Ramblings 3

@BlueDarkAurora

I will try to keep them alive, right now I am feeling the warmth from several of you at once. It feels really nice.

Thank you, your words continue to make me feel special.

The so called life I have led. The so called life I will leas in the future.

I am nodding off again, but waiting to take medications, actually I suppose it’s time for them now.

Ok , just took them and as soon as I drank my water mix I am now awake again.

I probably should change the bedding but I don’t think I will today. Maybe tomorrow, Just that task is going to be excruciating, plus I will need to attempt to shower. I anticipate a supremely fun filled day tomorrow. Yippee!!

I don’t completely understand this strange feeling of worrying about Tiny all the time. This is new and kind of uncomfortable.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Maybe you should not worry. Just pray that Jesus Christ takes good care of her.

Good morning to you. I don't know how interested you're in the news around the world. Tomorrow is the discussion between Trump and Harris.

Can I ask you - maybe you know that my name is Helga. If you should give name to your innen woman - what name should that be? (Please don't answer if this make you feel sad/hurted).

@Helgafy

Thank you so much for telling me a little bit about yourself. I have wanted to ask you if you would be willing to share but I usually don’t want to be “pushy” with anyone. I only know anyone here by what they share with me. I periodically venture out and about here and stumble upon either something that each of has written as a new or possibly an older topic, or something that each of you has written in response to someone else’s topic. I am not good at navigating around this community. I also don’t remember the names of all those that have reached out to me. That is disappointing to me because those times that I can think somewhat clearly and have the courage to stray away from my ramblings for a bit, It would be nice to be able to find some of the things that they all have written and attempt to read and try and understand their writings and what they are sharing.

Ok , I have rambled a bit. I truly appreciate your sharing this information with me. It would be nice, actually wonderful if there was a simple way to mark segments like these so that people like me whose memories are fading and/or getting jumbled around, whose memories are slipping away from them, a simple way to mark these segments to make it extremely easy to navigate back to . So that like the old fashioned way of pictures in an actual album could be occasionally looked through and forgotten memories could be triggered back to the forefront of thoughts. I think every thing that people have written to me is very special to me , but there is things like this bit of information about who you are is extra special, learning about my friends here, is information I should not be able to forget. To know about all of you who have reached out to me and are willing to be called my friend is as important if not more important to me than my writings, but I suppose without my writings, I would not have been blessed with you reaching out to me and over time becoming friends. I am forever grateful for that.

Ok , I will pause for now on that, now to your question regarding my name for my inner woman.

I truly have no clue to what it would or should be, I did think about it a lot when I was trying to explore and investigate this part of me. That was something that I just couldn’t even get close to figuring out. As I am writing this I wonder if I couldn’t settle on any names could be because that would be officially validating that part of me and that could possibly prevent me from keeping that part of me deep inside.

I will try and answer any questions you have about myself. If I can remember, I will tell you. This part of me, I suppose there will always be sadness that I will never truly know that partof me. However it is a part of me so I am very willing to share what I can.

Any questions asked of me hold a special place with me .

Thank you again,

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Hi. Hi.

Thank you for writing. Since you didn't comment the line beneath, I guess it does not interest you that much. That's OK.

"Good morning to you. I don't know how interested you're in the news around the world. Tomorrow is the discussion between Trump and Harris."

@Helgafy

I am so sorry, I was trying to keep up with a few of you at the same time. I will address it right now.

I read a little bit of the news , but overall I have no real interest in the political nonsense that goes on in this country. I try and avoid commenting about it as well, It’s become such a volatile topic here. I avoid stirring the pot.

I am scared of stirring the pot on some of the things here, I don’t want to make anyone upset or hurt their feelings.

As far as around the world news, I used to have a little interest in. But with all the different news sources, they have too many contradicting stories and supposed facts. Truth is not at the forefront anymore and I refuse to be a part of spreading lies and misinformation.

In a community like this, I am very willing to listen to whatever you want to tell me, and I am interested hearing about where you live and your experiences, anything you want to tell me I will listen without any judgement and with an open mind and heart.

But I prefer not to discuss or give opinions on volatile issues. This country I live in is very divided right now and I am not choosing sides. Nor am I wanting to participate in discussions regarding politics. Too many people twisting words around to suit their own agenda and narrative. I don’t want to participate in spreading lies.

Ok I rambled again.

I apologize for not wanting to discuss the politics happening here. I hope you understand.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

That's OK. For me the news are "daily bread". We have one channel for news that's from the state and the words are good and true there. I know there was a big division last presidentvoting with the US-people. That's why I told you about my experience with Kathleen/Trump. He's not popular among most persons in Europe. @mytwistedsoul said the same as you when I asked him about Trump. And also another woman I asked at 7Cups said ther's much more division in the US-people now about politics. @Tinywhisper11 can watch the BBC-news, I think those are good - but I think she has told that news are not in her programme yet. I pray for wars to stop and I am thankful to God when persons on the news are suffering and I have food and shelter.

