Weekly Prompt #34: What is one difficult life situation you are facing right now?

@ASilentObserver 

Honestly, it p****  me off. It's like he's too lazy to do anything. He treats me like a maid. So many times I want to tell him that this is not a restaurant- you can't always have what you want. Every time he tries to make me feel guilty about not feeding him, I just get mad. But I don't say anything. He's even accused me of not showing him love by not doing what he wants. Honestly, I don't think its love anymore. 

I’m faced with trying to deal with losing my little brother to suicide. I also work in a hardware store and every time i see the items he used I have panic attacks. I’m depressed and not sleeping, restless and unmotivated also enormous feelings of guilt for not being there to talk him out of it.

@emotionalPineapple521 I am so sorry to hear about your brother, Pine. Losing someone we love can be difficult. It feels challenging, especially when you are reminded of him at work. Feelings of guilt can be overwhelming too. How are you taking care of yourself during this difficult time? Please know we are all here with you to listen to and to support. You are not alone in this. 

I’m facing a most troubling situation. My 32 year old son finally moved out of the house last July. We were so happy for him finally getting out on his own!

Now I find out that he is planning to move back home in July this year. I tried to raise my children to be independent but they won’t leave home! I also have a 29 year old daughter who lives with us.

Both of my children are slobs. They leave their junk and dirty dishes all over the place. I’m a neat Nick and this makes me totally crazy and makes my depression worse. It’s not easy to live with adult children. Not to mention the extra financial burden of feeding them at today’s food costs and the extra utilities! I just want my birdies to fly away and let me and my husband live our senior years.

Feeling overwhelmed and at my wits end!

@Pawgrandma I am sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing, PAw. It feels difficult to see them return after trying so hard to establish independence. Also the added stress of living conditions and finances weighing on you feels frustrating. How are you feeling most overwhelmed?

Thank you for responding to me! I’m the most overwhelmed by the sadness and the feelings of failure. I feel like I must have done something wrong when raising my children that makes them unable to fly on their own. I just want to know that my children are going to be okay and that they can take care of themselves I worry so much about them! It feels like this just adds one more worry to my plate!

Did you receive my post from this morning?

@Pawgrandma Yes I did and thank you for opening up further with me, Paw. I am glad you here and sharing with us. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling overwhelmed by sadness and feelings of failure as a parent. They can be difficult emotions to experience. But please know you did your best as a parent and we are all appreciate you for that. What thoughts go through your mind when you feel this way?

What is one difficult life situation you are facing right now?

In February I had to go to the Emergency Room for severe knee pain. I wrecked my knees as a teen and it finally time for knee replacement surgery of my Left leg. I had my Right knee done 14 years ago, so I know how awful this will be. Last time I was gung ho, cant wait to get it done... but it was a nightmare.

This time I have no desire to do it. I'm just going along with what my doctors say. Even then, I want to cancel it and just deal with a bad knee... but that's dumb. When it hurts, it is incapacitating and some times I fall. I got a training roller so I can ride my bicycle indoors. For pre & post surgery physical therapy. I know it will be beneficial over all & my doctor approves.

But it just creates more pain in my joints. I have to push thru the pain now, only to have painful surgery in a few months and then a year of painful physical therapy before I can walk normally.

@Positron2  I am sorry to hear that, Posi. You are experiencing significant challenges with your health and the thought of undergoing another surgery and enduring more physical therapy seems stressful and overwhelming. It is natural to feel uncertain about the best course of action, especially when there are risks involved. Did you get a chance to discuss these concerns with your doctor? I hope they can listen to and help you feel a bit comfortable? 

Thanks for the thread prompt hope you are well yourself!

this week I’m struggling to self care, trying to people please and not take time.

@tornwillow thank you for opening up with us willow. I am sorry to hear you're feeling overwhelmed with trying to balance self-care and people-pleasing. That can be difficult. What's making it hard for you to prioritize self-care this week?

List is long but I want to quit my job and start a trucking business. It will help me save up to buy a house for my girls and hopefully change the tone between my wife and I. It’s just so hard to save up money to buy the truck! Making slow steps towards it by doing deliveries after my full time job a few days a week. It’s really the only thing that’s motivating me to push past my negative thoughts and emotions. It’s saving me right now.

@TheSunParadox33

What a great way to turn a difficulty into a tangible goal!

I know it may seem forever away right now but you're taking the steps to get there and that's genuinely admirable.

I wish you and your family all the best.

It surely is! Thanks so much for that acknowledgment and encouragement!

@TheSunParadox33 Thank you for sharing, sun and that sounds like a great plan. I am glad this goal has been helping you stay motivated. What are some other things that are contributing to your progress?

it just feels good to be acknowledged by you and others. I’ve been running solo for the majority of my life with my ideas and thoughts and feelings so just being acknowledged means so much and helps me push through. Thank y’all so much!

