Every year over 50 there is less energy to live and be happy

@LostTurtle2 Have you tried talking to a therapist?

If not I would suggest that you might, want to give it a try.

If you cannot find one, 7cups has therapists.

To connect to a therapist please visit: https://www.7Cups.com/online-therapy/?Ob=1

I hope this helps.

@LostTurtle2. I could see how there might be more grief since the people we know are getting older and we may have more losses. I have met people who got more depressed and anxious after 50 and others who haven’t. So it doesn’t happen to everyone. We have discussions related to topics for people 50plus. I see that you are working but I will give you the schedule just in case

For the schedule for future discussions check here:

https://www.7cups.com/forum/50OverCommunity_193/TeamToolsandTeamUpdates_1705/50plusDiscussionsScheduleandTopics_207920/

I have found mindfulness to be helpful with depression and anxiety

5. You can listen to videos in mindfulness video library http://tinyurl.com/kcr5lxq

@adventurousBranch3786

thanks for the schedule. no go in my time zone. i'll try to remember to join when and if i retire.

good point about meditations. i'll do it now.

Meditations are a good idea

Yes. For me, it started after I reached 65 and ever since, every day is a struggle to remind myself to look at the bright side. I'm looking for a group to discuss the challenge of growing old. Like you, on the surface, I'm fine. But inside, I sometimes question the point of going on. There's no upside - slow deterioration of health, even onset of dementia, if not worse, being bedridden and whatnot. I've given my best over the years and yet, I've made my mistakes as well - big ones that I wish I can undo or make better. My counsellor tells me not to be disappointed in myself, but actually, it's life I'm disappointed in. It's a lot less than I had hoped for. Yes, there were good times and things I can be grateful for. But in the things that matter - finding someone to love and who loves me back, being a good dad and raising my children, my career - all these were less than I expected. Most of the time, these days, I feel that life is rather pointless. But there's something still in me that wants to live on, and live my life fully, and so I continue to struggle. Day by day. Maybe we can give each other courage?

You seem to be a level headed, reasonable and educated American based on my powers of deduction... I would like to to tell you that the world is a better place with you in it still so don't go anywhere... and also, what are you currently doing to give back to.your church, community, and general societal issues / needs??

I agree. There should be a group chat for the 50+ community like the other communities

@BrokenWingsThatFly

‘Hi here is the schedule of group discussions for 50plus. There is an open chat on Monday’s 630pm edt and Friday’s 600pm edt.

https://www.7cups.com/forum/50OverCommunity_193/TeamToolsandTeamUpdates_1705/50plusDiscussionsScheduleandTopics_207920/

@Groldingold

The only reason I don't give myself an early exit is that I don't hate me - I hate my life!

But I can't escape it! I'm stuck

I WANT OUT

@LostTurtle2

Let's stay here for a while. Hopefully, there will be a few more people who may open up and share as well. One of the most difficult parts for me was the surprise. I thought I'd just grow older without experiencing it in a negative way. I thought that I'd just be slower and weaker, a kind of reverse growing up without all the negative thoughts and emotions. I grew up with grandparents and my uncle is now 100 years old. He's got dementia and sees every day anew, forgetting what happened the day before. I have no idea if he's happy or sad. He always puts on a happy face and so, I never thought his life was difficult or that he might be desperately unhappy.

The thing is this. Yes, it's all over. Our best years are behind us and what's ahead is deterioration, illness and eventually death. To some extent, I've lost my natural desire to live. I used to have a zest for life. It's gone now. But, honestly, is this how I want to live my final years? I can understand now why some old people are always grumpy and maybe even angry. I feel like I've wasted my best years but again, to be honest, I don't know if I'd be able to live it any better. I think it'll still be the same, I'll still have my regrets. Only perhaps different ones.

At the end of the day, it is what it is. We tried our best and mostly, learnt things the hard way. I look at the young people today who's taking over my work and I get angry because they don't ask for my advice and make the stupidest decisions. And then I remembered that I didn't ask for my seniors' advice either. I wanted to do things my way and didn't want to be told to do it differently.

Looking back, I honestly don't know what would change if i had the chance to live my life again. It wasn't what I thought it world be. I'm disappointed and depressed. I see that life is unfair and it's not always the good people who are rewarded. I feel a lot like the guy in Ecclesiastes (dunno if you are familiar with the Bible). Everything is so meaningless.

