Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
I wish I could say everything I was feeling. I wish there was something I could do. Most of all, I just wish it was over.
Hi, @poisontongue! I'm so glad that I've stumble upon you, because I've missed our chats. I see you are experiencing really hard times now. How long has it been like that? Is your brain decided to make you drown in misery once more? I'm so sorry you have to endure it, I really am. This is such a gut-wrenching illness, and you don't deserve it. No one does.
If you'd like to talk, I'm here for you.
With love,
C.
@Celaeno It's really always like that, only it's worse now because my family makes it worse.
@poisontongue, family can sometimes do more harm than good. And what's even worse, sometimes they just want to help, the painful actions come from place of caring and compassion... Which is ironic, I think.
I'm sorry that you don't receive a support from them. Would you mind talking what have they done recently to cause you more distress?
All my love!
@Celaeno Heh, what haven't they done... they fight constantly, destroying my mental state, and use me to add insult to injury.
@poisontongue, it's no wonder that you're having such a hard time. These conflicts must be overwhelming and stressful for you, adding up to the weight of your struggle. Attending to your wellbeing is difficult enough without coping with additional stressors on the daily basis.
I'm sorry that you're family creates such a toxic environment. You deserve support and understanding. If you want to talk about it more, I and the whole community of 7 Cups is here for you. Your struggle is valid, no matter what you've heard so far.
*hugs*
@Celaeno I don't even know what to say. There's really nothing I can say or do. Nothing can matter at this point.
I am even rejected online.
I'm so numb and I know there's never been any point to going on but I still can't do anything...
@poisontongue, that's okay. But may I ask who rejected you online? Was it someone in this community? Because then you should absolutely report it.
@Celaeno Just everywhere I've ever been. Like the other forum I've been on for 8 years, no one even blinks if I leave. They'll tear out their hair and weep if someone else does... they'll flock to someone who posts a million blogs or inane topics. But not me, since there's nothing to me. If people talk to me, it will be for a brief time before they realize there is someone better... otherwise, it seems like I exist to be insulted.
@poisontongue, I'm sorry that you feel abandoned. It can be really difficult and sad when we decide to be affected by others' painful actions.
Maybe you can try to engage with this community? For example, see if guided discussion on support rooms will interest you? Is it something which you'd consider?
All the best!
@Celaeno It's so hard for me to engage... it's so hard for me to work up the courage to do anything like go into a room, let alone say anything, let alone say anything honest.
I think about trying it... not sure if there would be a point. If there's ever a point to anything. But it would be nice to be honest for once, not having to hide.
@poisontongue Emotions are complicated, and I usually have issues with identifying mine as well. Whatever you're feeling will pass. Every morning that you wake up, you will be healed little by little.
I feel insignificant. I went about a week without speaking to certain people.. And I tried talking to them.. And they've already shut me out.. one said he was "tired as all hell" and went to bed. I give
@lovingPine3496, I'm sorry that you receive such a brush off from this person. But this reaction from them shows only his character, not yours. You tried to mend things between you, and that act is still valid. I'm proud of you.
@Celaeno it always happens this way. I guess I haven't found the right people deserving of my affection and such..not yet.
@lovingPine3496, maybe not, lovely. And that's okay. Fortunately our planet is such a wide place that there is many of kind, wonderful people, but you have to look for them.
I'm glad that you're here with us, in this community. We can be by your side while you search. And also make new friendships with you, if you want ^^
All the best!
@Celaeno I'm so glad I found seven cups. Its been such a wonderful thing for me to be a part of. And yes, the world is a large place..another reason to leave my hometown.. Its small and everyone knows everyone its crazy
Sometimes its good sometimes its bad the worst is at night when i try to sleep
@Brokendandelion91, I can relate to that - nights are always the hardest for me, too. Sometimes because of insomnia, sometimes because of inner torment.
Often I have to distract myself, e.g. solve a sudoku puzzle or play some simple game on my cellphone. Or write in the journal (or here, in forums) how awful I feel, how hard it is to persevere.
What things help you to get through the night? I'd love to hear from you, lovely.
Best wishes!
27 days until I fly home and can finally get help but right now it feels like an eternity. I spent almost 24 hours solid in bed and am still completely exhausted. I barely eat anymore because I'm just never hungry. I don't think I can keep doing this.
@mjiyn2010, I'm glad that you will soon receive needed help and physical support, but you have to take care of yourself, too.
