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Why is it so hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

257 Answers
Last Updated: 05/13/2022 at 8:30am
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Top Rated Answers
Autumnbreeze04
April 19th, 2020 7:32pm
It might be because you had shared so many good times and memories, but now they are a stranger. You have to act like nothing ever happened between you two, even though you both know everything that did. You have to put aside the fact that you used to date and have feelings for each other, just to have a conversation. Yeah, it is awkward, it can be really awkward. It is hard to talk to them because you two have a history, a history of not just being friends, but dating and spending a lot of time together. That part is the hardest part to get past.
CalmSky
April 25th, 2020 5:47pm
It is hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend because of the memories. After a break up, you put a lot of effort to "survive" the break up. And sooner or later, you succeed. When one of the two wants to start talking again, it is possible that one of them might not have really moved on. Suppose you are that one, talking with your ex-boyfriend will bring your memory back and you will experience pain again. it is in general hard to accept something we thought would last forever. Nobody starts a relationship thinking it will come to an end someday...
scenicMelody4627
May 30th, 2020 10:16am
The reason you find it hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is that you once had feelings for that person. And after the breakup sometimes I feel there may be some unresolved feelings or just any feelings left. Thus, it becomes hard to talk with them with ease. You just broke up you would still have some feelings. It also happens that you used to spend so much time together that it becomes your habit to be with that person. So, it hard to get out of the habit. Anyways with time, it will get better as you will get comfortable. It is just that you are in unfamiliar situation with person than before. Just give it some time. It will get easier with time.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2020 2:15am
It can often be difficult because many of us were once quite close to our exes. After the relationship ends it is common to disregard how close that relationship was. In my experiences it is difficult to set aside and forget how intimately you once knew the person. It is really tough to go from knowing everything about each other to just being friends, or pretending to be strangers with one another. Plus several relationships don't end on the best of terms. This could also make it difficult to communicate with an ex partner.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2020 9:08pm
Well, if the relationship was good I think it reminds us of what we lost which can be challenging. Conversely, if the relationship was dysfunctional it can remind us of that pain we felt with the other person. When I was younger I often tried to remain friends with my exes. I thought it was the mature decision. As I got older, I started to feel like cutting those ties was probably the right decision to avoid unnecessary pain and discomfort. As we age, if we're lucky, we get better at exercising self care.
Anonymous
July 16th, 2020 3:52pm
When we see an ex we are subconsciously trying to confront the failed relationship. It's overwhelming to feel so many emotions at the same time, hence its hard to talk to an ex. Trying to confront the past in general is a task that take a lot of courage. When we try to confront a past relationship, we are trying to confront all the emotional investment which we put into the ex and all the feelings of the breakup at the same time. It's easier to block and ignore such emotions rather than sorting them out. Maybe that's why we find it so hard to talk to an ex.
Asher
July 24th, 2020 1:13am
It can be tough to talk to a former partner as we sometimes so worried about still having feelings for the person that we talk too. When we dated them we saw something special there so even those we are talking to them in the past tense the fear of holding on cna be scary. I can relate to this directly with my experience of a breakup that I was scared of talking to my former partner as the feelings would still be there but also at the ned of the day I knew that I had to take a leap of faith. Even those some breakups work out well it's matters on the boundaries that you set up between the both of you and how you both approach it.
LittleHelper730
August 6th, 2020 3:19pm
Sometimes it can be awkward to talk to an ex. You've had an intimate relationship and probably you're relationship transcended you two and affect your family too. It is okay if you can't be friends to you're ex and if you need your privacy to mourn for the end of the relationship. Just remember to always be polite when it comes to other people! If for some reason you need to keep in contact with an ex and you're having trouble with it, you can talk to people you trust so you can work though the awkwardness and other negative feelings.
Anonymous
August 21st, 2020 2:28pm
That's because usually people don't end relationships on a good note. A lot of things can happen, people can get hurt. Not only that, but one of the two people can even have some feelings left that they need to deal with. Personally, I think keeping in touch with an ex is never a good idea. Not even to remain friends, because one of the two will always be hopeful that the relationship can resume. People come and go and that's okay, though sometimes it's not easy to accept. Letting go and working/focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do in those moments. Just keep swimming!
