Every year over 50 there is less energy to live and be happy
instead, there is more grief, depression, and anxiety.
is this normal aging? Should I expect to get worse and worse with age?
BTW, i'm otherwise reasonably healthy with a stable and satisfying job (I know i should count my blessings, but it's hard to do in my mental state).
Thanks!
@LostTurtle2
It sounds like you may have depression. It's not likely to go away on its own. See your doctor and he will recommend appropriate treatment. You should probably see some kind of therapist. Depression and anxiety are very treatable, so don't go around staying miserable. It is worth the effort you have to put in to get better.
@pineapplepeanut
thanks a lot for your response. yes i had depression probably most of my life. it got worse in the last several years past my 50's BD. i've been on various antidepressants off and on, including the last year and a half. it was not helping. i actually stopped it recently and feel better. maybe posting here, receiving support, and offering support to others (under my listener account) worked the best for me? fingers crossed.
Update. In case anyone cares. After feeling initially better, as the winter progressed, i slipped back into low energy state. It was so insidious that i didn't even feel it. But then around the end of the year, changes at work brought more stress and i deteriorated since. My doc did ask me to see a psychiatrist. Turns out the one he referred me to is not seeing new patients anymore. No one in his practice is!
I just saw a therapist and he gave me more recommendations. Didn't have time or energy to make the calls yet.
So, for the people who nudged me to do something about my depression, thank you. I'll try to do something. I'll keep you posted.
@LostTurtle2 I wanted to share that when I retired I went through a deep struggle with emotions--loss of friends, loss of purpose, loss of routine, and all the aging issues you have discussed. Now three years later, I am doing wonderfully because of a few things: (1) lots of exercise--it makes me feel so much better, (2) seeing a therapist, (3) joining a psychological support group that is unconditionally supportive (makes me feel heard and loved), and (4) learning new things I'm excited about--learning guitar at 69 for example and it's going well! Life is a joy again. I say that not to make you feel badly that you are not in the same place. I totally empathize with your struggle. I just want you to know that there is a lot of hope and a lot of life left to enjoy if you work at finding the kind of support you need. The support is out there, great people are out there, and you still have life ahead of you to do things you've never done before. Yes, we have to give up some things with age, but we can find other great things to do if we work at it! My heart goes out to you, and I hope you find the support you need to help you feel better.
@Chuck53
I feel happy you're surrounded by good, supportive, and loving people. While I'm capable of interacting with others online fine, real world is a bit of struggle. It's hard for me to connect in the real world. I wish I could join such a supportive group. How do you find it? I wish I could find a good therapist too. The couple of them i enjoyed to talk to ended up moving or changing practice and i could not see them anymore. Now, finding one sounds like a major ordeal. You're right, i should pick an new interest and hobby, and hopefully, I'll do so when I retire. As for now, it's a survival mode. Be able to handle life till i can retire as soon as possible.
@LostTurtle2, sorry I didn't see your reply until several days later. I hear your struggles with groups and therapy. It's difficult to find a good group and therapist that are a fit for you. I think I just got lucky, to be honest, except that I did know exactly what I was looking (had very clearly defined criteria) and was lucky enough to find them.
My support group is over Zoom, so it's not quite as difficult as an in-person group but certainly more difficult than a text-only group. I was not a group person and not comfortable with groups until I found this one--they are so supportive! I found them on a social media app in a special interest group I belong to. About therapists, you might try a chat-based therapist here on 7Cups, and many therapists since the pandemic will work with you on Zoom. My therapist used to be local, and when she moved, we continued on Zoom, which has worked out far better than I thought it would.
I wish you all the best LostTurtle. There is help out there, but I know it can be difficult to find. Keep searching and you may find what you need. Feel free to message me here at 7Cups if you ever want to chat. :)
They now have a lot of therapists who work only online. Maybe that’s an option for u. I will be 58 next month. I have a daughter 34 and a grandson 5. I put almost all my energy into them. I’m very close to both of them. They have saved my sanity for sure!
last week as my grandson and I were walking on sidewalk from school, there were high school age boys walking toward us stretched out taking the whole sidewalk. I really thought at the last moment that the teen punk would give way and step behind his friends but nope! He actually slammed his shoulder into me hard. I just kept walking. His friends dogged him some and he yelled out “sorry ma’am”. The incident hurt my feelings more than anything but I realized I have become invisible and it sucks. Society seems to dismiss us as we age!
@LostTurtle2. I hope that you will be able to find a psychiatrist and a treatment that helps.
