A Space For The Unsaid (Personal Diary)

@Yougotmyback aww me missie you too 🥺 it's always so good seeing you 💕 

mhm okay should suffice .. but don't look at my growing nose now 🤥 

xD I'm sorry xD i make these silly jokes so it doesn't get very... well.. sad XD it's sad but we can sprinkle a lame joke on it and pretend its less sad then...right?🥰

tbh ive not had those meanie thoughts today.. cannot remember them through the day :0  so it's been better than other days ... a miracle xD ....it's night now so the thoughts are trying to make a come back...luv it when they remind me they are around and i shouldnt worry about missing them xD .. i guess that's why the somewhat teeny bit sane part of my brain made me think of logging in cups tonight...😅

ok that's a lot.. sorry for the unnecessary stuffs 😔 

im really happy seeing you 💕💕how's you? me remember you no feeling well earlier.. is you feeling better?🥺 hugs you tightly 🤗

Sssh nothing you say is unnecessary to me. 🥺 I love your jokes hehe and I love it when you share something about your life with me. And that's what friends are for, isn't it? 💕💕

Glad you had a better day. Let's count that one!

I understand how nights get tough sometimes:/ relatable much. But then there's another morning, no? Sunshine peeking in. 🌞✨

I'm happy seeing you tooooo!!

Been sick this whole month (both mentally and physically) so still struggling a bit :/

But hey hey, when we are here then we can come out of everything stronger! 💕💕🌻

A big panda huggggg🫂 💕💕

@Yougotmyback

yes friends for that 🥺 you so sweet Amyboo 💕💕 Lumie is an amazing nickname and me v happy you feel it is a name you can use for me 🥺 

im sorry to hear about your health struggles  :( how's you doing? me here for you too 💕💕 *panda hugs back 🐼🤗

me luvs you 💕 you be nice to you ok? and get better soon 🥺 *keeps hugging 💕💕 

@GoldenNest2727 

my brain doesn't brain too well Golden but the heart in it thinks of you often 💕💕 how's you friend? hope you doing vv well 🤗 

ah another page 😮 im...idk a little too weird i guess but i wanna try flipping through the pages...would it be too hard? to idk read all that stuff... again?...and to remember nothing really changed...so much time and still the same 😔 ... like people like to reflect on their progress and how far they come and stuff like that but lmao the progress I made is likely in negative ...it literally gets worse 💀💀 and idk if I wanna reflect on that really...urghh..but the tempting urge to still do it...create a new reason to cry and panic...why not do it.. mhm ... 🥴.. idk might sleep on this one.... or try to 🙃🙃

I understand the struggle. Probably let's write down today that you made progress by thinking about the *progress*. Itself a step, no? 💕

And you came here and talked about things. So, yayy to youuuu! 🌻❤️

I know things are tough. There are times when we reflect back and feel nothing has changed and everything's gotten worse. But see, you're still here! You surviving these bad days is itself progress. And I'm super proud of youuuu! ✨💕

So, let's write down this too.

You survived another difficult night and passed with distinction!! ❤️

@Optimisticempath

Me think it is okie to write those things, Milky 🥛🧸 It helps to journal. Me agrees with Am, that you are here and me is vvv glad that you exist! *hugss tighttt 🥺🥛🧸🤗💕🌈🧸*

Yessss! We are all here for each other. Good or bad! 💕🌻

@Optimisticempath

Progress might seems slow but it will get better for you 💕

rock bottom has a basement... guys 😮 

if I'm living here forever im putting a mattress on it...😫

@Optimisticempath *sits with Opti* ❤️ It's dark at rock bottom - so I brought a little light

@mytwistedsoul

you da vv shiny bright Soul🥺 but dark is comfy Soul ...no worries ❤

im actually more scared of pulling someone in the dark with me ...idk if you should sit with me.......🥺 me just..😔 sorry  :/

@Optimisticempath Nothing to be sorry about ❤️ Truth be told it feels as though I've been sitting in the dark for so long I feel like I should be thanking you for visiting

*Leaves hugs* ❤️ 

@mytwistedsoul

im so sorry Soul ..🥺 *hugs you v tight and doesn't let go ❤❤ if we are both neighbors here now it's ok with me ... me luvs having you around ... and dark is ok...we can save our electricity bills lmao 🤡 ... fr you is good company always and it doesn't matter where ❤ you are so so so bright always lighting up the world with your gentle kindness ❤ 

Soul there's a quote that reminds me of you ❤

Me here with you Soul bear and you no need to thank me ever for anything ❤ knowing that i have a friend in you has been the most comforting reminder for me for so many times i cannot even count 🥺 

@Optimisticempath I'm sorry. I try not to bring my darkness into your world or anyone's world really. Sometimes it just slips out. You're always so sweet and kind to me. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather sit in the darkness with ❤️ lol we can save on electricity 

@Optimisticempath

Milky 🥛🧸 🥺💕 *me sit with you* & *huggss you tighttt*🥛🧸🤗💕🌈🧸

I'll wake through the basement with you, Milky 🥛🧸🥺💕

@VictoriaLove7

I'll walk through the basement with you, Milky 🥛🧸🥺💕

(🥕 It was autocarroted, 'walk' to 'wake' 🥕)

@VictoriaLove7 thank you rainbow bear 🥺 huggie you tightt🌈🧸

how are you doing victory?🌈

@Optimisticempath

Huggie tighttt Milky 🥛🧸🤗💕🌈🧸

Rainbow bear 🌈🧸 is okie, got some itchy palm because of allergy & apparently early arthritis on my right knee, because me often stand on right knee more. So sometimes me knee in pain '-' but it is okie ☺

