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Shyness98
1 5,303 M Moving Along
PathStep 139 Compassion hearts342 Forum posts204 Forum upvotes276 Current upvotes276 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceAugust 14, 2017
Bio
" You can't hate yourself into a version of yourself into someone you can love"
Recent forum posts
Finally Letting It All Out
Journals & Diaries / by Shyness98
Last post
 July 3rd
...See more I don't remember how it all started but this year since August I've been struggling with my job. I work at an afterschool program and I was given the chance to work with 1st & 2nd graders, I had to run this online reading program and it seemed that no matter what I did I just couldn't live up to my boss's expectations. My boss has given me red flags from the beginning. She talked behind everyone's back and lived for the validation of others. She would bully people into showering her with compliments. At first she seemed nice and friendly but still showed those mean girl tendencies. I just thought if I set boundaries that her and her second in command would respect them. I was completely wrong because I didn't realize I was dealing with narcissist's. I couldn't believe that there was people that truly thought like that. Eventually my boss started excluding me, scowling at me, gaslighting me, and pretty much treating me like I was beneath her. This deteriorated my mental health. I was lucky enough to find a new job that I love but the previous job practically cornered me into staying until the end of the school year. I ended up staying because my two friends there are also receiving the same treatment, I just hope and pray they get new jobs too. I have two weeks left and I'm just so ready to leave. I just want to find peace and be able to sleep again. I haven't been sleeping well because of this whole ordeal. I just can't believe that there are people who treat people this way and truly believe they are in the right. My boss and her second in command pretty much formed their own little mean girl clique with them two and another employee and I truly hope they get what they deserve. I honestly think that they are embarrassing and gross. There's no way I would act like that be proud and content with myself. The only peace I have is knowing that they are probably miserable and insecure within themselves. 
This Has Truly Been a Hard Year
Anxiety Support / by Shyness98
Last post
 May 25th
...See more Ever since I started this job in November 2022 my life has been overwhelmingly stressful and heavy. I never new I could endure this much stress and at the moment I'm so burnt out. I have three more weeks at this toxic job and then I'm free. I've been dealing with a toxic work environment as a paraprofessional and a lot of the kids have been awful. To add on top of that my boss has been toxic throwing passive aggressive comments, yelling at me, ostracizing me. I feel that my self esteem has plummeted and I don't know how I'm going to bring my confidence back up. I'm so disappointed in myself for not sticking up for myself earlier. I should have left months ago and I shouldn't have let them bully me into staying until the end of the school year. I know other people go through similar situations but I still feel so alone. My nervous system is all over the place and I've never had such a foggy brain. I just want to get through these three weeks.
I Don't Know If I'll Make It Through This Month
Work & Career / by Shyness98
Last post
 May 7th
...See more For the past two years I've been working at an after school program as a paraprofessional. I have a very intimidating supervisor and I felt that I kept making mistakes and I was too scared to confront her outright with them. She's a perfectionist and from the get go I knew that I wouldn't be able to live up to her expectations. We are dealing with 108 kids and we have some of the most defiant sixth graders. We were under pressure to implement these online programs, keep the kids under control, make sure they're doing their homework, and pay attention to the walkie talkies when they are communicating with us. I guess overtime I just started to get overwhelmed with the job. There was so much going on and eventually I started burning out. I wasn't performing the job as well as my coworkers. Overtime my boss and her second in charge started casting me out from the group and treating me like crap when it was just me alone. They would intimidate me and I would be frozen in shock. I didn't know how to react when they would belittle me and throw passive aggressive remarks. I feel so weak and incompetent. People tell me to stick up for myself and I feel that I have but I truly feel that I'm dealing with two narcissists. Two people who will do anything to "win" even though I don't care to win. Thankfully by the grace of God I found a new job but I still have to finish up my contract with this toxic job. My last day working this job is June 6 and I have this month left. I'm praying, and hoping that I make through it. I'm still casted out and the women don't talk to me and are still passive aggressive. People say that I shouldn't let it get to me but this environment is so toxic. It's worse than highschool. I would rather go back to highschool twice over than to work this job. I just want to know that I'm not the only one that's going through this and that this boss doesn't define who I am and that there is an end to all this. I pray that I never have to see these women again. I hate them so much and I'm going to need therapy after this is all said and done. 
I Feel So Worthless and Defeated
Depression Support / by Shyness98
Last post
 November 17th, 2023
...See more I’m honestly so tired and my body is shaking by how scared I am. I work in a school with a group of five women and I’m starting to hate it. My boss has been scolding me left and right and I can’t take it anymore. I’m counting down the days until the school year is over in June. I’m just praying that I get through it. I just can’t take it anymore. I feel so worthless like I can’t do anything right just because I don’t fit in with my coworkers or because I’m not quick on my feet like them. I’m so miserable. I don’t know how to enjoy my life anymore.
Nail Polish Is My Love
Hobby Zone / by Shyness98
Last post
 November 16th, 2023
...See more Lately to cope with my mental health I've been experimenting with nail polish. I love nail polish lately. It's my favorite thing right now. I love sparkly nail polish especially light pinks and white. I bought this unicorn top coat from sally hansen and it's my favorite thing in the world right now. I get anxiety when I buy too much products but I kind of cheated the system a bit by buying a mini nail polish set from Marshall's it's a 15 piece set and it has tons of pretty colors. It's perfect because they're tiny nail polishes and I think I'll use them all because of how small they are. I'm loving nail polish lately because it's what's giving me purpose during a difficult time. 
What if I’m not good at anything?
Depression Support / by Shyness98
Last post
 October 24th, 2023
...See more So I work at a school and it’s starting to take its toll on me. I feel trapped and almost like it’s starting to spill into my personal life. I feel like I live for pleasing my boss and I’m tired of that. I’m looking for new work but so far there’s nothing I can find. I’m starting to realize that I get sensory overload and I might not be able to take the stress anymore. I feel like if I can’t handle this job I won’t be able to handle anything else. I’m still going to school and don’t know what to do anymore. I guess I want support and to know I’m not the only one who feels they’re always messing up.
I think I had a breakthrough
Motivation & Accountability / by Shyness98
Last post
 May 15th, 2023
...See more So I’m 25 and I’ve never been in a relationship. Even my friendships dwindle because I’m so dang avoidant. I’ve been to therapy and I try to read ever self help book under the sun. The reason I’m so avoidant is because of my parents and how they raised me. I blamed them for everything and then after reading a book, I realized that even if I had a traumatic childhood that doesn’t mean that I can’t have better adulthood. The hard pill to swallow is responsibility. I always felt like I had to fix and stay stuck on the past and it was easier to avoid people to avoid disappointment. Every year I have anxiety over the things I didn’t do because I was so afraid to do it. I was stuck on this fixed mindset of oh well I can’t do it so why bother. I’ve been growing every year little by little. I’ve accepted that I’m in my own little lane and that’s okay. It hit me that I could potentially have a meaningful connection with someone and yes it will be filled with disappointment but that’s okay because what isn’t disappointing in life. This is what I was avoiding my whole life. Putting myself out there because of my fear of rejection.
I read the most amazing book
Reading & Writing / by Shyness98
Last post
 April 10th, 2023
...See more I read Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb and it was so emotionally moving. It had a lot of hard hitting quotes that inspired me to live life even though I don’t have it all together. Who does anyways? The books whole theme is about not having our lives together and how it’s okay and it’s never to do the things we want to like falling in love for example. One of my favorite quotes is “Failure is apart of being human” I recommend the book and hopefully you guys can tell me what your favorite quotes are.
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