So, how? Try to be as happy as you can for the rest of your life. Rediscover, or maybe discover for the first time, how wonderful life is. Revisit the fundamental questions you thought you solved but realize now you haven't. Is there God? Growing old, turning 65, was when I redefined what life means to me. And I continue to work my way through that. Trying to be positive was too difficult, I try to just be constructive. Just don't go down the rabbit hole.

I want us to talk about growing old for what it is - a depressing and deteriorating time as we prepare to die. Somehow, accepting it and not trying to fight growing old, but doing my best to be as happy as I can be, as productive as I can be, as healthy as I can be, seems like an acceptable way forward. Not overdoing it, but not just surrendering to depression, is good enough. Maybe there'll be a final burst, a final glory, who knows. Keep going, keep hoping, but not pretending. I think it'll be nice to hear a few more people in their journey.

@LostTurtle2

I don't know if I believe in an authentic you. Are we not living true to ourselves anyway? Just because we adapt to others more than they adapt to us doesn't mean we're not authentic. Is it right to walk out on your wife or children or friends just because you feel the urge to live your life more adventurously? I dunno. I don't think I'd be any happier if I left. I made my bed. If I had a choice to do it differently, it'll probably just be a different bed. I still won't have lived my life any more truly or authentically. In that sense, I don't regret what I did or didn't do. In that sense, I think life is meaningless and it makes no difference how you live it. The authentic you is the you that has lived your life.

@Groldingold

by authentic myself, i meant being able to say things i feel or think. but you are right, some of that is about trying new things or meeting new people. i feel locked up in a cage now...

i agree with you with a slow death. as we emerge into this world in a rapid and last push by our mothers, it takes us 20+ years to mature (some of us much longer, lol). then it makes a total sense that before we take the last gasp of air, we slowly regress and get closer to the end. just as we're anxious as teenagers and going through hormonal surge, the same is in reverse when our hormones go down, but we grow more depressed.

the only thing that makes me optimistic is that i hope i'll leave a legacy after i'm gone. that i was a "good enough" parent, husband, friend, etc. and that i trained some of young people who replace our generation here.

the most beautiful thing I've experienced in my life is the love i gave to others and the love i received in return. even though i was perfectly imperfect, i treasure it and it's my spirituality and religion.

@LostTurtle2

You are right on the money. One thing I learnt the hard way is that letting go and allowing myself to sink into depression accelerated my aging and I developed knee pain (osteoarthritis) very quickly after that. For us old folks, keeping our spirits up is really important to maintaining our health.

For me, I'm 68 now, I was OK until I was 65, and I thought I'd explore what it feels like to let myself go. I have been generally quite positive about myself until then. It wasn't as though my life was perfect, but I always fought back and tried to live my life as fully as I could. My one caveat is that I don't hurt anyone in the process, so having flings where the other partner is left broken-hearted is out for me. Ditto divorce, unless our relationship was so bad that I have no choice. But I think it takes two to tango, and if at least one party is willing to be loving and giving, most people will respond in kind. I wouldn't say I married my perfect mate, nor she me, but we hung in there.

I too look towards my legacy. I don't think my life is measured by how happy I am but by the legacy I leave behind. So, I don't regret not giving in to my baser desires, not the compromises I made in my life. I do wish that life has turned out better for me and look with envy at those who are more successful than me - more freedom to do what they want, richer, more successful in their career, healthier, etc. But it is what it is. I don't know if I would have fared any better if I could live my life again. All that remains is to live the rest as best as I can.

It is very difficult. A daily struggle. But it's better than the alternative - letting go and allowing the natural deterioration to progress. In some ways, these final years are our biggest challenge and will perhaps define who we really are. I am conscious of having to choose how I want to live my life everyday, of making the effort to stay positive and perhaps do even better than I used to. For example, I've decided to be more tolerant rather than intolerant and to support the young people in their journey no matter how silly I think they are or how "disrespectfully" they treat me. It's just my ego, after all.

On the one hand, I try to look after myself more and pay more attention to my own needs. But on the other, I am trying to accept that life goes on, and perhaps I'm past my prime. Rather than letting it just pass by, I will try my best to squeeze what I can out of it. And the older I get, the harder I'll try, lol.