It is hard and exhausting and it's so easy to skip meals and to create a pattern of disordered eating, but it doesn't help you. Even if you think that for the given moment it's worth not to eat and save your energy just keep on breathing, it is harmful. Your body and brain have already so many obstacles to overcome that you shouldn't make it harder for them.
Eat something easy, like a soup or muesli&yoghurt or fruits, or make yourself pancakes or fries (if you're able), or even eat raw vegetables or order something (if you have funds for that). And drink, anything really: juices, shakes, water, milk, tea, coffee. Dehydration is even worse than hunger (I can tell you that high fever and sore muscles are not helping when you have depression). I think, at this point it's more important to eat consistently than to focus what you eat.
Currently I'm in the same boat regarding barely eating category, so I'd love to talk with you, if you'd like. You don't have to starve yourself while waiting to return to home. It is hard, but it's necessary. I believe you can fight for it for yourself.
Sending you all of my support and strength!
@Celaeno thank you for your continued support, you have been so great to me! Honestly, I hate not eating, I'm just not hungry so the effort doesn't seem worth it. Does that make sense? For a while I was trying to cook new things and that was a highlight of my day. Now I just don't have the energy or the interest to walk all the way to the store and then take the time to cook something that I'm not even hungry for. I know that I should be eating, and hoping that I soon want to eat again, I just don't feel like it anymore.
@mjiyn2010, yeah, and it's awful that depression takes us from us the things we hold close to our hurts...
I don't know if you mean that, but I've noticed that I have only two feelings relating to hunger nowadays: feeling 100% full (even when eating little) or full mode starvation. There is no signal between those two from my brain, I don't feel normal hunger anymore.
But even when I do, I also don't really care. In my case I think it's partially tiredness (because I tend to skip supper or dinner), but also some kind of self-harm or self-sabotaging myself? I'm not really sure about that. Still, I am trying to stay vigilant and eat despite it. I can to not care, but not caring doesn't mean that I should not do it ^^; If that makes sense.
@Celaeno I don't really have those two extremes, I'm usually just not hungry at all. If I do get hungry, it takes very little to fill me up. Like, I might eat a handful for crackers and be full.
I'm proud of you for making the effort to take care of yourself even when you don't really care to. And thank you for encouraging me to do the same. We've just got to try to take care of ourselves the best we can right now. We'll make it eventually.
@mjiyn2010, thank you for your encouragement. Yes, I also tend to eat little nowadays, e.g. one toast for a meal or just a bowl of soup. But with that as my main source of fuel, no wonder my body is tired.
I think we can do this together. It's not worth pretending that is easy for us to maintain healthy eating patterns, when obviously we struggle with it. Keep me posted and all the best!
"we hold close to our hurts" = ugh, of course I meant "hearts" .-.
I can't stop think about my grandfather. I wish our relationship wasn't so complicated. I can't accept what everybody says. I saw him, but it has to have been a joke. It's been two weeks. I should be done with this. I'm not remotely. I just want to die.
@ScreamingForSanity, lovely, I don't know your situation in home, but I can clearly see it drains you, both emotionally and physically. You are not alone in this struggle, we are here for you and you can talk to us - either here in forums, or support rooms and 1-on-1 chats.
Reaching out to others in times of distress and torment can be literally life-saving. And I speak from my own experiences. Family is such a source of distress, but you are able to withstand. Please, take good care of yourself. No matter how hopeless you may feel, no matter how long you drown in misery and sadness, we are here to hold your hand and we won't let you go. We can make it through together. Just reach out and grab our hand, lovely.
*hugs*
Thank you for this.. People tend to just start spewing crap about "this will pass" and "you'll be okay" or "why don't you talk to me?" Thank you for just letting me know yallre here. I'll keep it in mind. I just know it'll be a while before I can, Im 98% sure I'm just overreacting to everything. Thank you though <3
@ScreamingForSanity, you know exactly that it will pass, but right now I think you feel such a wave, such a maelstrom of emotions and you have every right to do so. Feelings are valid, they don't have to be dismissed just because they make us uncomfortable. They can be harmful, but also healing - and it all depends what context, what meaning you will give them. You have a power to decide what will you gain from them.
I don't know if you're overreacting, but even so, remember that you can. Sometimes, for a little while, storming and grieving is what we need. Silence doesn't always express the gravity of the situation. Take your time.
Lots of love!
I'm confused. I think my two best friends told the councilor at my school about my self harm. I'm super mad at them but I know that they would never tell. So I don't know who told the councilor because they where the only ones who know.
