Guidelines on Role Playing in the 7Cups Community!
Hello, 7 Cupsians!
During all these years, we have taken steps to make the group chat rooms and forums safer, friendlier, engaging, and positive spaces to interact and participate in. Recently, it was brought to our attention that rules regarding role-playing are vague and confusing. Through this post, we have tried to add more clarity on the topic, in an effort to resolve the confusion and to ensure that participation in forums and chat rooms remains in alignment with our community goals and values.
With this in mind, we have decided that role-playing would not be allowed. An exception to the rule! Supportive phrases such as “sending beams, offering virtual hugs, etc.” can be used.
Role-playing defined as an act out or perform the part of a person or character.
We understand and acknowledge the fact that the intent is positive. For instance, it could be just to have casual and lighthearted interaction moments with fellow members. However, group support is dynamic in nature, and role-play may lead to unwanted confusion and chaos. As a result, community users will be unable to find the timely support and care they deserve and need at that time.
Our goal is to ensure our chat rooms are inclusive for all and everyone finds a home in this space to connect and interact with fellow members in order to feel supported, comforted, and heard.
The treatment of role-playing under the Behavioral Rating System will be under the category of “Being unsupportive” & “Being Inappropriate” and the points will be assigned as per the intensity of violation.
Moving forward any comments, posts, story related to role-playing will be immediately removed and warning, mute or behavioral points will be assigned.
If you have questions or concerns about this, please share your thoughts in the comments below.
We aim to provide the best support experience to our community members. To keep the community supportive and safe for all requires our collective efforts and support. And, for that, your support and efforts will be much appreciated.
Edits: It seems without examples, what is acceptable and unacceptable confusing. But, thanks to Rebecca for sharing the examples to clear it and she is right. Here as Rebecca said, "Gives out cookies and high fives are fine, I think it's if people are more intense in their role-playing. Like the family tree role-play scenario, where people are different "family members" to the exclusion of everyone else in the chat."
Role-play scenarios like creating a story and involved in it all by oneself and no inclusivity, or a family tree, or inappropriate ones are unhelpful.
Join us for Therapeutic Check-Ins in Support Room 24/7
For everyone asking about role-play examples, this is my take on it.
"Hi mommy [username]"
"Sis [username] just told me off!"
"Don't tell your sister off, [username]!"
[Username] "Ok mom. Sorry sissy"
Like when a group of people have their own "family tree" and act it out. Username A is the mom of the group, username B is the sister and username C is the father. And then they all do and say things that correspond to their role.
Typically/Generally speaking, I've seen this happen in rooms quite a lot in the past and it is often done to the exclusion of other people in the room. As a result, people can feel left out, unsupported or ignored.
I'll be honest though that aside from family tree, I haven't seen much other role playing.
@AffyAvo @optimisticempath @Creamyyy @musicalHarmony @TheJenInBlack Maybe my example above could help clarify? It's just from what I've seen.
@rebecca947
Thankyou for the examples . I haven't personally been a part of such, and haven't really come across alot of these too . But it's indeed a great thing to make others aware who might be unintentionally forming cliques .
I know some people on here know each other from long or from regularly seeing each other here . So they might be a little too friendly , maybe ? Good reminder nonetheless. 😊
Are words like "Honey" , "Dear " , "Munchkin" , "Sweet one " allowed ? Some people use them often but maybe that's their usual way to talk idk
@ASilentObserver and @RarelyCharlie thankyou both too .
@Optimisticempath
we're not admins here to say the least but this seems to be the advisable way in which to approach things :
those are likely best to be avoided in group chats as they can be triggering to some users but if you know a member well and ask in advance if it's okay it seems like it should be if you're using dms or are in a small section of a form where there are very few users and it is a casual enviroment
it is definately notable that some words such as honey, hun, or dear have useages that vary geographically in that some places you may use them to refer to anyone you are close to or view as endearing however in others it may be reserved almoast exclusively for one's partner
I think it's important to remember that with things such as this, if there is area for ambiguity it is best to avoid it unless allowed to do otherwise by the specific member in terms of direct messages chats
but if you do use terms of endearment then please try to be as inclusive as possible when these are in the small forums
we're by no means experts so we're very much sorry if this is not in line with the official advice but we hope we've shed some clarity on this issue
@rebecca947 thanks for this clarification. I haven't seen this kind of behaviour before, but can understand why this would be discouraged and reported. The last thing that this site needs is members (or listeners) feeling excluded because of this kind of behaviour.
Why would they do this family role playing.. How is it connected to therapy?
