Weekly Prompt #31: In what way does guilt have an effect on your life?
Welcome back, group! I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: What would you tell a friend who is experiencing self-doubt? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts and questions for discussion. They were thought-provoking questions and thoughts. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you
This week's prompt: In what way does guilt affect your life? What kind of situations or times are you more likely to experience guilt?
@ASilentObserver in many terrible terrible ways, that eats me up inside
@Tinywhisper11 Guilt can really weigh us down, it sounds like it has been affecting you in significant ways. Can you tell me more about how it shows up for you?
@ASilentObserver not really it's a bit triggering for people to hear about.
but I can give you a giant tiny hug😁 hugs you tightly ❤❤
Well I am an overthinker and stuggle with decisionmaking so there is a lot of what ifs going around in my head that lead to guilt. Like when picking an option and wondering if the other options was better. Or that stupid thing you did a while back that you keep remembering yourself about...
@Michelh1996 Guilt can indeed be a difficult emotion to deal with, especially when it comes to decision making. It sounds like you struggle with regretting choices and decisions you made in the past. How do these thoughts make you feel?
@ASilentObserver It is as if I will always end up thinking about what could have been. But I know that thought slowly fades, until the next decisionmoment. But then I already know that whatever choice I make, I will end up regretting in a way so that causes frustration leading up to making the decision.
Another thing is that it stops me enjoying my choice at times because when I go through with one option, if a slight issue occurs or something is not exactly as I hoped, the feeling that this would have been better with the other options starts brewing a bit.
@Michelh1996 It sounds like you're experiencing difficult feelings around decision-making and finding joy in your choices. Reflecting on past decisions can bring up regrets and frustration.
@ASilentObserver For sure, I find it very difficult to not look back at the other option and wonder if it would have been better, or if something turns out less amazing than hoped for, leave myself regretting not taking the other option. Knowing very well that the other option could have also turned out equally as good or bad.
@ASilentObserver
Hi again ASO,
When I was young, I did things that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I needed psychiatric care and my family ignored my problems.
I remind myself of what I did and pray for the innocents that I hurt. I asked God for forgiveness in confession. It's important for me to do this as I want to go into Heaven.
There is also a way that it effects me that I cannot describe. It is like feeling a big, black ball that is a part of me that I can never get rid of. It is a part of me and is a big black hole.
@purpleTree4652 Guilt can have a profound impact on our lives, often shaping our beliefs about ourselves and our place in the world. The weight of past actions can be especially difficult to carry, especially when we feel we've hurt others. Seeking forgiveness through religion or other means can bring some measure of relief, but the stain of those actions may always be present. The image of a black hole is a powerful metaphor for how guilt can feel - ever-present and all-consuming. How has carrying this guilt affected your life over time?
@ASilentObserver
It made me very old at a very young age. I can't explain this, but it also makes me very mature beyond the maturity most people have. I understand needing help at a very young age and not getting it. I understand figuring out that I needed help at an early age, and realizing that I was alone in this. I knew that I had to heal myself all through my childhood. I knew that when I needed my family, they let me float in the abyss, dead or alive, they turned their backs on me. I had to be the strong one, again, in my family. I became so sick of being the strong one. And over the years they have continued to mentally abuse me. I never want to see them or hear from them again.
@ASilentObserver
In what way does guilt affect your life? What kind of situations or times are you more likely to experience guilt?
I am a overthinker who if I did something wrong feel I am a failure to those who care. I struggle in which is the right decision for a particular problem, can be seen apoligizing for things which are not a problem I created.
once I am faced with guilt I have a hard time accepting it and focusing on how to fix it .
I keep telling myself that mistakes, guilt, blame etc, are ways of learning and improvising a solution so it may not happen again.
@pamharley003 I hear you. Guilt can be a difficult emotion to navigate, especially when it comes to relationships and feeling like we've let others down. It's understandable that you struggle with accepting guilt and instead focus on finding solutions. Reflecting on past experiences, how has guilt impacted you in the long run?