Thank you for this thread. I've been looking for someone to talk to like this for ages. Since the struggles of growing old hit me. I wish someone told me. Now that I think about it, I remember that people did warn me how not looking after my health will come back and plague me in my old age. But no one told me about the depression. Maybe they didn't go through that because they were fighters and never thought to give in.

Interesting that this thread came up. I haven't reached 50 but it's coming soon enough (due to health conditions, I often act like a man in his late 60's+!). As we all know, the older you get the quicker it flies by you. It feels like my mid-thirties were only a year or two in duration, five years ago--even though the calendar tells me otherwise.

Re aging, decline & death: There is not much more that I can add, as the two of you have covered it quite well already. I certainly don't claim any special wisdom for handling the inevitable decline & end that follows the birth & growth of every human being. I can only say that from what I've seen, regrets often accompany growing older even though we all know they're useless since time flows in one direction only. Unlike you, I never married nor sired any children (as far as I know). There was one time when I seriously wanted to tie the knot, but it didn't work out. My only real regrets are 1) going in the direction I did when I was in college, & 2) getting involved with the wrong people a few years ago.

I wish I had better answers for you, or for anyone who has passed his/her peak & knows it's all downhill from here. I think about physical decline & death quite often, probably too much. Recent developments have encouraged my ruminations on it... The only real advice I have is if you know what your purpose in this world is by now--& you probably do--keep doing your best to fulfil it. If you can't, then figure out a different purpose you can fulfil, & do it for as long as your body & mind hold up. The meaning of life is a life of meaning...cliched, yeah, but it's true. If you can become sufficiently absorbed in tasks that speak to your own mind & leave a mark on this world, then you will be too busy to think about your inevitable demise.

@diplomaticTurtle8314

yes, i need to remember to get to do some joyful things everyday. even though i may not feel like it. going to this site and replying to threads that need to be replied and listening to people who want to be listened to gives me some of that joy, but the needs here are so great. there are so many members, its a bit overwhelming. so, anyhow, thanks for chiming in. it's very helpful...

Life is what you make out of it.

Only you can control how you feel and choose to do with it.

Learning to look at the good and being positive.

Setting reminders fir yourself to be positive and have good thoughts.

There is more good to come.

I guess its a natural effect on the nervous system. Its completely normal to feel what you feel and talking to others might just help!

@LostTurtle2

It sounds like you may have depression. It will not go away on its own. I know from experience. See your doctor and then your doctor will maybe recommend you to a psychiatrist. Depression and anxiety is very treatable. When you get help for it, you will wonder why you didn't go much sooner. Please see your doctor and get better!

@LostTurtle2

It sounds like you may have depression. It's not likely to go away on its own. See your doctor and he will recommend appropriate treatment. You should probably see some kind of therapist. Depression and anxiety are very treatable, so don't go around staying miserable. It is worth the effort you have to put in to get better.

@pineapplepeanut

thanks a lot for your response. yes i had depression probably most of my life. it got worse in the last several years past my 50's BD. i've been on various antidepressants off and on, including the last year and a half. it was not helping. i actually stopped it recently and feel better. maybe posting here, receiving support, and offering support to others (under my listener account) worked the best for me? fingers crossed.

Update. In case anyone cares. After feeling initially better, as the winter progressed, i slipped back into low energy state. It was so insidious that i didn't even feel it. But then around the end of the year, changes at work brought more stress and i deteriorated since. My doc did ask me to see a psychiatrist. Turns out the one he referred me to is not seeing new patients anymore. No one in his practice is!

I just saw a therapist and he gave me more recommendations. Didn't have time or energy to make the calls yet.

So, for the people who nudged me to do something about my depression, thank you. I'll try to do something. I'll keep you posted.

@LostTurtle2 I wanted to share that when I retired I went through a deep struggle with emotions--loss of friends, loss of purpose, loss of routine, and all the aging issues you have discussed. Now three years later, I am doing wonderfully because of a few things: (1) lots of exercise--it makes me feel so much better, (2) seeing a therapist, (3) joining a psychological support group that is unconditionally supportive (makes me feel heard and loved), and (4) learning new things I'm excited about--learning guitar at 69 for example and it's going well! Life is a joy again. I say that not to make you feel badly that you are not in the same place. I totally empathize with your struggle. I just want you to know that there is a lot of hope and a lot of life left to enjoy if you work at finding the kind of support you need. The support is out there, great people are out there, and you still have life ahead of you to do things you've never done before. Yes, we have to give up some things with age, but we can find other great things to do if we work at it! My heart goes out to you, and I hope you find the support you need to help you feel better.

