A place for my thoughts (and yours) as I cycle through life
I think I will use this spot as a brain dump when needed....I'm having a hard time navigating the forums. I'm not sure where to put things, don't know if there is a way to be notified if someone comments back on my threads but I'm sure I'm missing somebfood stuff, and when it tells me I'm tagged get lost trying to find it....I find I do better navigating the site from my laptop on the web than I do from the android app on the phone so most of my thought dumps will be from the computer, when I actually have time to log in amd type.... I also hate trying to type on my phone....I have the fat finger issue and a lot of times my words are wrong or spell check puts some crazy crap in there that I don't catch and it comes out as nonsense....anyway...if anyone else reads this and wants to be part of my brain dumps, feel free...I'm always open to, but don't always listen to advice, comments and constructive criticism....sooooo to anyone reading, welcome to my world....
I didn't get much accomplished today. The dog as been sick so a trip to the vet was in order. Long story short, she had an issue that required surgery. She is a little over 13 years old. We are hoping she can recover from the surgery ok. She will come home tomorrow. We will take it one day, one step at a time. I have been working on doing that....dealing with the moment I am in rather than treating my life like a game of chess and looking 3 or 4 moves ahead to dictate what I do now....if that makes sense...looking at, and trying to manipulate, what is coming down the the pipeline has been my source of grief for a long time....preventing or trying to prevent things from happening and using critical thinking to go through my day has served me well in a lot of situations....but....more times than not, the situation I am planning for is usually something I made up in my head and either does not happen, or isn't quite as big as my brain made it out to be. This new way of thinking is a work in progress for me....I'll keep chipping away little by little....
The dog recovery from the surgery is not coming along like we were hoping. We knew the recovery would be hit or miss due to her age(13 years 6 months) but I had to give it a shot. She is coming along but it is slow....a lot slower than we had hoped. Like I said in my last post....one day at a time.
@CyclingThroughLife It’s hard when pets get older. I hope that your dog will be feeling better soon ❤️.
@CyclingThroughLife You are very much the white collar warrior, from the sound of it. A few thoughts for you...take them for what they're worth:
- If you only have three years or less until retirement, yeah...that is an inducement to stay where you're at. You presumably have a 401k & whatever other benefits, if any, locked in by now. If it was me & I had your physical stoutness & health, I would probably stay on until that fine day when retirement starts & I could happily empty out my desk, look at my replacement & say "It's been good meeting you, sir. I wish you luck...you're gonna need it in this place" & walk out the door, grinning in triumph. But if it is costing you your very soul... 🤔 still, you don't want to be yoked to a job when you're pushing 60, knowing it won't stop until you're carried out feet first.
- Re purpose: the only purpose there is in life is the one we come up with. That is the truth as I know it to be. Religions tell us differently but as you said your beliefs are not that of the church you were raised in, so you presumably don't subscribe to the "I must serve the good Lawd" creed. You must invent your own purpose because that is the only purpose you will ever get. I wish I had an easier answer. But outside of faith in a religious or political doctrine, it's the only game in town.
- You are not the only one who has problems with tiny "keys" on phone screens. How millennials & zoomers (particularly the men) use them so fluidly, I have no idea....maybe it's the consequence of not learning how to do more useful things like changing a tire, or swinging a hammer. That's my theory! Am not doing it right now but I still prefer my laptop or a desktop computer more often than not.
Good luck. I hope whichever road you take is the one to contentment.
Its a good space for a "Brain Dump".... keep it up. I'm Rooting for some relief for you soon 😌
Sunday. (The site automatically puts the date but I'm adding the day of the week so when I go back to re-read I have some more clarity on what what actually going on when I made the post)
The vet gave the dog an appetite stimulant. She is now eating some solid food and we no longer have to puree her food and feed her through a syringe. Since she started eating more, she seems more like herself. We are still having a hard time giving her the pills but that has always been a thing. I'm happy that she is doing better and hopeful that things are going start moving along toward normalcy(as far as normalcy for a 13 year old dog goes). I have some other personal things that I need to get off my chest. While I know this is a safe space, I'm not sure how much I want to share so I've been thinking about whether or not I'm going to put it out there in the 7cups universe. What ever I decide to do, I'll keep all you who decide to follow here informed.
Monday 29 January 2024
My dog seems to being getting back to her former self after the last few days. Not that you all want to know, but she still hasn't pooped since she came home on Thursday. She only started eating solid food on Saturday though and she is only eating a little at a time. I will give it another day and then contact the vet again for advice. We are having a terrible time giving her the pills. It is a massive struggle and sometimes to the point where we just want to give up and let her go without. Yet we press on until she keeps it in and it goes down.