In what way does guilt affect your life? What kind of situations or times are you more likely to experience guilt?
I'm sadly kinda used to it. Guilt is one of those feelings I live with almost daily. Guilt about past, stuff I've done, stuff I do cause of my problems, stuff I say and the way I hurt ppl all the time. It's a funny emotions, tho. No matter how used to it you get, it still keeps gnawing at you, little by little, until you kinda crash under the weight of it.
@ASilentObserver
Not going to lie, I never even saw shame or guilt as emotions until recently. Turns out I feel ashamed and guilty a lot more than I thought. I'm often ashamed to ask for things because I was taught that was a sign of weakness. Even if I was asking for something as basic as a snack or a second serving of food. Shame definitely dominated my childhood and much of my adolescence as well.
Shame for how I looked, acted, dressed, watched, hung out with, and what I wanted to be. It was engraved in my mind by the adults in my life that my true self was something to be ashamed of and that I should change if I wanted to be loved and accepted. I've gotten better with it now, but it still there in the back of my mind on most days.
What is guilt?
Guilt and shame seem to be close enough together that they're sometimes seen as the same thing. But I see them as distinct.
Shame seems to be about our self-image, which seems to me to depend largely on others, and our relation to them. Shame seems closer to embarrassment, in my mind, than to guilt.
Guilt is about a deeper aspect of our sense of self. Or a layer of self that is more about our relationship with ourselves, or even God, than it is about our relationship with others.
In simpler terms, shame is about how we see ourselves through the eyes of others. Guilt is about how we see ourselves, through our own eyes.
So for this reason, and others, guilt seems to me to be deeper than shame. What does deeper mean? It meas a deeper layer. In this case, a deeper layer of our sense of self.
I could be wrong.
What does guilt feel like?
Shame feels like anxiety and fear. But also sadness and despair. A fear and despair about the possibility or the eventuality of our self-image being tarnished.
Guilt feels similar, but because it's deeper, it lacks some of the fear and anxiety that shame has. Guilt is much more accepting of truth than shame is. Where as shame feels like acid on the skin, guilt feels like a hole in the gut. Hollow and empty. Ominous and terrifying, but magnetic and inviting. Like your bag of tricks have been emptied, and you don't have a way out. Like there's no escape from the truth, not because you forgot how to evade it, but because you forgot how to want to evade it.
Guilt is unique among emotions in that it seems to be the only one that wants to surrender. Even fear is just as likely to run from truth than to surrender. But guilt bypasses the bypassing, and hands itself straight over to regret, despair and acceptance. Guilt is honorable, quiet, and reserved. But as much as you respect, and admire guilt, you feel sadness and compassion for guilt. Guilt is aloof, and an ascetic, devoted only to Truth.
If shame is the truth of how we have diminished the image of ourselves, then guilt is the truth of how we have diminished the image of THE self, which is present in all others and ourselves. We do this by harming others.
I could be wrong.
In what way does guilt affect your life?
I'm not fully sure yet, because it's still an unchecked idea of mine, that guilt is our most buried emotional wound. The second most buried being shame. And part of why this might be, if it's true, is that like I mentioned above, guilt is unique in that it wants to surrender to truth. So our bag of evasive tricks tend to not be as effective, and so the only way for the mind to keep it at bay, is to bury it as deep as possible.
The motive being the standard protocol of how it builds and maintains a self-image in the interest of having an identity. And guilt is probably the biggest threat to identity. More so than shame. Because shame shrinks a metaphorical circle you inhabit to reap a sense of belonging. But guilt shrink you, not the circle.
I could be wrong.
What kind of situations or times are you more likely to experience guilt?
Anytime that we harm others, or ourselves. We feel a sense of loss. A kind of loss of experience. Loss of time, loss of life. Loss of happiness. Loss of love. Loss of joy, beauty, fulfillment, value, friendship, etc. When we harm ourselves or others, we take away these things, and guilt is the sense of irreversible loss of something to the ocean of time from which we cannot recover like a sunken ship. Because time moves only forwards. So the only thing you can do is try to compensate for it, as you carry it forwards through time.
