Ramblings 3

How about shoulders , arms and scalp???❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami that would be perfect 😁❤❤

@Iamwhoiamwhoami sorry about late replys, I'm not in a great place mentally either. But let's just focus on the phonecall. Keep your mind as calm as possible

YYY

@Tinywhisper11

No worries. You know you’re always welcome to vent about anything here. I promise to listen with open ears and an open heart. I just probably won’t have any answers. Plus I have a shoulder to cry on if needed. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

The phone call will be ok

YYY

@Tinywhisper11

I think it’s my turn to give you a massage, I am not good at them but I will try.❤️

I may have to take a break for a bit. I’m seeing a lot of bright spots in my eyes.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami YYY ok sweetie ❤ try lie down for a little while ❤ we'll talk soon ❤

And thanks ❤ I love you ❤ hugs you tightly ❤

YYY

@Tinywhisper11

❤️I love you ❤️. Hugs you as well ❤️❤️

I did manage to call the hospital earlier this morning. They were supposedly going to check into my options for other surgeons and appointment options. I haven’t heard back from them yet. I will try and remember to call them back in a couple hours if I still haven’t heard back from them.

I’m soooo tired, tired of feeling and being this way. I feel like a freak of nature with the way my life has played out. I am sure that there are many others who struggle nearly the same as me. Knowing that fact, or even having the opportunity to talk with them about everything will not help or change anything.

@Tinywhisper11

I am thinking of you and hoping you are back into the light and out of the darkness. ❤️hugging you snuggly with ❤️

Stomach still twisted up. Found out a little while ago that it will take a couple of days to get an answer regarding a different surgeon. My mind is just spinning I feel like everything around me is just in a haze. Nothing seems to go well, without 20 million hiccups impeding everything.

Some people want to classify everything in other people’s lives. Every thought, movement, decision, etc.

They would probably classify yesterday as a “good” day for me and a “bad” day today. To me they are all the same.

As I lay anticipating the increase of pain levels, my muscles I think have been mostly tense and on edge as well, I think they have a mind of their own. It’s like they are constantly waiting for the pain to come. Knowing it is coming just not 100% sure when.

Somehow coming here is a reflex action. I have zoned out with my brain flickers not remembering coming here. I come into focus either staring at this part opened up waiting for me to write something here within my writings, or at least with the app opened up to the first page, the homepage.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Maybe despite the brain flicker some part of you recognizes this place as a safe space. 

With your stomach all twisted up there's probably a lot of anxiety and with having to wait for an answer and maybe concern of what that answer might be. I know mine gets like that when I'm anxious or nervous about something ❤️ I think it was very brave of you to write that letter about your surgeon. You advocated for yourself Iam. That's a big thing

@mytwistedsoul

I believe you are right as usual. Especially now that I am trapped with my thoughts and this place is my only release and with friends like you here. You try and keep me in check, and help me get through this, whatever this is. .

I think I stirred the pot a little too much with the messages and the brief phone conversation this morning.

The second phone call that I made to them they used the word investigation in their explanation for it possibly taking a few days before I heard anything back from them about this .

I didn’t intend for starting trouble, I just wanted a different surgeon because of how he treated me. That maybe is normal for him and maybe since I am the way I am, I don’t know. I didn’t intend to make it a big issue.

There are several things like that that if it wasn’t for the support from you and the others I wouldn’t have done.

Thank you❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I wish I could be of more help. With them using the word investigation maybe this isn't the first time this was brought to their attention. Maybe in that time they need to look through other complaints or files?

Maybe it is just the way he is that doesn't mean it was acceptable. And you have every right to say you're not comfortable with him as your surgeon. Better you say now then if you would have waited until the day of or a few days before. I think it's better to go into surgery fairly relaxed and confident that your doctor will do a good job than to be afraid and uneasy 

@mytwistedsoul

You do more than enough for me. And I will forever be thankful for you.❤️

That was the main reason for saying anything, relaxed, confident and as comfortable as can be.

Hopefully I didn’t prolong things too much . I just realized I will need to let my insurance company (disability insurance ) know about this delay. I already sent them the paperwork from the surgeon I am trying to pass on. That might be an issue.