Weekly Prompt #19: What are the triggers or situations that tend to worsen your depressive symptoms?
Hello everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: Is loneliness a constant companion or an occasional visitor in your life? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts for discussion. I enjoyed them. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you
This week's prompt: What are the triggers or situations that tend to worsen your depressive symptoms?
I wanted to start a discussion on how triggers or situations tend to make depression worse. Take a moment to think about the specific circumstances or events that tend to exacerbate your feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness. Are there any patterns or common themes that you can identify? I look forward to hearing and discussing with you all!
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Situations or events that make my depression more upfront are things that cause a negative flashback, or being in situations that reminds me of fears. As previously mentioned, birthdays for me are one of those situations that reminds me of certain fears in life. Other events, when I think of work, because there was a time where some staff ganged up on me as bullies and got me in trouble, whenever I see the same people acting a certain way, I feel that they are up to something against me again. It would make me feel sad, as I try and figure out what I did wrong and why they are acting that way. I know that one of those people hold grudges, the incident happened a couple of years ago, and yet, that person still acts it out on me on a regular basis. I've put it aside and tried to be polite and well-mannered with that person, but they decided to hold that grudge against me to continue to be rude and sound annoyed whenever we chat on the phone. My efforts of putting the incident behind us is not working, and I've started to act the same way she's acting towards me. (which is when having a conversation on the phone, to not say "thank you" and hang up abruptly). But sometimes, I forget to act that way with her, as it's not the norm for me.
You know how people always say that we should treat another person the same way we want to be treated by them? Well, it's not working with her. Even when I'm being kind and polite, saying my "thank you's", she's not accepting my kindness nor reciprocating it towards me. In the current situation, when we aren't from the same department but is required to work closely together, it is already depressing enough for her to treat me this way, let alone, when there may be a chance where she'd join my team in the near future.. As much as I don't want that to happen, just thinking about the possibilities is depressive enough.
One thing I'm already feeling depressed with is, that this person may join my team, sometime next year. Because we have a staff that is retiring by next summer. So, this person will most likely try and apply to the position. Let's just say, I won't be able to stand working with her. Especially when she friends with everyone else on my team, and how she holds the grudge only against me. I can already imagine that I'll be ganged up on, as the outsider. If she really ends up joining the team, I'm going to need to have a serious conversation with my Manager. I probably need to start looking for another job or something, unless my own business starts to get some income and continues to kick off nicely in the near year. Otherwise, I'll either need to end up working somewhere else or force myself to deal with her. But honestly, sometimes seeing her in the hallway, or the short conversations I have with her on the phone, already makes me feel depressed. And I can't vent my concerns with anyone on my team, because my words can travel back to her, and it'll sound like I'm spreading rumours. (but they aren't rumours, they're the truth).
@ASilentObserver
@Jaeteuk It sounds like this situation with your coworker brings up a lot of difficult emotions. Continuing to be treated unfairly at work must feel very discouraging and depressing. Reflecting on past hurts can understandably trigger feelings of sadness and depression. Maintaining kindness even when others are unkind shows great strength of character. How have you been coping with these stressful feelings day to day?
It's difficult, Obs. No matter how hard I try to be polite with that colleague, I'm being ignored. She obviously hates me, last week, when I worked that early morning shift, the first day I started that shift. That colleague called upstairs, looking for the coworker that usually works that shift. So, I tell her, she's training for the evening shift and I will be working her shift instead for the week. She then just hung up on me, like, whatever it was she wanted to say or ask, she didn't want to talk to me about it. Then, for days where I'm doing overtime and started a couple hours earlier, I overlap my shift with 2 other coworkers, when I answer the phone, she always asks for someone else to talk to. Then, when I listen on what they talk about, it's something that I could've easily answered too. She just doesn't want to talk to me, period.
I'm really not looking forward to the possibility of working with her, if no one else applies to the position once a current coworker retires next year. Like I said, just thinking about it now is stressful enough; let alone, to actually work with her if that time comes, I'll probably have a mental breakdown everyday!
@Jaeteuk That sounds like a truly difficult situation to be in. The lack of respect and acknowledgment from your colleague must feel hurtful. I can understand why the possibility of working more closely with her in the future causes you stress. You don't deserve to be made to feel this way at your job. It's brave that you continue to show up and do your work despite facing this challenge. Sending hugs to you, Jae.
Another thing I'm worried about if that colleague really joins our team in the near future, that I might have to end up quitting my job. I'll need to have a serious discussion with my Manager if that time comes. I think the only way I'll stay is if she allows me to only work shifts that cover her vacation. That way, I won't need to work shifts with overlapping hours. The other problem is, it might not be enough hours annually, to keep my position. I just have a feeling that if she joins us, I'll be the outsider of the team and most likely be ganged up on being the victim of bullies. And just looking at her will definitely trigger memories of the past incident and the depression that followed. It's already difficult now, even in different departments, with the potential of working together, that will take a toll on my mental health for sure.
@Jaeteuk So sorry you are dealing with such a stressful social dynamic at work.