One difficult situation I'm facing right now is my roommate refusing to do any of his dishes. I kept telling myself over and over that it shouldn't be my job, that I'm angry at him, that I feel betrayed. I ruminate over it for a long time because it's actually pretty triggering from my childhood neglect re: dishes/dirty things. I saw this quote, like, "you do the dishes because you love the person using them" and I don't! But then I realized very slowly we use the same dishes and that I love myself enough to not want to live in a dirty home even if I didn't cause it. It still sucks for the time being though.

@JarofSeeds627 it feels frustrating. It makes sense that this situation would bring up difficult feelings after what you went through as a child. How did you feel when you came to the realization that you do the dishes because you love yourself?

@ASilentObserver

It made me realize that I struggle to treat myself with love, which honestly hurt a lot. I did not have a positive mood during this weekend and I was aware of just how much my own struggles with depression has made me cycle through self judgement. I'm depressed, so I have a hard time doing something, but then I feel unworthy and ashamed, so I avoid doing it, and it's a cycle. I can't expect others to do self love for me but it's been really helpful to have my partner remind me when I'm being unrealistic. Like today I said I was mad at myself for even having a bad mood, but that's not a realistic expectation to never be depressed/have hard times especially when I have mental disorders. It's also not realistic to expect to "want" to love myself every day, and times when it's hard is the days I need it most.

@ASilentObserver

Loneliness, maybe. I don't have a lot of people I trust and being open about my feelings usually doesn't end well. I just feel like I'm not truly loved by anyone except maybe my sisters. My parents tell me they love me but they don't actually seem to, and their love feels conditional to what they want to do. So, now when they say they love me I don't believe it and the more the say it the less I believe them. Even when they try to be affectionate, I'm just uncomfortable. Things like hugs feel repulsive. And my uncles aunts, cousins are all doctors, lawyers, athletes, and teachers. And I popped up saying I just want to write and publish books. 

Everyone is kind of waiting for me to do this big thing and get into business and take over the world but I kind of just want to be. I like where I am, and I would appreciate if I was just given some time and space to figure things out on my own, but no. Everything feels so fast paced and they're kind of scaring me. Am I supposed to have everything figured out by now? Some of my classmates were talking about internships and all these job applications and I don't even know what college I want to go to yet. Okay, I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know who I am. I don't know what's happening. I'm just trying to stay alive, that's all. Now, everyone else is way ahead of me and I'm left alone because I couldn't make it fast enough.  

@JollyRacher I hear you are feeling disconnected from others and unsure of yourself. You long for understanding and acceptance, especially from your family. The pressure to perform and meet expectations can be overwhelming. Please know you have all of us here with you to support you, jolly. you are not alone in this. 

@ASilentObserver

I'm having trouble with school and with myself. But I'm trying to get through it :)

@Loo2 I am sorry to hear you're experiencing challenges with school and are struggling with yourself. That can be really tough to go through. please know you have all of us here with you to listen to and support you.  How are you feeling about it?

@ASilentObserver

I've been better, and it's really hard to manage through the stress of school and with fixings some problems with myself.

@ASilentObserver

I'm going through a very difficult drama with one of my sisters.  I'll call her Gigi.

It all started a few months ago with my other sister's birthday, I'll call her Betty. The plans were made without me, which is fine it's her birthday her perogative but it was scheduled for 9am on a Saturday. When Gigi told me the plans I was like oof that's really early for me but I'd set an alarm and make it. I had every intention of going.

The night before I had a bad episode. I have a chronic illness and I ended up having a bad night and didn't get much sleep. I sent out a text late saying I might not make it because I was having a bad night. 

The next day I felt REALLY guilty and upset with myself for not feeling up to going. I was close to a panic attack and called Betty to wish her happy birthday and make different plans with her to celebrate her birthday the following week when I'd hopefully feel better. She was very understanding.

But Gigi was acting oddly in texts so I asked if she was mad at me. She told me no...mad isn't the right word.  (I assume inferring disappointment). She told me I seem to always be sick when there's group plans and it makes it hard to have an intimate relationship with me. I took this  VERY hard. 

I told her if it's too difficult just forget about me. I was spiraling and very upset.

She then proceeded to not talk to me for 2 months. I would talk in the family group text and she'd talk around me like I didn't exist. It hurt a lot.

This week I reached out to her to bring her a gift I got her from my vacation... during the visit she asked if I  wanted to talk about what happened.

I  said yes but it didn't go well.  She doubled down on what she said before when I tried to bring attention to how hurtful it was to me. She said she was entitled to her feelings.

I wasn't able to handle that response and I tried to explain depression and anxiety and my chronic disease to her. I tried to explain to her how hurtful it is to not be supported in spite of my shortcomings.

She told me it sounded like I was saying "this is who I am take it or leave it".  It hurt.

She said I was like our bio dad who... after the divorce gave up having a relationship with me when I was 11-12 years old.  That hurt the most.

I had a complete break down on her couch and finally just had to go. I got up, got my things and left.

Hours later I tried to reach out and explain again and say I loved her and she told me I was gaslighting her by not acknowledging her feelings. I don't think that's gaslighting but...

