What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?
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Last Updated: 10/29/2024 at 3:55pm
Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
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Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.
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Human being's social life is all about relationships, be it parents, partners, friends, neighbors, colleagues, children etc and for one thing, all relationships come with certain privileges and certain responsibilities and most of the relations we develop during life time are need based. So it happens that at times we can feel we are not good enough for someone. and this feeling comes out from the reactions of the other person where they can be direct in sharing this or giving hints in some other ways like lack of interest, less respect, cold treatment etc. One more point to check is that sometimes it can be our own creation, when we misunderstand or judge wrongly or simply expect too much from our own selves and it can hurt our self esteem, self worth and instill in us self doubt. Good news is that with conscious awareness along with self love, support of family members, therapy we can help us better. The best way is replacing negative self talk with positive self talk. When we feel not good enough for someone surely we were good enough for them at some time so finding the real reason is the first step. A clear communication is a key to healthy relationships. So finding the rt reason, making sure its not our false notion, talking out to someone close, an open communication with relation in concern, seeking therapy , accessing information can all help finding our self confidence and self worth back and feel more amazing, productive and contented. Maintaining a monthly relationship guide helps ,hearing our inner voice is that good time to reflect on our relations. At the end of the day , It helps to remember that we all are unique, amazing in our own ways and at times "to let go " is important . Good luck !
That has something to do with your self-concept and self-esteem. You need to point out the root cause for it and work toward it. For example, one root cause is the constant negative self-talk that you have. Whenever you have those negative thoughts, just write it down on a piece of paper,put a strike on it and write down a alternative, positive thought. That might work.
Anonymous
March 17th, 2021 9:08pm
We are all human, we are the same but also different in many ways. I encourage you to become independent and do your best in what you do or love to do, find happiness within yourself. When you focus on yourself, others will start to realize that they are not good enough for you. If they are miserable, they have no right to drag you down with them. I wish you to try your best in everything you do, find happiness, and the world would never be good enough for you.
You're always good for everyone. Everyone is unique, if someone doesn't like you, there will be the one in the world to love you. Trust me! There will be someone to match with you. Always have confidence. If people see you with confidence, then, you will be liked. At the end of the day, if the person doesn't like you, nothing really happened. You can still be friends and go on.
If you check deeply inside you, you will find the real you. You will literally learn to admire yourself. If you feel good about yourself, then others will feel good about you.
So what you need to do:
Get self confidence. Like yourself, love yourself.
I think you should find your value and worth and know that you do matter and are very important to many people! I understand value and worth can be very difficult to find, but once you do find it, you'll know for sure that you are good enough for people to love you, although you should lover yourself first. Self-love is very important. You are the most important person in your life, so you should take care of yourself first. Know that you certainly do matter to people, you are human and deserve all the love in the world!
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2021 9:46am
Many things can cause us to feel like we are not good enough for another person. Self-esteem, social media, self-worth, self-doubt, negative self-talk, our inner critic, and other human beings can all influence this. Maybe you feel this way around a certain family member, a parent, a partner, children, friends, or any other person in your life. It's important to know your own worth, but I promise you that it's a high one. The good news is that there are many ways to overcome this feeling, lots of great things to do. Personally, I think the best way is to practice self-love, cultivate and maintain healthy relationships, grow your self-confidence, and remember you are an amazing person. One of the first steps towards those actions is remembering that that little voice that says you are not good enough, or that you need to be a better person, or even sometimes that there's no real reason to anything or your whole life, it's wrong. That voice is wrong. Some people may need therapy for this, it can provide more information, and more open communication, though that is up to what you feel is the right thing for you to do. At the end of the day, know that you are not alone in this, many people, including myself, have struggled with this same thing. It's ok not to be ok sometimes, we cannot expect life will always be a good time, but you have people willing, ready, and wanting to help and support you. I wish you all good luck and feel free to message me whenever to talk. You're all amazing *offers hugs if wanted*
Feeling not good enough for someone is an absolutely normal and common thing. As human beings one of our primary psychological needs is the need for a healthy amount of self-esteem in order to be fully functional and self-actualized about our potentials.
Almost all people spend their whole life in an environment which conditions them to base their self-worth on others’ opinion of them, to do the right thing in order to gain the approval of people like their parents, family members and partner.
However, what is learnt can be unlearned through altered behavioral practices and the best way to do so is to get the required help via therapy and other means which assist us in reducing our self-doubt. They help us in dealing with the real reason for our low self-esteem, that is, our inner critic, that prods at us whenever we are about to do something or are done doing it, and negative self talk, which only adds on to the feelings of worthlessness.