I want to say very special thank you to a few of you, where I am it is now going on five in the morning. I woke up awhile ago after another nap and my phone buzzed with a notification from here, so I wiped the sleep from my eyes, put on my glasses and picked ip the phone and came here to a barrage of warmth and love. I tried responding to your messages but I ramble so I had no chance of keeping up.

That feeling that I felt when I realized that I was in the thoughts of a few of you at the same time enveloped me in a strange but comforting warmth, unfortunately it is now gone but that short feeling of warmth you all gave me was something that I hope I never forget 💕💕💕Thank you all and Hugs to each of you ( if you are accepting) 💕💕💕

@Helgafy

I try to answer all questions, I obviously miss some. I will try and answer any regarding me and my situation, experiences, because I speak truth, I may be foggy on things and I try to relay that with my writings, but I am still telling truth. I try to stay out of discussions I am completely unsure of the truth on because too volatile for me. I want you to continue to be my friend and I don’t want to jeopardize that friendship.

I think about being with my friends here but being with them person to person, Face to face, then I realize that it may seem like I am a chatty person, however in person I would be quiet and introverted.

That flurry of warmth earlier this morning and the subsequent chill that followed and has remained, got me to wondering if face to face friendships might not be the best thing for me. Someone who has a family, job, responsibilities, family life that might stop in for a few minutes or maybe even an hour or two once a week or month depending what is happening in their lives. At least this way I know that face to face is impossible.. But to experience that brief feeling of warmth in the face to face scenario then the chill that remains until the next visit whenever that may be. I think sticking with only having friends here is the better option.

@Tinywhisper11

Have you ever had your carers lay out a bunch of bubble wrap and proceed to run over it with your chair??

❤️❤️❤️

The time seems to have come when my body has once again said the medication is no longer as effective as it once was.

yet my fear of addiction is weighing heavily on me, providing that I am not already, I fear that contacting the doctor, and she decides to up the dosage of the oxycodone that it increases the likelihood of addiction.

So I am debating just trying to hold out until the nerve medication is low. I think that it runs out after the surgeon appointment.

Ok , I think everyones talk of being lonely is taking its toll on me. But when say everyones I mean me. I ordered from another store telling myself that I was seeing how well their delivery was. But I think that I was just desperate to see another person up close without the curtains and windows of my hideout. And because of my anxieties, interactions are kept to the very minimum, plus I am the scary, cranky , old , unshaven fat guy. So they all look at me and scurry away, they all obviously were in a hurry to get away from me. But even though that was their response . I forced myself to analyze why the heck I placed 3 grocery orders in a week.

I need help eating some of this food.

And my conclusion can only be my extreme loneliness. My job, even though social interaction causes me great distress, my job must’ve in some way kept that strange feeling at bay.

Who’s coming over for some microwaveable breakfasts, not the tastiest but simple ones to make?

Starting to have issues with a sore shoulder from having to lay othat side most of the time, anybody have any ideas to handle it on my own. Advil and the like is out of the picture due to the medication I am taking. Heating pad helps a little but not enough. I probably should just live with it until the surgeon appointment.

My brain must be broken, thoughts are spinning around but I can’t grasp any of them. So the few of you that have been trying to read the pile of writings I have done here the last few days. Your eyeballs are spared from my thoughts for a bit.

@juliak1968

I just wanted to say thank you for your continued efforts to heart or is it called upvote? all of my contributions in those word games and the count to a million segments or threads?

Sorry , I am not good with the correct terminology.

I haven’t searched back through my own writings beyond this latest segment or thread.. but I have this strange feeling that we used to exchange a few messages from time to time. If so I am sorry for not continuing to communicate with you.

I have no good reason for that . I just live in my darkness and can let it overwhelm me most of the time, which then lets the important things that should be at the forefront of my thoughts, it is unfortunately allowed to disappear in the expanse of space that is the home of all the important and precious things I have forgotten.

So this is a big Thank you plus a big I’m sorry for not continuing to maintain communication with you.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

You are very welcome!~ You never have to apologize, Its a pleasure to see you every day in the forums!! I am happy if you're happy :-) I look forward to seeing all of you on 7cups so I upvote everybody and hope it gets a smile here and there. Thank you for making the games more fun!

Blessings, Day

I just got done sending messages to my doctor updating her regarding my pain and asking if she came up with a solution for a prescription for the day of the appointment to minimize problems during the ride there and back. It’s a minimum of an hour and a half each way.

I also sent a long (wordy) message, well after I was done, I had to try and cut and paste segments because it was way over the letter limit, so it turned into several messages to the hospital I am going to for that appointment and asked the same thing and I did inform them that I had contacted my doctor regarding the same thing, I explained pain I experience doing simple tasks. I also asked them if they did have access to the MRI results.

The surprising thing is that I wrote too many letters in my message. That would infer that I ramble.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

To me it seems like you should need a health person to come home to you and help you in between. Can you have that?

