Ramblings 3

Iamwhoiamjustacceptitalready that should be my new name here

@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂😂 hey if your changing your name I'm changing mine, to princessTinyBigmouth😂😂😂

@Tinywhisper11

You would still be the same beautiful person you are, regardless of your name,

But if that is the name you want, I am still here with you.❤️❤️

It just dawned on me as I waddled to my freezer for an ice cream cone, that I have too many trash cans for one person.

one in the laundry room

one in bathroom

one in kitchen

two in bedroom

one in my desk

one in the garage

If I can still add , that makes seven for only me

Probable reasoning , to save steps, convenience….

@Tinywhisper11

How are you?

💕💕💕Hugs 💕💕💕

Yeah I hope she's okay too ^-^ She'll be back with her lovely energy and contagious smile 

@Iamwhoiamwhoami @BlueDarkAurora 

Thanks for thinking about me, I'm ok'ish🙂 ❤❤ love you both ❤

@Tinywhisper11 * sends you healing energy* *-* now you'll be getting better every second<3 You're safe in my thoughts, get better soon ^-^

I’m laying here literally shaking, Tinywhisper is currently reading my segments that I have added since she has been away. I don’t know if she knows about the part of me I try to keep buried inside. I am fearful of that fact offending her and what then follows.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I love you for your honesty, and would encourage anyone to embrace their true selves. And now what follows🤔🤔🤔🤔 oh. Oh I know what follows😁 readddyy....

I have said here before that I am neither a believer or a nonbeliever in God or anything similar to that depending on one’s beliefs.

However, since I write just about all of my thoughts here I am going to add this to make sure it is out in the open and not trapped inside my head.

If there is s God, why must wonderful, beautiful, loving people like Tinywhisper11 continue to suffer, hasn’t she suffered enough? What can possibly be gained from the intense onslaught of suffering that she has endured and continued to support others with pure love in hrr heart?

I ask of you to stop her suffering, and let her continue to be a part of this community and with the end of the continual suffering maybe she could start to explore the world and enjoy it as it should be enjoyed.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami awwww honey😭😭😭😭 you really do have the biggest heart ❤❤ thank you for that prayer ❤❤ I ask God to bless us both, to help us. ❤❤ and we will always be here for each other no matter what happens ❤

@Tinywhisper11

❤️❤️ I love you , your wonderful words, I lay here imagining what your voice sounds like, speaking those words to me.

Hi light.

You probably saw the message for Tiny. She's not feeling well and has to stay away from the computer. I'll start to read a bit now - very much you have written.

Nice to hear from you again. I hope you’re doing well.

Light.

I need to take a break now - I don't know for sure when I can come back to read more.

Thank you for everything, your support and kindness alongside your questions, especially your kindness regarding the real me buried inside me, they really touched me. Thank you.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Maybe you also get some support in the LGB. - thread/room. Now I go to my livingroom to watch TV. Remember - you're loved for the one you are.

Thank you

@Helgafy

I have written some things there, I didn’t pursue much there. My place is here. Most of the people there are young and I barely relate to people my age. I also normally keep that part of me hidden. It is not a part of my daily life. I try to quickly release those threads of thoughts when I snag one. For some reason today I couldn’t let go . So it ended up written here. So , I just hope that I don’t lose any of you as friends before of this bit of information.

By the way, I really like the way you seperate segments when you respond to my writings. It makes it a lot easier for me to focus on what you wrote and which ones I need to respond to.

Thank you

@Helgafy

My mind handed me this string of thought again, and I wanted to add this. Support is always appreciated in regards to whatever I write here. However, as far as this particular topic, I think, I could be mistaken, but I think that I ask for acceptance more than I do support. Acceptance that that is a part of me. I try to keep it buried and try not to bring it up here. But obviously my methods of writing here force it out periodically.

I don’t know why I felt I needed to write this but it’s written now.

From what I understand of your words, You already do accept me as I am . If I am wrong please just tell me so.

Thank you again for exchange of messages today.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Of course I accept you as you are. You're a wonderful human being - a rose.

@Helgafy

Thank you.

Your kind words mean so much to me.

@Helgafy please look after yourself ❤❤ and keep checking in when you can ❤ hugs you tightly ❤

@Tinywhidper11

@Helgafy

Yeah, what she said. ❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Iam-I have noticed you sometimes write Tinywhidper11 - it is Tinywhisper11 - at my tastatur the D and S is next to each other - so maybe that's why.

@Helgafy

I have clumsy fingers and typing on my phone. I make a lot of mistakes that I try very desperately to correct. But I do miss quite a few. I recently did something similar with someone else’s name. Thank you for catching that I will try and to better with that.

Once again wake up from a nap. Try to reach for a drink and knock everything overboard. Thank goodness the drinks were in plastic bottles with lids. Of course I haven’t tipped to the lips yet, because I still miss that big hole once in awhile. I have to get up and that claw grabber thing to pick them up.

