Ramblings 3

I see what these people point out to me. It just seems like it’s washed away immediately after. It’s like this darkness surrounds me in a glass casing so that I can see these things but never touch them.

It was mentioned by mytwisted soul about my not lashing out. That is not something I can imagine doing. I think my biggest fear in regards to my writing (besides triggering someone), is that I not respond in kind to anyone and everyone who reaches out to me. Even if it is short and sweet. There are plenty of times I read the things you all write to me and my darkness is so overwhelming I want to just ignore those kind words completely. But I can’t do that, you are struggling just as I am and you made the effort to reach out to me , I can’t ignore your efforts and your kindness. Sometimes it may be a simple thank you, others I may ramble a bit, I just hope that if I ever do not reach back out to you that you do not take that as a sign that I don’t appreciate you and your kindness. Because I do appreciate all of you.

@Iamwhoiamwhoami good morning sweetie ❤❤ sorry I couldn't be online yesterday. This stupid pneumonia isn't getting better🙁 it will though, lots of soup and icecream😁❤

we know how much we all mean to you ❤❤ just like you know how much we love you ❤ when is your appointment with the surgeon??? You have to keep reminding me of these things, cause processing new information can be a bit hard for me sometimes.

what music do you like?? Or used to like??

@Iamwhoiamwhoami I was just listening to Glen cambell, he's a old country singer, he's pretty good😁 I've just woke up😁 I neeeeeddd coffee 😋 hugs you tightly ❤ I love you ❤

@Tinywhisper11

Are you ok?

I am so sorry, I said the wrong thing again. 😭😞😭😞😭😢😢😢🥹🥹I am truly so sorry……❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@Iamwhoiamwhoami no sweetie you didn't say the wrong thing ❤ sorry my carers were getting me dressed and taking meds ❤

@Iamwhoiamwhoami joshuas tree is the willow tree in the garden🙂 his cross is under it ❤ it's only 2am so it's to dark to go out yet. But as soon as it gets light I will go outside🙂 I'm in my room at the moment ❤

@Iamwhoiamwhoami damn! I'm gonna go. Be sick. Sorry I'll get back when I can ❤❤ love you ❤

I did find out that a store I am definitely not a fan of, started delivery out to my area. I tested out the reliability the other day when I needed some meds for constipation from the meds I am taking. To make the trip worthwhile for them I ordered some of the stuff that the order I made from the other store last week? Didn’t have. My idiotic brain didn’t look at that order to verify what I needed, so I am definitely stocked on microwaveable breakfast sandwiches. Plus neither order did I order anything for anything different for a daytime meal.

so I ordered again from that store I don’t like this morning. To order those few things, and again I ordered a few other things to make it worthwhile. Then I find out after they were on their way here that those extra things were out of stock and had to be ordered and will be delivered in a couple of days. So this trip was a profitable one for the driver. They get a percentage of total order cost , plus I tip a little extra because I don’t necessarily trust that store to actually give the driver the tip paid on order. I used to work for that store after my breakdown for a little while and I was appalled at their treatment of people.