@Creamyyy
It's done without malicious intent of course, but I think they do it to have fun with each other and feel closer to each other. Just like a mask they put on and take off whenever they please. MCR is for lighthearted chat, so I suppose people thought role playing was lighthearted. In the end, all I'm doing is guessing and assuming. Can't give you a solid answer, unfortunately!
@ASilentObserver If role playing is no longer allowed, does that mean that listeners and members should no longer advertise roles in their profiles? Is this something the Safety Patrol Team will start to check for? @Gracey
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie
roleplaying is strictly involving non cups things. Examples are family roleplaying, roleplaying that you're lovers, roleplaying that you're a cannibal, etc. anything that's between you and one or multiple others that seems like an in joke in a public space can be seen as exclusionary. I hope that makes sense!
@EvelyneRose Yes, I completely agree.
Family roleplaying is a good example. The question is: if a listener's profile advertises their make-believe family roles at 7 Cups, will the Safety Patrol Team address it? I have occasionally seen this in listener's profiles.
Charlie
Do listener twins fall under role playing?
Does substituting the lack of physical interaction count as role playing?
Does referring to my perfect ears for listing count as role playing?
would be people calling me bunny being role playing?
Would it help others to clarify that creating a role play that encourages to weaken up healthy boundaries between participants is not healthy and that's what's might be the bigger picture in those rules?
Would writing out -I'm doing a happy dance- be roleplay when I'm actually not able to dance IRL for reasons?
@kindSoul10
I think the aim of this post is that role playing is often done to the exclusion of everyone else not part of that small role playing group. A clique, if I may call it that.
Role playing in this post I think refers to a long scenario. If people call you bunny, that's just a nickname. But if you and username a continue that role play situation, then it could fall under role play. For example:
A: hi bunny!
Soul: *rabbit noises*
A: aw you miss me!
Soul: *rabbit noises*
A: you're hungry aren't you
Soul: *ears lift up*
A: here's a carrot!
soul: *happily munches*
All the while this conversation is happening, especially for newbies who are entering, others may not feel comfortable joining in the conversation because it feels like it's just between you two. I hope this makes a bit of sense.
As for actions you can't give IRL, they're fine. One liners are fine, kindness and compassion shown through words *hugs* *sneding beams* *claps* *cheers* are all fine.
@ASilentObserver As @adequatelyInadequate has just pointed out in another thread, the above definition of role playing is problematic:
Role-playing defined as an act out or perform the part of a person or character.
Taken literally, this could mean that people with dissociative identity disorder are treated as if they are "acting out" or "performing the part" when they switch from one alter to another.
In fact, taken literally, this would mean I cannot use the name Charlie or perform the role of a listener here on 7 Cups, because Charlie is not my real name and listener is not my real-life profession.
A better definition might be (but I'm not sure):
Role playing means collaborating with other users to create and act out roles other than roles officially assigned by 7 Cups.
Also it is problematic to threaten to remove all future replies in this thread or anywhere else. Taken literally, this would mean that the problems with this guideline can never be resolved:
Moving forward any comments, posts, story related to role-playing will be immediately removed and warning, mute or behavioral points will be assigned.
Charlie
Thank you, @RarelyCharly !
@RarelyCharlie as far as the roleplaying had been handled back in 2017/18 it was about roleplay in a fetish context. There were scenarios that happened and felt like engaging in sort of fetish roleplays with mommy/daddy-baby relationships. I believe the definition of roleplay can be quite difficult and confusing and in my very humble opinion I think it might be an clearer route to define accepted boundaries between participating parties on 7cups.
Things like: behave appropriately by not engaging in flirtous behaviour. Understand that 7cups is not the right place to include participants to satisfy a fetish. don't create dependencies (mommy/daddy-child, romantic relationships, ...) since it can create unspoken obligations that can create the risk of not setting strong boundaries, sharing personal information (which can be risky).
That's what I brainstormed for now. I'm looking forward to your ideas and feedbacks.
@kindSoul10 Oh yes! I had forgotten about fetishes. I think the definition I suggested above does cover them, accidentally.
I searched the Internet for a list of common fetishes and found this: 11 of the Most Common Sexual Fetishes. So another thing we must avoid, I think, is allowing discussions about ten of these but forbidding discussion of number 2. Role-Playing.
It needs to be clear that we can discuss role play, but we cannot use 7 Cups to engage in role play with other users.
Charlie
@kindSoul10
Since you used the words fetish and flirtatious and it looks like it's OK to call this out, I'm joining in on the comment thread.
This is what I was afraid of when I saw this post on "roleplaying". I thought that this was going rampant on the site.(haven't been around lately, so I haven't seen anything)
I think that it's obvious that fetish-seeking/fulfilling behaviour is inappropriate. I really don't see the need for clarification or discussion, it's common sense. People know what they're doing, they're just testing what they can get away with. If it's seen, the offender(s) get a ban/warning on site, plain and simple. If someone wants to dispute it, then they can get a "You're being a fetish-seeking degenerate on a support site. This is not the place. There are children here. Inappropriate." explanation.