In this age of social media and information, the content we expose ourselves to matters profoundly as well. Consuming good news and positive information exponentially helps us in elevating our moods, self-confidence and optimism.
At the end of the day, we must remember that self-confidence resides where self-love does and the first step to loving ourselves is consciously acknowledging our current state and making the active choice to improve it. Through proper communication of our needs and listening to others, there is no doubt that we will come off as an amazing person to our peers. We progress on our way to be a better person by being disciplined yet gentle toward ourselves, establishing healthy relationships with others and setting proper boundaries.
On the inside, I can really hear that you feel you are not on the same level or up to the same standards as someone or feel unworthy of someone. It's easy to tell someone in your situation to trust the other person but this difficulty to trust or confide in others can be due to betrayal in a past relationship through neglect and abuse. It can seem difficult especially when you have low self-esteem. But being a friend or a significant other is something others appreciate and want. Try to look inside yourself to see where these feelings come from, did someone say something to you in the past that made you feel this way? If they did and you still talk to them, communicate what their words made you feel to them. I can understand you may worry about what will be said to you if you ask them. This is a choice for you to make. Are there sometimes things you wish others would tell you? Are there things others would wish you tell them?
If you're trying to be friends with someone else, know that your past doesn't define you and you can be good enough for someone today, just be your best self and that's more than good enough! You are welcome to reach out to one of our listeners for further support. Thank you for your question!
Anonymous
April 7th, 2021 3:42am
As human beings, it is natural to struggle with self-doubt and negative self-talk. When we feel that we are not good enough for others, it is often the voice of our own inner critic that is actually making us question our self-worth and which is undermining our self-confidence. By comparing ourselves with others—which we often do through communication and the exchange of information on social media—these hurtful internal voices can become louder and more frequent, reducing our self-esteem in the process. The good news is that at the end of the day, no matter what anyone tells you, you’re an amazing person who deserves nothing but self-love and compassion. The first step is to recognise that there are real reasons for your existence on this planet: you are worthy in the fact that you are here. You can be the better person who does the right things. You can be the person who is already inside of you and has been their your whole life even if you haven’t noticed them right in front of your eyes. One of the best ways to develop a healthy relationship with yourself might include going to therapy. In good time, it might help you to see the the great things you are capable of doing. If you have close relationships with your parents, children, family members or any other loved ones like your partner; they’ll remind you that you are enough when you are uncertain about this. Good luck on your journey friend! Be kind to yourself. I believe in you. Just take it one day at time.
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2021 1:34pm
As human beings we spend a lot of our time on social media, looking at all these amazing people living their best life. They’re full of self-esteem and confidence and their whole life seems full of great things. Looking at that, it’s easy to forget our own self-worth and start giving ourselves negative self-talk.
The good news is that you are also an amazing person, even if your inner critic doesn’t agree with that right now. Just ask your family members, your friends or your partner. You don’t need to change yourself to have a good time with people who care about you. . You are enough just as you are.
When you start to doubt that, remind yourself to talk to someone you care about, or even your therapist. Communication is the first step to healthy relationships. At the end of the day, great things will come your way too.
When you feel like you aren't good enough for someone a lot of the time it can stem from self deprecating feelings. You will only feel good enough if you yourself know that you are, so practicing self care and helping yourself feel loved by you is very crucial. If someone is making you feel like your effort is going unseen then communicate it to them because more often then not people feel that same way. Theres been many times in my life where I've felt unworthy of a specific individuals love or even just there presence, but the only thing that made me feel true value was searching for love in myself. Know that you are good enough and being self aware is the first step.
When you feel like you are not good enough for someone, look inside yourself, and know, and believe that you are good for yourself. That you are good for someone else. Also that they may have not been good enough for you. Timing in life sometimes may not make sense and a connection from your view may be stronger towards a person that may not feel the same. Remember that, that is ok. Someone that isn't interested or who may feel as though you are not good enough is simply that, their opinion. Not everyone's opinion.
In life, there comes a time when we cannot help but ask ourselves whether or not we are good enough for someone. Do I deserve my partner and their love? Am I worth it? Do I make my parents proud? These questions slash our self-worth and self-esteem to a point where we do nothing but doubt ourselves.
The best way to avoid these questions is to answer them affirmatively. Accept that we all are humans, trying our best to become a better version of ourselves. With some luck and a lot of practice, you will be able to overcome all the self-deprecating, negative, criticizing talk. And look at the world with confidence and self-love.