So sorry you are going through this. I live this thread bc so many can relate and also suggest things as well. It is an important topic.
Aging for me isn’t what I thought … I had to medically retired at age 47 from careers I loved education and community health. I tried 5 years to return but it was not meant to be. Many around me thought yay retirement for you. But it wasn’t on my terms. Financially I was ok bc of pensions but my soul was shook. My sense of self and I have depression anxiety and panic too.
My health is the most important so I am continually trying physically to get healthier… through walking mostly on nature and that helps my mind too. I even in good weather have a coffee out doors it helps.
Like you service or purpose in life is important it is meaningful for us both I suspect. I volunteer and run two community groups one for health weight loss TOPS group with my husband and one for social for those 50 plus … bowling Nordic walks field trips bingo even lol 😂. I also run an alternative online community with ny dearest friends. I have also returns to cups again to be more active here bc I think this community is beyond amazing here.
i am almost 57 what have I learned ?
Lean on routine it will get you through the toughest of days and every day give it value in what you do but that includes self care for you. I have come to love housework bc I love a clean house and I can put effort into that and everything that goes with that.
Get out in nature to take it in see the beauty and physically walk or hike. Here we have icebergs even finding one seeing it..
Find JOY wherever you can big and small … music for me is crushing on the bad days but amazing on the good days. Take in the love ❤️ of family … let it surround you like a blanket.
Gratefulness does change brain chemistry … the snapsis that fire together wire together … even simply recalling every day what you are grateful for daily could be a coffee or a project or a kind gesture …it all counts and it will become a piece of JOY every day bc you need to find something every day … I now acknowledge all things that brings me JOY constantly …
Get support from the communities you exist in your life … and it won’t look like get I need support you are the type let me help and by service it helps your soul too …
Stay connected with medical always make that call 📞…
Depression has it own cycles better days and not so good days …I hope you have far more good days …
As a woman many don’t give out their age I certainly do! Why? I enjoy every year I attain … grateful bc many are denied the privilege. I have a son he is incredible he needs his momma .. and my hub we have a good life they both help to ground me.
Cheri
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful
Cheri, you're an amazing person and inspiration for many of us. Everything you said is great and key to healthy life. I'm doing some of that as much as i can.
Interestingly, right now, my mood is not even bad. I'm reasonably optimistic about life, but the lack of energy is what makes me hard to function and I'm wiped out after work or even a couple hrs of gardening that i enjoy on weekends.
I don't know what to think about it anymore. I don't even to think it's depression, but I'll try to go through the motions i guess. Chronic fatigue syndrome crossed my mind a few times, but some symptoms don't match. On the other hand, i was depressed several times in life, and that's probably it .
If i get a visit with psych doc and learn anything new, I'll let you all know.
@LostTurtle2. I have CFS. It can be really hard to get a diagnosis for it. Mine started out being wiped out after work too.If you have any questions I can try to answer.
@adventurousBranch3786
I'm really curious how you got diagnosed and what helps you. If you prefer not to say it in public, please say so, and i can find a way to contact you privately. Thanks!
@LostTurtle2 I was able to get diagnosed at a university that studies CFS and has a clinic also. There is no specific lab test for this condition yet but in their studies they have found some immune system abnormalities . With these lab results plus reported symptoms they are able to diagnose.
‘There are no approved medications for this yet. So I practice pacing and staying within my energy envelope. If activities make me feel to tired I cut back on them or do them with frequent rest breaks.
@LostTurtle2. I saw an old post about CFS in disability. Is it okay to tag you there?
@adventurousBranch3786
Not sure what tagging does, but sure. BTW, i posted a long response to you last night, but it got deleted.
In short, did you see this resource?
https://www.drugs.com/condition/chronic-fatigue-syndrome-cfs.html
At the bottom you have specific meds and user reviews. I started one of them and seeing good results. Need to to experiment some more to be sure. But this is one of my best weeks in a long time.
YMMV
@adventurousBranch3786. It looks like a good article. I’m glad that you found something that is helping for a week. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it continues to help.
@LostTurtle2
Thank you so much right back you Re inspiration.
The other thing to consider as we age is that we are older and it IS more tiring and it IS harder .. once the obvious are ruled out health wise of course. But I understand the self care takes more time to rest & recharge.
Glad to hear your outlook is currently well. I suspect you are a glass half full kinda guy typically as you do so much around these parts.