@ASilentObserver
I would explicitly exclude the Forums in this rule, as it is justified for better managing Group-Chats.
That is not clear to me in the post that was broadcasted, as it is addressed to the whole Community.
Moreover...
A letter like "Me at 10 to my mom" is role-playing in psychotherapy.
This kind of role-play is actually used as a therapeutic resource.
And common in Forum threads posted by Members.
They seem to me to be healthy and beneficial.
So role-play should be explicitly accepted in the Forums, as long as its nature is clear (role-play by a real Member, and not a fake identity intended to deceive).
Does it make sense ?
Thank you !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat I'm not sure what you are referring to. A letter to your real mom wouldn't be roleplay. it's an open letter if it's meant to be public or it might be sort of a dairy venting about things that are on your mind.
@kindSoul10 I follow that, the role play would be pretending to be in the role of what I was at 10, not who I am now. I agree, it should be allowed as it is more of a diary type of entry, if another person started to take on the role of the mom and was responding though, that is not allowed is my understanding of the spirit of the rule.
@AffyAvo
Exactly ! That's the idea !
Thank you for your clarification.
Marcelo
@AffyAvo
that's allowed. This is mostly geared towards rooms rather than forum spaces where games and such are often held. And of course a held game in rooms is ok too. The idea is just to not exclude others or newcomers in what seems like a private injoke
@EvelyneRose Sorry, are you saying both aspects are allowed? Ie. The letter (which I support) plus someone pretending to be the 'mom' the letter was written to (less support from me on that - high potential for harassment)..
@AffyAvo
sorry, i'm saying a letter makes sense. Maybe not as a wall of spam text in the rooms, but really we're just talking about using common sense and acting accordingly. Is it something that would exclude others? Is it appropriate for the rooms and falls under guidelines? Is it appropriate for the site?
@EvelyneRose to what I'm hearing is, Affy explained a letter to your mom is fine but if another listener or member participated in pretending to be their mom then that might fall under roleplaying.
@kindSoul10
That's my understanding!
Whoa now. Why was this post necessary? Have there been problems on this front?
I think people are being obtuse for whatever reason, and rebecca outlined acceptable examples upthread. I was joking around with some people on the site not too long ago about us having the same birthday. "lol twins!" "Are we related? Oh X's cousin has the same birthday too? How many of us siblings are there?! Party time!" Anybody with common sense knows that something like that is done without malicious intent, and listeners talking about their listener twin(s) is harmless.
I'll try to be blunt without getting my post deleted: When we refer to "roleplaying", we know what people really talk about *wink wink nudge nudge*. I'd say stuff like those examples is barely "roleplaying" in the sense of what the word means nowadays. There's a difference between goofing around, having fun and handing out cookies versus what we all know certain fandoms/communities on the internet do... So what I'm asking is can we please be honest about potential safety concerns? And if they do exist, can we not sugarcoat the issue to be "PC" and put an end to that sort of behaviour that has no place on a support site?
As for "dividing the community" or making people feel excluded, this is a problem that 7cups cannot solve. You cannot change how some people are. Sure, they're lame, but they're not necessarily doing anything wrong (assuming this roleplaying is appropriate), just people you don't want to hang out with. Best to do is to wait for them to leave themselves, but conveniently, I find these kinds of people already separate themselves into groups on the site and are easily avoided. For people experiencing issues with feeling "excluded", I recommend just leaving those people alone and finding the decent people on this site yourself.
@tealPark1424
Good points you provided. I don't feel like this is a safety risk, more of an unwelcome behaviour. I can only speak from my own knowledge of this topic, but i have definitely seen roleplaying behaviour around in group chats, and it can feel like you're being ignored or excluded, especially when entering the chat room. This is mainly a problem for newbies in my experience, as they're afraid to jump into the conversation. There's no way for them to, and oftentimes, people engaging in the role play ignore others not part of their group. This is where I think welcoming others in should be a big important point. From my experience of group rooms, welcoming people in and having them say hi back to you can create a different conversation in the room, in which the roleplay isn't the main topic. But still, roleplaying is an issue in the community.
And since roleplaying should only be done in community rooms, there aren't exactly many other rooms to go in to for lighthearted chat. Also, leaving them be is an issue, because people roleplaying have tended to go on for over 30mins, 1hr sometimes. There have to be limits I guess...
