Weekly Prompt #34: What is one difficult life situation you are facing right now?
Hello all, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: Have you ever stopped to ponder the complexities of your own mind? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts and questions for discussion. They were thought-provoking questions and thoughts. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you
This week's prompt: What is one difficult life situation you are facing right now?
Life throws curveballs, and sometimes we all get caught in the rain. What's one difficult situation you're currently navigating? This could be anything from feeling overwhelmed at work to dealing with a personal challenge or a big decision that looms on the horizon. So, I invite you to pause for a moment and share with us. Let us get started on this journey of self-discovery together, supporting and empowering each other along the way.
One difficult situation I'm facing right now is my roommate refusing to do any of his dishes. I kept telling myself over and over that it shouldn't be my job, that I'm angry at him, that I feel betrayed. I ruminate over it for a long time because it's actually pretty triggering from my childhood neglect re: dishes/dirty things. I saw this quote, like, "you do the dishes because you love the person using them" and I don't! But then I realized very slowly we use the same dishes and that I love myself enough to not want to live in a dirty home even if I didn't cause it. It still sucks for the time being though.
@JarofSeeds627 it feels frustrating. It makes sense that this situation would bring up difficult feelings after what you went through as a child. How did you feel when you came to the realization that you do the dishes because you love yourself?
@ASilentObserver
It made me realize that I struggle to treat myself with love, which honestly hurt a lot. I did not have a positive mood during this weekend and I was aware of just how much my own struggles with depression has made me cycle through self judgement. I'm depressed, so I have a hard time doing something, but then I feel unworthy and ashamed, so I avoid doing it, and it's a cycle. I can't expect others to do self love for me but it's been really helpful to have my partner remind me when I'm being unrealistic. Like today I said I was mad at myself for even having a bad mood, but that's not a realistic expectation to never be depressed/have hard times especially when I have mental disorders. It's also not realistic to expect to "want" to love myself every day, and times when it's hard is the days I need it most.
@ASilentObserver
Loneliness, maybe. I don't have a lot of people I trust and being open about my feelings usually doesn't end well. I just feel like I'm not truly loved by anyone except maybe my sisters. My parents tell me they love me but they don't actually seem to, and their love feels conditional to what they want to do. So, now when they say they love me I don't believe it and the more the say it the less I believe them. Even when they try to be affectionate, I'm just uncomfortable. Things like hugs feel repulsive. And my uncles aunts, cousins are all doctors, lawyers, athletes, and teachers. And I popped up saying I just want to write and publish books.
Everyone is kind of waiting for me to do this big thing and get into business and take over the world but I kind of just want to be. I like where I am, and I would appreciate if I was just given some time and space to figure things out on my own, but no. Everything feels so fast paced and they're kind of scaring me. Am I supposed to have everything figured out by now? Some of my classmates were talking about internships and all these job applications and I don't even know what college I want to go to yet. Okay, I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know who I am. I don't know what's happening. I'm just trying to stay alive, that's all. Now, everyone else is way ahead of me and I'm left alone because I couldn't make it fast enough.
@JollyRacher I hear you are feeling disconnected from others and unsure of yourself. You long for understanding and acceptance, especially from your family. The pressure to perform and meet expectations can be overwhelming. Please know you have all of us here with you to support you, jolly. you are not alone in this.
@ASilentObserver
I'm having trouble with school and with myself. But I'm trying to get through it :)
@Loo2 I am sorry to hear you're experiencing challenges with school and are struggling with yourself. That can be really tough to go through. please know you have all of us here with you to listen to and support you. How are you feeling about it?
@ASilentObserver
I've been better, and it's really hard to manage through the stress of school and with fixings some problems with myself.
@ASilentObserver
I'm going through a very difficult drama with one of my sisters. I'll call her Gigi.
It all started a few months ago with my other sister's birthday, I'll call her Betty. The plans were made without me, which is fine it's her birthday her perogative but it was scheduled for 9am on a Saturday. When Gigi told me the plans I was like oof that's really early for me but I'd set an alarm and make it. I had every intention of going.
The night before I had a bad episode. I have a chronic illness and I ended up having a bad night and didn't get much sleep. I sent out a text late saying I might not make it because I was having a bad night.
The next day I felt REALLY guilty and upset with myself for not feeling up to going. I was close to a panic attack and called Betty to wish her happy birthday and make different plans with her to celebrate her birthday the following week when I'd hopefully feel better. She was very understanding.
But Gigi was acting oddly in texts so I asked if she was mad at me. She told me no...mad isn't the right word. (I assume inferring disappointment). She told me I seem to always be sick when there's group plans and it makes it hard to have an intimate relationship with me. I took this VERY hard.
