Ramblings 3

@Tinywhisper11

How are you?

💕💕💕Hugs 💕💕💕

I’m laying here literally shaking, Tinywhisper is currently reading my segments that I have added since she has been away. I don’t know if she knows about the part of me I try to keep buried inside. I am fearful of that fact offending her and what then follows.

I have said here before that I am neither a believer or a nonbeliever in God or anything similar to that depending on one’s beliefs.

However, since I write just about all of my thoughts here I am going to add this to make sure it is out in the open and not trapped inside my head.

If there is s God, why must wonderful, beautiful, loving people like Tinywhisper11 continue to suffer, hasn’t she suffered enough? What can possibly be gained from the intense onslaught of suffering that she has endured and continued to support others with pure love in hrr heart?

I ask of you to stop her suffering, and let her continue to be a part of this community and with the end of the continual suffering maybe she could start to explore the world and enjoy it as it should be enjoyed.

Hi light.

You probably saw the message for Tiny. She's not feeling well and has to stay away from the computer. I'll start to read a bit now - very much you have written.

Light.

I need to take a break now - I don't know for sure when I can come back to read more.

Once again wake up from a nap. Try to reach for a drink and knock everything overboard. Thank goodness the drinks were in plastic bottles with lids. Of course I haven’t tipped to the lips yet, because I still miss that big hole once in awhile. I have to get up and that claw grabber thing to pick them up.

Even as depressed as I am, it is just ridiculous intentionally trying to catnap to not watch the clock tick. I think I am glad I don’t have a grandfather clock or a cuckoo clock because I probably would’ve reduced them to rubble by now, that constant ticking of the seconds. I think since I have seriously immersed myself into the hermit lifestyle I have really started to somewhat enjoy the peace and quiet. However, I do turn on the tv and dvd player and put something on just for some background noise most of the time. But I have a pesky cricket in here now, and it’s driving me crazier than I already am. Outside, in the fields where they belong is ok but in my home, and unfortunately all around the outside of my home seems to be a hotbed for them almost every year. I used to spray to keep them away but this year my body has kept me from that task. Flies are a pain as well. However right now it seems just a couple at a time. To land on me s annoy me and disappear, the cricket does its thing til I get near and crawls underneath something, then like a smart mouthed person as soon as I walk away starts its chirping again, I turn around and silence. Same with the flies. I lay back still and its on me again,

I have a thing about bugs crawling on me , not sure why that is but it is not an enjoyable feeling.

Bees I don’t mind unless they are hovering around me. That one I distinctly remember the situation where I was gifted the joyous dislike of bees near me.

I, once again was young, I was at somebody’s house, a friend of my mother’s I think. Anyway, they were cutting up some scrap cars in the woods by their house, I was bored so I went out to the edge of the woods, at the edge of a field I believe. There were a couple of oil or fuel tanks that had a walkway connecting them that was maybe five feet off the ground, steps leading up to it. I went up the steps and sat down on the edge of the catwalk. After a bit I heard the buzzing noise, I finally focused on a very large hornet’s nest, a very active one as well, its location, hanging off of the very steps I walked up. Being young and not really that bright, instead of jumping off the catwalk to the grass below, I made the decision to ho down the steps, ok say it , what a complete moron. I went down the steps and if someone would have filmed it , that would’ve been the beginning of what many might’ve described as a hilarious running through the woods arms and legs flailing trying to pull them off as I went, crying and yelling, screaming I am not sure if I was vocal or not , I am assuming I was . I vaguely remember some lady there putting me in a vehicle and taking me to the hospital, it must’ve been a long drive even though she seemed to be weaving in and out of traffic, honking the horn and yelling at the other drivers.I remember an extremely long , I do mean long wait laying in a hospital bed while they tried to count the bites , I believe they stopped counting around 180 bites. Yes they were bites fro a type of hornet. I remember trying to pull them off , they were extremely attached to my skin. You know if you pinch a section of skin and pull it away from your body. That was happening with every one I tried to remove. Back to the hospital, that extremely long wait and that poor scared woman racing me to the hospital only for them to give me benadryl, Ever since that day I have had an issue with bees , one with them hovering around me and I became deathly allergic to bees. I think now I am not so allergic.

@Tinywhisper11

Sending you wishes to feel better soon

💕💕Gentle loving hugs 💕💕

I have read somewhere that when one starts remembering lots of forgotten memories, especially ones concerning their own youth, that that is a strong indication that time is winding down for them.

I wonder what it feels like to actually enjoy life. To sit in a chair on the porch watching the sunrise or sunset, stars in the sky, trees blooming, etc. etc.,

Instead of seeing the negative aspects of all of those.

Hiding in the house, all the curtains drawn shut. And remaining under the covers throughout my time at home. Literally hiding from life.

Well I was due.. how many weeks? Just opened my dew and it exploded all over me and my bed. By the time I sopped up some of it. The pain of course took over. So I laid a towel down. Laid down and then realized the comforter was soaked as well . I hate my life.

The so called life I have led. The so called life I will leas in the future.