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Ramblings 3

Iamwhoiamwhoami December 31st, 2023

Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

@Tinywhisper11

How are you?

💕💕💕Hugs 💕💕💕

3 replies
BlueDarkAurora September 8th

Yeah I hope she's okay too ^-^ She'll be back with her lovely energy and contagious smile 

Tinywhisper11 September 9th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami @BlueDarkAurora 

Thanks for thinking about me, I'm ok'ish🙂 ❤❤ love you both ❤


1 reply
BlueDarkAurora September 9th

@Tinywhisper11 * sends you healing energy* *-* now you'll be getting better every second<3 You're safe in my thoughts, get better soon ^-^

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

I’m laying here literally shaking, Tinywhisper is currently reading my segments that I have added since she has been away. I don’t know if she knows about the part of me I try to keep buried inside. I am fearful of that fact offending her and what then follows.

1 reply
Tinywhisper11 September 9th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I love you for your honesty, and would encourage anyone to embrace their true selves. And now what follows🤔🤔🤔🤔 oh. Oh I know what follows😁 readddyy....

fatcatzcouple-egg-yolk-cat.gif

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

I have said here before that I am neither a believer or a nonbeliever in God or anything similar to that depending on one’s beliefs.

However, since I write just about all of my thoughts here I am going to add this to make sure it is out in the open and not trapped inside my head.

If there is s God, why must wonderful, beautiful, loving people like Tinywhisper11 continue to suffer, hasn’t she suffered enough? What can possibly be gained from the intense onslaught of suffering that she has endured and continued to support others with pure love in hrr heart?

I ask of you to stop her suffering, and let her continue to be a part of this community and with the end of the continual suffering maybe she could start to explore the world and enjoy it as it should be enjoyed.

2 replies
Tinywhisper11 September 9th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami awwww honey😭😭😭😭 you really do have the biggest heart ❤❤ thank you for that prayer ❤❤ I ask God to bless us both, to help us. ❤❤ and we will always be here for each other no matter what happens ❤

1 reply
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 9th

@Tinywhisper11

❤️❤️ I love you , your wonderful words, I lay here imagining what your voice sounds like, speaking those words to me.

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Helgafy September 8th

Hi light.

You probably saw the message for Tiny. She's not feeling well and has to stay away from the computer. I'll start to read a bit now - very much you have written.

1 reply
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

Nice to hear from you again. I hope you’re doing well.

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Helgafy September 8th

Light.

I need to take a break now - I don't know for sure when I can come back to read more.

11 replies
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

Thank you for everything, your support and kindness alongside your questions, especially your kindness regarding the real me buried inside me, they really touched me. Thank you.

6 replies
Helgafy September 8th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Maybe you also get some support in the LGB. - thread/room. Now I go to my livingroom to watch TV. Remember - you're loved for the one you are.

5 replies
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

Thank you

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

@Helgafy

I have written some things there, I didn’t pursue much there. My place is here. Most of the people there are young and I barely relate to people my age. I also normally keep that part of me hidden. It is not a part of my daily life. I try to quickly release those threads of thoughts when I snag one. For some reason today I couldn’t let go . So it ended up written here. So , I just hope that I don’t lose any of you as friends before of this bit of information.

By the way, I really like the way you seperate segments when you respond to my writings. It makes it a lot easier for me to focus on what you wrote and which ones I need to respond to.

Thank you

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 9th

@Helgafy

My mind handed me this string of thought again, and I wanted to add this. Support is always appreciated in regards to whatever I write here. However, as far as this particular topic, I think, I could be mistaken, but I think that I ask for acceptance more than I do support. Acceptance that that is a part of me. I try to keep it buried and try not to bring it up here. But obviously my methods of writing here force it out periodically.

I don’t know why I felt I needed to write this but it’s written now.

From what I understand of your words, You already do accept me as I am . If I am wrong please just tell me so.

Thank you again for exchange of messages today.

2 replies
Helgafy September 9th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Of course I accept you as you are. You're a wonderful human being - a rose.

1 reply
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 9th

@Helgafy

Thank you.

Your kind words mean so much to me.

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Tinywhisper11 September 9th

@Helgafy please look after yourself ❤❤ and keep checking in when you can ❤ hugs you tightly ❤

3 replies
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 9th

@Tinywhidper11

@Helgafy

Yeah, what she said. ❤️❤️

2 replies
Helgafy September 9th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Iam-I have noticed you sometimes write Tinywhidper11 - it is Tinywhisper11 - at my tastatur the D and S is next to each other - so maybe that's why.

1 reply
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 9th

@Helgafy

I have clumsy fingers and typing on my phone. I make a lot of mistakes that I try very desperately to correct. But I do miss quite a few. I recently did something similar with someone else’s name. Thank you for catching that I will try and to better with that.

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

Once again wake up from a nap. Try to reach for a drink and knock everything overboard. Thank goodness the drinks were in plastic bottles with lids. Of course I haven’t tipped to the lips yet, because I still miss that big hole once in awhile. I have to get up and that claw grabber thing to pick them up.