I told her if it's too difficult just forget about me. I was spiraling and very upset.
She then proceeded to not talk to me for 2 months. I would talk in the family group text and she'd talk around me like I didn't exist. It hurt a lot.
This week I reached out to her to bring her a gift I got her from my vacation... during the visit she asked if I wanted to talk about what happened.
I said yes but it didn't go well. She doubled down on what she said before when I tried to bring attention to how hurtful it was to me. She said she was entitled to her feelings.
I wasn't able to handle that response and I tried to explain depression and anxiety and my chronic disease to her. I tried to explain to her how hurtful it is to not be supported in spite of my shortcomings.
She told me it sounded like I was saying "this is who I am take it or leave it". It hurt.
She said I was like our bio dad who... after the divorce gave up having a relationship with me when I was 11-12 years old. That hurt the most.
I had a complete break down on her couch and finally just had to go. I got up, got my things and left.
Hours later I tried to reach out and explain again and say I loved her and she told me I was gaslighting her by not acknowledging her feelings. I don't think that's gaslighting but...
Well she left the family group chat and isn't talking to me again.
It hurts.
I'm afraid she's going to cut me out of her life altogether and I'll never see my niece again.
I feel ashamed that I have depression and anxiety.
I hate my body for not being healthy.
I hate myself.
I'm barely holding on.
I was starting to get better and all my progressed was erased by what feels like the worst kind of rejection.
@darkiya I am sorry to hear that Darkiya. You going through a lot and I can't imagine how hard it is for you to experience all of this. It sounds like this rejection has brought up difficult feelings of shame and self-hate. Please know we are all here with you to listen to and suppory you. You are not alone in this. And thank you for opening up and sharing with us. What made it worth taking this risk?
@i feel empty ASilentObserver
@secretHemlock5401 I am sorry to hear you are feeling empty. What do you think is causing these feelings?
When someone criticizes me on my behaviour or knowledge
@ASilentObserver
A hard thing I'm facing right now:
I feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm in high school and it's really hard (I have friends and okay grades but something just feels so wrong about the entire thing and Im always performing.)
So I'm overbooking myself so I can graduate a year early and people keep asking me WHY?
it feels so awful. because either I'm trying so hard constantly working on overload classes and homework so I can graduate an entire freakin year early, or I'm trying to escape my head. I'm always telling myself I'm doing something wrong, something awful, not doing enough, I need to do more, so so so much more but I don't have the energy and I'm so scared that all my effort will go to waste and I'll be overlooked again. I grew up in a house where I was the babysitter, the guinea pig, the emotional outlet for my parents and their financial troubles, and the only one to stand up to my dad. I fought for me and my siblings for over a year so hard, not being submissive about his abuse anymore and now we genuinely have a better relationship and my dad even seems happier but I feel like I'm still never enough
I can't please anyone, myself included and I don't know how to fix that, I just want to feel like I'm doing enough, so badly
I gave up any shred of mental health I had for years to constantly fight back against my dad and try to make sure my siblings were getting the encouragement and support they needed but were afraid to ask for, and to keep my grades up and fight for a friend to not isolate himself (hes now one of my best friends) and I didnt end it. I almost did but I had to be the one there to pull myself out of it and make it look like it never happened and I haven't told anyone in my life that it happened
I'm so scared that I'm never going to be enough I guess
I'm being mostly rational about it and I'm not going to decline words of encouragement (word of encouragement to you: don't deny or push back when people give you positive affirmation. no matter how hard it feels to believe, it will get easier and you will feel happier and be able to recognize goodness in yourself)
I guess I'm just scared
@linvi It seems responsibilities weighing heavily right now. You have taken on so much to ensure the well-being of those around you, and it is natural to feel overwhelmed. Please know your efforts are making a difference, even if it doesn't always feel like it.We are all here with you to listen to and support you. You are not alone in this, linvi. Thank you for opening up with us.
Trying to find a job. Been looking for one since December 2023 but so far no luck. Also just struggling with being tired and having brain fog.
@LoveCabelloCane29 sorry to hear about the challenges you've been facing with finding a job and your ongoing struggles, Cane. It feel discouraging when things don't go as planned. What has been the most difficult part of this journey for you?
I think the most difficult part is that feeling when you do a job interview, the interview tells you "Alright we still have some other candidates and you will hear from us about our final decision", you have a good feeling about it and then you just don't hear back from them at all. Honestly the finding a job was supposed to be just temporary until like the beginning of September. Just to be able to earn some money so that I could start university with some money and don't need to depend so much on my parents but looks like that won't work unfortunately.