I could be wrong.
(This is a first draft. I usually draft is more than once, and the drafts are never the same. This is not factual, but more like creative thought, or thinking out loud, rather than any kind of truth. And I write from my experience, and my thoughts).
@sadrobot101 Thank you for sharing your insights on guilt and shame. These emotions can be complex and deeply personal. How has exploring these emotions helped you better understand yourself?
@ASilentObserver It helped me to understand many triggers which make me susceptible to emotional or psychological abuse by others. As shame seems to be a control emotion, that others prey on to push your buttons in tricky ways. It also helped me to see where I'm strongly identified, as we often compensate for our buried shame, by re-enforcing the opposite aspect in our character. It helps me to learn my patterns of evading truth, as shame and guilt seem to be the hot potatoes that the mind dances around in the interest of protecting it's identity and sense of worth. Coming to terms with a lot of shame and guilt, by facing it and feeling it with acceptance, also helped me to become less depressed, less anxiety ridden, and less dependent on a lot of dysfunctional coping strategies.
@ASilentObserver
I tend to self-sabotage a lot and feelings of guilt arise when I take care of myself too much instead of others. Feeling guilt has been brought up since my childhood. I experience guilt when I feel some emotions even if I know afterward that it's totally normal to feel the whole spectrum
@MattyGoofball Guilt can be a really difficult emotion to grapple with, especially when it's rooted in such a young age. It sounds like taking care of yourself and prioritizing yourself leads to feelings of guilt, which then might trigger your self-sabotaging behaviors. Would you share more about what goes through your mind when you feel guilty?
@ASilentObserver TW. Of course, my emotions and nervous system can be pretty intense at time. So whenever I feel guilty I react in very vivid ways such as thoughts of hurting myself, punishing myself, feeling unworthy / worthless, my mind is racing extremely quick and I don't get the time to pause and realize that this is just fine and not an attack from a bear running after me in the woods
In what way does guilt affect your life?
I feel guilty over many of the interactions I've had with various people. I know I didn't handle those situations very well. Sometimes, I didn't know what to do, and made the wrong choice. Sometimes, I thought it was the right thing to do, but it wasn't. My PTSD affects the way I feel around people and the way I interpret their actions and words.
What kind of situations or times are you more likely to experience guilt?
When I'm around people and I'm not sure what to do or say, I feel guilty about it. I feel guilty about my lethargy or whatever it is that keeps me from getting anything done.
In what way does guilt affect your life? What kind of situations or times are you more likely to experience guilt?
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Guilt affects my life by teaching me lessons, but it has also held me back many times. I think that is maybe part of its function, to get you to reflect, but it can be taken to an extreme and be a real hindrance and problem especially if the guilt is deep from early trauma experiences and feeling as though you are somehow wrong or not valuable. I *think* the path out is to get to know and love your shadow, the aspects of yourself you hate, that which you do not want to be, (or at least have compassion for it.) No one else needs to understand the reasons you did what you may have done; *you* know what you went through and why it led to that. If you have regrets, that is actually good. It means you generally have good intentions. Remorse is the signal of the soul- that you still have it and that you should follow it, and let it bloom into something better. The past is gone and there is only the future to move towards, though we may wish to cling, to change, to fix- I believe the majority of that is not really up to us in the end now.
I'm more likely to experience guilt when I feel like I've been secretive or not being genuine - when I'm doing anything that is against my morals. I also have PTSD related guilt that is hard to shed, even though I know you can only blame a child/teen for so much, personal responsibility is a really heavy stone and it is hard to release.
Being human is difficult 🙃
@memyselfandmoth Guilt can indeed be a complex emotion that serves as both a teacher and a hinderance at times. It's interesting that you mention the connection between guilt and trauma, as well as the importance of self-compassion and understanding our shadow selves. As reflection on our past experiences and regrets can be a powerful way to grow, but finding balance in letting go of the past while moving forward is crucial. How do you think we can find this balance?