I can relate to birthdays because I just had mine. I also have a love-hate relationship with my birthday as I am getting older.
Yes, that love-hate relationship with birthdays.. for myself, it became more depressing after I turned 27.. Now, in my mid-late 30s, each year gets harder and harder. The duration of feeling depressed stays with me longer. The only thing I like that is left with my birthdays, is keeping the family tradition. Having a cake of my choice, and type of cuisine for dinner. Otherwise, it's not really something I'd rather celebrate. Of course, this thought might change, and the depression would get better, if I actually had a romantic partner to celebrate my birthday with. As that is where all the fears stem from, with not having my own boyfriend/hubby.
@Daydreamer47
1. Being contacted by my parents
2. Going through a stressful situation or making a mistake by myself and feeling lonely and angry that I don't have more support
3. Being alone on the weekends or over a break
4. Christmas and New year's
@Daydreamer47 Thank you for sharing about those triggers. It sounds like being alone during certain times and facing stressful situations can worsen your depressive symptoms. You mentioned feeling lonely, angry, and without support. Please know we are all here with you to listen to and support you. You are not alone in this. What feelings most come up for you during those times when you feel you don't have enough support?
@Daydreamer47
@Daydreamer47
1. I do know the feeling. When my dysfunctional family's parents contact me, I am always out - sorts of. Over the years I have developed a habit to set time and place myself, it helps a bit in giving me more room to plan conversations and to distance me afterwards. But maybe your parents are different (they all are ;-) ) ? My support group (mainly my sister) is my savior. Do you have people who understand the situation?
2. Going through things yourself can be stressful. But there are others out there, I have experienced. This community is a good example for me.
3. Sounds dreadful. I don't know the feeling, because I am kind of a nerd and happily spend time with myself. For me other people are the stress factor - fortunately I now can work mostly at home, unbothered by them ;-)
4. These holidays and Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving ... I for myself try to build up my own traditions, sometimes with friends and some (minimized) contact with family. But buying myself my first Christmas tree was really rewarding and I love to cook for myself (and whomever might be lonely and happen by)
A great contribution to my life are my pets (to cats and two parrots) - they never judge me ;-) (except if they are hungry). Nature is really calming for me too. But maybe for you your calming influence it is something completely different?
@ASilentObserver
Usually it is anything that has to do with administration, financial decisions and the likes. This was so simple when I was young, owned nothing, had no insurance, no car.... and only ONE bank account. There is a fable by Jean de la Fontaine about a shoemaker and a banker living side by side, and just one of the two was happy.
@ASilentObserver words are the main reason thats, what can really get to me, also aggression. And my brain, I'm not very clever and often don't understand conversations and topics, it just makes me feel bad
When someone compares me to my twin sister in a harsh way. Yes, twins are obviously unique and different people, but as a twin, people automatically compare you,whether it’s on purpose or not. (I tend to feel like twin girls and twin boys get compared more than when it’s a boy and a girl, and me and my sister are both girls) Sometimes it’s good, like “hey your sister has straight hair and you have wavy hair, and they’re both really cute. They fit you so well.” That’s okay.
Here’s the thing: my sister is literally a genius. We’re both sophomores, but she’s in all advanced classes, and she has been since the 6th grade. She’s also a very good painter and drawer. She makes people stuff and they adore her. They ask what I’m good at, and I don’t have much other than singing, which I could never do in front of people. When I say nothing much when they ask, they turn right back to her. Most people forget I’m there, and it hurts. I made a cute homemade card that yeah kinda looks sloppy because I’m bad at handwriting and drawing, but it looks good like I put in effort, because I did. But it’s not as good as Sylvia’s gifts or drawings, so without even realizing it, people throw me to the side.
In school, I’m very chatty and talkative, and loud. That’s the way I am, that’s my natural personality. It has its goods and bads. My sister is very quiet. She’s the smart, silent girl who everyone loves. I’m told at school all the time “The other one is better than you” or “I would never mistake you for your sister, because you never shut up” or “this is why no one likes you and everyone likes your sister better” that definitely hurts. It’s been like that since, well, forever actually. School has always been hard for me in that way.
at home, I’m mostly silent. I sit on my phone or find something to do without bothering anyone while my sister and my mom talk about stuff and cook, or my sister and my dad build stuff or make small talk. I am no good at that. In fact, I’m bad at talking. Stuff comes out wrong sometimes, and my parents seem so hurt by me, so I’m mostly quiet, hidden away. No one ever notices me anyways, since my sister is as talkative as I am at school. I’d much rather be hurt by a bunch of stupid high school kids that I won’t be seeing in two years than by my parents who will forever be with me my entire life.
in general, I was born with a lot of mental health problems, and devolved some over time. My sister doesn’t have one mental health issue other than bad anxiety, which she copes well with since my mom listens to her talk. My mom told me she doesn’t want to hear anything about my feelings. She’s done, since I have too many problems. My parents always assume the worst of me, sometimes not even on purpose. It’s not their fault. I have to take a lot of medication for my mental illnesses, and I’ve been to the doctor so many times in the past few years. I feel sad, because I feel like such a disappointment, especially when my parents point out my flaws and repeat over and over again that I need to stop. Yeah, tell me something I don’t know. I’m working on stuff every day. It makes me so depressed and hopeless even more.
