My pain
I wasn't going to share but the lovely woman ZeeTee17 motivated me to. I don't have social skills because from the age of 3 til 15 I lived life in an attic on a bed I wasn't allowed to go outside and play I wasn't allowed out of my room unless it was for school. At school it was no better as far as interactions with other humans go. They made fun of me because my clothes were always dirty and had holes in them and my showed talked when I walked. My stepdad was an alcoholic. Fast forward 5 years I had a son who we named dawson with a woman I was planning on spending the rest of my life with. When he was born she decided she didn't want to be a parent and walked out. It was never an option in my head so I took care of my responsibility and got full custody of him. I then met my wife when I was 20. She had 4 kids with different dad's who none of them were in their lives. I as a brand new parent became a dad to 5 in an instant. I took care of us all she had a bad back. It was a family I had only read in books I didn't think it was an actual thing because up til this point I thought love was only something I felt for people and people couldn't feel for me. I left alot of details out of my childhood because there isn't enough time. But ya for the first time I felt love towards me. Fast forward 7 years. My dad(stepdad) called out of the blue. I hadn't talked to him since we had left when I was 15. He informed me he had cancer again which I learned he had it before beat it and it came back. Without hesitation I drove from Iowa which is where I live to Kansas city, Missouri after work. I spent the last two weeks of his live with him taking care of him in every way imaginable. It healed alot I didn't realize was hurt and I came to the conclusion that it was that he showed love towards me and that's all I ever wanted. Then he died holding my hand looking at me. This overfilled my cup. I broke and I went in a dark place. I didn't realize how I had let things build up inside so bad I thought I was fine. Then came the bad news. It turns out I lost alot more as I lost my dad. I lost what was my wife and the one friend I had during that same time taking care of my dad. She cheated on me with him while i was with my dying dad. I gave her my all. It made me realize that man there must be something really wrong with me because i gave her my absolute best and it wasn't good enough. In my time of mourning, the time I needed someone actually needed someone she turned her back on me. It broke me. I went into a darker place. I damn near lost everything. And ya it just kind of instilled in me that I've had enough of a sample size in my experience with people that statistically people are going to hurt. They hurt more than they don't and if they haven't they will even if it seems like it's impossible. I just invested all of me into my son Dawson. He's my only friend, my every hobby and every bit of free time. I find myself now just kind of wishing I had an adult to talk to, that's not myself preferably š . So ya I found this app and I'm giving it a try.
Hi - šš½. Congrats on being brave and sharing your story with us ! Better times are coming for sure
Hi there, it's okay to feel the way you do, you're entitled to it. You'll make it through. When you feel in low spirits look at the sky, there is a espace there with the shape of you, you are loved as you have a place in this world. š
Wow just seeing this for some reason and thank you so kindly for that. I hope someday I will feel that way. But I do have hope because of people like you
Your story is very touching. Appreciated you shared it. Thanks for your nice words they mean a lot š
I am so sorry for what you went through in your life.
My heart truly goes out to you. It sounds like you are naturally a caregiver and your son is very lucky to have a father who loves him so much.
I know how bad the pain is from the betrayal of being cheated on. It's been a little over 2 years since i found out and I'm still drowning. I'm glad you have your son. It's not comparable, but I know when I found outni poured all my love and energy into my dog. My dog saved my life many times as I wanted to find a permanent way to end the pain, but couldn't do it because he loved me so much.
Is the mother no contact with your son?
Also, it's sad how people can hurt us and impact how we feel about ourselves. I gave everything I had into my relationship and I felt he never did. I did a lot for him and helped him turn his life around.
He was really selfish and immature and wanted to feel emotionally supported and never knew how to reciprocate or understand empathy. That made me feel like I was unworthy. I'm sorry she did that to you, I feel the same way about people now.
I never trust anyone anymore. I hope in time we both find some way to heal and feel peace
Ya the mom has seen him a total of 5 times in the 16 years he's been alive.
that is so sad
@zeetee17 her loss he's a great kid. I know every parent says that but he really is.
He's lucky to have you
I think I'm more lucky to have him
that's so sweet. yes, children give us a lot to live for
There's alot if times he's the only thing. He's my way to ground myself. Like I can be feeling like everything is falling apart and nothing is going to improve and when I look into his eyes it all disappears all of a sudden nothing is going to defeat me everything will be ok.
I'm happy you have this in your life, given everything you've been through. I want this for myself and look forward to having it. I believe children can bring out the best of who we could be despite our tragedies.
