Discussion 02: Building a Group
Please note: In order to successfully complete the program, you must respond to this post. Your comment/response should answer the questions/show that you completed the given activity (if any). Read the post carefully and implement the learning in the chat rooms. If you didn't participate in Discussion 01: Introduction to Group Support, then check here!
Welcome back, crew! In this discussion, we will learn about building a group.
As you have observed and noticed, some chat rooms are the busiest space while some are pretty quiet or slow. That means many factors contribute to a group building. It could be the topic, time of the day, members already there, social anxiety, facilitator, and so on. Each one of them has a critical role to keep the room active and supportive.
The first thing to acknowledge: 7Cups is a global platform. We are available to 189 countries and we have users who speak more than 140+ languages. That is, we have a large group of diversified members and have demographic and cultural differences. But, the challenge is how to connect them?
So, to do that, we structured and created certain rules and policies in order to facilitate group interaction. One of them is to use English as a common language to communicate. As per the research, 20% of the Earth's population speaks English, that is, the highest percentage for a language used for communication followed by the Mandarin language.
Then, we placed the chatroom rules regarding what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior in the chatroom so we are able to ensure the room is well moderated, safe, healthy, and compassionate space to connect and interact to get and provide support to each other.
That means in order to build a group, you need to identify the common grounds, and based on that you can structure a group for group support. Anxiety Support Room, for example, serves the purpose to support the members struggling with anxiety or to share the progress they make and what is working for them. Sharing Circle Room, another example, serves the purpose of the most structured and uninterrupted space to share and vent.
So, how as a group specialist/ facilitator, leader, one sets up the group is crucially important for its success. One needs to have an eye for details, structural features of a group to ensure a good environment for participation. It is important to reduce the unproductive anxiety, foster compassionate interaction among the members, increase the likelihood of good attendance and active participation, therapeutic processes, and discourage any unhealthy cliques to build a healthy group.
Discussion: Share a challenge experienced while building a group in the chatrooms? What did you learn?
Activity: Respond to at least two of your fellow trainees' comments with thoughts on their share.
After fulfilling the requirements of this post, please check out the next discussion here! Ensure to implement the learning from these discussions in the chat rooms to build and support the group. You must take part in the brainstorming/activities given in all of these discussions to successfully complete the program.
@ASilentObserver
I was in a member's group room, and it seemed to me that the topic was inappropriate and potentially dangerous for some members. I tried changing the topic, asking the members how they were doing, welcoming newcomers, and trying to start new topics, but it didn't work. I tried for a really long time, and it was quite difficult to manage technically and emotionally. I then contacted a mod with whom I was able to discuss the situation.
I was quite distraught to learn during this conversation that the subject in question was not forbidden. It challenged me and it was pretty hard emotionally. I realized that the room might not be what I thought it was, but, even if it was difficult at the time to admit, it was a good thing to learn in hindsight and made me a better listener and room supporter. Now I'm more aware of what is allowed and what is not and how to deal with it.
@Mya000
Hi Mya, it can be tough to learn so much new information at the same time well engaging within the rooms. What is one tip would give someone who is new to the Group Support area?
Asher, Community Ambassador
Hi there! :) I'm glad we were able to talk about what happened. I know it can be stressful initially as you're getting a hang of things. Here for you
@Mya000
I can feel that. It must be really tough to go through in the beginning. That's how we learn things. Thanks for sharing with us.
@Mya000
Nothing replaces experience for learning certain things. It happens the same to me, I discover that there are grey zones in the rules, "common practices" that are not written, expectations and ideas by members (particularly "old" regular attendants to rooms) of what a certain session should be. Only by actually sharing these roller-coaster rides with members and other mods in the rooms one can sense, interpret, absorb and learn these non-written nor spoken rules, and attune oneself to the way things are, in order to become most effective in the real-world room environvment.
