Ramblings 3

@Tinywhispee11

Thank you. I am always thankful that I have been blessed with wonderful friends like you by my side. I will try and come back here before I go tomorrow. ❤️ I love you too ❤️

@Tinywhisper11

Sorry for missing your messages. This headache has really been a nightmare. I will try and do better ❤️

I apologize if I have missed any of your messages and in turn not responded back. My ramblings are confusing at times even for me. Trying to scroll back through is sometimes difficult for me due to my focus issues.

I just finished a little shower. I actually lasted a short time longer this time. I think it was because of the shower chair that I think it was Twist that suggested using. If I am wrong on who it was I apologize once again. It was awkward but I think effective. Unfortunately it didn’t fit at the end of my bathtub, so it had to be about a third of the way towards the other end. But the pain level was minimal for a short while longer.

Headache is still there , I will hobble over and get some Advil shortly.

Did I have a severe headache and upset stomach before the last appointment. Stomach isn’t terrible but it doesn’t like receiving any deposits. Maybe it’s the anxiety and stress , add in the closer it’s getting to actual surgery.

My mind is making me physically ill I suppose. I know my anxieties are overwhelming most of the time anymore.

I still think surgery or possibly surgeries is the best option. I just think I am a little more, no , a lot more scared than I thought about undergoing surgery. I have been through more than my share when I was young.

My mind runs with the facts that I am not young, plus everything that happens to me anymore increases the pain and suffering I am forced to endure. My mind races to the worst scenarios and adds that to my thoughts.

I know I have my friends here that are by my side and holding my hand, and supporting me with their presence and love. They also know by now my mind tries to hide them from me when I am struggling.

Focus fading again

@Iamwhoiamwhoami yyy goodmorning sweetie ❤ I know it's not morning for you. It's natural to be scared going into surgery, but the doctors do it a million times a day, so you'll be just fine ❤ I think your tummy issues where just before you saw the last surgeon, but yeah mental illness can affect you physically too🙁 is your head still bad now??

@Tinywhisper11

Morning to you too. Yes, I still have a headache. ❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I wish I could be there with you today ❤

@Tiny whisper11

You are in my heart ❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami maybe the pain from your headache may be a good distraction in the taxi. Well not a good one, but it might help shift focus. Don't worry you won't be there long, then you can come home and relax ❤

@Tinywhisper11

I’m sure you’re right, you normally are. ❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

lol! Is not that a fine one; "You normally are!"

@Iamwhoiamwhoami well done for having a shower ❤ I know how hard it can be, so I'm proud of you ❤ what does your shower gel smell off?? 

@Tinywhisper11

I am not sure what it is. I think it is one of those scents for “men “ . I buy my shampoo in bulk and as cheap as possible.

My work, which I don’t want to describe here due to possible chance of someone identifying me from it, but my work involves getting pretty filthy with stuff that doesn’t come off easily. So , bulk and cheap because of the excessive amount I use to clean.

I would rather use the “feminine “ scented shampoo. And perfume. I actually think I still have a bottle or two of perfume left somewhere. I just don’t use them because of my work.

I like the smells better than the “manly “scents.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami do you remember when to start taking extra meds?? Do you remember how much??

@Tinywhisper11

I think I am ok with that part. ❤️❤️

@Tinywhisper11

How are you doing? How are you feeling? ❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm ok ❤ what are your thoughts right now?? Sorry I'm gonna be on and off the site, but I'll keep checking in on you ❤❤

YYY

@Tinywhisper11

I am trying hard to focus on you and Helga , Twist , Blue, Amiable, and Pieces, and any others that are with me in my heart, and by my side in spirit. ❤️❤️

No, worries. I am kind of that way anyway most of the time. I start a response right after I get a message from you or the others and it takes me ten minutes to write a simple response . Longer if I ramble.

❤️ Embracing you in a warm, comforting hug, I love you ❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami. Yyy we are definitely all by yourside, especially today. Don't worry I'm gonna have a shower later, well half a shower, I gotta be carefull. So anyway we'll smell like strawberries😁

@Tinywhisper11

Strawberries….beautiful smell.❤️

I don’t normally stay on the site if I am not writing any of my ramblings. If I am awake I try and respond to messages as promptly as my mind allows. But if I am asleep in one of my old timer naps, then I unfortunately don’t get a prompt response out .

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I don't get anything on my tablet computer thingy. So I check my bell in the corner of the screen when I come here to see new messages ❤

@Tinywhisper11

I think I set up somewhere, my profile or settings. For the phone app. I would rather use my laptop, but that is too awkward for me to use right now. That doesn’t matter anyway.

If I miss a few messages, unfortunately the bell thingy on my phone, it doesn’t list them out individually. So it makes it difficult for me to find and respond to them. The upvotes? However get listed individually.

❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I have a candle lit, it has a picture of a owl on it. I'm gonna light it in a bit, it will be the light to guide your way safely back and forth the hospital ❤❤hugs you tightly ❤❤ I love you ❤

YYY

@Tinywhisper11

I will try and look out for it in the morning. I think the person picking me up should be here about 7:00 AM. It is 9:46 PM here right now.

❤️❤️I love you too ❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Good luck with your appointment Iam. We'll be with you in heart and spirit. Cheering you on. You've almost gotten to the point where you can have this pain fixed. That the goal. You've made it this far you've got this! ❤️ *sending calm peace* deep breaths ok?

@mytwistedsoul

Thank you. There is a strong possibility that there will be a second surgery at some point. But hopefully this first one minimizes things. ❤️ Receiving calm peace❤️

Thank you.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami do you think you will be able to take a nap before you go??

@Tinywhisper11

I need to try and stay awake for another hour and a half or so to take my pain meds. That way I try and ensure that the medication stays in my system properly for tomorrow. After that I’m hoping to get to sleep for a bit. Which reminds me I better set an alarm for the morning just in case. I need to try and shower again in the morning.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami don't push yourself to shower, you did really well already having one ❤ I know you like to stay clean though ❤ yes set your alarm, hopefully you will get a good sleep ❤ gives you a giant hug ❤ I love you ❤

YYY

@Tinywhisper11

I probably wouldn’t worry do much about another shower, except for the fact I didn’t get to changing the bedding, which is in desperate need of washing. ❤️❤️ I love you too❤️❤️

Hugs you as well ❤️❤️

I just remembered I need to go down to the basement sometime in the next couple days to get the meter reading for my water bill.

That is probably the most painful trip I have to make at home . That is more than a couple of steps. At least it is only once a month.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh wow! You  have a basement, is it scary?? Do you keep secrets down there?? Becareful basement steps always look quite steep😕 we have smart meters here,they allow the reading to automatically go through the electric and gas companies computer

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Good luck ^-^ <3

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'll just whisper just incase.. Are you asleep??

@Tinywhisper11

Nice Tiny.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami are you ready??? Don't worry it will all be ok ❤ your strength amazes me, you can do this ❤

YYY

@Tinywhisper11

I am far from ready. I’m going to take my first dose of meds and try to zone out for another half an hour then try and shower. And then find some clean clothes. It will probably be two hours yet before I am picked up. ❤️❤️ Hugs❤️❤️I love you❤️❤️

I just got out of a quick shower. A lot shorter than yesterday and a lot more pain.

Workingitthrough2, I am not sure where capitalization goes, but I know @mytwistedsoul messages with her, but anyway they just got hit with a hurricane.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami oh no. I hope she's ok😕