@Camsmith121 That sounds so rough. But I think your friends might have told the counselor, because imagine that your best friend was self harming and told you to keep it secret. Would you breach their trust, to possibly save their life? But that might be wrong. Try to think about that, and maybe even ask your friends. It'll be okay. Self-harm is so rough, but I know you can get better.
Confused.
There's so much going on that I need to process..I feel neglected..and I try to make myself feel better by wearing nicer clothes..but it doesn't really help..there's only two days of school this week so I might just make it through. I strive to impress everyone..but it's like I have no impulse control whatsoever. And I really hate that about myself. I know I need professional help...but my last experience with therapy..a psychiatrist..and my mom were hard on me. It all made me feel even worse about myself. I would've liked to try medication to see if it would regulate these constant feelings of depression and such..Hopefully I get the chance to feel better without being verbally abused saying that there's nothing wrong with me. For someone who constantly wants their life to end...I know there's something wrong. I just need to find the roots of my issues
I feel marginally good! I'm going to Cozumel tomorrow. All the planning and preparation is underway, so I'm nicely distracted.
@NavyBlueFlower, great to hear! I hope you'll have loads of great fun ^^ Enjoy!
Today, as I do most morning, I feel like a empty tea cup. I feel clear and clean, but blank and empty of any influence. I feel as if any flavor can be brewed, happiness through hopelessness. I only hope that my cup will be filled with good times with friends and family, but it will be difficult since my doctor passed away and that has been hard for my family.
@oliveCake7603, I'm sorry to hear that you feel terrible. I can sense that you feel hopeless and utterly disappointed in yourself, but let me praise you poetic talent - this description is wonderful! You managed to put your dark feelings into such a vivid, firm picture of empty cup. I love it, you have such a beautiful way with words.
Having lost your doctor is difficult and can make you feel lonely and abandoned. But you are not alone. There are people who can support you - family, friends, new doctor and we, the community of 7 Cups. We will fill you up with a hot, lovely scented tea and help you find a purpose once again ^^
Do you think you can try to search for the new doctor? Maybe with a help of your family's members?
Sending you lots of hugs!
@Celaeno I used to have a lot of difficulty expressing my feelings(after reading through the forums, a lot of people have felt the same way), so by using imagery with poetry, it makes it easier to express myself. Letting my negative emotions spark creative energy really helps.
I worry more for my mother than myself, she has taken the loss very hard.
@oliveCake7603, I can greately relate to that - metaphors and poetry figures are powerful outlets for pain. I recommend you visiting a poetry section of forums - I think you will like it there ^^
You worry about your mom and it shows how kind and compassionate human being you are. You are not an empty, chipped in any way, mug. You care about your closed ones and it is loving and stressful at the same time. Have you talked with her on the subject of passed away doctor?
@Celaeno Thank you for your kind words, especially since words are the currency of us poets. I might try posting there every once and a while.
We have spoken about it, but I don't like seeing her cry so I've been trying to stay cheery.
@oliveCake7603, I understand. You don't want to cause her any more distress, and that's admirable, but remember that you don't have to pretend that you feel okay. You also have every right fo feel sad given the situation, and suppressing your emotions for the sake of others are seldom the right tactic. You are kind and thoughtful, but don't loose yourself in that. You deserve more.
All my love! And see you around forums ^^
Tired of being a slave to life..... And angry for not being able to do anything about it.
@Sohini, I'm sorry that you feel like a slave to your existence. It must be hard for you to keep going every day if you don't feel in control of your life. You are experiencing so many powerful emotions - anger, disappointed, shame - that it's more than understandable you feel unable to accomplish things. You have lots of setbacks to overcome.
Is there something particular that it casts this disappointment with yourself or is it depression brain talk?
Sending you my best wishes, lovely!
@Celaeno first of all, thank you for noticing and caring :) it really means a lot to me. And to answer your question, along with depression its the changes life keeps throwing at my face. These "changes" that we're told to accept only tend to take away the best people away from me. It hurts to sit back and watch the loved ones walk out.
@Sohini, it is hard to part with people you care about. It is painful and bittersweet and sometimes you just want to stop the time to protect your relationships from inevitable changes. I'm sorry that you are in the middle of such moment and find yourself grieving. It can seem unfair, and sometimes it is, but life doesn't fit into such categories.
I hope you have support in other places, beside this community. You have every right to feel however you want, try not to limit yourself.
Lots of love!
Thank you @Celaeno I guess for now, 7cups is more than enough for me. And that's because people like you notice people like me and step forward to help. I'm really grateful. Lots of love from my end as well 