@ASilentObserver
Discussion: Share a challenge experienced while building a group in the chatrooms. What did you learn?
When I hosted a session for the very first time, people were coming in and going out. Some stayed silent. Some ignore the messages. At other times, I felt people were just not interested in the topic even after putting an icebreaker question. It was difficult to build and create that enthusiasm. Slowly, I learned that by greeting and welcoming every member individually, people start feeling that they are being noticed and included. So I incorporated this and that’s how I make the sessions interactive.
@caringHope1976 Yeah somehow people do be like that sometimes and I totally get that feelings. I also learnt to welcome every participants entering even though they are just lurking. I just hope that they felt welcomed ^^ Thanks for sharing :)
@caringHope1976
I totally agree that making people feel included, "seen", and their interventions valued, is crucial to encourage their participation, and start promoting interactions and creating cohesion in the group.
@caringHope1976
That's something most of us can relate to. Hosting sessions sometimes can be a bit disappointing when no one cares enough or participates. I agree taking names and welcoming people individually can be helpful.
@ASilentObserver
Discussion: Share a challenge experienced while building a group in the chatrooms? What did you learn?
There was a challenge when I was participating in a room and then we chatted peacefully at first and then a member came into the room too and used capslock for their message so the mod had to delete it despite it breaking the guidelines in the room. Then, the member asked why it’s breaking the rules so we had to calm them down and explain to them clearly even though they still argued with us about it. So one of us decided to move it to another topic and de-escalate the situation. It taught me that when there is an argument that is about to arise, we should try to explain it to them and keep the room secure from radiating negativity to other people. I also found the de-escalation technique useful to keep the room secure too.
@secrecykhasya
Keeping calm and patiently explaining can keep a huge conflict from arising. Unfortunately, it won't work for many participants and that's why it's important to learn when to switch to the de-escalation techniques!
@ASilentObserver
Discussion: Share a challenge experienced while building a group in the chatrooms? What did you learn?
Challenge : Some time back we were in one of the 24/7 rooms and a participant who was already there revealed that they were in a crisis and though everyone tried to convince em that cups is not a crisis site, the person just didn't get off, which I guess was because of how helpless they felt. So I called in a couple of mods and they compassionately explained to the participant that this is not the place for it and how this can affect others. The participant left the room. The room still remained chaotic for the next 10-15 minutes, during the time I started asking icebreakers (this is where group work comes in!) and though some participants were still deranged, the moderators started dropping their answers to my icebreakers and we cooperated together to get the topic change and eventually the room became safe again.
Lesson :
- Be compassionate and patient. Talk to your fellow participants the way you'd like to be talked to!
- Remember that we are a team so, if someone is trying to get a situation under control, support and co-operate!
- It can take a fair amount of time to get the room calm after an escalated situation so be determined and patient with your effort.
- Know when to take a step back from the room.
@cheerfulIceCream
I like the idea of not only turning the mood around with ice breakers, but also intentionally having some mods engage and interact and answer your questions. People do tend to follow the fun, so it makes sense that this would work. I'm going to try it :)
@ASilentObserver
A challenge I experience while building certain groups in the chatrooms is to get enough participants from a very specific target group.
I would like to limit the nature of the participants to a certain specific group for a number of reasons. For example, knowledge. If the topic discussed requires certain knowledge, and the target audience to be supported share this common knowledge, someone lacking it might disrupt the conversation by asking irrelevant questions, posing off-topic issues, etc.
Another, related reason is trust. Certain issues associated with the target audience might be extremely sensitive and they will be comfortable sharing them only to members that experience or experienced the same thing. The intrusion by someone perceived as a kind of "spy", outsider to this focused group, will discourage sharing sensitive issues, which is the fundamental purpose of the gathering and thus ruining the session.
What I do is to state clearly in the Calendar post that the session in question is intended for this very specific audience, to advertise it within the corresponding SubCommunity through a "Featured Thread" with a detailed post stating its specificity, and avoiding any other kind of advertising, like sending out messages in other rooms, which might be composed mostly of participants outside of my target audience.