Even as depressed as I am, it is just ridiculous intentionally trying to catnap to not watch the clock tick. I think I am glad I don’t have a grandfather clock or a cuckoo clock because I probably would’ve reduced them to rubble by now, that constant ticking of the seconds. I think since I have seriously immersed myself into the hermit lifestyle I have really started to somewhat enjoy the peace and quiet. However, I do turn on the tv and dvd player and put something on just for some background noise most of the time. But I have a pesky cricket in here now, and it’s driving me crazier than I already am. Outside, in the fields where they belong is ok but in my home, and unfortunately all around the outside of my home seems to be a hotbed for them almost every year. I used to spray to keep them away but this year my body has kept me from that task. Flies are a pain as well. However right now it seems just a couple at a time. To land on me s annoy me and disappear, the cricket does its thing til I get near and crawls underneath something, then like a smart mouthed person as soon as I walk away starts its chirping again, I turn around and silence. Same with the flies. I lay back still and its on me again,

I have a thing about bugs crawling on me , not sure why that is but it is not an enjoyable feeling.

Bees I don’t mind unless they are hovering around me. That one I distinctly remember the situation where I was gifted the joyous dislike of bees near me.

I, once again was young, I was at somebody’s house, a friend of my mother’s I think. Anyway, they were cutting up some scrap cars in the woods by their house, I was bored so I went out to the edge of the woods, at the edge of a field I believe. There were a couple of oil or fuel tanks that had a walkway connecting them that was maybe five feet off the ground, steps leading up to it. I went up the steps and sat down on the edge of the catwalk. After a bit I heard the buzzing noise, I finally focused on a very large hornet’s nest, a very active one as well, its location, hanging off of the very steps I walked up. Being young and not really that bright, instead of jumping off the catwalk to the grass below, I made the decision to ho down the steps, ok say it , what a complete moron. I went down the steps and if someone would have filmed it , that would’ve been the beginning of what many might’ve described as a hilarious running through the woods arms and legs flailing trying to pull them off as I went, crying and yelling, screaming I am not sure if I was vocal or not , I am assuming I was . I vaguely remember some lady there putting me in a vehicle and taking me to the hospital, it must’ve been a long drive even though she seemed to be weaving in and out of traffic, honking the horn and yelling at the other drivers.I remember an extremely long , I do mean long wait laying in a hospital bed while they tried to count the bites , I believe they stopped counting around 180 bites. Yes they were bites fro a type of hornet. I remember trying to pull them off , they were extremely attached to my skin. You know if you pinch a section of skin and pull it away from your body. That was happening with every one I tried to remove. Back to the hospital, that extremely long wait and that poor scared woman racing me to the hospital only for them to give me benadryl, Ever since that day I have had an issue with bees , one with them hovering around me and I became deathly allergic to bees. I think now I am not so allergic.

2 replies
Tinywhisper11 September 9th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Ha Ha😂😂😂 yep would have been funny to see you running like a cartoon character😂😂😂

ok laughing over😁😁😂😂😁 I don't really like insects especially if they are close by😱 but yep I would be terrified of bees too, if that happened to me😱 bless you ❤

1 reply
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 9th

Whenever that incident comes to the forefront in my thoughts, I sometimes wonder what the people cutting those cars apart were thinking when I went by them.

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

@Tinywhisper11

Sending you wishes to feel better soon

💕💕Gentle loving hugs 💕💕

2 replies
Tinywhisper11 September 9th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami huggggggs you back ❤

1 reply
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 9th

❤️❤️❤️❤️ Pleasantly accepted and enjoying

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

I have read somewhere that when one starts remembering lots of forgotten memories, especially ones concerning their own youth, that that is a strong indication that time is winding down for them.

4 replies
Helgafy September 9th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Here is what I googled: Wind-down time is when you engage in activities

that help you relax and prepare for a good night's sleep

I also think it can mean that you start to heal (when you remember things). Tiny has experienced the same - when you can deal with it it pops up in your mind.

1 reply
Tinywhisper11 September 9th

@Helgafy yep helga's right. Unfortunately remembering some things you pushed away. Is a step forward in the healing process. It's not nice though, but don't worry I'm here for you ❤ and so are all your other friends here, just keep on writing your thoughts ❤

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Tinywhisper11 September 9th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok sweetie I need to get off the computer now, my eyes keep going blurry. I'll be back as soon as I can ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I love you ❤

1 reply
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 9th

ok ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Hug❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

I wonder what it feels like to actually enjoy life. To sit in a chair on the porch watching the sunrise or sunset, stars in the sky, trees blooming, etc. etc.,

Instead of seeing the negative aspects of all of those.

Hiding in the house, all the curtains drawn shut. And remaining under the covers throughout my time at home. Literally hiding from life.

Well I was due.. how many weeks? Just opened my dew and it exploded all over me and my bed. By the time I sopped up some of it. The pain of course took over. So I laid a towel down. Laid down and then realized the comforter was soaked as well . I hate my life.

2 replies
BlueDarkAurora September 9th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami thoughts like that, all the wishing and dreaming about what it would be like can lead to building up a will to want that. Keep your dreams alive, let yourself wonder about all that you love and want in life, allow yourself to feel what it would be like to have them. It's something that keeps us here, makes us want to go on and hopefully someday be able to have it all<3 

The soda incident is frustrating ^^ I'm clumsy lol that has happened too many times xD  I hope it's all dry now.

1 reply
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 9th

@BlueDarkAurora

I will try to keep them alive, right now I am feeling the warmth from several of you at once. It feels really nice.

Thank you, your words continue to make me feel special.

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 8th

The so called life I have led. The so called life I will leas in the future.