How Can I Show Love To Myself?
Hello everyone
I hope you all are doing ok today
I have observed a lot around 7cups as well as in my daily life on "how can I show myself love" Yes this simple question yet so hard for many to do. It can be due to many things. Trauma, not shown love, even mistrusting. Thing is no matter what we gone through- hell and back we can start learning to love ourselves. We deserve that and need that to live. Do you want to learn of some ways to start showing love to yourself? Come on and sit with me while I share a few things with you
Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home. – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Let's say you dont love yourself and see yourself as not beautiful nor good enough. Then comes a person who tells you how wonderful you are. Would you accept it? No, it is more likely you would think they are either lying, mad or not particularly picky. Self-love seems to be natural; you live your whole life with yourself, in your body. You spend more time with yourself than with anyone other you love, you understand yourself the best, and you are the one who keeps all of your secrets.
Then why do you have a problem with loving yourself? Isnt the self-love something we are born with? Unfortunately, not.
Many factors can jeopardize your self love and self respect.. These factors vary from your parent's influence in your childhood, your social environment and culture to your distorted self-image. Whatever the reason might be, living without loving yourself is exhausting, stressful and may induce many negative emotions. It means constant self-doubt, fear of not being (good, smart, pretty) enough, missing chances because of the low self-esteem, burdening other people with repeated request for approval and so on.
On the other hand, loving yourself means being able to feel self-compassion and empathy for your own feelings, to greet and compliment yourself as any other person you love, to accept yourself as an imperfect human being and forgive yourself for your mistakes.
How Can Mindfulness Help?
Regarding being in the present and entering mindfulness, loving yourself means finding a way to be kind, non-judgmental and aware of whatever happens to you or whatever you are experiencing. It is an unconditional positive attitude towards our inner experiences. In order to love ourselves, we should start by simply being gentle to ourselves, as we are to other people. It means acting kind and friendly towards our emotions. Learning to observe our emotions and be with them instead of getting overwhelmed by them, is a big step forward.This includes unpleasant emotions as well as pleasant ones. Pushing away negative experiences and clinging to positive ones is a bad strategy. We often create more suffering by doing so, because we turn to drinking alcohol or some other unhealthy coping mechanism. Accepting and mindfully experiencing our feelings such as sadness, fear or anxiety is not the sign of weakness but the sign of strength.
Exercise Loving Yourself Even if it Seems Silly Loving yourself is not something that happens overnight. It needs a lot of work, and the work doesn't stop once you get to your goal. You need to water your self-love plant every day if you want it to flourish. However, you will find the way that suits you the most to do this, but for self-love beginners – heres some help. These exercises might seem silly, but they work and produce a fuzzy warm feeling around your heart.
Be Your Own Cheerleading Coach
You are the only one who knows what you need or want to hear, or knows the right amount of love..
I am loveable.
I love and accept myself as I am right now.
I am smart and have multiple intelligences.
My belly holds my power and intuitive center and I am grateful for it.
My life has ups and downs just like everyone and I have enough right now.
Take Actions Guided by Self-Love Repetitively make positive affirmations to yourself such as the phrase: I am deserving of kindness. Support these thoughts with positive actions such as giving yourself more space in the day, patience, and creating better self-care practices.
Quality Time: Be Present with Self-Love Set aside time for daily mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. These devotions will help you connect with your highest self.
Make time for leisure and hobbies. Time for play and enjoyment is an important aspect of celebrating the gift of life.
Prioritize sleep and exercise. You must reboot and revitalize your physical being.
Do not over-schedule, over-book or over-commit. Your life is worth more than being a gerbil on a wheel
1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?
2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?
3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?
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@RumpleSteeleSkin - This is really profound important stuff. I am going to bookmark this post because I want to re-read it a few more times to let it really sink in.
We've talked about this so you know how I think loving oneself if one of our biggest challenges and the most important thing we can do to heal and even to be able to fully love others better.
I don't know if I connected the mindfulness piece to it as clearly before but it makes sense since one of the big things that gets in the way of loving ourselves is having negative critical judgmental thoughts about ourselves, and mindfulness can help us pause, take a step back, notice those feelings, but not necessarily let ourselves get run away with them.
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
Unicorn, how do you bookmark please?
@amiablePeace77 I use chrome for a browser and I do not see 3 dots. Chrome has a star at the right end of the browser address line. I click on that star and select a folder or choose another folder and create a new folder then click Done when complete. Firefox is similar.
To access click on icon upper right and get a pop down menu. Click on bookmarks, click on the folder you put it in, and then click on the name you saved it as.
@soulsings
thanks soul that is what i did. i thought there was a bookmark on the 7cups site. i will read the post occasionally, it is a good post
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
Hiya Krink great to see you in check in I hope its not to "profound" for some here. And yes it is a very deep topic to take in all at once. But I feel a bit of feeding this topic can help many here. Yes we do talk on this alot as even for me I struggle with it. Rumple is last always in a lot of things in life. But slowly that too is changing and I am learning to love self. I like how you share so openly on not knowing if you connected mindfulness to loving self. I know many of us don't but think we do-but we don't and that is ok. I just know I don't. But I do hope this little bit does help those starting to love themselves
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn How would we bookmark this?