now being 16 years old, it’s just going to get worse. And I’ll always be depressed whenever it comes up. It hurts my heart, I literally get physical chest pain. I know I’m not perfect, I’m unique, I’m talented. But comparisons are the worst thing in the world, so whoever is reading this please note that correcting twins can really hurt, even if it wasn’t meant to be mean🥲
-Lucy
@oliveTree4069 Hi Lucy, I am glad you opened up and shared with us. Very proud of you. I hear this comparison to your sister is deeply hurtful and in that way has weighed heavily on you for a long time. Feeling unseen and forgotten must be so difficult. You clearly have a lot of wonderful qualities of your own to offer the world. You deserve to feel proud of your talents and accepted for who you are.
What meaningful connections help lift your spirit in challenging times?
Please know we are all here with you to listen to, discuss and support you. You are not alone in this. <3
This will be a long list 🙈😅🤦♀️ Okay.
1. Anyone talking about or mentioning suicide.
2. Summer and July when the suicide of my favorite singer happened 6 years ago. He helped me to get through the worst times, literally saved my life and sanity, he has been with me for almost 24 years and now he's gone.
3. The train track where I planned to do it in the very distant past.
4. Being very stressed and/or extremely tired and alone.
5. Physical pain. I have chronic back pain and often also heart pain. When it gets really strong I might feel on the edge or fall right back into the depression state. Painkillers use to help with it.
6. Having any argument with my husband. That makes me feel like I have lost all support. We do not argue much fortunately so it does not happen so often 🤞🙏
7. Sexual violence and sexual abuse in TV. Netflix is very "good" at that 🙈
8. Watching old memories and listening to emotional music.
9. Thinking about everything in my past.
10. Meds with a risk for people with depressions and/or suicidal thoughts (my heart meds unfortunately, my contraception too 😑). They have an extreme effect on me when taken regularly. Extreme meaning on the edge of suicide even despite things are currently going well in my life. I am not taking them currently and I am waiting for the date of my next consultation at my doctor in February. I think I will be able to talk about it. I hope 🤞
11. Not being able to change how things work at my university, having too much work as opposed to people in other departments. The stress of getting burned out again.
@mish3l Hey michele! good to see you! Thank you for sharing this list with me. It takes courage to be vulnerable about things that are difficult. A few things on your list stood out as things that cause you significant stress and feelings of loneliness. You don't deserve to feel this way, and I hope that in time the sources of pain and stress in your life can be reduced. How have you coped with or found support during tough times in the past?
hi @Obs!
Music was always the outlet for my emotions in the past, I think that's why it hurts so much. Chester (the singer) always said what was on my mind, screamed for me when I could not, the music always shot it all out and made me happy. Now I just think about what happened in 2017 and it's very hard to enjoy any music with that thought, it was a traumatic event for many people who knew him.
Obs? Can I share here one image I drew about social masks? It's one of the things that make me fall into depression, wearing a social mask and act like everything is okay.
Yes. When any of my conditions flare up badly enough to cancel whatever tasks I had planned for the day--for two+ days in a row.
Whenever I dwell on missed opportunities in my life or "shoulda, coulda, woulda" (I try not to think about that too often).
Whenever I am reminded of my own mortality, which happens a lot. I might just be morbid.
@slowdecline48 Hi Slow, good to see you. Hope you are taking it easy on yourself this week. Thank you for sharing about what's been happening. I am glad you felt comfortable opening up here.
It sounds like having your conditions flare up and being reminded of missed opportunities or mortality can really weigh on you at times. You are not alone in having such thoughts - it's very human. We are all here for you <3
Triggers:
1. Pain kf worsened or uncontrolled pain, I already experience chronic pain.
2. Death,, especially of a loved one like this week when I lost my dear Aunt. Things snowballed to when I lost my Mom and other significant death.
i dont know what else. Kinda stuck after the death one. Dont kmow how I will go on without her.
@CATastrophizing I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear Aunt and mother. The pain of grief from significant loss can be deeply hurting. You must care about them deeply to feel their absence so strongly. Their memories live on in your heart. Please know we are all here with you to listen to and to support. You are not alone in this.
Having to do a lot of chores at once. It's crazy how a messy enviroment triggers me but I can't keep my enviroment clean BECAUSE I am depressed it's a vicious cycle
@smolLITTLEpotato
That, I know. I recently heard: "It's not the work you do, which stresses you - it's the one you avoid". I have recently decided to get professional cleaning help and declutter my home )it's much easier to get than emotional help). Now I try to keep order by doing the timer thing: Setting a time for about 15 Minutes and just DO some of it. It keeps to be seen how that works.
If you have the resources, maybe think about help?
Unfortunately I can't afford that :(( but I've been trying different cleaning methods and I hope some of them might help
@ASilentObserver
Hi, ASO,
My health worsens my depressions. If I'm feeling poorly, it is a strain on my mind.