Forget about what other people expect from you. Do what you wish to. Remember, you are good enough. You are worth it. You deserve it. Strive for the best, work towards the best, and you will get the best. Great things will happen when you set your mind to it.
Anonymous
May 5th, 2021 8:14pm
When you feel like you are not good enough for someone you should first appreciate that you are feeling anxious which is completely fine. Then you should try and rationalise these feelings by writing them down in a logical way. By writing how you feel down your feelings can become a lot easier to manage and it can help you to see where you can start to work from. Even if you don't get to the point where you rationalise and process these feelings, venting how you feel can help to reprieve a huge amount of pressure. The most important thing is to remember that you are always worthy of the best things in life, everyone is, and this includes you. Repeat positive affirmations to yourself to help boost your self-worth. Finally, do try and speak to someone about how you have been feeling as they are likely to be able to help you as well. Keep smiling :))
Quite often, when I find myself questioning "Why am I just not good enough?" the best way I tackle this is by taking a step back and evaluating the real reason that is making me feel this way. And, quite often, it comes down to that nagging voice inside me that just won’t stop bashing my self-esteem.
Especially when it comes to relationships – be it with family members or with a romantic partner – there’s always a pressure to constantly do the right thing to appease the other. It’s absolutely normal to sometimes question your actions in order to be a better person to your friends or significant other – what isn’t right is to have that inner critic take over your whole life, so much so that you end up being consumed by self-doubt. But worry not; there’s always a first for everything, and the first step to ending this constant negative self-talk is replacing it with acts of self-love. It doesn’t have to be as extravagant as social media makes us believe, either: just take some time out of the day to connect with yourself, reminding yourself that you’re an amazing person bound to do great things in life. You’ll find that building strong positive communication with your inner self will do wonders for your self-confidence, and gradually, for your relationships with others.
Before striving towards a healthy relationship with someone else, you need to establish one with yourself because, at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with you for the rest of your life. I know this isn’t something that will produce immediate results, but the good news is that you can start immediately ☺ï¸
Good luck!
Anonymous
September 1st, 2016 12:38pm
Everyone has their own expectations, you should be who you are and everyone looks for their own person!
I check in with myself; remind myself that the truth about me is that I have people that love me and accept me. Then I can choose to give the person the benefit of the doubt- each person has his or her own reasons for acting a certain way, and I know not everything is meant to be taken personally. Only I can decide what I will carry with me and let define me.
Anonymous
September 9th, 2016 3:01am
There are more fish in the sea as they say. Move on there is someone that's will like you for who you are.
You don't have to be afraid of being not ''good enough''.
I'm sure you are a nice and friendly person, always respect each other and spread the love
Try to get reinsurance from that person or if you simply don't feel like your good enough then simply leave! you deserve to be happy and comfortable in your situation!
This is a great question as so many of us struggle with it. Often times it has to do with our self worth and self love. If we view ourselves negatively then we frequently are going to feel like we aren't good enough for others. The best way to shake this feeling off is to take some time to yourself to relax and start loving yourself again. That could be through self care or taking the time to do an activity that raises your self-esteem. Family, spouses, friends, coworkers, etc. are all people we try to be good enough for but the truth is that with some people we will never achieve this. Instead, try to remember the amazing person you are. What matters is how you view yourself, not what others think. You control your destiny and only you can decide how it will go, not someone who you can never be good enough for.
Anonymous
September 22nd, 2016 7:16pm
Incomplete, like there is something wrong with you; like you are not enough for that one person.....
You must always love yourself, that way you will be aware of your self worth and always feel positive
Occasionally we would have self-doubt or negative self-talk that we are not good enough for someone such as our family, friends or relatives. This could feel stressful and we may not know what to do. Here are some ways which may help.
1. Whenever we realise that our inner critics say that we are not good enough, we can label it as a thought. A thought may or may not be real.
2. Investigate. We should reflect upon the reasons why we think we are not good enough. List down the areas we are good enough and then the areas we are not good enough.
3. See if it is really true that our self-critic is real by going through the list.
4. If we find out that we actually have a greater number of good than bad, then we should come to the conclusion that our self-critic is wrong.
5. If instead, we find that there are areas which we are lacking, we can plan on how to improve it through small steps.
All in all, stay positive and optimistic! View challenges as a positive thing where they inform us that we can potentially grow.