@ASilentObserver
Share a challenge experienced while building a group in the chatrooms? What did you learn?
Challenge:
1. Establishing inclusivity.
Sometimes, we might want to talk to the people we already know more, which results in other people feeling left out or ignored.
Asking general questions about hobbies, interests, acknowledging someone's accomplishment, welcome everyone who enters are the few steps I have learned to take to include everyone in the conversation.
@Textingpals Inclusivity is a big problem most of the time! For instance, when I just joined, I used to lurk in TL without saying a word and people would be talking and just sometimes (not all the time, the people in TL are still really nice) forget to include me in the conversation and I would leave quietly ahaha. That's definitely something that's hard to do since the conversation can be going really quickly at times but we should all try to keep that in mind more.
@xinyii11
I agree, Xinyii. Joining a group while they are having a conversation is quite hard, especially when we are new to it. I understand fast conversation results in some people feeling left out, however, yes, keeping that in mind would help everyone feel welcomed.
@Textingpals
I've noticed the same thing happening sometimes. I try to pay attention to it now and try to engage a little extra with the quiet and passive people by addressing them directly by name and asking them the current question or any question at all actually :) It has worked so far
@ASilentObserver
Share one challenge experienced while building a group in the chatrooms? What did you learn?
One challenge for me was being the only listener with no moderators present in the member chatroom. One member was being rude to another member and I told them politely not be rude after they refused to listen to me. They were quite aggressive with me and told me that I am not a moderator to assert my authority over people and I told them that I know that I understand I am not one but I will get others to take action and get a moderator involved. I communicated with a moderator after and said what happened and they told me if nobody is a available in the room I fill out a form for assistance and o also told the moderator I screenshot the abusive messages and emailed them to the community.
@ASilentObserver
✨Share a challenge experienced while building a group in the chatrooms? What did you learn?
A challenge for me has been, and still is but getting better at it...hosting sharing circles. Sometimes if it's a busy one I worry I'm not keeping up fast enough for the participants or that I might miss someone...and if there is a participant or two there at the same time blatantly ignoring chatroom rules, I feel like it's my fault if any potential sharer ends up feeling discouraged and leaves unsupported.
I learned that while hosting sharing circles, when I'm up front and vulnerable with the room and humbly apologize or ask for patience, people are really really encouraging toward me and more patient and gracious with each other. I also remember quickly how supportive this community is becuase there is always someone in the group to help remind of chatroom rules, or say hi to someone that may have been missed. Hosting sharing circles is more of a collective team effort than a sole responsibility and I am reminded of that with every session I host ❤️
@MindfulListener82 That's so true! Personally, I've been hosting sharing circles recently too and it can be quite daunting but there's always people there to help you <3 And it's the best thing ever to know that someone will be there to catch you if you fall.
@MindfulListener82
I'm really glad to hear that you have been learning from hosting sharing circles!
I can relate to that sense of responsibility to host a wonderful session for everyone and I'm happy to hear that being honest with the chatroom has helped you. Everyone in the community is supportive and I'm glad hosting the sharing circles turned out to be a great learning experience for you
Discussion: Share a challenge experienced while building a group in the chatrooms? What did you learn?
I haven't actually built a group in chatrooms before but I have led Sharing Circle discussions for a couple of times now. The biggest challenge I used to fear was the lack of participation and shares but as time passes, I learned that not everyone has something to share everytime and it's okay, because maybe turning SCs into casual conversations and hundreds of ice-breaker questions can be fun too. And the only thing that matters at the end of the day is that everyone is closer to each other than before and we learned something new together.
As a lot of others have mentioned a challenge faced is usually the rooms conversations getting stuck at welcomes and usually not a response. What I have learned is that icebreakers including jokes can be thrown in to encourage participation.