@rebecca947
Thanks for the information! I must admit I haven't been super active lately. I don't go to every chat room, but I actively avoid MCR because people are problematic there, and it's never been managed well (and these "guidelines" will not help either). I can get people feeling this way, but I'd expect people to be curious and click around! We can be light-hearted in other rooms too, it's never been 100% serious all the time (well, sharing circle has its limits, but it has a purpose). :)
Don't get me wrong, I also think that the clique-like behaviour is dumb and I think that more of the mods in the group chats need to deal with a heavier hand. However, if the problematic (but not necessarily rule-breaking) activity is isolated in one area more or less, I'd rather keep them there, not open a can of worms, and encourage people to go elsewhere by continuing to advertise the rooms. I'd suggest renaming the Current Events room to something like General Chat. Current Events isn't exactly active for discussing current events and people can seek support in Support Room 24/7. I'd imagine the problematic people would stay in the "OG" place, and this renaming may help new people not feel pressured as though they had to discuss current events only in that room.
@tealPark1424 Yes and no. Intimate type of roleplaying is what immediately comes to my mind when the word roleplay is brought up with no context.
In a therapy context I think of it as one ore more people actingin in another role to help with a relationship type of issue. ie. someone is afriad to speak to their boss, so one person role plays as the boss so that person can practice a conversation with their 'boss'. Or a couple not getting past an argument pretends to be each other.
The exceptions given in the OP threw me off as I never thought as those as role play. Sends beams was like sending well wishes, a fairly common statement. Hugs involves pretend, but is quite common when interacting with others online. The cookie example I asked about starts to involve more pretend and is less common, especially when it starts to get into things like the specific type of cookie - that goes beyond just the token of good input.
@AffyAvo
Yeah, exactly. I never considered the typical pleasantries we exchange online to be "role play", like sending each other beams, hugs if wanted, and cookies.
@tealPark1424
Just clarifying since I can't edit: I mean things like sending beams, hugs, and cookies are typical pleasantries and not really roleplaying, and there is nothing wrong with them.
@tealPark1424
Those things are fine. I think the idea is more not doing things like "hi mommy!" "Its sister!" "I lick you as i purr in my cat form" or "looks at the pool of blood on floor and likes it". All unnecesasary and not really appropriate.
@ASilentObserver
Do you have a couple examples?
@AdylynS
Hey, I replied to the post with an example. You can scroll up and find it- I also included an example in my reply to kindSoul10's comment too.
@ASilentObserver
thank you for this
Does this then apply to 1-1 chats? I’ve had chat support say it is okay and isn’t okay when I’ve queried about certain chat situations! Again, you mentioned fetishes - is that something we’re not to support in a 1-1 chat even if they just wish to discuss not actively participating?
@coffeenarrative
Heya! This post discusses group support only, I'm not too sure about 1:1. I think that should be fine if both are consenting to it. As for fetishes, discussion is fine but not roleplaying the fetish.
@rebecca947 The first line of the original post says it's about, "the group chat rooms and forums".
I agree that the same rule should not apply in 1-to-1 chats, but in a 1-to-1 chat if a listener plays any role other than just the listener role, then the chat has gone badly wrong. I don't think consent makes it OK.
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie
Good points and very true. There's so much variance that can go on in 1:1 that I think it's hard to generalise, which I did.
Also I'm not too sure why forums are included. I've not seen this happen in forums in all my years here, but maybe I'm not looking hard or often enough.
@rebecca947 I think it's easier to prevent then to stop what has already been established. There can also be spill over effect when stopping it elsewhere. So I think if stopping it in the group chats, it's a good idea to have a plan for the forums. That plan can be to not allow it which seemed to be the rule in the OP (so in the letter example which I expanded upon where someone shares a role-play perspective and allowing it, but then not allowing someone to jump into the other role - and in the forums I think there's a good chance a response like that could full into unsupportive anyways) or we could have very clear guidelines on 2+ users engaging in role play with each other in the forums.
@RarelyCharlie I like that. But it looks like the term roleplaying needs to be defined in the context of 7 cups.
If I go to work I don't play a role in the context of theatre or a game. If I volunteer on 7 cups I don't pretend to uphold the values of 7 cups and I don't pretend or play a game of listening. Defining listening as playing the role of a listener confuses me.
@RarelyCharlie Yes, I feel like 1-1 chats are covered fiarly well already. If a listener is doing therapy style role playing that's not active listening. If it's more of the play style pretend, that's also not active listening and likely is crossing established boundaries set by 7 cups like professionalism. If it's the intimate type - very clear violation IMO.
Listener-listener interactions may not be covered quite as well.
@coffeenarrative this guide is about BDSM, kinks and inappropriate chats. I hope this helps to clear up some confusion.