ListeningPatiently
August 24th, 2020 7:41pm
It can be difficult because at one point in your life, that person was everything to you. You guys shared a strong bond together, and knew everything about one another. It can be difficult to talk to an ex because after the relationship ends, the thing you guys had together doesn't feel the same. You just see the person as part of your past who at one point meant everything you, and now you guys are strangers again. There could also be emotions felt by one party because in some cases, break ups are one sided with one person wanting to end it while the other wants to try to keep it alive.
Mine23
August 27th, 2020 5:09am
It might be hard to talk to an ex because often times we still hold some feelings towards the person, either positive or negatives or both. We shared some time and experiences with the person and talking to them could be a trigger to remind you of the past that is already ended and you can't do anything to change what has already passed. Sometimes it can be awkward to have to talk to your ex but in a different role, such as friend or a complete stranger, this role that we are not used to yet and can confuse ourselves as to where it would be seen as 'natural and normal and appropriate'. It is best to take time to be alone to understand and accept your feelings after the breakup and release all the feelings of the past before getting back to talk with your ex again.
KatePersephone
September 5th, 2020 8:53pm
Usually, when not being over them and trying to talk and/or see them, the feelings we still might have and our memories flash on our minds so we tend to start feeling extremely sad and hurt, in order to feel bad trying to contact this person. That is because even though it's something that happened in the past, it still hurts us emotionally, and if we haven't gotten over it, it hurts even more. As a person who has had their heart broken many times, I can assure you that it's most likely these are the reasons why it's hard for you to talk to an ex partner.
JoyousBear
October 9th, 2020 10:39am
Sorry, but i don't find point to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend unless you are now "just friends". But yes, it can be harder to be even "just friends" with someone with whom you were boyfriend or girlfriend as very strong emotions and feelings and strong good and bad memories, including those which led to breakup, are involved here on both sides. These feelings can remain even years after your breakup. If you are in new relationship, this new relationship can be another obstacle as your new partner can think that you aren't trully commited to him or her.
Anonymous
November 1st, 2020 5:27pm
Sometimes it is difficult to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend after the relationship you've shared has ended. There are many reasons for this. While some people might think that shared history should make it easier to communicate with a former partner, this isn't always the case. In fact, in some instances, (especially when the topic at hand is a difficult one or when the shared history had a negative impact on either of you--whether that is said openly or not) opening up to them can actually be more difficult. This may be due to a mutual instinct to protect your own hearts and be more guarded about your interactions. Communication with a former partner may also be hard if one or the other of you still has lingering feelings--either positive or negative ones--about the other person, the relationship, or how things ended. It is also natural to not want to open up to someone who might have caused some pain in your life or who you no longer trust as you once might have. This is not to say all relationships end due to pain or a lack of trust, many relationships can and do end amicably! But, even then, it can sometimes feel strained and strange communicating with someone who no longer holds "partner status" in your life. Former partners know us intimately, they know things about us and aspects of us that most people--even sometimes our families, doctors, or therapists--don't. It can sometimes feel invasive or intimidating to speak to someone who knows that much about us, and that can make us hesitant to open up to them as well. They have seen us being vulnerable, and maybe we don't wish to be vulnerable with them anymore. There are many reasons talking to exes may be difficult, but to know why that may be true for you, it may help to look at the relationship, the person, and how things ended between you to really know the context of your feelings to better identify what feelings are coming in the way of your communication with such a person.
akd123
November 4th, 2020 6:04pm
It's so hard to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, because right out of the relationship, they change, and things just aren't the same anymore. It's hard to talk to someone you truly loved just as friends. You may still like them, your heart racing as you go to text them after a while from not texting. Or simply, they could've done something to you in the relationship, which scares you, and when you talk to them, you get horrible flashbacks. You never know what goes on in someone's past relationships. It's okay to get nervous, or scared to talk to an ex-boyfriend/ ex-girlfriend.
Anonymous
November 26th, 2020 8:58am
It can be hard as both of you were in a relationship, meaning that both of you liked or loved each other, always spent time together, and were comfortable with each other. It is hard because both of you broke up. It can be challenging as something that once was strong is now distancing itself. It takes time to heal. Going back to the old days of when both of you were together can bring mixed emotions and relieve everything. Sometimes reliving moments can hurt your feelings and make you overthink instead of thinking about your future. I hope this helps!
