Weekly Prompt #31: In what way does guilt have an effect on your life?

@Jaeteuk Recognizing and acknowledging these feelings can help you identify where your guilt stems from. You seem to feel guilty when you take time off from work to prioritize your health. Reflecting on these instances can help you develop strategies to address these situations in the future.

One thing that brings me tremendous guilt it that I'm an afterschool teacher and one of my students told me that he had to use the bathroom and he was in a tutoring session where my supervisor was putting pressure on for them to be present at. My supervisor had told me to tell the kids to use the bathroom before the tutoring session began. He's a second grader and I told him and everyone multiple times to use the bathroom before we began the tutoring session. Just ten minutes into the tutoring session he asked me to use the bathroom and I asked him why he didn't use the bathroom when I had asked ultimately he tried to hold it in and he went on himself. I feel so bad about it to this day. 

@Shyness98 That must have been difficult for you. It sounds like you were put in a difficult position by your supervisor. How did you feel when he told you to tell the students to use the restroom before the tutoring session?

@warmheartedBranch765 I am sorry to hear that you got accused of something you didn't do. It must have been difficult for you. How did this incident make you feel?

@ASilentObserver

Guilt takes whatever clay I'm working into my dreams and fires it an oven before it's done when my foundational needs or more are threatened or ignored by people, places or things that just want to play mean with my boundaries.

@communicativePond1728 It sounds like guilt can have a powerful impact on your emotions and experiences. How does it feel to have guilt shape your dreams?

Whenever I feel guilt, it helps me to learn from whatever I did in order to feel guilt and correct it so that it doesn't happen again. I used to feel guilt a lot when there was no real reason for it. Thankfully that doesn't happen very often anymore. And I try to live my life and treat others in a way to where there will be no reason to have to feel guilt. Guilt can definitely be a learning tool. Sometimes we feel guilty for no reason which is often a symptom of depression. But when it's based off of a way, we acted it is a great moment to realize what we did exactly and be sure to stay aware of it and not repeat it. It is a bit like a moral compass. 

@ThoughtLight You have a good understanding of how guilt can be useful when it is based on actual actions. It seems like you have grown and learned from past experiences. How do you handle situations where you feel guilty for no apparent reason?

@ASilentObserver a lot of what I've learned was through doing things the hard one more than once. When I feel it when it isn't warranted, I just keep logically explaining to myself why there is no reason for it. This was a recent thing I've had to deal with, but the problem is resolved and hopefully won't return. Using logic and evidence can be a great way to work through things like that. If that doesn't work, I know it's time for a medication adjustment. So even unwarranted guilt can be a sign for something important for me. There's a lot of people who struggle with unwarranted guilt almost pathologically. Some people always say they are sorry when nothing has happened for them to be sorry about or it is obvious they had no control over something. Partly a habit. But there's something deeper. Something psychodynamics can get to better than other methods. Maybe there is something shoved into the unconscious that is causing someone to feel guilty, but they have no clue what over because its buried. So, you're always feeling guilt or apologizing for what may be a good reason, but you don't know what it is and get the apologies out in any situation one can be used. 

@ThoughtLight It is good that using logic and evidence can sometimes help you work through difficult feelings of guilt. Please know your all steps counting and it is an ongoing learning process where you are not alone. You have all of us here with you to support. You got this. Light

@ASilentObserver you never have to feel alone when you belong to 7 Cups. The community has been a blessing through some rough times. Especially the last 6 weeks. I give back however I can. 

@ASilentObserver 

I am faced with guilt every single day. I've made choices that have caused irreparable damage to those that I love the most. I fell in love, got married and had kids. The life imagined. Then alcohol arrived. It changed my life partner into a total stranger and has caused permanent mental and emotional damage to myself and my children. I never had high self-esteem before, but now there is nothing. I exist for my children. Choices that I have made in the past, when I had dreams, have made the situation worse. Deep down, I know that some things are out of my control and that I am not responsible for everything that has, is, and will happen; but, the guilt weighs on me daily adding to my self- loathing. I'm stuck in a rut. I am numb. 

@NotAllHere713 I get that, notall. Guilt can have a huge impact on our lives, and I understand it weighs heavily on you given the circumstances. The decisions you've made and the harm they've caused are troubling to you. Your experience with alcohol and its effects on your family members is difficult. So your reflection on your low self-esteem and feeling stuck in this rut is relatable. But please know you are not alone in this. We are all here with you to listen to and support you.  What aspects of your situation trigger these intense feelings of guilt?

@ASilentObserver 

My kids only minimally interact with their father- he has no idea what's going on in their lives. I am the wall between them. My daughter dreams of the day she will escape. My son tells me of his dream to buy a house where I can live with him. I look at them and talk with them every day- knowing I am responsible for their pain. That is my trigger. 

@NotAllHere713 I am so sorry to hear that, notall. you carry a heavy burden knowing your children are impacted by your situation. please know you have our all support and we are thinking of you. You are not alone in this 

In what way does guilt affect your life?

I feel guilty for the way my life has gone.  I feel guilty for not being able to communicate with women as I would like.  I feel guilty for being alone.  I feel guilty for being unemployed.  I feel guilty for not having a career.

