Milestones or Steps Completed! Share and Celebrate Here :)

@GlenM I am learning that mistakes happen but I have to get back up and try again.

i have learned that there are others that go trough the same or similiar stuff as me

@GlenM step 210 -- Going back to some of my earlier dreamwidth posts, I appear to have forgotten many of the things I learned about myself a decade ago. Or thought I learned. Some of those are still kind of dubious.

There are days where I feel really good. Almost too good. I laugh and make jokes and hang out with my friends, and life is great. Every time I think that maybe I'm in the clear, that I've gotten rid of my depression, it comes roaring back with the ferocity of a hungry lioness.

Today is one of those bad days. I'm 21 and I have nothing to show for it so far. I can't drive yet, I don't have a high school diploma, I haven't gone to college and I've never been in a relationship that lasted longer than seven months. I've done a lot of terrible things, I've miscarried a baby and had to pretend it never happened because my parents still think I'm "pure". The grief still kills me though it happened two years ago, and I was only five weeks along.

On top of that, there are dozens of things that hurt me that still come up even though it was years ago. These things like to team up like a hunting party and take me down. It's not all at once either. It's a slow brutal kill. It starts with a long chase that tires my legs, without the opportunity to catch my breath.

Finally, when I am exhausted and can run no longer these things lunge and tear me limb from limb, slowly so I feel every tooth and nail. The worst part is I'm not a crier. I can't bring myself to cry. So the emotions stay locked within me and are expressed only as anger and fear. I snap at my friends, I disappear from communication for a week without notice and leave people to worry about me, and I toss and turn all night long.

The guilt, the pain, the grief, all combining forces for one brutal attack.

But I get through because I have to. I pretend like I'm okay. My experience in theater helps.

I'll be alright. My students and my family need me. (I teach on Thursdays at a Homeschool co-op)

I just needed to vent. Venting feels good sometimes. Having other people hear my story and maybe relating to it gets me through the day. All I want to do is find a job and earn some money so I can afford a therapist.

Until then, I'll be fine.

-- A Lonely Writer

Step 60. It hasn't even been a week. I don't feel like I've made actual progress but I do feel like I've taken a step in the right direction and I'm happy about that.

Step 580 of my Growth Path! I'm learning to be more positive every day.

I can't really say I've learned anything new yet but I'm going to try to keep moving forward and keep an open mind.

To not make everyone's problems my own.

That there is always a way to overcome your troubles

to relax