Whats some advice you d give urself if u could go back in time

@flowlikewater07 

Advice to my old self:

Don’t hate yourself for being childish, as you were just a child.☺️💕 

@flowlikewater07

I would have liked to have more information about career paths to make a better choice. 

@ipauline

Yeah. Exploring career options is very necessary.  I hope so you find better opportunity in future.

@flowlikewater07

I would tell myself to learn how to develop a high level of patience and have grace with myself and others. These two morals would be of great use to me in my later years. 😊

P.S. Is your username a Bruce Lee reference?

If I could write a letter to someone in the past, it would be to a 16 year old me. He has grown up in a toxic and abusive home and has already lost both parents to suicide, and is now officially alone. If I could I would write to that kid and would give him a few key points of advice.

First, I would tell that kid, that what he believes is false. That is, that he believes that he needs to appear strong and unaffected by all of the chaos and pain. He will spend many years trying to portray a tough exterior, and convince everyone that he is an unmovable rock. What I would tell him is that hiding the truth about the pain, the brokenness and the chaos inside of him, will eventually come back to hurt him.

Then I would tell him that the walls he is working so hard to build, to protect himself, will also become the walls that block out the very thing he is seeking; love. The walls that were built to shield himself from being hurt and affected by the world outside, would keep him from experiencing the love and the people who were just on the other side trying to reach him. Those walls will keep him alone and isolated.

Last, I would tell him that he needs to immediately rip off those labels he wears as his identity (though no one else can see them). After years in that abusive home, having the people who were supposed to love and care for him, told him day after day he was unlovable, unwanted, a failure, a mistake, etc, he has come to believe it. After years of being forced to apologize for being born, and being forced to stand in front of a mirror by his mother and naming off everything that was wrong with him, it is all he could identify himself with. Then after the suicide of not one, but both of his parents, he truly believed he was unlovable and unwanted by anyone. I would tell him that all of those labels are lies. I would tell him that there is no excuse for the abuse and the pain his parents caused him. Yet, I would reassure him, that they were wrong. I would ensure he knew that he was loved and his life is not a mistake.

Now with all of this being said, though this would be a letter to me at 16, I still need to be reminded of these things. I still need to be reminded that I am not a mistake, and that I am more than just the sum of the wrongs committed against me, as well as the wrongs I have made.

I hear you. I see you. And. You are not alone.

Reading this was healing for me and I'm so glad you had the courage to write it. Thank you for sharing this.

Ray,

Don't live to make people proud. Don't live and die for her approval. Don't hunger for the approval of others. I know you desperately wanted that, and it's okay to want that. But later on, you'll want to be able to approve of yourself. And you'll struggle to if you live for their approval.

Don't push love away just because it scares you and feels new. Feel the fear and still jump. Don't push you nearest and dearest away because you fear them rejecting you because of the mistakes you've made in the past. They're wonderful, beautiful, forgiving, kind, and empathetic people. Don't push that away. Trust and accept it. I know it will feel frightening because it isn't what you're used to. But feel the fear and do it anyway. You can do hard things.

Don't let your fear decide your fate. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. It is better to be rejected for who you are than accepted for who you aren't. Let people love you for who you are. And trust them when they do. They deserve to have it trusted.

Be a man, and put away childish things. I love you, kid.

-Ray

Get help, see a therapist as soon as possible.  Don't think you can deal with this on your own.

@WharfRat

I can understand.  I want to give this advice to my present and future self.

Advice no. 1)Please trust people so easily. 2) Attachment sucks 3) Observe people's behaviour,trust their actions not words.4) Don't procrastinate.

@flowlikewater07

I think the biggest thing I would tell myself would be to stop waiting. To stop waiting for the perfect time to put myself out there, til I lose the weight, til I learn to be more confident, til I master a skill. I think I wish I could take back was waiting for my parents to get themselves together. Since I was little my parents would fight constantly. My mom and dad would scream at each other, they would throw things against the wall to scare the other. My mom kicked my dad out of the bedroom by the time I was in elementary school. Did they break up? Never! All because they don't believe in divorce and it would make them failures. They were convinced that they were doing me and my brother a favor. I put my entire life on hold because I was waiting until I had more freedom to be away from my parents because I was so ashamed of them. My mom never learned how to drive and she was waiting on me and my brother to graduate highschool to learn. I thought when she saw that my brother and I were adults she would learn to drive and be more independent. I'm 26 and she never learned to drive and she and my dad still never learned to communicate effectively. They both entirely gave up on talking to the other and completely depend on my brother and I to talk to them. My brother and I are now drawing up boundaries and I wish I would have went ahead with my life at 18 and remind myself that it is not my responsibility to keep my parents happy. 

@flowlikewater07

I want to give advice to myself is Don't say lies to anyone.

@flowlikewater07

trust people not the system the system will tear you down

find a mentor/mentors no matter what without them you are running in circles 

if its painful its ok to step back and see why its not working instead of slamming into the wall trying to break it