This week on Friday will be six weeks since Dad's friend died. My Dad's the legal person to "deal" with the friend's estate. So as a result of that I haven't been able to do the weekly grocery shopping with Dad on Thursdays. Since Dad and Luna (or last week just Dad) being getting the groceries on the way into Toto to (friend's place) and then bringing the groceries home with them (which is by itself annoying since if I want to make my own supper I rather not wait till 6pm for the groceries to arrive and half the time we're out of cooking peppers and such for supper since the groceries hadn't been brought home).
Dad has a Zoom meeting tomorrow, and since I have to get up anyway to go to my job which i couldn't go to today due to the weather. I don't see why I can't go grocery shopping with Dad tomorrow and Luna could have a day to sleep in past 8:30am?
It just going grocery shopping with Dad was basically the only one-on-one time I got personally with Dad. I haven't had that personal time since like the week BEFORE Easter which is almost 6 weeks ago now, and I miss that one on one time.
@Disneywoman That is frustrating after six weeks without spending quality time with your dad. You are trying hard to find ways to connect with him, but it hasn't seemed to work out. How did you feel when you realized that you wouldn't be seeing him for six weeks?
@ASilentObserver
Sorry you miss understood what I was saying. I still see Dad every single Day after he and Luna get home from Toto from Dad's late friends house. But the only time I get to interact with him is at supper and when there's 2 other people at the table beside myself at the table? It just I'm just missing the one on one time I had up until 6 weeks- ago grocery shopping time since normally Dad and Luna (or last week just Dad) did the groceries on the way into Toto, to (late friend's place and not delivering the food to the house until 5-6pm.
I just miss the one-on-one time, I had gotten up until 5 weeks ago I had been getting for almost three years straight until the week the friend died. I mean Dad and I will do the grocery shopping eventually again but at this point I don't know, and I'm tired of sleeping in when up until 5 weeks ago I been getting up at 7:15 since Nov 2021 to do the grocery shopping-so its werid to being able to sleep in most Thursdays after 3 years of getting up at 7:15 most Thursdays.
@ASilentObserver
A difficult situation that I am facing right now is just my healing journey overall. I feel like I've made great strides within some of the traumas I've faced last year, but one trauma in particular is still somewhat weighting heavily on me. I believe it will only get more challenging before it gets easier. But still, I'm happy with how it's progressed thus far and I'm happy and confident that I will continue healing each and every day. I know that the way things are going is how they are truly meant to happen and I know it's happening for me and not to me. I know in a way I am still going through a transformative phase and I and so eager to see how I'm going to be once the metamorphosis is finished.
@janewayalpha1 Thank you for sharing and opening up with us Jane. It sounds like you have been working hard on your healing journey and making great strides. Itis wonderful. Please know healing is a process and it is okay for it to take time. What aspects of your healing journey have been most challenging for you?
@ASilentObserver Thank you for your kind words. I suppose the hardest part of my healing journey has been surrendering. I seem to have an issue with control and I really hate not being in control of things. It always makes me feel uncomfortable and restless when I am not. But I do know I'm not a control freak, so that makes me feel a lot better. I just like knowing that I can dictate what occurs in my everyday life. But I am slowly learning that the only control I do actually have is the control of how I react to whatever occurs to me.
I also feel that patience and acceptance and also forgiveness have been big things that I needed to learn.
@janewayalpha1 you hve faced some tough challenges during your healing journey, especially with letting go of control and trusting the process. How did you come to realize that you could only control how you reacted to situations?
@ASilentObserver That's a very good question! It took a long time for me to realize it. I guess what helped was all of the purging and meditation I've been doing where I've been going inside myself to try to surrender to a higher power (the Universe) for me and to allow myself to receive certain answers and insights on what it is that I'm seeking. In a way, it's like me doing this is giving up control and allowing what comes to come or what happens to happen and it's like it's paving a way for me to gain what it is that I'm desiring. It's like I'm not trying to force it to happen, but to let it happen naturally or occur in the way it's meant to. I really hope this is making sense to you. I feel like when I try to explain it to others, I can't verbalize it correctly in a way that others can understand. I guess maybe my spiritual/healing journey is really too specific, maybe. Haha.
I can say that I recently received some insights onto a situation by allowing the answers to come to me and surrendering the need for control. But now, I almost feel a sense of feeling lost and not knowing how to move forward with he knowledge I've gained. The best way to think about this is that song by Stacie Orrico, "(There's Gotta Be) More To Life". Perhaps what I really needed to know is that life is too short to be dwelling or feeling stuck in a situation that's not serving me anymore. I should utilize my time more efficiently for things that truly matter with the time I have.