@funnySquare1982
I use chrome for a browser and I do not see 3 dots. Chrome has a star at the right end of the browser address line. I click on that star and select a folder or choose another folder and create a new folder then click Done when complete. Firefox is similar.
To access click on icon upper right and get a pop down menu. Click on bookmarks, click on the folder you put it in, and then click on the name you saved it as.
@RumpleSteeleSkin
this is an unbelievable beautiful post, i will definitively read it more often. thanks Rumple.
@amiablePeace77
HIya Peace so great to see you today I do hope something in this helps you.
Also to bookmark. On right upper corner there are 3 dots. Click that, go to bookmarks, then book mark this page, hit save
@RumpleSteeleSkin
thanks Rumple,book marked it on my browser 😊
THANKYOU. I will practice self love as much as possible, because I need to be very strong these days. Mindfulness I suppose is a form of prayer, and it helps us connect to the infinite and makes us feel loved!
So basic absolute beginner level is like I am not completely horrible nor useless? To phrase that positively.... I have some good qualities that will blossom as I allow myself to take better care of my body and mind?
Wonderful post!
I know that I often struggle with self-love. I have plenty of "old tapes" in my head...things others may have said to me over the years, things I've said to myself over the years...that I have on automatic repeat, it seems. It takes time to erase all of these old tapes because it has become habit to play them. The more I play them, the more deeply I feel them and believe them. And it takes time to erase them and replace them. If I'm not careful, I fall back into old habits before new ones are set. I feel the effects on an emotional and physical level. I fall into depression. I become tired. I become pessimistic and cynical. I lose my appetite, or I may want to overeat. I either can't sleep, or I sleep too much. Being mindful, helps me to stop automatic thoughts so that I can reprogram my brain to be positive and loving towards myself. But once I start to feel better, I eventually neglect being mindful. Then the whole thing starts again. The brain is an amazing organ, and knowing how to work with it through conscious and intentional thoughts and actions and the habit of mindfulness can make such a dramatic difference.
I like that you brought this topic up right now. I know that for me, winter is approaching as well as the holiday season. This is usually the most difficult time of year for me. From the end of November through the middle of March is always a challenge. Maybe I can make this winter easier by being more consistent with my mindfulness practice.
@BridgetAileen
Hiya Bridge good to see you here ok let me read up. Thank you for sharing that you often struggle with self love due to past tapes in your head and self negative talk BUT you are right- it takes time to turn ll that negativity around and to break bad habits. Im glad you notice that when you get really deep with believing them that you know you will believe them. That is being mindful- are are aware of this in you. I'm not sure on how to answer you on the "when I feel better I forget mindfulness".... but I'll share this ok. Maybe don't focus so much "am I being mindful" how about just showing yourself kindness and being ok how you feel and where your at? Mindfulness everyone does in life we just don't pay to much attention to it. haha that sounds like a condradiction right? For now I suggest not to focus so much are you being mindful. Just be where your at and try and show yourself love, attention and care.
I do understand on the seasonal mood changes, I am going through it now. I miss the beautiful flowers and smells, the sun, the fresh grass and stuff. But also I love how you shared on trying to practice more mindfulness skills. How about some fun mindfulness for you. Do some kind of activity you like, watching a great movie, endulging in some good treats. You are doing a great job, and I really do thank you for opening up and sharing this
@RumpleSteeleSkin, thanks for the thoughtful response. I really appreciate it!
Something that I do sometimes that really puts me in a mindful frame of mind is drawing and coloring mandalas or coloring in one of those adult coloring books. I can really lose myself to just what I'm doing in that moment. But I'm only doing it sporadically. I could definitely make it a regular practice.
Hi @rumple. Just like to say this topic has really helped me to read and understand where I have been going wrong in my life. This topic does make alot of sense. It's not made me give up before starting. I would definitely like to try this. Everything makes sense and you see some advice on self what gives you three easy ways to self love yourself but it's not worked for me and have found it difficult but yours is more then that. It's looking at bigger picture in reality. Thank you Rumple :)
@TreaureSeekers3
Hi Seeker good to see you again aaww hun why do you feel you are wrong? Hun there is no right or wrong, self love is so very hard for a lot of people here and in the world. aaww thank you on sharing that you really felt what I shared is a bigger picture on the topic self love. Can I suggest on baby steps
What are some things you like to do? What are thigs you like to eat, read or wear that makes you smile and feel good? Is there times where you stand in the shower longer and enjoying that? That there is self love. You are doing great.
Do you think this is why people treat me like dirt
@Longing4peace
HI Longing good to see you today What do you mean "is this why people treat you like dirt?" By you maybe not knowing how to love you? HECK NO!!!! If someone treats you like dirt then they are the wrong people for you hun. You are precious no matter what happened in your past or anything you done. You matter and thats it!!! Please accept my hug ok 2 of them!