Anonymous
November 29th, 2020 11:56am
Sometimes it's hard to talk to these people because of the things that happened previously or how you felt about them. You start to be reminded of things that you thought you'd forgotten about and sometimes you just worry those things will happen again or things will go wrong if you decide to talk to them again. It's not easy talking to people you haven't talked to in a while in general if it was left on awkward/bad terms and it does take a while just to get used to and feel the same again. Sometimes it's better just to forget these people and sometimes it's better to remember the lessons you learnt from experiences.
Anonymous
December 12th, 2020 8:44pm
Regardless of who ended the relationship, talking to an ex can bring up feelings of pain. You may experience some grief for the end of the relationship. You may find yourself wanting to talk to them in the same way you had in the past; that is, as more than friends. Grieving the end of a relationship takes time for all parties involved. Many times the best remedy for this situation is just time. It's unfortunate that we can't do more, but as time passes it becomes easier to talk to your ex. Having an honest, heart-to-heart conversation to gain closure may help as well. Just be sure to do it when the time is right for both of you.
Anonymous
December 18th, 2020 12:07pm
They are your past and of course it is hard to talk with them or about them. I was in live with one boy before like one year I think. It was so toxic relationship and I decided that it's time for our end. We were together 3 months. After him I feel better. If you want to talk with them try to keep in mind that they might not want to talk with you and there is a chance that you will get more hurt. We dont want that. Try not to think about them or talking with them.
Anonymous
December 30th, 2020 1:37am
It is hard because they are your ex. They aren't in your life anymore. It's honestly hard to talk to anyone that was once in your life but is not anymore. They signify an old chapter in your life, the past, maybe an old version of yourself. You also have no obligation to speak to an ex. They are apart of your past and the past is just that, the past. They are not in your life anymore for a reason. If talking to them brings up hard feelings then you don't need to talk to them. You owe no one, not even your ex, any pleasantries if it's hard on you. Blocking them on the phone and social media is a start. If you can't all you need to say is "Hey I hope you're doing well, but I need you to give me my space". If they respect you they will back off.
watermelonJazz
December 30th, 2020 3:43pm
Just for clarification, I wrote about why it is so hard to an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend as friends. Not quite sure if this is what the question implied, but feel free to read! **Effort** One of the biggest challenges is putting in the effort to becoming friends, it can be extremely uncomfortable to talk to them again as friends without the romantic aspect to it. You have to look at them from a different "lens", and despite all the experiences you lived together, all those moments you may have cherished. You may feel a variety of emotions, scared, angry, happy, sad. These emotions may very well play into the reason why it's so hard to talk to your past significant other. If the relationship ended on bad terms that fight or argument could be what's stopping you from talking to them. Or if the break up was something that deeply impacted you and they were a huge part of your life. Talking to them again can remind you of what it was once like to be together, any of these outcomes are perfectly normal. **Accepting them as friends** Maybe you both agreed that breaking up is what's best for both of you. It's the part where you have to get used to both of you moving on with your lives and seeing each other around knowing that they will eventually move on to another person. Talking to them may be very challenging cause it's a way of accepting that you are just friends and nothing more. Overall, getting used to seeing them as friends, acknowledging the fact that you guys have broken up and that you both move in life. Is a big part of why it's so hard to talk to your ex. If anything just why accepting a breakup is so hard. Anyway I hope I kind of answered the question, I know it sounds a lot like why it's hard to break up. But I guess it's alright. I hope you enjoyed reading it, (was my first post :D) You have an amazing day, Thank you!
naturalIceCream3975
January 15th, 2021 12:51am
Because they know your deepest darkest parts, and seeing them happy with someone else can be quite confronting. It can be difficult to see them move on and share the same things with someone new. Many people probably feel as though they are sharing those issues and intimate moments with this new person, and that can be quite invasive too. It can help to understand why the relationship broke down, and remember that there were perhaps bad and irreparable parts and that in that moment when you see them again, all that you may remember are the good, happy, fun times.
heavenBerry5889
January 16th, 2021 11:18pm
It must be challenging because of the intense emotions attached to that past relationship, which both partners never discussed. The experiences in that relation could leave a significant impact on both sides, either it is a good or bad experience. For some instances, it could be traumatizing to others, and probably that relationship did not heal yet over time. I would rather talk to someone that could help me grow personally and move on to become better versions. Sometimes acceptance is a better way to understand that relationships are not meant for each other, but it will teach you to learn and grow and move on.
