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NotAllHere713
2 2,587 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts551 Forum posts335 Forum upvotes481 Current upvotes481 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceJuly 8, 2021
Recent forum posts
Running out of time
Relationship Stress / by NotAllHere713
Last post
 September 21st
...See more Hello. For those of you who are divorced, what was the first thing you did to prepare?  I have been married for 24 years and all my kids are over the age of 18. My husband is an alcoholic and he's getting worse. I'm surprised that they don't suspect him at work. I live in dread every time he drives- will he get arrested?, will he hit someone? The kids stay far away from him and he has no idea what is going on in their lives. He is also mentally and verbally abusive towards me. I have major depression and anxiety. I am on medications, but it has been pointed out to me that the meds won't work if the situation that I experience at home changes. The only way I can see it changing is to get a divorce. However there are complications. I promised to love him through sickness and in health, but I can't get better around him. For the last month, I've been feeling a sense of doom, like time is running out. Something is going to break soon. And it is causing me huge amounts of stress. If I choose to divorce him, what do I need to do? What do I need to prepare? Please help me. 
How to leave
Relationship Stress / by NotAllHere713
Last post
 August 9th
...See more Hello. For those of you who have gone through a divorce- What was the first step that you took?  I'll be married for 24 years at the end of the month. My husband is an alcoholic. He is currently on his 3rd episode. He's been to rehab twice. I didn't leave earlier because I loved him and for the children. But this year something changed. My depression was getting so bad that I decided to try again to get help. Luckily, now I have a psych that understands me and a therapist that actually cares. Recently, I have been seriously thinking about leaving him. Years of mental and verbal abuse have destroyed my self-esteem and my spirit. The worst thing is that his brain is mush- he blows up and blames me for everything, then the next day he forgets and says he loves me. He still supports me and the kids but I am worried he will be caught drunk (even though he only drinks at home) and lose his job. He is a stranger to me and the kids. In the meantime, my depression is getting worse. I know the situation needs to change so the kids and I can begin to heal. But I don't know how to start. I know that I am not in the financial situation where I can support myself and the kids (who are all over 18). I should be looking for a new job, but my anxiety kicks in hard when I think of updating my resume and rejection. I don't have a support system, so I am reaching out in the hope that someone here can offer some words of wisdom or encouragement. Thank you.
When the love disappears
Relationship Stress / by NotAllHere713
Last post
 July 12th
...See more Do you know the line, " for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part" in the marriage vows? Sometimes these words lead to a lifetime of pain and regret.  I have been married for 25 years (this year). However, the love is gone from our relationship and now I feel trapped. My husband is an alcoholic. This is his 3rd relapse and I am at the end of my endurance. I finally started getting the help I need to get better recently. But I and my children (all over 18) will never recover as long as we are in contact with him. Each day I am subjugated to his verbal abuse. I don't talk back because that will only make him angrier. I have also been recently diagnosed with PTSD from my childhood, and anxiety which means that during high stress incidents, I freeze/ shut down. We don't talk because he can't remember anything- his brain is mush. He doesn't even know/care what is going on in his own kids' lives.  I know its y fault because I married him, but he wasn't like this during the first 10 +years we were together. I stayed because I felt it was better for the kids to have a roof over their heads. I wasn't in the position to support them as a single mother. I'm still not. My oldest daughter left right after high school. The 2 youngest opted to stay, possibly to support/protect me. He only hit me once, a long time ago. I should have left then.  Now I don't know what will happen. Does anyone out there have any similar experiences? How did you handle it? Do you have any suggestions?  Thank you to everyone for your support. 
Need Help!