@Chuck53

I feel happy you're surrounded by good, supportive, and loving people. While I'm capable of interacting with others online fine, real world is a bit of struggle. It's hard for me to connect in the real world. I wish I could join such a supportive group. How do you find it? I wish I could find a good therapist too. The couple of them i enjoyed to talk to ended up moving or changing practice and i could not see them anymore. Now, finding one sounds like a major ordeal. You're right, i should pick an new interest and hobby, and hopefully, I'll do so when I retire. As for now, it's a survival mode. Be able to handle life till i can retire as soon as possible.

@LostTurtle2, sorry I didn't see your reply until several days later. I hear your struggles with groups and therapy. It's difficult to find a good group and therapist that are a fit for you. I think I just got lucky, to be honest, except that I did know exactly what I was looking (had very clearly defined criteria) and was lucky enough to find them.

My support group is over Zoom, so it's not quite as difficult as an in-person group but certainly more difficult than a text-only group. I was not a group person and not comfortable with groups until I found this one--they are so supportive! I found them on a social media app in a special interest group I belong to. About therapists, you might try a chat-based therapist here on 7Cups, and many therapists since the pandemic will work with you on Zoom. My therapist used to be local, and when she moved, we continued on Zoom, which has worked out far better than I thought it would.

I wish you all the best LostTurtle. There is help out there, but I know it can be difficult to find. Keep searching and you may find what you need. Feel free to message me here at 7Cups if you ever want to chat. :)

They now have a lot of therapists who work only online. Maybe that’s an option for u. I will be 58 next month. I have a daughter 34 and a grandson 5. I put almost all my energy into them. I’m very close to both of them. They have saved my sanity for sure!

last week as my grandson and I were walking on sidewalk from school, there were high school age boys walking toward us stretched out taking the whole sidewalk. I really thought at the last moment that the teen punk would give way and step behind his friends but nope! He actually slammed his shoulder into me hard. I just kept walking. His friends dogged him some and he yelled out “sorry ma’am”. The incident hurt my feelings more than anything but I realized I have become invisible and it sucks. Society seems to dismiss us as we age!

@Kittylove4ev

Sorry about the incident. It hurts to be treated like that. Even though you know we'll that kid was a clueless idiot. I had something like that when a group of young foreign tourists did something like that to me. Then i talked about to my friends and i was reassured that youngsters from that particular nation are brainwashed and hate the natives.

Thanks for posting!

@LostTurtle2. I hope that you will be able to find a psychiatrist and a treatment that helps.

So sorry you are going through this. I live this thread bc so many can relate and also suggest things as well. It is an important topic.

Aging for me isn’t what I thought … I had to medically retired at age 47 from careers I loved education and community health. I tried 5 years to return but it was not meant to be. Many around me thought yay retirement for you. But it wasn’t on my terms. Financially I was ok bc of pensions but my soul was shook. My sense of self and I have depression anxiety and panic too.

My health is the most important so I am continually trying physically to get healthier… through walking mostly on nature and that helps my mind too. I even in good weather have a coffee out doors it helps.

Like you service or purpose in life is important it is meaningful for us both I suspect. I volunteer and run two community groups one for health weight loss TOPS group with my husband and one for social for those 50 plus … bowling Nordic walks field trips bingo even lol 😂. I also run an alternative online community with ny dearest friends. I have also returns to cups again to be more active here bc I think this community is beyond amazing here.

i am almost 57 what have I learned ?

Lean on routine it will get you through the toughest of days and every day give it value in what you do but that includes self care for you. I have come to love housework bc I love a clean house and I can put effort into that and everything that goes with that.

Get out in nature to take it in see the beauty and physically walk or hike. Here we have icebergs even finding one seeing it..

Find JOY wherever you can big and small … music for me is crushing on the bad days but amazing on the good days. Take in the love ❤️ of family … let it surround you like a blanket.