What kind of situations or times are you more likely to experience guilt?

I feel more guilty when I'm around people.

@WharfRat Good points, Wharf.. Guilt can have an impact on us that is often influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It can be difficult to escape the grip of guilt, especially when we are around others. Do you find that your guilt is triggered by specific situations or interactions with others?
 

@ASilentObserver

Not being able to say the right thing to somebody to help them, the way some people can, makes me feel especially guilty.

@WharfRat I understand that, Whard. When you are unable to help someone, you  feel internally conflicted about your own abilities. You want to be able to help every person you talk to, but you cannot always do so. Please know you are just a person with your own experiences and limitations, and sometimes the things people need are beyond what you can provide. All we can do is try what we can. You are not alone in this. 

Guilt from a troubled youth is constantly on my mind. It has been more than 30 years since that time of my life but I hold onto so much from it. Never knowing if my actions caused certain things in my families life. I have the guilt and want to make amendsa but also don’t want to re-traumatize by bringing the past up if those I harmed have moved on. I am okay with being yelled at or blamed and demonized I just don’t want to cause more harm than I did back then. At what point does it no longer be a concern of them and just my selfishness to feel better about my wrong doing?

@anonyTortoise3336 Thank you for being here with us and sharing tortoise. It seem you carry a heavy burden from your past. Guilt can weigh down and haunt us for years. How does holding onto this guilt affect your daily life?

I have limited contact with many of my family members, specifically my mom. I know she loves me and I love her but I made a lot of selfish choices as a teen that my mom blames herself for. I feel like that guilt is what keep eher at arms length now, which means she has limited contact with her grand kids. When we do speak it is on my mind and i want to say something but I don't want to trigger her as she does struggle with mental health. I believe it would be good for her to know but it also means she will have to look back at a time when she felt like she was a failure of a parent. I struggle with wanting to share but also not wanting my selfishness to again cause harm. Would me sharing cause harm? or would it help? I know I would feel better but this is not about me, its about her and her knowing she is not a failure and I made choices not thinking of her in those moments.

@anonyTortoise3336  you are carrying a heavy burden believing you are responsible for your mother's pain and feeling guilty about choices you made in the past. You want to protect her from getting hurt again, but grapple with whether sharing the truth would bring relief or harm. This inner conflict is understandable, Anony. Thank you for opening up with us and sharing your emotions and experiences. Please know you are not alone in this. We are all here with you to listen to and to support. 

@ASilentObserver

@ASilentObserver

Hi there, 

I was searching for a forum to let out my thoughts and here I am. Guilt is a form of emotion that comes to my mind when I think of my current life and career and I feel frustrated, rejected and empty. That I was above average in my College period and generally otherwise makes me feel guilty for the years I lost or wasted doing nothing significant to contribute to my future or let me pave way for its security. I had passed out of college in 2015 and taken few breaks in my career owing to some professional and educational endeavours which turned out to be a failure. I currently am working with too much pressure in both professional and personal life with a salary that is way below par and non rewarding . In middle of this I am having a very bumpy marriage life where my wife is super duper controlling and she wants all her way. Even when it comes to me planning to start my own clinic, she wants to inject all those ideas . She doesn't like to be interrupted and wants to push in all that's in her mind and not care a damn about the person on the other end. She is a sometimes so annoying as a person that I had thought I should not be staying a minute more with her. Because it always feels like she is pulling my life into her and making it her own. She has this all sorts of ideas about all random things which she has zero knowledge about and wants me to do all that ***. It's ridiculous. Probably more because I rejected two girls in college who were behind me to marry me just for the sake of it. I was the same person then and still am but now they both got happily married and here I am feeling guilty for dumping them 😭

@placidCamp6722 Thank you for opening up and sharing your feelings with us, Camp. I appreciate you and know you have us here with you to support you.  It seems like you have a lot of regrets about the path your life has taken. Please know you are not alone in feeling guilty about choices we made in the past, especially when they haven't turned out the way we wanted. It takes courage to open up about these feelings. What aspects of your marriage are most challenging for you?

I feel shame and I will never let go of this shame. I will always carry this shame with me.

@neonPear2244 I understand Pear, you are carrying a heavy burden with your feelings of shame. How are you managing with it?

It makes me feel like I’m a burden

@littleApple7870 I hear you Apple, seems like guilt often comes up for you when you feel like you're a burden. How do you experience that feeling of being a burden?

I'm an overthinker and dwell on the past far to often use it to keep me depressed and down like I'm punishing myself

I'm learning to deal with these emotions better than I have before now im slowly processing everything my mental helth psychical helth suffer and I turn to drinking to numb the pain of all I carry every day

And I don't want to like in the past anymore

@Rednomad I am sorry to hear red, you are carrying a heavy burden and dealing with difficult emotions. Overthinking and dwelling on the past can be challenging. How do you feel when you turn to drinking as a way to cope?

Numb and angry until I wake up then the depression kicks in and anxiety

@Rednomad I am sorry to hear you experiencing difficult feelings when turning to drinking as a coping mechanism. Feeling numb and angry can be tough emotions to navigate, Red. please know you have all of us here with you to listen to and support you