Relationship Stress / by NotAllHere713
Last post
 May 9th
...See more Recently it has been brought to my attention more and more that something drastic needs to change in my life for me to start to get better. I will have been married 24 years this July. My husband is an alcoholic. He has been in and out of rehab 2x in the past. I thought about leaving him then, but I knew I couldn't support my children. So they grew up and now have mental and emotional trauma. My oldest escaped and is now a polite stranger. My 2 youngest are still home. They want to leave but they are afraid that they will be leaving me alone. About 2 years ago, he started drinking again. He tried to lie and hide it for a while, which didn't help. He has been increasingly verbally abusive to me, even in front of my kids (who are now over 18). My kids see me falling deeper and deeper into depression. My son suffers from extreme anxiety and passes out from stress. His therapist said that he is getting better, but his progress won't continue until his home life improves. She asked me what could be done to resolve the issues at home. She said that I need to give my husband  a consequence and follow up. I need to have a serious conversation with him about changes in our relationship. Or, separation, possibly leading to divorce.  A few problems. 1. His mind is mush. He can't remember anything he has done. 2. He believes he is in the Right. Everything is my fault- the lack of intimacy, caring (in his thinking-waiting on him hand and foot (maid), one of our many arguments), money, etc. 3. he doesn't believe in AA, therapists, etc. He thinks that all of his issues can be solved by meds. He is on anti-depressants and sleep aids, among others. These cause side effects which have also affected our relationship, Yes. I am responsible too. I only have a part-time job right now. Partly to deal with my son's medical issues. Partly because I have low self-esteem, coupled with depression. In the past I have had some extremely negative feedback, so even updating my resume gives me anxiety. The thought of going to an interview terrifies me. Another major issue is that when he goes on his rants, I shut down. I don't know how to respond back and if I open my mouth, it just goes on longer and gets worse.  I know that he is under a lot of stress too because of money and work. I'm sure he know that if something happens because of the alcohol, he would lose his job.  I don't know what to do. But I need to do something. I have no support. His family gives him excuses. His family and mine do not know how to deal with mental health issues or dependency. He has been increasingly controlling of my life. I feel like I'm not going to be able to hold on for very much longer. I am getting professional help slowly. But, again, I can't get better until the situation changes.  If anyone has been in a similar situation, please give me advice. I have no one to talk to about these things. Thank you. 
Thoughts
Depression Support / by NotAllHere713
Last post
 May 2nd
...See more "When a door closes, a window opens"  Please share your thoughts on this quote (Yes. I know it is not the entire quote.)
Hiding
Depression Support / by NotAllHere713
Last post
 May 2nd
...See more Have you ever done this? After getting screamed at, insulted, cursed out; the first thing you want to do is runaway and hide. Someplace small and dark. Somewhere you will be protected. Somewhere you can cry and no one will know. Somewhere you can feel sorry for yourself and reflect on all of the mistakes that led to this point. Somewhere the world can forget about you.  I'm sitting on the floor in a small space between my bed and the fireplace. I've been here for a long time. It's past one o'clock and I'm typing. Hoping that there is one person somewhere out there so I don't feel so alone. Does this sound contradictory? Do I want to be alone or do I want someone to share my loneliness with? How do you feel alone in your own house?  I'm sorry. I just needed to let it out a little. I finally cried. But it didn't help. Has anyone out there felt like this? If you have, please let me know that I have kindred spirits in the world. 
And then it Pours
Depression Support / by NotAllHere713
Last post
 April 30th
...See more Warning- rant ahead Today I went to a checkup with my doctor.  She told me I have been diagnosed with diabetes and I will have to change my diet. So not only do I have low self-esteem, major depression and insomnia; I can't eat the foods that comfort me. This doesn't depress me though, it makes me mad. It is also one more reason I hate my life. (BTW- diabetes does not run in my family and I am not extremely overweight). Honestly, my appetite has been off for a while now. I have many days where I don't eat, days when I only have one meal a day (usually breakfast just so I can take my meds.) I have to take the new meds with dinner. Have you ever felt like not eating after you made food? That's been me for the last few months. Getting older sucks. 
Have you ever...?
Depression Support / by NotAllHere713
Last post
 March 20th
...See more Hello. I have never posted here, so here it goes. I have no self-esteem. It started with my family and continues with my spouse. Everything is my fault. Failed job searches, negative reviews. I've lost faith in my abilities. I feel guilty for causing pain to my children through my life choices. I have no one to talk to about this. I don't want to bother my close friends because they have their own problems. I know that other people have worse problems and that makes me hate myself more for complaining. I keep things bottled inside and I shut down when confronted. I just let others blame me and tell me I'm useless. Every day I just take up space. I came to 7 Cups to find others like me and maybe find some hope. 
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