Well she left the family group chat and isn't talking to me again.

It hurts.

I'm afraid she's going to cut me out of her life altogether and I'll never see my niece again.

I feel ashamed that I have depression and anxiety.

I hate my body for not being healthy.

I hate myself.

I'm barely holding on.

I was starting to get better and all my progressed was erased by what feels like the worst kind of rejection.

@darkiya I am sorry to hear that Darkiya. You going through a lot and I can't imagine how hard it is for you to experience all of this. It sounds like this rejection has brought up difficult feelings of shame and self-hate. Please know we are all here with you to listen to and suppory you. You are not alone in this. And thank you for opening up and sharing with us. What made it worth taking this risk?

@i feel empty ASilentObserver

@secretHemlock5401 I am sorry to hear you are feeling empty. What do you think is causing these feelings?

When someone criticizes me on my behaviour or knowledge

@ASilentObserver

A hard thing I'm facing right now:

I feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm in high school and it's really hard (I have friends and okay grades but something just feels so wrong about the entire thing and Im always performing.) 

So I'm overbooking myself so I can graduate a year early and people keep asking me WHY?

it feels so awful. because either I'm trying so hard constantly working on overload classes and homework so I can graduate an entire freakin year early, or I'm trying to escape my head. I'm always telling myself I'm doing something wrong, something awful, not doing enough, I need to do more, so so so much more but I don't have the energy and I'm so scared that all my effort will go to waste and I'll be overlooked again. I grew up in a house where I was the babysitter, the guinea pig, the emotional outlet for my parents and their financial troubles, and the only one to stand up to my dad. I fought for me and my siblings for over a year so hard, not being submissive about his abuse anymore and now we genuinely have a better relationship and my dad even seems happier but I feel like I'm still never enough

I can't please anyone, myself included and I don't know how to fix that, I just want to feel like I'm doing enough, so badly

I gave up any shred of mental health I had for years to constantly fight back against my dad and try to make sure my siblings were getting the encouragement and support they needed but were afraid to ask for, and to keep my grades up and fight for a friend to not isolate himself (hes now one of my best friends) and I didnt end it. I almost did but I had to be the one there to pull myself out of it and make it look like it never happened and I haven't told anyone in my life that it happened

I'm so scared that I'm never going to be enough I guess

I'm being mostly rational about it and I'm not going to decline words of encouragement (word of encouragement to you: don't deny or push back when people give you positive affirmation. no matter how hard it feels to believe, it will get easier and you will feel happier and be able to recognize goodness in yourself) 

I guess I'm just scared

@linvi It seems responsibilities weighing heavily right now. You have taken on so much to ensure the well-being of those around you, and it is natural to feel overwhelmed. Please know your efforts are making a difference, even if it doesn't always feel like it.We are all here with you to listen to and support you. You are not alone in this, linvi. Thank you for opening up with us. 

Emptiness

@secretHemlock5401 Sorry to hear that hemlock but thank you for reaching out and sharing. What do you think is causing these feelings?

Trying to find a job. Been looking for one since December 2023 but so far no luck. Also just struggling with being tired and having brain fog.

@LoveCabelloCane29 sorry to hear about the challenges you've been facing with finding a job and your ongoing struggles, Cane. It feel discouraging when things don't go as planned. What has been the most difficult part of this journey for you?

I think the most difficult part is that feeling when you do a job interview, the interview tells you "Alright we still have some other candidates and you will hear from us about our final decision", you have a good feeling about it and then you just don't hear back from them at all. Honestly the finding a job was supposed to be just temporary until like the beginning of September. Just to be able to earn some money so that I could start university with some money and don't need to depend so much on my parents but looks like that won't work unfortunately.

@LoveCabelloCane29 seems like you were really hoping that finding a job would help ease the financial burden of starting university, but now it seems that may not be possible. What emotions come up for you when you think about this challenge?

This week on Friday will be six weeks since Dad's friend died.   My Dad's the legal person to "deal" with  the friend's estate.    So as a result of that I haven't been able to do the weekly grocery shopping with Dad on Thursdays.  Since Dad and Luna (or last week just Dad) being getting the groceries on the way into Toto to (friend's place) and then bringing the groceries home with them (which is by itself annoying since if I want to make my own supper I rather not wait till 6pm for  the groceries to arrive and half the time we're out of cooking peppers and such for supper since the groceries hadn't been brought home).

Dad has a Zoom meeting tomorrow, and since I have to get up anyway to go to my job which i couldn't go to today due to the weather. I don't see why I can't go grocery shopping with Dad tomorrow and Luna could have a day to sleep in past 8:30am? 

It just going grocery shopping with Dad was basically the only one-on-one time I got personally with Dad. I haven't had that personal time since like the week BEFORE Easter which is almost 6 weeks  ago now, and I miss that one on one time.

@Disneywoman That is frustrating after six weeks without spending quality time with your dad. You are  trying hard to find ways to connect with him, but it hasn't seemed to work out. How did you feel when you realized that you wouldn't be seeing him for six weeks?