Defining Grief: Understanding Loss and Sorrow

@ASilentObserver hi obs ❤ hi everyone ❤❤

Question 2- grief is different from sadness cause sadness can come and go, but grief never leaves

Question 3- yes grief comes in many ways, I've learnt a lot about this from cups. Grieving over a death of any loved one person or pet is one kind of grief. But then there's those grieving over a broken friendship, or a list heirloom, missing people, husbands/wives in the army. There are many kinds but all as painful as each other ❤

Question 6- to create a more support space for those grieving, perhaps to have some sort of calendar reminder of our lost loved ones birthdays, cause people need kindness a lot around then. Otherwise to just answer as many people's cries for help in the forums as we can, we are doing well here at cups ❤❤

@ASilentObserver 

• Can you describe a time when you experienced grief? What did it feel like?
• It is difficult time , losing some bady or job open the door to mixed bad feeling , fear , guilt , confusion,shame...
• How does grief differ from sadness?
• Grief change with time  , sadness could deafit easily i guess 
• Are there different types of grief? If so, can you explain them?
• I think yes 
• How does culture or religion influence our understanding of grief?
• Sometimes religion beliefs give you hope , culture can do something . 
• What misconceptions about grief have you encountered?
• Not sure how to respond this question 
• How can we create a more open and supportive environment for those experiencing grief?
• Listening, being understanding and empathic, offering help

@ASilentObserver hey, can you add me to the taglist? 🫶

@ASilentObserver

1. I currently am experiencing grief. It's a heavy feeling. At times you feel nothing and sometimes you feel too much. Your heart aches and you want... you long something that just beyond your reach

@ASilentObserver

Can you describe a time when you experienced grief? What did it feel like?

I don't know. Perhaps during my period I let go and it's just natural, powerful and beautiful. It's like winter. Everything goes to rest and becomes very still and quiet and peaceful.

How does grief differ from sadness? Again I don't know and can only speculate but sadness seems like an emotion such as the weather whereas grief seems like a season such as winter.

Are there different types of grief? If so, can you explain them?

I suppose there are. There could be grief over the loss of a person going away, losing a sentimental item (ambiguous grief), grief over lost opportunity or what could have been and grief over the loss of youth or of stages of one's life. There's also loss of work, relationships, housing, pets, and complex grief which could be a mix of all of these. But English words are derivative and demeaning when it comes to explaining the sacred and true nature of life.

How does culture or religion influence our understanding of grief?

Well if one was raised in a traditional western culture they'll be taught very little. Perhaps they're told a relative went to heaven with no further explanation around that. Or they'll be dismissed entirely when their questions are asked. Or there's simply no culture or information around it, leaving on to believe in nothing and that life is a pointless and unsafe experience of misery and toil.

What misconceptions about grief have you encountered?

I don't recall.

How can we create a more open and supportive environment for those experiencing grief?

For men and women...Work on yourself. Take time to reflect and meditate on yourself every day, even if it's just for a moment here or there. For women, learn your cycles and lean into them. Men, learn about Women's cycles as well. Men run off a 24 hour cycle and women about a 28 day cycle. Women and their cycles have been condemned for so long with their periods seen as dirty and women themselves seen as the reason for all trouble that many have shut themselves off from themselves completely and have forgotten the true purpose and meaning of their bodies and minds and spirits let alone their menstruation cycles and how to utilize them. And when one does learn and learn in it benefits both men and women. 

@ASilentObserver Grief in the moment feels like you're just levitating, each step feels so light like there's no ground, just the air and somehow you're being pulled somewhere you are required to be. Grief is an involuntary reaction, a sob, scream or just a numb expression. It's not sadness, something that can be dealt with, something you can be distracted from. It's a ringing bell on the tower constantly reminding you of what you've lost in between people, in middle of celebrations. It keep us looking for a reason, something to answer all the questions and gets us attached to all the If only. So many emotions to deal with and so little time given to pick yourself up.

I think setting a time limit for grief is so cruel, I wish people were shown the same amount of understanding even if it's been a thousand years <3 Cause I know for me no matter how much time has passed, the pain of losing someone I love will always be just as heartbreaking.

@ASilentObserver

 hi guys! <3

1. Can you describe a time when you experienced grief? What did it feel like? - i have been diagnosed with Complicated Grief Disorder since i was 21, and it has been 4 years since this happened, and have been in therapy for two years for this very reason, and understand grief and it's meaning very much. after the loss of my first child, it felt mind numbing, and mind breaking, and like something you could never escape. a full body suffering and experience, to put it into words. at the end of the day, grief is a powerful and confusing and conflicting experience, and comes in waves, and changes everyday. 
2. What did it feel like? - it felt like i was drowning and everyone was around me, and they saw, and they tried to reach out, but i felt i was slipping, especially in the beginning. the first step is shock, and i felt it everywhere. but we have to remember, the start of new things is never easy, and we can learn to grow as we go. 
   