I really hope you live a good happy life with your sonā¤ļø
It's absolutely comparable. Hurt betrayal trauma it all feels the same and does the same damage. We are in this together we are all people who gave are all to someone who told us and made us believe we have no value and we believed them. But I see value in you as you see value in me. I guess you have to have a heart filled with love and empathy to truly be able to assess value. ā¤ļøāš©¹
@JustCory88 I can relate to your childhood I think. Where you locked in the attic, cause you were a slave too? I wasn't allowed to communicate with anyone either, till I was rescued when I was 18. Your incredibly lucky to have Dawson ā¤ the closest thing to heaven is a child ā¤ I'm sorry about your loss, and your wife, and sons mumš„ but don't give up on people yet, there are more good people than bad in this world. And in the end love always wins ā¤ the first time I ever felt loved was right here on cupsš so you've came to the right place here, I hope you find all the support, love and friendship you deserve here ā¤ gives you a giant tiny hug ā¤
Not locked but knew better than to leave my bed
Thank you all for your kind words. I appreciate it. I won't let it change my heart but it hurts none the lees.
Hi. Thank you for sharing, I imagine that was maybe hard. Iām so sorry youāve gone through all that. I have an unhealthy view on relationship I thinkā¦but I strongly feel that all people will hurt you. Forget them and show them youāre fine without them. Hopefully youāll find support/friendship in this app. Iām hoping for the same.
@JustCory88
Hi!
It sounds like you've been through incredibly challenging times, from a difficult childhood to the loss of loved ones and betrayal in relationships. It's clear you've faced a lot of pain and isolation, and it's admirable how you've taken on responsibilities like raising your son and caring for your father.
I can't imagine how hard it must have been to experience such profound losses, especially the betrayal from someone you trusted during a time of deep personal grief. It's understandable that you would feel like withdrawing and losing faith in people's intentions.
It sounds like your son Dawson is incredibly important to you, and it's wonderful that you have such a strong bond with him. However, it's also natural to want adult companionship and someone to talk to outside of your own thoughts.Ā
Would you like to talk more about how these experiences have affected you emotionally? Have you had a chance to process your feelings about the betrayal and the loss of your dad and your marriage? How are you managing your own well-being during this time?
@JustCory88 Iām sorry to hear everything youāve been through. I relate to the confined childhood, and being used and betrayed as an adult. I ask the same kinds of questions, why, what did I do to deserve it. Itās hard to get over, like Iāve always thought that if I could figure out why then maybe I could move on easier.
Iām learning that sometimes we might find out why, but most of the time weāre not going to get those answers. There are reasons, but theyāre not going to make sense to us because weāre not like that. People react differently to life, and it isnāt part of your personality to treat others the way theyāve treated you. Some people are comfortable taking, whenever others give they just think itās ok, and it isnāt a natural thought for them to give back. Or they take and think theyāre entitled to even more. Maybe it has nothing to do with that at all but itās just about them and their own self image. Maybe your ex was just someone who was addicted to attention from men, and nothing you did or didnāt do would have changed that.
The point is, whatever the reason, I donāt think it had anything to do with you. I understand really well wanting to know why, as you put it, statistically so much has been put on one person. This is probably a *** answer Iām sorry, but I think good people do suffer more. Because itās an easier road to use others and only think of yourself. Itās harder to be selfless, dedicated, and hardworking. It is tempting sometimes then to want to ditch the goodness and be like them. But I think thereās so much of life that they miss that you already experience. You understand, feel, and appreciate real, deep love like you have for your son and he has for you. You have a strength of character that people will notice and admire. Even already on this site, people see it. People will in your life too, they may just be harder to find.Ā
Iām not sure if this helps, but your story really spoke to me, and I wanted to help lift you up. Keep being who you are. Try not to let the weight of doing good discourage you. It is ok to be watchful and protect yourself. But you are amazing the way you are.Ā
You spoke directly to my heart honestly. You were dead on with your assessment and literally word for word described what I felt and was thinking. You're empathy is am amazing gift. Thank you for this it truly does mean alot more than you realize.
@JustCory88 Yay we are happy to know that someone supported you here at 7 cups of tea. This makes me happy to know that people still love helping others.š
Thank for sharing! Your story is powerful and heartbreaking and beautiful all in one. Your dedication to your son is inspiring! Your story could be the key to unlock someone elseās prison and it was very brave of you to share it here! Your words touched my heart and makes me wish I could give you a big hug. Youāre not alone in this roller coaster life we are all living and I am glad you found this app and decided to give 7 cups a try! Youāll find a wonderful community here and Iām sure you will now have many new adults to talk to! Most of my conversations (at least the ones outside of my head) are with my 3 year old, so I soooooo relate to wanting and needing adult conversation in your life!!!
Yes it's definitely isn't the same as having an adult lol. I'm here if you ever want to talk. I'm a good listener