Magicalmoongirl
January 29th, 2021 8:27pm
Talking to someone from your past is hard because it brings back bad memories sometimes especially if you had a rough depart from that person. We often as a society make it the norm to cut off exs for our own comfort and many times that does help but sometimes you may need closure or have unfinished business that needs to be handled so it is necessary to speak with them. Even though it is hard remember you are being very strong in making the attempt to reconnect because before like I mentioned many don’t really attempt to do that. When speaking try your best to not linger on resentment and trying to do whatever your goal is whether it be make amends, apologize, just reconnect etc. because you will feel much more satisfied for yourself if you try your best to make it work despite the normal painful or awkwardness.
softShiny8174
February 10th, 2021 8:33pm
Because there is so much emotional history there, if you loved and cared about them you most likely always will but it's not easy to show that at all times. If a relationship comes to an end i find it's easier to completely lose all contact and detach myself for a while to just get over it and put any anger or anxiety or any feeling in general i may have toward the situation. You have to come to terms with the end of a relationship before you can become able to get over any awkward stage that there may be.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2021 6:14pm
Cause they breaked your heart. You loved them more than other things. They were such a big part of your life, and suddenly they're gone. You'll probably never talk with them like you did before and this fact hurts bad. And when you don’t move on it’s hard to talk with them, cause every time you have to think about all your good times together and that they're gone and that there will never be such a situation with this (often) great person. And cause it’s a bit awkward, you're not lovers anymore and not friends, but you know each other well. very well.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2021 10:42pm
It can be hard because you may have felt so much love or just cared for them deeply and now that the two of you are no longer together. You went from being together to maybe not even talking for a period of time, so it can be awkward and even uncomfortable to start having normal conversations with them. If your ex boyfriend/ ex girlfriend hurt you or vice versa then it would be really awkward because they/you know how badly they felt for however long. For some people that is hard to just have a normal conversation, when you/they felt that pain for however long.
Anonymous
April 2nd, 2021 2:12pm
The most serious warning signs include any form of violence, abuse or harassment, which should be dealt with immediately. But in many cases, the indicators of a toxic relationship are much more subtle. The first, and simplest, is persistent unhappiness, Glass says. If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you’ve sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too. These changes could range from clinically diagnosable conditions, such as depression, anxiety or eating disorders, to constantly feeling nervous or uncomfortable — especially around your partner. Feeling like you can’t talk with or voice concerns to your significant other is another sign that something is amiss, Fuller says. You should also look out for changes in your other relationships, or in the ways you spend your free time, Fuller says. “You may feel bad for doing things on your own time, because you feel like you have to attend to your partner all the time,” she says. “You cross the line when you’re not your individual self anymore and you’re giving everything to your partner.” Finally, Fuller says concern from family or friends should be taken seriously, particularly since people in toxic relationships are often the last to realize it. Brocke says that was true of her relationships, which perpetuated the damage for years. “By the time I actually started realizing I was in something that wasn’t healthy, it was so normal to me that it didn’t seem like that big a deal,” Brocke says. “You get paralyzed in it, because you’re just used to it.”
Lou73
April 7th, 2021 4:54pm
When talking to an ex, it can be really difficult because of all the feelings that are in your shared past and often no longer in your shared present. It always depends on the circumstances of which the relationship ended but most commonly it's because one party doesn't feel the same as the other. This can often lead to one or both parties feeling embarrassed or guilty or awkward. After knowing someone so intimately, it can be really hard going back to being just friends or acquaintances. The unknown territory and uncertainty of knowing where your new boundaries lie in a relationship that has changed is difficult.
makis
April 8th, 2021 9:45am
Talking to an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend can be very difficult, no matter if you have gotten over them or not. There are many factors that make it feel this way. According to my own experience, I'd say what has made it harder for me was that I had connected those people with certain memories.However, when it comes to the getting over them part, I've noticed that once I was fully over them it was sort of easier to talk with them or even connect with those people as friends. These experiences differ for each person though. :)