How are you feeling now, Milky 🥛🧸? 🥺💕

@VictoriaLove7

oh nu knee pain sounds v hurtyy... how you doing 🌈🧸? and your palm? feeling better?🥺 *hugs you 💕💕 hope you doing better victory🤗

me is ok 🧸

@Optimisticempath

Yes yes, me knee pain sometimes hurty & me will take medicine 💊 🌈🧸 when me cannot sleep because of knee pain

Me palms are allergic to many things like grass, plants, some soaps 🧼 too. So, now me palms are kinda itchy but not as severe because me wear gloves (but sometimes me forgot to wear gloves when washing dishes 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thank you, Milky! 🥛🧸💕🤗

Me is vv glad you are ok 🥛🧸💕 & rainbow bear 🌈🧸 hopes you be gentle with yourself 🥺🥛🧸💕 *keeps hugging tighttt*🥛🧸💕🤗🌈🧸

shower.. you agree it feels a bit nicer to be clean 

eat something... yeah fruit is fine too.. 

drink water .. water is nice too ..

take meds... eww meds but just force swallow or whatever...🙃

sleep... ok ok hard..just just lay on bed...close eyes .... stay 

don't think of ... yeah...just don't...hard but no thinking....body is not canvas nor sheet of paper 😔 

mhm just this much to do ..... we can try  :)  🤡

@Optimisticempath

*sending big comfy safe hugs for Opti buddy bean* 🥺💜 

@LoveMyMoonflowers  *comfy hugs back flower buddy 🥺 also did me get a new nickname?? it is so freaking cute 😭 you soooo amazing 💕💕

@Optimisticempath

yes you got a new nickname 😛 hmmm i thought of opti beary bean too 🧸💕🤔 hehe 💜 

@Optimisticempath

Sometimes our serotonin level is low, it might help to nom these food, Milky 🥛🧸🥺💕 *huggss huggss* 🥛🧸🤗💕🌈🧸

Our efforts matter 🥹💕

Me is very proud of youu✨

@Yougotmyback 🥺 me also cleaned a corner of room today 😅 after months ... but we don't wanna count that 😄

thank you Ammyyyyboo💕💕you are so special you deserve special nickname 🧸.... nobody else can call you that okiii👀 😭 

I'm proud of youuuu! You know even I haven't cleaned my space yet after I got sick hehe.❤️

You have inspired me to do it!

Aww that's the cutest nickname!! And yess, no one can call me that except you. 🥺😤❤️

You know what? I'm gonna take a screenshot of this and keep it. 💕

Wait, lemme think of a nickname for you too. 🥺

How about 'Lumie'? You're the light of our lives and I want to keep something related to light. ❤️🥰✨

@Optimisticempath

*huggss you tighttt till you feel better*🥺

@RachelListener

huggie back🥺 🧸

@Optimisticempath

Milky 🥛🧸, how's you? 🥺💕 *huggsss tighttt*🥛🧸🤗💕🌈🧸

don't read.... lots of triggering stuff ...

I... dk what's going on.. they are talking ... saying things again... on the thing that stresses me ... triggers me... it's a lot to handle... ive switched on fan speed to maximum so I cannot hear much but im also not sure wht to do.. i do wanna listen to know what they talking about but..... so so triggering... i just wannt to go away...i literally cannot ...please bury me away ... these people are mean... stop stop stop..... me thinking of tools... knives....urges... no no ....  ....breath....😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 is imagining yourself hurting self sh too?... i literally do that every single day... so often .... 😭... its such a weird way but imagining and feeling that stabbing.... the blood.... reds.....tools... hurt...numb!!

@Optimisticempath

Sending bear hugs🥺❤️

I know sometimes we find it difficult to explain things in words. Thoughts just stay in our head for a longer...I hope you're kind to yourself on these difficult days.❤️

We're here for you. 💕🫂

@Optimisticempath

Milky 🥛🧸🥺💕 me here, *sits with Milky & huggss tighttt if okie*🥺💕🥛🧸🌈🧸

why do people have to be so ... idk loud? why the screaming...shouting..scolding.. if they have a bad day or some kinda worry...they are allowed to have a effed up mood and to be so loud and scold...and get away with it? and if it makes me cry... im the more sensitive one? cries easily? emotionally unstable?... 

@Optimisticempath

I would cry too if I had to hear those things. Know that you are a great person, no matter what they say. 🥺

*Hugss till you feel better 🥺💕*

@RachelListener

💕💕 how is you?

the other day ... they were trying to joke about...idk what weird way of negative reinforcement psychology concept they were experimenting on me... said i don't care about anyone...anything...about me... my life..... am insensitive... lazy...  apathetic....could go days without anything ...and without noticing any change in my surroundings because im so "absent minded" without a care ..... that it wouldn't matter if im there or not because it's the same either way....implied i look and feel like only a body....

they said laughing and trying to invoke some reaction out of me ....i think?

i had nothing to say... but did think that whatever they said...doesn't matter if their intention was the absolute opposite..... but what they said... made me feel finally... seen 

the irony 💀 lol

@Optimisticempath sorry 😬 had to throw my two cents in 😅

Being sensitive isn't a bad thing. You have a gentle heart. All the yelling and shouting is scary. If you grew up with that it's understandable that it would make you cry 😞 I think it's a perfectly normal reaction to that kind of thing

Can you get ear plugs? or maybe if you have earbuds it could help block it out or help lower the volume 

Who are these people? You don't have to answer that. But they sound horrible. That they work to tear you down to make themselves feel better. They're cruel bullies. Can you move? Go somewhere else away from them? I can't help but think if you were away from all that you might feel better about yourself. Do you think that could be an idea? It's just really hard not to tear ourselves apart when others do it all the time 😞

*offers safe hugs* ❤️❤️ Whoever they are - you deserve better ❤️