Gratefulness does change brain chemistry … the snapsis that fire together wire together … even simply recalling every day what you are grateful for daily could be a coffee or a project or a kind gesture …it all counts and it will become a piece of JOY every day bc you need to find something every day … I now acknowledge all things that brings me JOY constantly …

Get support from the communities you exist in your life … and it won’t look like get I need support you are the type let me help and by service it helps your soul too …

Stay connected with medical always make that call 📞…

Depression has it own cycles better days and not so good days …I hope you have far more good days …

As a woman many don’t give out their age I certainly do! Why? I enjoy every year I attain … grateful bc many are denied the privilege. I have a son he is incredible he needs his momma .. and my hub we have a good life they both help to ground me.

Cheri

@SunShineAlwaysGrateful

Cheri, you're an amazing person and inspiration for many of us. Everything you said is great and key to healthy life. I'm doing some of that as much as i can.

Interestingly, right now, my mood is not even bad. I'm reasonably optimistic about life, but the lack of energy is what makes me hard to function and I'm wiped out after work or even a couple hrs of gardening that i enjoy on weekends.

I don't know what to think about it anymore. I don't even to think it's depression, but I'll try to go through the motions i guess. Chronic fatigue syndrome crossed my mind a few times, but some symptoms don't match. On the other hand, i was depressed several times in life, and that's probably it .

If i get a visit with psych doc and learn anything new, I'll let you all know.

@LostTurtle2. I have CFS. It can be really hard to get a diagnosis for it. Mine started out being wiped out after work too.If you have any questions I can try to answer.

@adventurousBranch3786

I'm really curious how you got diagnosed and what helps you. If you prefer not to say it in public, please say so, and i can find a way to contact you privately. Thanks!

@LostTurtle2 I was able to get diagnosed at a university that studies CFS and has a clinic also. There is no specific lab test for this condition yet but in their studies they have found some immune system abnormalities . With these lab results plus reported symptoms they are able to diagnose.

‘There are no approved medications for this yet. So I practice pacing and staying within my energy envelope. If activities make me feel to tired I cut back on them or do them with frequent rest breaks.

@LostTurtle2. I saw an old post about CFS in disability. Is it okay to tag you there?

@adventurousBranch3786

Not sure what tagging does, but sure. BTW, i posted a long response to you last night, but it got deleted.

In short, did you see this resource?

https://www.drugs.com/condition/chronic-fatigue-syndrome-cfs.html

At the bottom you have specific meds and user reviews. I started one of them and seeing good results. Need to to experiment some more to be sure. But this is one of my best weeks in a long time.

YMMV

@adventurousBranch3786. It looks like a good article. I’m glad that you found something that is helping for a week. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it continues to help.

@LostTurtle2

Thank you so much right back you Re inspiration.

The other thing to consider as we age is that we are older and it IS more tiring and it IS harder .. once the obvious are ruled out health wise of course. But I understand the self care takes more time to rest & recharge.

Glad to hear your outlook is currently well. I suspect you are a glass half full kinda guy typically as you do so much around these parts.

Due to health I do break up my usual things here to make it manageable all the time. I am definitely not as functional as I was … acceptance to change is tough sometimes. But appreciate all I can do always it is a process aging that is never ending change … year to Year…

@LostTurtle2

I am well past 50, in good health for the most part, but certainly can't do everything I used to do. I can still adapt and live a decent life, even if I have to modify some things. For ten years I've volunteered in a local park system. Before Covid, our yearly volunteer appreciation events included that phrase about how you can't do everything, but you can do something. Every bit helps. Do what you can.

@LostTurtle2

I don't have a job right now because of cancer recovery and other issues. And frankly I don't think I want one. My savings are nearly gone so I need a job, but the thought of going back into the workforce at my age makes me deeply depressed. And what do I have to look forward to? Where is the hope that i once used to feel, the anticipation of a bright future? I just see darkness. I think that 2023 will be my last year on earth.

@goodSpruce3041 I'm so sorry for your struggles. I hear you about not wanting to go back to work, especially after your struggles with health. Have you looked at all the ways you could supplement your income, such as getting food at food banks, government food stamps, and any local energy assistance programs that might help you pay for utilities? Most communities provide various resources to help seniors if you google them. I'd search for something like this: "senior assistance [city, state]." You may even be able to find a financial advisor who can help you figure out how to survive better on the income you have. My heart goes out to you, and I hope these ideas help you.

@Chuck53

Thank you, Chuck. But a life of poverty is not what I dreamed of. Time for the dream to end, and to end me.