have some plans for when the weather gets nicer....I'm researching a purchase of a new bike so when riding season is upon us again I can get out and get some fresh air and miles in.  I'm leaning toward a hybrid gravel bike vs a road bike for a number of reasons, the main one being a little more comfortable and easier on the body as I age.  I don't ride for speed or competition anyway.  Time to refill my caffeine and get something done....not sure what yet since there are so many small things to do with home ownership and being an adult but I will accomplish something on this wonderful day off of work. 

July 17 2024. 1950hrs.

I want to start trying to put my thoughts and feelings here a couple times a week. Even if it's just a quick sentence or two. I hate trying to fat finger type or swipe the tiny letters on my phone, let's not mention the things auto correct comes up with.... and getting time to sit in front of the laptop and write out a lengthy entry are sparse.... So I will struggle through the fat finger for a short entry a few times a week.

Thursday 18 July 2024 0330am

Not sure if I'll have time to do this before work. Getting up at 0310 and leaving by 0345 and doing what I have to in the morning and finding time to write is going to be tough. Especially on my phone. Today I am not looking forward to work, but then again am I ever? Have a busy day and the guy I'm working with is useless. He does the bare minimum to get by.....makes it tough for me....I find most from his generation are that way...something I need to learn to deal with and accept. Yet it causes me stress and grief amd lack of sleep knowing I'll be doing of the work today....

Thursday July 18 2024 1912hrs

Weird day at work...just the way things happened. Super busy, seemed like we jumped from one thing to the next without finishing the first.....couldn't get caught up or finish one task before being pulled in another direction...all over the place...in the end, it all fell together...I have 19,000 steps and change tracked on my watch today.....

Useless guy surprised me and the supervisor...he rocked it today like nobody's busisness...we both made sure to praise him and say all the good things supervisors are supposed to do....

I've had one heck of a busy work week.  On Wed and Thursday, I had 19,000+ and 21,000+ steps recorded on my device respectively, and that was just my work day.  Friday I was able to get out early and get in a 25 mile bike ride.  That was a good decompression for me.  Thursday evening, I looked at the calendar at work, and no one had put in to take today off, so I jumped on it.  Last night I was asleep by 745pm.  This morning, it was nice to sleep until my body woke me up, without an alarm, at 550am, and have coffee on the porch listening to the birds while the sun was rising, instead of drinking it on the go, a sip here and there, when I could while at work.  What I look forward to most on my days off is my morning "relaxing coffee time" while everyone in the house is still asleep.  Since I was able to take today off, I'm decompressing even more by going to float around in the kayak with my girlfriend and have a picnic lunch at a lake we have yet to visit....

Monday 22 July 2024

Regular day off work today.....I was awake at 0115 this morning, laying in bed, my mind going here there and everywhere, worrying about what I have to get done this upcoming week, things going on at work, things at home.....it is amazing the lies  your mind will tell you about a simple situation that has no real value, and turn it into such a big stressful deal, at that hour of the morning....by 0330, I decided to just get up and have my coffee, since I'm up on work days at that time anyway....I'm going to be super tired today, which will probably set the tone for my week....

I have a busy week despite the fact I'm only working 2 days.  I go on my yearly trip to see my kids and grandkids Saturday, so I've got to do all the prep things for that.  I'm kinda excited but kinda not.  As I get older, it seems that leaving the house for a week for "rest, relaxation and adventure" is more stressful than just staying home on a "staycation" and doing a day trip or one or two night weekender here and there. This year, though is different.  Instead of getting my usual air bnb where they live and visiting for the week, we are meeting them at Myrtle Beach and spending our time together there.  We all have rooms at the same resort so I'm hoping once there, it will be just beach and pool....while there is a lot of things there to do, I really am not looking forward to "doing" a lot of things.....sounds selfish but its how I feel....

I am hoping this get away will give me the time away from work to reset and put me in the mindset to tolerate another 4 or 5 months until I can get another extended period off.....granted I can get long weekends quite regularly, but they don't really reset or refresh me as far as work.....counting the days to retirement is all I can do right now....

Speaking of retirement, I contacted the retirement board, and I technically can retire right now....I'd lose a large percentage though if I do.....I'm talking retiring now with 48 percent of my base pay vs retiring with 60 percent of my base pay if I manage to stay until March 2027, when I turn 55....full retirement at 65 is 85 percent of my base pay.....but I will NEVER make that.....my family and friends say its a no brainer....to stay another 2 and half years.....but my brain says different a lot of days.....so I guess I'm just riding it out for now, doing the best I can each day.....I am trying to do one day, no....one hour, at a time each day....but sometimes it is hard....I will continue to push forward the best I can....

@CyclingThroughLife

I think meeting at a resort area is a great environment for easy diversity of relaxation and fun for all involved. Not selfish but it's easy to find relax time for yourself while also enjoying time with others.

I lived, married and worked in Myrtle Beach for 15 years. it Would be awesome to go back there and chill out. You only got 2 days of work, piece things together the best you can and then; as they say, "do your best and forget the rest". Relax, let things shape themselves for a few days. It'll work out fine.

Good luck putting it all together this week.  You got this.

Tuesday 23 July 2024

Not looking forward to today. Only working two days this week so I should be happy but I'm not. I have a lot to do to prepare the team for when I'm off. I'm more stressed out about this vacation than it's worth I think.