Even as depressed as I am, it is just ridiculous intentionally trying to catnap to not watch the clock tick. I think I am glad I don’t have a grandfather clock or a cuckoo clock because I probably would’ve reduced them to rubble by now, that constant ticking of the seconds. I think since I have seriously immersed myself into the hermit lifestyle I have really started to somewhat enjoy the peace and quiet. However, I do turn on the tv and dvd player and put something on just for some background noise most of the time. But I have a pesky cricket in here now, and it’s driving me crazier than I already am. Outside, in the fields where they belong is ok but in my home, and unfortunately all around the outside of my home seems to be a hotbed for them almost every year. I used to spray to keep them away but this year my body has kept me from that task. Flies are a pain as well. However right now it seems just a couple at a time. To land on me s annoy me and disappear, the cricket does its thing til I get near and crawls underneath something, then like a smart mouthed person as soon as I walk away starts its chirping again, I turn around and silence. Same with the flies. I lay back still and its on me again,

I have a thing about bugs crawling on me , not sure why that is but it is not an enjoyable feeling.

Bees I don’t mind unless they are hovering around me. That one I distinctly remember the situation where I was gifted the joyous dislike of bees near me.

I, once again was young, I was at somebody’s house, a friend of my mother’s I think. Anyway, they were cutting up some scrap cars in the woods by their house, I was bored so I went out to the edge of the woods, at the edge of a field I believe. There were a couple of oil or fuel tanks that had a walkway connecting them that was maybe five feet off the ground, steps leading up to it. I went up the steps and sat down on the edge of the catwalk. After a bit I heard the buzzing noise, I finally focused on a very large hornet’s nest, a very active one as well, its location, hanging off of the very steps I walked up. Being young and not really that bright, instead of jumping off the catwalk to the grass below, I made the decision to ho down the steps, ok say it , what a complete moron. I went down the steps and if someone would have filmed it , that would’ve been the beginning of what many might’ve described as a hilarious running through the woods arms and legs flailing trying to pull them off as I went, crying and yelling, screaming I am not sure if I was vocal or not , I am assuming I was . I vaguely remember some lady there putting me in a vehicle and taking me to the hospital, it must’ve been a long drive even though she seemed to be weaving in and out of traffic, honking the horn and yelling at the other drivers.I remember an extremely long , I do mean long wait laying in a hospital bed while they tried to count the bites , I believe they stopped counting around 180 bites. Yes they were bites fro a type of hornet. I remember trying to pull them off , they were extremely attached to my skin. You know if you pinch a section of skin and pull it away from your body. That was happening with every one I tried to remove. Back to the hospital, that extremely long wait and that poor scared woman racing me to the hospital only for them to give me benadryl, Ever since that day I have had an issue with bees , one with them hovering around me and I became deathly allergic to bees. I think now I am not so allergic.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Ha Ha😂😂😂 yep would have been funny to see you running like a cartoon character😂😂😂

ok laughing over😁😁😂😂😁 I don't really like insects especially if they are close by😱 but yep I would be terrified of bees too, if that happened to me😱 bless you ❤

Whenever that incident comes to the forefront in my thoughts, I sometimes wonder what the people cutting those cars apart were thinking when I went by them.

@Tinywhisper11

Sending you wishes to feel better soon

💕💕Gentle loving hugs 💕💕

@Iamwhoiamwhoami huggggggs you back ❤

❤️❤️❤️❤️ Pleasantly accepted and enjoying

I have read somewhere that when one starts remembering lots of forgotten memories, especially ones concerning their own youth, that that is a strong indication that time is winding down for them.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Here is what I googled: Wind-down time is when you engage in activities

that help you relax and prepare for a good night's sleep. 

I also think it can mean that you start to heal (when you remember things). Tiny has experienced the same - when you can deal with it it pops up in your mind.

@Helgafy yep helga's right. Unfortunately remembering some things you pushed away. Is a step forward in the healing process. It's not nice though, but don't worry I'm here for you ❤ and so are all your other friends here, just keep on writing your thoughts ❤

@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok sweetie I need to get off the computer now, my eyes keep going blurry. I'll be back as soon as I can ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I love you ❤

ok ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Hug❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I wonder what it feels like to actually enjoy life. To sit in a chair on the porch watching the sunrise or sunset, stars in the sky, trees blooming, etc. etc.,

Instead of seeing the negative aspects of all of those.

Hiding in the house, all the curtains drawn shut. And remaining under the covers throughout my time at home. Literally hiding from life.

Well I was due.. how many weeks? Just opened my dew and it exploded all over me and my bed. By the time I sopped up some of it. The pain of course took over. So I laid a towel down. Laid down and then realized the comforter was soaked as well . I hate my life.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami thoughts like that, all the wishing and dreaming about what it would be like can lead to building up a will to want that. Keep your dreams alive, let yourself wonder about all that you love and want in life, allow yourself to feel what it would be like to have them. It's something that keeps us here, makes us want to go on and hopefully someday be able to have it all<3 

The soda incident is frustrating ^^ I'm clumsy lol that has happened too many times xD  I hope it's all dry now.