Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

I don't like these ups and downs.. One minute I'm ok then suddenly I'm not. Sometimes it's days, or even weeks, and sometimes it's just hours. And when I'm feeling ok, I usually end up spending money that I can't afford to spend. I don't even know what to do. It's all looking pretty hopeless right now. I don't understand how people go about living their lives. Why am I so different? Why can't I do anything right? Why can't I be sociable and have friends and be ok?

I've been thinking about posting on here in quite some time. I don't know what I should be saying or doing. Life seems to suck right now. Everything and everyone has abandoned me. Or I have abandoned them... Either way, I'm mostly alone. It's hard going from having so many people to talk to, then only your partner or the cat... It's sad that since I have no one, I keep it all in. Until I start to break down. Cry. Then pick myself up and try and get on. I thought I. Could do this but everyday that goes by, I don't wat to leave my bed. I don't know what to do anymore

I feel like a bother. I was talking to s friend last night and we related on the subject of the conversation... Now she's worried about me. I really don't like for people to worry so much..I mean I'm still here..so I'm ok. But I have tried not to talk so much about myself..but I guess since I hold in so much I can't help but let it out..

I don't understand. I am nothing, but nice to people and they treat me horribly, discourage me, and make fun of me. Even going as far to hit me! I didn't do a thing. I also realize that maybe my "friends" don't like me either. I was helping one of my suicidal friends and she goes off later that day and gets all of these ppl to laugh at me...I'm just ready to go.

That's really awful. People can be really mean and the reason isn't always apparent. Perhaps they're dealing with their own problems and don't realize how they're acting. Sometimes when people are hurting, they hurt others without meaning to.

Don't let them get to you though! If they are making you unhappy, and you don't feel like you can handle it, then you should distance yourself from them. Find new friends or hang around different people. Distract yourself with things you love and never give up! Don't lose hope for a better tomorrow, but also understand that things rarely come to those that wait. If you want something to get better, then you will have to make it better yourself. Lots of positivity and hard work will eventually lead you to a better, happier place!

I feel like I'm falling apart. .. like I have to be so careful not to hurt anybody with how I deal with my brother's death . It's hard to talk to anybody about it I mean I want to be like hey if he just would have called me or anything . I know it's not but I feel like it's my fault he did this . I hurt about it all the time I don't talk about it because I hate to hurt my parents I can't even think of how they feel I mean he did it in my dad's house ... my mom found him. I just have a shit ton of things going on in my head .

I'm sorry u lost your brother. I bet emotions are really high right now in your family.

I see the world and all I see is anger and hate everywhere I go. I feel lost and alone. I see no light at the end of the tunnel... no hope in tomorrow.

I wish I would drift into a deep dreamless sleep and never wake. I feel worthless and I am hammered down every day to the extent I half believe it. I have cried on the inside until there were no tears left to shed.

I give hope to many... I laugh and joke to the outside world... the foolish clown's mask I wear hides my tears.

I'm dying inside and I beg for help over and over. But no one cares. No one is there. I'm alone. No one is coming to save me.

I feel like a pile of garbage.

I had gotten notified that the guy I dated for about a week had followed me on twitter again...but when I checked just a few minutes ago....he was no longer following me..its a small thing..but that's the first thing I've gotten from him in a month..I honestly feel he never wanted me..and that he's never going to speak to me again. I am confused as to why people do that... Come into your life saying all these nice things..confess feelings.. But then just leave..how do they expect me to get over it if I don't get closure?? I can't not have flashbacks of a childish moment for me in the fifth grade..I mean yes I was only about 10..but it was overly childish and twisted on his end

*sigh* there's just too much I wanna know about the people who hurt me in my life and I feel I'll never get the answers..

I'm honestly not sure how I feel. I've been up and down like a yo-yo, I swear I'm getting whiplash. A lot has happened recently yes, but I'm over reacting really easy and I've been ridiculously suicidal. Right now I'm okay on that front, but I just feel completely and utterly numb.

I'm in a bad mood because money

Had a thought to kill myself today but I got really scared and started panicking. Talked with suicide prevention but I'm a little confused about depression and suicidal thoughts. I don't have them often and this is the first time I panicked because of it. Can someone help me understand this?

I get very upset with his thoughts to the point that i cannot function..i cannot eat..cannot go to work. I just dont feel like getting out of bed fearing tht aa soon a i wake up i would be thrased down by his thoughts..i dont know what to do to feel better

i feel really... lonely. and i feel very ugly and i wish i could be skinnier. i regret not playing sports more or getting contacts earlier. i just regret a lot of stuff... and i really want someone to be there for me bc my best friend isn't really my friend anymore. all she does is text guys and hang out with "populars" i wish guys would like me but i don't think i'm pretty enough, athletic enough, or cool enough :(((

@categoricalx It can be hard for us when we place our self worth in other people. The hardest lesson to learn is that happiness comes from within our own hearts. You may feel like you're not satisfied with your body, when really it's the most beautiful gift. Think about it. Where have you gone in your life so far? What beautiful things have you seen? Your body carried you there, and will carry you through this. Being "popular" isn't important, the kind of friends you have is. I know it hurts when your best friend isn't there for you, but all of us here are!

@categoricalx Don't worry I'm experiencing this too all I do is ignore them and pretend they are crazy people

@categoricalx Everyone deserves a best friend. As cheesy as it seems, its true. I know I am a face behind a screen but I do understand where you are coming from. Don't live your life full of regrets, because I surely think you should live filled with achievements and memories. These days, it's very hard to find a friend and personally, I can't do anything about it. But you can. Find a group of friends at school, see if you fit in. Do this now, so you won't regret it. And friends who stick with populars, they're just some sort of wannabe's.

All the best!

I think dying would work right now. That's better than having to put up with everyone in this house. I hate my family. They hate me too. I just want to die.