3. How does grief differ from sadness? it becomes consuming, and hard to put away, even for a minute unlike when you're feeling sad, it can be hard to really get any hold of, but reaching out can be a first step, and one you don't have to do alone, or carry on your own.
4. Are there different types of grief? If so, can you explain them? - Complicated Grief, as i have is different because it is ongoing, and as my doctors and professionals i've talked to have said, is not going to go away, the loss of child doesn't go away, of course. but, we can learn to live our new ways of life, which is what we have now.
5. How does culture or religion influence our understanding of grief? - i used religion to get through. holding onto God helped me hold on for the moment when that's what i needed. 
6. What misconceptions about grief have you encountered? - that going through life means things have changed. it's okay to hold onto the person you are grieving in any way, i talk about my child as if they are still here, because it helps me remember that my baby was very much alive, and that comforts me personally, as well as the misconception that we don't want to talk about what we are grieving- i personally love talking about my child to people!
7. How can we create a more open and supportive environment for those experiencing grief? - i would love to say that asking the person how you can support them is a great start. talking, being there; they know themselves best, and how they heal best. i think open communication is ultimately so helpful, and i am thankful for sites like 7cups where people can come and do that, even anonymously, which can be so much more comfortable for so many people in the grief process. thankyou for making this post and being a part of such an open environment. <3 

q: Can you describe a time when you experienced grief? What did it feel like?
a: I am grieving everyday for what a wicked world this is, for the things I was deprived of as a child, for the things I am missing as an adult, for all my energy misspent, for the decline of my health thanks to covid triggered autoimmune issues, for the fact that I am now middle aged and losing my early youth, and then for the standard things like the loss of family members and so on. 

q: How does grief differ from sadness?
a: I think sadness doesn't precede grief. 

q: Are there different types of grief? If so, can you explain them?
a: Yes. You can grieve all types of loses. See answer #1. 

q: How does culture or religion influence our understanding of grief?
a: Culture and religion define our values and our values define what we feel like we have lost. So many cultures and many religions therefore means many different value sets to define grief. 

q: What misconceptions about grief have you encountered?
a: None. 

q: How can we create a more open and supportive environment for those experiencing grief
a: By talking about how grief can manifest itself throughout our lives and experiences and by being open to hearing someone going through their own grief. And obviously by never shutting someone down who is grieving. 

1. I lost my grandma July 31st of this year, so, only a couple of weeks ago. I think I felt the grief instantly. My grandma is in Hong Kong, I received a message from my mum (she flew back to see her mother, made it in time to be with her at her last moments), while I was in the middle of my work shift. The moment I received the message, my mind shut down. I immediately felt a wave of grief and could not think straight. I ended up leaving work an hour earlier, and then, took the rest of the week off. So, I ended up taking the first 2 weeks of August off to grieve. Grief was new to me, so I was having a variety of emotions. Not really understanding what's going on, but it affected my sleep.
2. Sadness vs Grief, temporary vs long-lasting. 
3. Without doing some research about different types of grief, I thought grief is just plainly Grief. That people often think grief is losing someone, when it can be over anything. Pets, relationships, friendships, even their homes (being kicked out or losing their home to a house fire)..
4. I think many do not like talking about Grief, avoiding it like the plaque. From my recent experience when I returned to work (bad idea), majority of colleagues do not know how to show sympathy. I was deeply hurt with the comments they made, and how they kept comparing grief to everyday struggles with life of each household. It doesn't matter what their culture is, I think for those who have never experienced any type of grief, shouldn't try and act like they understand. Honestly, with my colleagues, I'd rather they just say, "I'm sorry for your loss".. then, leave it at that. Rather than continuing on with the comparisons, repeating it in more ways than one. Each comparison just ended up triggering more mixed emotions within me. 
5. The most common misconception is "time will heal" and asking us to "keep our minds busy". When I returned to work, that was what one my colleagues told me.. she was like, "You know, it's good that you came to work, keeps your mind busy, so you're not thinking about the loss." Honestly, when she said that to me, I was thinking, if I wanted to keep my mind busy, it doesn't have to be at work. I could keep my mind busy at home (I have my own online business to take care of). Instead I told her, the 3 days I've been working upon my return, had been really stressful. Because once you return to work, everyone expects top notch performance. So, I ended up taking Thursday and today off. Now, I do not plan to return until I'm mentally stable, and who knows how long that will take.
6. I'm enjoying the Support Sessions at the moment. It helps to know how others going through grief are handling their emotions. To have that space to share our experiences, I find it much more effective than reading books about grief. 

With my current experience with grief, I'm thinking about attending Grief Counselling. I spent half a day at my friend's place yesterday. She has a puppy, so for me, it was more like dog therapy. She lost her father 4 years ago, and she says she's still grieving. Although she's been more acceptive and starting to have ways to cope with the grief, she feels she hasn't addressed it yet. So, she invited me to join her in signing up for the Grief Counselling, which starts a month from now. Will be Tuesday nights for a month long. She gave me the link, but when I checked today, it says sign-up is not available. So, I'm going to have to ask her about that. I wonder if it's because sign-up is not open yet, or if it's full already. 

My brother also came down to my computer room, and we talked for a bit too. He says, rather than have me wait until September for the class, to look for a Counsellor now. He says, better to address the grief now than wait another month for that class to start. The only thing is, finding my own counsellor means I'll need to pay for each session, since I do not have extended medical insurance, it can get pricey. Whereas with the Grief Counselling my friend suggested, we only have to pay for the book (I guess it's like a workbook or something that we follow through the sessions), so it's practically free.

Grandma's funeral/memorial happens today and tomorrow (Hong Kong's weekend). Will be thinking about her.. my heart feels heavy already.

@ASilentObserver

@ASilentObserver thank you for this information.