I have to have an MRI tomorrow. At this point in time I won't say why or for what but its one where if the results come back a certain way, things could change for me. It has been scheduled for a month and for a month I have been thinking the worst, because that is what we do as humans. I am stressed out and a mess in my head with all the possibilities and scenarios. Of course, going online and using google is the last thing anyone should do, but I did.....anyway, I probably wont' have the results tomorrow, the Dr said he'd call me with them usually a day or two after.
On a more positive note, things at work are going well right now. The new immediate supervisor is doing a good job in my opinion. He is tough to work for, has to have things "his way", but that is usually the right way. He is holding the staff accountable, which the old guy never would do. As the second in charge, I had a hard time holding those under me accountable because I didn't have the support of the immediate supervisor. He liked to cut corners and work in the grey area, and I didn't and that is where the breakdown was. The new guy is a lot like me which makes working a little easier. While I'm still ready to leave the high stress, high strung environment that I work in, I feel like its a little easier moving toward retirement right now.
@CyclingThroughLife
I'm very sorry to hear about your dog. May he Eventually come around and get the feeling better.
You know sometimes we can't share too much information personal stuff but good job trying not to worry or see the worst of things. Keep us posted, don't need a lot of details unless you want to but let us know if it's good news bad news middle of the ground news.
Thanks for sharing.
Sunday Feb 4th 2024
My dog is covering nicely now. She is almost back to her normal self. I Had my MRI on Tuesday but still haven't heard back from the doctor. I will call on Monday if I don't hear from them. Not knowing the results is still getting to me but I"m really working hard on not letting it bother me. Overthinking is human nature. I said I wanted to journal here at least twice a week and I've already failed at that. Again, it has to do with time to sit in front of the laptop. As for my mental and emotional state at work, I'm in a holding pattern. Its not really all that bad, tolerable, but I still am not happy. Tolerating my employment and the lifestyle it creates for me is the word I'm going to use. If tolerating and holding is where I need to be so I"m not completely miserable, I'll take it.
Monday 12 Feb 2024
I'm not getting here to journal, visit, read or participate at 7cups as much as I want to. Finding the time to sit and read the forums, participate, journal, etc is hard. I have plenty of time to sit around. Yesterday I watched 3 movies with the family. There lies the problem.....with the family. I do not like to come here and journal, respond to threads, etc with the family around. Everyone always wants to know "what ya doin?" or "You're doing a lot of typing over there, whats so important?" It's easier to just come here when I'm by my self. I use the site as "my time"....but...."my time" is sparse.....
Anyway, I have few minutes this morning since I am awake before everyone else on my day off work. I'm in what I call "status quo" when it comes to life and work right now. Just existing. The months of January and February in my part of the world are what you would call "one big grey bucket of suck".....its usually cold, overcast, wet or snowy, and when the sun does shine, it is cold outside. These two months are the worst for my SAD....cabin fever sets in....I'm definitely moving south when I retire to a warmer climate. I'm done with snow, cold, etc. As far as the job is concerned, I'm just floating along, doing what needs to be done. Things aren't all that great, yet they aren't all that bad...kinda middle of the road, which is ok right now. So for now....I'll just float on down this river of life.....I do have some plans for when the weather gets nicer....I'm researching a purchase of a new bike so when riding season is upon us again I can get out and get some fresh air and miles in. I'm leaning toward a hybrid gravel bike vs a road bike for a number of reasons, the main one being a little more comfortable and easier on the body as I age. I don't ride for speed or competition anyway. Time to refill my caffeine and get something done....not sure what yet since there are so many small things to do with home ownership and being an adult but I will accomplish something on this wonderful day off of work.
July 17 2024. 1950hrs.
I want to start trying to put my thoughts and feelings here a couple times a week. Even if it's just a quick sentence or two. I hate trying to fat finger type or swipe the tiny letters on my phone, let's not mention the things auto correct comes up with.... and getting time to sit in front of the laptop and write out a lengthy entry are sparse.... So I will struggle through the fat finger for a short entry a few times a week.
Thursday 18 July 2024 0330am
Not sure if I'll have time to do this before work. Getting up at 0310 and leaving by 0345 and doing what I have to in the morning and finding time to write is going to be tough. Especially on my phone. Today I am not looking forward to work, but then again am I ever? Have a busy day and the guy I'm working with is useless. He does the bare minimum to get by.....makes it tough for me....I find most from his generation are that way...something I need to learn to deal with and accept. Yet it causes me stress and grief amd lack of sleep knowing I'll be doing of the work today....
Thursday July 18 2024 1912hrs
Weird day at work...just the way things happened. Super busy, seemed like we jumped from one thing to the next without finishing the first.....couldn't get caught up or finish one task before being pulled in another direction...all over the place...in the end, it all fell together...I have 19,000 steps and change tracked on my watch today.....
Useless guy surprised me and the supervisor...he rocked it today like nobody's busisness...we both made sure to praise him and say all the good things supervisors are supposed to do....