@RumpleSteeleSkin I don
Hi everyone,
This was one of the most difficult types of compassion for me to feel or accept freely. It is necessary to in order to help others with a freshness and providing others the care they deserve. I believe in the beginning it was a portion of compassion training that I took very seriously. I did not want to suffer from compassion burnout and provide another with less than my very best. Another individual who is a dear friend reminded me that I was denying others the very joy that I experienced when caring for others by not accepting the generosity and care my friends were offering.
The greatest barrier was being the parent in the house for a very long time. Stepping between my parents and protecting someone. I had no idea how deeply ingrained it was until I stepped between two men about to get into an argument as a reflex. At that moment, it was clear that I was continuing to sacrifice my well being by doing so. It was a wake up call that seemed to blossom over the years to come.
Slowly I understood how hurting myself or taking unnecessary risks was taking me away from my one true passion in life. I try now to be cognizant of these things for that simple reason.
I hope allow well and for those of you who are having a difficult time. I hope it passes quickly. ❤️
@Compassionatelistener108
HI Compassionate great to see you Wow I am tryingt to take this all in- it's good sharing-honest! Thank you for sharing that is kind of compassion towards self is hard for you- hard for me as well. Self love is very hard to give self! To complicated. To many emotions involved. To much pressure and so one. I do agree when you don't give to self you really can't give it trully to others. But then again I care and support others and well I am honest in what I do for others. hmmmm You are being mindfully aware as many here of how things are and why- why can't I self love?? But you also know in time the things you do also affect this. I know you will turn this around and give you the most pure self love there is.
@RumpleSteeleSkin
I am doing much better since my friend pointed out how infrequently I would accept kindness or help from another. I immediately understood the analytical part of their statement because I couldnt truly count on many people as a child. Broken promises and what not.
What really touched me was her tough love. She pointed out the joy I feel from helping others. Then she not so subtly reminded me I was taking away someone elses opportunity to feel that same joy every time I refused their offer. There is a certain degree of discernment when accepting help but her comments really hit home. I try to remember that there is a natural cycle to life and kindness is abundant if we will only take the time to notice.
Thank you for the reminder by the way 💛
@RumpleSteeleSkin Its awesome post Rumple. <3
1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?
I find it hard to hide emotions. Sometimes, my emotions get outflow in front of those who probably don't care for them. So I feel like it could be better if I shouldn't flow my emotions that freely. I don'tlike my this aspect though I know its okay. But still.
2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?
I think Rumple one thing that get in our ways to self love, other person's perception about us. We usually so used to of viewing ourselves from other's eyes that we accept them only as truth and it creates a big obstruction in self loving. To self love, one needs own eyes and thoughts about oneself.
3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?
I am not much sure on it. Not have clear thoughts on it right now. So maybe later, if there will be, I'll add to it.
@ASilentObserver
Hiya sweet Silent good to see you today Thank you for openly sharing here, as yes this is a very hard topic for many-me too. Emotions are well just that-right. Emotions are weak or some very strong as you shared. Can I share...how about feeling what you need to when showing yourself self love and not caring of others? Yes this was alot to take in lol It was told to me a lot. I also understand on the protecting our feelings/emotions. You will find a place in this where you feel comfortable. Wow you are so right on OTHERS eyes in on how we shouls feel/act with self love. We do care how others think of us and sometimes to much. I feel if you do just as you said- you can do this no matter what!! "to self love, one needs own eyes and thoughts about oneself. " Silent it is ok on not knowing how to ask for support on this topic. Its confusing as heck- I know this lol. But I encourage you to find your voice/words write them down, practice in a mirrow. I know it sounds silly. But once you share your voice on this, you will see those willing to share on self love. I so gotta share something in pm that might be encouraging for you.
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thanks for great post! :)
1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?
It's a feeling I can't let go, I can't just surrender to my emotions, I can't fully trust my body. I feel pleasantly hopeful, but stuck.
2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?
My own mind and identity of myself. I always feel like I need to prove myself to feel great about myself, be perfect and achieved, then I can love myself.
3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?
I don't like asking for help. I feel like I'm holding myself down, and by asking for help I'm taking down others with me. I feel like I'm the one who can solve this, it's mostly my own opinions and feelings about myself I need to change in order to feel peaceful and self loving. But it really feels like I need to fulfill my own standards in order to allow myself feelings of love. I know maybe I should try the self love to be more unconditional.
@desertDuck
Hiya Duck great to see you again I can understand on the "surrendering" onhow you are feeling, it feels to hmmm close, to intimate with ourselves, maybe to guilty. These things I have heard and experienced. Is it like that for you? I do like that you shared you feel hopeful-as long as there is hope it is possible! It is very ok to have mixed feelings of ourselves like you feeling the need to prove things to feel good, to be perfect and achieve things. Those are all normal to feel. Thing is to mindfully accept where you are right now. If not all of you, some small parts of you then you build on that in time. It's understandable on not asking for help as you shared, helding self down or others, or taking on all the repsonsiblity. When you feel it is right and trust someone that shows you care and stuff you will want to ask on this. It's an urge in some of us. Give yourself credit as you are a strong person as what you shared here. Small steps