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JanusPi
1 12,130 M Pacing Forward 7
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts651 Forum posts227 Forum upvotes453 Current upvotes453 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceSeptember 14, 2023
Bio

Hello! My name is Janus! I am currently in a bad situation in life and hope to be able to get some help. I have depression, social anxiety and also identity crisis. Although I am a very pessimistic person so it may be difficult to talk to me. But I really hope to make some friends if possible šŸ’•.Ā 





Recent forum posts
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Why am I still doing it?
Self-Harm Recovery / by JanusPi
Last post
 January 6th
...See more Trigger Warning: Self Harm I was clean for a couple months. When i first started self harming, I did it because I felt human doing it. I used to be emotionless, and pain from self harming makes me feel alive. But now that I feel emotions again and I generally have different emotions unlike before, somehow I'm still doing it. I don't know why I do it. There's no triggers or anything, I just reach for the blade and start doing it. I don't understand why I'm doing it, even when I'm happy I still do it. At this point it just feels like a routine to me. What's worse is that when I'm nervous or anxious I start touching my scars and cuts because it made me feel comfortable. I hate it so much. I hate how I'm still doing it although I should be fine. I hate everything and I just want to live a normal life.
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Sadness
Poetry / by JanusPi
Last post
 April 26th, 2024
...See more Sadness Sorrow tears fall on my pillow of solitude, Aching heart cries to the moonlit sky, Darkness envelops, a shell of useless aptitude, Numbness grips the soul, drowning in my longing cry, Echoes of past sorrows linger in the depths of my being, Silent cries echo, unheard in the void in fleeing, Seeking solace in the never ending sightseeing. - JanusPišŸ„°šŸ’• Hello! Itā€™s been a while since I posted. I had fun writing this poem. See if you can find out why the poem is called sadness.Ā (hint: the format of the poemšŸ„°) Anyways, hope you have a lovely life!šŸ’•
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Lost Love
Poetry / by JanusPi
Last post
 March 4th, 2024
...See more Lost Love I lost youĀ the moment I loved you. -JanusPiā˜ŗļøšŸ’• Iā€™m trying out new unorthodox way of writing poetry. Hopefully you like it. Have a great life!šŸ’•
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Life
Poetry / by JanusPi
Last post
 February 29th, 2024
...See more Life Donā€™t live a life of happiness, Nor the life of fortune, But the life youā€™d live again and again. -JanusPi ā˜ŗļøšŸ’• I havenā€™t written poetry in a while. Hopefully you liked this onešŸ’•. Have a great life!
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Rant
Depression Support / by JanusPi
Last post
 February 7th, 2024
...See more TW. Sorry if I offend anyone with this rant. Iā€™m now back to my home country. And letā€™s just say, my home does not feel like home at all. I feel like a stranger in this house. I am now even sleeping on the floor because thereā€™s no room for me. Thereā€™s always the sound of arguing in this house. My father is a total narcissist and my other family members are as well. So now I talk to them like how I would to strangersā€¦ fake smiles and just agree to everything. I donā€™t feel I belong anywhere, not even on 7 cups. My problems are just mundane problems compared to others. I really wish I could exchange my life for them to have better ones. It pains me that there are others suffering so much more but is still trying their best to live on whilst I am whining about my life. I donā€™t know what to do. Iā€™ve tried everything to try to get better but nothing helps. And now Iā€™ve given up. Iā€™ve decided to live this life the way it is. Just a while ago, my siblings were mocking about how someone they knew was trying to end it. They say he has no worries and has everything he needs in life but still complaining. They came to the conclusion that that person was just attention seeking. Iā€™ve been hiding my depression from everyone around me for 7 years now. This just made me want to hide it longer. Not like I was going to tell anyone anytime soon. Funny enough, I have scars from cuts on my forearm but I donā€™t even care about hiding it. Itā€™s because I know no one cares. Even if they knew, Iā€™ll just be shrugged off and mocked. Sorry again for the rant.
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Blessed
Poetry / by JanusPi
Last post
 January 24th, 2024
...See more TW - SH Blessed Am I blessed as they say? Does the blessed bleed from self cuts? Do they fake smiles, a facade on display? In constant pain, wishing their heart shuts? Wishing to be gone, a silent relay, So tell me, am I blessed with these parts? - JanusPišŸ„°šŸ’• ā€Blessedā€ or ā€œgiftedā€ arenā€™t positive complimentsā€¦ it discredits all the hard work someone has doneā€¦ Have a great day!šŸ’•
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The Moon
Poetry / by JanusPi
Last post
 January 9th, 2024
...See more The Moon Why does she seem reachable, but yet so far. Why does she bring solace, but also scars. Why does she look gloomy, but yet beautiful. Why does she ignore me, for am I spiteful. And yet, she appears when I feel most dreadful. -JanusPišŸ„°šŸ’• Have you ever get conflicted on whether someone likes or hates you? This poem is kind of comparing that to the moon. Everything seems to contradict on whether that person enjoys my company or hates me. Have a nice day! šŸ’•
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Betrayalā€™s Echoes
Poetry / by JanusPi
Last post
 January 9th, 2024
...See more Betrayalā€™s Echoes In mirrorā€™a gaze, he condemns the vile, The only light dimmed by his deceitful self. Betrayed the hope, an angelā€™s scorn, Perhaps heā€™s the devil, in darkness born. Heā€™ll never forgive the sins he canā€™t dispel, In remorseful echoes, his heart shall dwell. - JanusPišŸ„°šŸ’• I hope you all are able to forgive yourself for any sins youā€™ve done before. It has been done and all we can do is mend the aftermath and forgive ourselves. šŸ’•
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