Due to health I do break up my usual things here to make it manageable all the time. I am definitely not as functional as I was … acceptance to change is tough sometimes. But appreciate all I can do always it is a process aging that is never ending change … year to Year…
@LostTurtle2
I am well past 50, in good health for the most part, but certainly can't do everything I used to do. I can still adapt and live a decent life, even if I have to modify some things. For ten years I've volunteered in a local park system. Before Covid, our yearly volunteer appreciation events included that phrase about how you can't do everything, but you can do something. Every bit helps. Do what you can.
@LostTurtle2
I don't have a job right now because of cancer recovery and other issues. And frankly I don't think I want one. My savings are nearly gone so I need a job, but the thought of going back into the workforce at my age makes me deeply depressed. And what do I have to look forward to? Where is the hope that i once used to feel, the anticipation of a bright future? I just see darkness. I think that 2023 will be my last year on earth.
@goodSpruce3041 I'm so sorry for your struggles. I hear you about not wanting to go back to work, especially after your struggles with health. Have you looked at all the ways you could supplement your income, such as getting food at food banks, government food stamps, and any local energy assistance programs that might help you pay for utilities? Most communities provide various resources to help seniors if you google them. I'd search for something like this: "senior assistance [city, state]." You may even be able to find a financial advisor who can help you figure out how to survive better on the income you have. My heart goes out to you, and I hope these ideas help you.
@Chuck53
Thank you, Chuck. But a life of poverty is not what I dreamed of. Time for the dream to end, and to end me.
Hi,
First of all I am really sorry for what everyone is going through, and I can appreciate that some people are dealing with some issues with their health.
I have a question though. I am 44 and I recently went on a 3-4 hour interview. The first part was a test of 1.5 hours, then I had to meet privately with 3-4 different people all with their own questions. By the time I got to the end, I was exhausted. I also to drive one way.
I do not normally go on interviews, let alone 4 hour ones so I am not used to this.
I have worked at other jobs and interviewed and also gone on site to work at companies but I was never this tired.
Is it normal to feel this tired? Is it my age? I can't tell. I work from home, and I realize how I have been taking this for granted. I was invited to interview directly so I decided to go. The whole process took a month or more and I was already stressing myself out before all their requests.
@reliableWest8997, I think your interview stress is pretty common, especially if you are an introvert like me. I've always found interviews extremely stressful and used to arrive home afterwards feeling exhausted and drenched in sweat from the stress. If feeling interview stress is new for you, perhaps it's because you have become used to working at home and feel a little more introverted than in the past? I noticed that happened to me when I worked at home.
@Chuck53 Hi, Yes, I am somewhat of an introvert and yes working from home encourages that, however I have been fortunate enough that in the last year or more, thinks have changed a little to the point that I am not so introverted as I used to be
thank you for your reply!
ooops sorry I meant I had to drive one hour each way
@LostTurtle2
Things are certainly not getting any better for me...
Sometimes I think this is hormonal…I think it’s important to remember since the advent of birth control we are the only animal which lives past menopause.
Yes it gets worse with age. HRT has helped a tiny bit (one needs to talk to one’s doctor especially if there is a history of breast cancer male or female). Sometimes I think it is chronic depression.
I tend to agree with the comment of the person who said we lose friends family etc as we age and I do think this is a giant contributing factor.
@greenTalker5250
Yes, you're right! Andropause is a thing too. Hormones is something I'm getting looked too. There is no simple solution for a complex problem.
@LostTurtle2
You're opening post caught my attention... mainly because I can also identify with what you said. I've found the older I get, the more depression, anxiety and grief is felt in my life as well. I have a steady job, nice house, and doing okay, so I should count my blessings too. But for some reason I just can't seem to get out of this fog I'm in. Having a spouse like I do doesn't help though.
I want to be more emotionally and mentally healthy, but I'm having a hard time getting there.
You're opening post was a few months ago... how are you doing now? 😊
@Spearman60
Hi! thanks for asking. i was reasonably OK but then slowly deteriorated over the winter and eventually crashed with low energy. that pushed me to seek help. i got some testing that confirmed hormonal problems. i also started new treatment with antidepressant and its better and i have more energy for life and to work on my marriage that was dysfunctional too. If you want more details on meds, etc, I can send it in a PM. I hope you get a breakthrough in your marriage. I mean to respond to your thread when i have time.
@LostTurtle22
Thanks. I think my wife is having hormonal issues too, plus she's been in retail for 35 years. That can really drain you and change a person. She's not much of a people person anymore. And now I think it's spilling over to where she's not much of a "husband person" either. It's hard dealing with this as it brings a lot of anxiety and depression in my life. I wished things could change....
But I'm glad you're doing better! 😊