@Helgafy

Hello again . How are you doing today?

Maybe on the 19fh of this month when I have to go to the first appointment with the surgeon, I will be able to explore that option further. If that is a possibility, then the approval from my insurance company would be needed. If surgery is needed then I surely hope that a health person or caregiver would be something that will be approved.

I once again am struggling with self guilt . I am sure my friends will remind that the following things are not things to feel guilty about, they are completely correct however that doesn’t stop these things from taking the lead.

I feel extremely guilty for complaining about the pain so often here. For not being able to handle it without medication. There are so many other people here who suffer a lot more than me.

I should be able to find a way to manage the pain quietly and without meds. There are many here who have battled through worse things and they don’t spend much time discussing the pain they suffer through.

I feel guilty for not having the strength that a lot of these people appear to have.

I even feel guilty for rambling so much.

Like I said, my friends will probably remind me that I have nothing to feel guilty for. I just wish those words were enough to negate this but I suppose it will eventually slip from my grasp and there will be another thread to grasp onto.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Here with a gentle reminder ❤️ Everyone is different and everyone handles things differently. Needing pain meds to get through the day isn't something to feel guilty about. I figure why suffer when there's something that can at least make the pain tolerable

@mytwistedsoul

Thank you,

With meds I understand they can be beneficial, and they have been lately. Between my deep seeded dislike of meds, (massive side effects which then require another pill for that side effect, plus addiction issues) plus understanding how much pain and discomfort others with more serious issues go through without meds, that plays into my guilt. I know you’re right, and your messages to me on this have been intermixed within my thoughts as well.

My ramblings here are mainly of the thoughts I am currently able to grasp onto and try and focus enough to write down here, I write them at the same time I am focusing on them, I think I have written a few times about stopping my ramblings. However, I don’t know where I would be without this community, especially without you or the others I call friends Thank you.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Omg yeah the side effects can be real hard with certain meds. I'm not to keen on popping pills either but it's better than hurting. I used to take one that had to be taken at the right time or it would make me sick every time. With the addiction I guess you kind of have to deal with that when the time comes? Because right now there's not many options 

@mytwistedsoul

I know you’re 100% correct. And I will continue to pop whatever pills they recommend.

I guess it’s the fear of addiction that worries me the most. I have quit drinking and tobacco which were both lifelong addictions and I didn’t suffer anything I recognized as withdrawal, I didn’t go to groups or anything, But with the things that I have read and seen with pills / drug addiction it is a very scary thing to quit, I am not handling anything at all very well, actually I am barely managing anything. And my mind when I happen to get onto this topic, runs with it, possibly twisting things just to aggravate my fears.

I hope that you are only partially right as far as the “you kind of have to deal with that when the time comes “ part, I hope that I will have my friends here to try and help me with that if the time comes.

I also remember you were one that didn’t need responses back, I don’t remember your exact words. If I feel the need to write something back to you, you don’t have to read it or respond.

Thank you again,

@mytwistedsoul

I just wanted to tell you that you are a very important and special part of my life. Your words and the love behind those words are not lost on me. I started my ramblings with no expectations of hearing anything from anyone, and thanks to you and several others, I seem to have friendships somehow rooted in my darkness.

It is always a wonderful feeling to read your words directed my way. It also means a lot to me to know that you are still checking in on me when you don’t feel like saying anything but heart or voteup or upvote, whatever it is called. Just that simple gesture of marking the heart means a lot to me.

Thank you

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Oh gosh Iam thank You. This was so nice to read tonight. I'm not sure how I found my way here to your thread how ever long ago it was but I'm glad I did. I know all too well what it's like to not have anyone and having to go through everything alone. And you know there's some beautiful things that can be seen in the dark. Stars and the moon. And some carry their own light in the dark like fireflies - how cool is that? It's been nice getting to know you 

For having a mind whose thoughts bounce around so much, how can those darkest of thoughts when I wake up and before I sleep and be so focused snd so predictable.

Hi - when will the discussion between Harris and Trump be tonight - I'll try to watch it.

I have no idea. I don’t have tv access to those things. I have a tv and a dvd player but I don’t have anything hooked up to receive programming. If I remember I will look it up on the internet for you.

@Helgafy

I am sorry I missed you, I fell asleep again in another of my catnaps.

@Helgafy

I copied this from something I found on the internet for you.

What time is the debate tonight?

The debate is set to begin at 9 p.m. ET.

How to watch the presidential debate

The debate will air on ABC and stream on ABC News Live, Disney+ and Hulu, according to ABC.

On Tuesday, September 10, 2024, at 9pm EDT, USA TODAY will stream The ABC News Presidential Debate Simulcast on the USA TODAY channel available on most smart televisions and devices. 

@Helgafy

I am in the US so this is where to watch it here I don’t know how that relates to your options.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Thank you. It will be about 3 a.m. here. I guess I can see some of it tomorrow. Thank you.

Ok sorry about that.