@CyclingThroughLife

I wish I could help you get those monkeys out of your head. Just do the best you can, you'll be OK and it will feel so good just to layout on that Myrtle Beach sand and listen to the beach. Maybe not worth all the trouble but can definitely feel good for a little while.

Hang in there, you got this!

Busy week almost to an end.  Pack the car and head out tomorrow morning.  How early depends on how early I wake up and get my coffee in me. I love not having to wake up to an alarm, at 3am especially..... While I like driving, I'm dreading this ride.  I hate i-95....but its the quickest most direct route.  I'm hoping this trip will help me to decompress and forget about work for a bit.  I have been saying this for a while now, but I really need to find a way to tolerate work for the next two years or just bite the bullet and move on.  I do have some early retirement options, but none of them are as good monetarily, as if I was to stay until March 2027....I'm talking like 6 or 7 thousand dollars a year difference......Its not that far off, but in a day to day environment that you really don't like, it is that far off.....Fear is the factor here.....fear of what will be if I retire early.....will I be able to make up the money I am losing?  Will I be able to find a job I like?  I mean, I dislike what I'm doing now so much anything could be better, right?.....maybe not....I always go back to the old "the grass isn't always greener" saying.....as well as "its better to deal with the stresser you know how to somewhat deal with than the one you don't....."  Indecision and fear....my biggest enemies in this time during my life.  Anyway, I'm going to hit the gym, finish packing the car, and doing all the things one does to prepare their home for when they are away for a week......

Saturday 28 July 2024

Leg one of our drive to Myrtle beach is complete. Originally, when we left home the GPS said 7.5 hours to our just over halfway of the trip hotel. It took is 9 hours....I95 sucks...we spent a lot of time doing stop and go, 25 to 30 mph..... going home, I will take a longer route if it means staying off this road. I was miserable by hour 6, tired of the stop and go stuff.

Moving on to other things, I have a 7cups request. I've said it before in a suggestion post hoping it would make it to the right folks, but it seemed to fall by the wayside. I think there should be a way to see who upvoted or hearted your posts. If there is a way to see, I've yet to find it. I get notifications that certain people upvote my post, but when I tap the notification, it doesn't bring me to the actual post that was upvoted, only the thread it is in. It should work along the same line as the "likes" on other social media sites....I can click in it and see who upvoted or liked my response. On a website that preaches help and support, it would be nice to actually see WHO is supporting you if they don't actually type out a response.....Just my opinion.

@CyclingThroughLife

I95... Uggggh 👎. 

Sometimes my upvotes heart's work and sometimes they don't. It's pretty glitchy sometimes. There's a pretty good forum for that here. I'll find the link and post it.

I've lost track of the hours but I hope you're close to your destination or already there and ready to relax some.

@CyclingThroughLife

Here's the link to the form functionality I was talking about. I'm pretty sure you know some of these members and they work hard to acknowledge and fix quirky problems with the website and they constantly try to improve it. 

Let them know what's going on and they might have a better idea of how to manage it.

https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/Siteupdatesandchanges_2007/ForumFunctionalityProvideFeedbackHere_274852/?p=18

Sunday 28 July 2024 0515 hrs

Part 1

Sleep is escaping me.  I travel enough to know that the beds in no way meet the standard of my adjustable at home.  I also travel enough to know that the stupid coffee pod machine in the rooms don't give you a quality cup of coffee...man this cup of coffee stinks......I did bring my coffee maker and my own coffee from home for when we get to the final destination, but it is too much work to pull it out for the one nighter here.....or is it?  Depends on how bad I want that quality cup of joe.....evidently, not bad enough because I left it in the car last night.....moving forward, it will come in with me even on the one nighters.....Its amazing how we let something as simple as a good cup of coffee dictate how our day goes.....I mean caffeine is caffeine....how you get it shouldn't matter...but a sucky cup of coffee is just that....and it ruins my day.....anyway, I'm tired, and I'm feeling the miserables coming on....I'm hoping the drive is good because I can feel that "bad attitude" in me already this morning.....its amazing how a little lack of sleep and caffeine can effect my overall disposition.   I'm going to walk to the hotel lobby to see if they have anything there resembling real coffee at the free breakfast.....it probably isn't set up yet....anyway....I'll share part 2 of the ride when we get there.....

@CyclingThroughLife

Sunday July 28 1900 hrs

Made it to our final destination in Myrtle Beach.  The drive through Virginia, North Carolina and South Carolina were no where near as stressful as the first half of the drive on the northern end of I95.  It was actually quite nice.  Set the cruise control, didn't really have to touch it....and just go and enjoy the road and scenery.  We checked in, saw the kids and grandkids, (they are staying at the same resort, have been here since Friday)....we went walking on the beach, had dinner and then read a book by the pool.  Now I'm sitting on the balcony (not really a balcony because I requested a first floor, poolside room, for two reasons.....one, I like being poolside, and two, I'm super claustrophobic and will NOT get in an elevator unless absolutely necessary.  Our trips require a lot of hotel planning, but that is a topic for another post on another day.....

Anyway....thats that....we are here....and I'll fill in my journal as I can

@CyclingThroughLife

Finally.... Sounds a bit nice. Much deserved!