I'm so sorry that you have such a tough situation in your house, lovely @ScreamingForSanity. If you want to talk about it more, we are here for you. I hope today was a bit kinder to you.

Sending you loads of hugs!

I am incredibly confused.

A guy I had a crush on in the second grade showed up to our college prep class today..and it caught me off guard.. He left me with so many questions...I just need answers and I can't get them until I see him again..*sigh*

Bummed, but persevering. No suicidal urges today. Whenever I get them, I usually cope with them by just doing something else.

@NavyBlueFlower, I agree, distractions are great way to shift your focus from thoughts of self-harm. I'm glad to hear that you felt better yesterday and strongly hope that today, and the whole upcoming week, will be kinder to you. You deserve peace, you were strong for so long.

Sending you all my strength!

I wish I could say everything I was feeling. I wish there was something I could do. Most of all, I just wish it was over.

@poisontongue Emotions are complicated, and I usually have issues with identifying mine as well. Whatever you're feeling will pass. Every morning that you wake up, you will be healed little by little.

Hi, @poisontongue! I'm so glad that I've stumble upon you, because I've missed our chats. I see you are experiencing really hard times now. How long has it been like that? Is your brain decided to make you drown in misery once more? I'm so sorry you have to endure it, I really am. This is such a gut-wrenching illness, and you don't deserve it. No one does.

If you'd like to talk, I'm here for you.

With love,

C.

@Celaeno It's really always like that, only it's worse now because my family makes it worse.

@poisontongue, family can sometimes do more harm than good. And what's even worse, sometimes they just want to help, the painful actions come from place of caring and compassion... Which is ironic, I think.

I'm sorry that you don't receive a support from them. Would you mind talking what have they done recently to cause you more distress?

All my love!

@Celaeno Heh, what haven't they done... they fight constantly, destroying my mental state, and use me to add insult to injury.

@poisontongue, it's no wonder that you're having such a hard time. These conflicts must be overwhelming and stressful for you, adding up to the weight of your struggle. Attending to your wellbeing is difficult enough without coping with additional stressors on the daily basis.

I'm sorry that you're family creates such a toxic environment. You deserve support and understanding. If you want to talk about it more, I and the whole community of 7 Cups is here for you. Your struggle is valid, no matter what you've heard so far.

*hugs*

@Celaeno I don't even know what to say. There's really nothing I can say or do. Nothing can matter at this point.

I am even rejected online.

I'm so numb and I know there's never been any point to going on but I still can't do anything...

@poisontongue, that's okay. But may I ask who rejected you online? Was it someone in this community? Because then you should absolutely report it.

@Celaeno Just everywhere I've ever been. Like the other forum I've been on for 8 years, no one even blinks if I leave. They'll tear out their hair and weep if someone else does... they'll flock to someone who posts a million blogs or inane topics. But not me, since there's nothing to me. If people talk to me, it will be for a brief time before they realize there is someone better... otherwise, it seems like I exist to be insulted.

@poisontongue, I'm sorry that you feel abandoned. It can be really difficult and sad when we decide to be affected by others' painful actions.

Maybe you can try to engage with this community? For example, see if guided discussion on support rooms will interest you? Is it something which you'd consider?

All the best!

@Celaeno It's so hard for me to engage... it's so hard for me to work up the courage to do anything like go into a room, let alone say anything, let alone say anything honest.

I think about trying it... not sure if there would be a point. If there's ever a point to anything. But it would be nice to be honest for once, not having to hide.

@poisontongue, maybe the point could be to just see if it makes any difference for you, lovely? When everything is awful for me and I'm in the lowest points, I'm ready to grab anything which could make me feel better. And I know that being honest helps me

@poisontongue, maybe the point could be to just see if it makes any difference for you, lovely? When everything is awful for me and I'm in the lowest points, I'm ready to grab anything which could make me feel better. And I know that being honest helps me immensely, because I don't have to spend any energy on hiding my feelings, but on dominating them.

You can just lurk during the discussions, you don't have to say anything, if you don't want to. Just participate once to see how it'll go for you.

Best wishes!

, because I don't have to spend any energy on hiding my feelings, but on dominating them.

You can just lurk during the discussions, you don't have to say anything, if you don't want to - there's really no pressure. Just participate once to see how it'll go for you.

Best wishes!

(sorry for the rambling here, I think I accidentally copy-paste everything and inserted it in the middle ^^; I hope you can read it, though)

@Celaeno Why do I have to be so scared? Why do I have to be so me?

@poisontongue, wonderful, the secret - the open secret, really - is that everyone is scared. Everyone is freaking terrified, but we try act and live anyway. It's not about faking or being dishonest, it's about gritting our teeth and do the thing we want anyway.

It's not you. You are absolutely good and complete. You have problems and experience setbacks and heartaches and fears, but that's human. We can't way for the better times, we have to work with what we've got now. It's not an easy way to live, but that's the truth (in my relative opinion, of course).

Would you like to tell me more about your fears? Did something particular happened lately to make you anxious? I'm here, if you want to talk, lovely.

*hugs*

@Celaeno Are most people terrified little rats like me, incapable of doing the most simple things? Like communicating with others... I've never really lived.

My problems made me nothing... just helpless and failed at everything.

It's really a long-lasting sort of severe anxiety and avoidance. Besides nothing ever working in my life. There's feeling rejected, and moving towards a future that doesn't feel worthwhile anyway, and constant familial fighting and taking care of my sister's unruly children, dissatisfaction with life anyway, other things I'm forgetting. Can't deal with anything. It's hard to explain, so complicated and eternal.

I feel insignificant. I went about a week without speaking to certain people.. And I tried talking to them.. And they've already shut me out.. one said he was "tired as all hell" and went to bed. I give