It is easy to doubt one's self-worth if you grew up exposed to negative feedback about who you are as a person. Negative feedback can blur the reality that everyone has strengths and weaknesses that help create their uniqueness as an individual. It can be hard not to label these attributes as good or bad, however practicing staying non-judgemental will help look at these attributes in a more objective way. Ask yourself, what are my strengths? What do my strengths bring to the table when it comes to relationships? How do my strengths compensate for any areas that might need work? You can use affirmations to help build self-esteem, they are simple daily reminders either placed in a journal or on post-its that identify positive characteristics about the self. You can ask people in your environment, whether they be co-workers, friends, family, church members, what they think your strengths are, so you get direct feedback from those you trust. Reversing negative internal dialog takes work, but it is possible. Surrounding yourself with positive reinforcers will help break down the built-up negative Identity into one that is more flexible, feels acceptable, and increases confidence. I hope your journey of self-discovery leads you to feeling more comfortable perceiving yourself as an asset in relationships.
When you do not feel good enough for someone this could be because you have taken a moment to reflect and notice your values/beliefs and the other individuals values/beliefs are not aligned. Not feeling good enough can stem from trauma and can personally have nothing to do with you as a person. It can be very important to ask yourself the extent to which you put others on a pedestal and vice versa. Its easy to be shaped nowadays by societal ideals of perfection (e.g. the ideal look, occupation, goals, dreams, accolades) when in reality all human beings are imperfect and have trauma they are working on healing.
Treat yourself as human and not invincible - please continue to be gracious with yourself because at the end of the day you are doing the very best that you can even though it does not seem like it. You are welcome to chat 1-1 with one of our listeners to receive emotional support in a safe space.
My thoughts on the first step on what to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone would be to speak to your parents and other family members, if possible. At the end of the day, they have known you your whole life and might be able to boost your self-confidence and tell you what an amazing person you are. It’s far too easy when looking at things like social media to fall prey to self-doubt and let your inner critic have a voice. Human beings have always had a way of being too critical and not using communication effectively, but the good news is that you can do great things without needing anyone’s approval. Believe in yourself and you will see that the real reason you were feeling that you weren't good enough is because you care! You will do the right thing. Smile and step forward - you got this! Good luck!
Its normal to feel like you are not good enough for someone- A question to ask yourself and be mindful about is whether or not you put that particular person on a pedestal (do you idolise them and think they can do no wrong?).
The other side of the argument could be the viewpoint that when we partner with someone who lowers our self-esteem, we can develop negative self-worth towards ourselves be it appearance, status, education, relational skills. With the popularity of social media we can feel like we fall short of what society considers ideal (e.g. the ideal man, woman, car, house, college/university etc). If you have ever found yourself backing someone up and saying no to mistreatment of others then why not to yourself?
Self care is important and once we neglect this we cannot give our all. Remembering that we are mere human beings and we feel emotions could unlock great things within us can send the message to others and to ourselves that we have something to offer. The good news is that we can always work on ourselves to become a better person if we are willing to make fair changes. At the end of the day do you choose to let others opinions (good or bad) impact you? Does your body language or way of speaking communicate to others you dont feel worthy?
You are welcome to chat with one of our listeners to explore your confidence and what triggers that internal dialogue in your mind that you aren't good enough.
The best way to overcome could be self-love; being kind to ourselves is the first step towards building healthy relationships. You deserve the chance to build healthy relationships with yourself and others.
As the famous proverb says:
"You cannot serve from an empty cup."
Whether it is to our friends, partner, parents, children, or other family members, we sometimes may feel like we are not good enough. Many people can relate to this. The curated content in social media may also affect our self-esteem negatively. We are all human beings. Even the most amazing person can struggle with self-confidence and feeling inadequate if their inner voice says so.
The good news is our negative feelings do not always reflect reality. We may feel inadequate, but perhaps the real reason is the loud inner critic inside us, not because we are inadequate.
We do not have to feel this way our whole life. We can certainly work towards building a healthy relationship with ourselves so that we feel enough. The best way to do this is through cultivating self-love. Great things can happen when we love who we are. What matters the most is you love yourself and enjoy being who you are. Others' perceptions of us should not come before our love for ourselves.
The first step is to recognise that our self-worth is not tied to anything. We are enough just as we are. We are much more than our thoughts and feelings. We are much better than what our self-doubt and negative self-talk say, so we should be confident in our own skin. Self-confidence means "knowing who I am, liking who I am, and wanting to lift others with me."
It is helpful to remember there is no upper limit to being a good person; what matters is we keep striving to grow. Reflection is a tool to become a better and better version of ourselves. It is also important to remember that we want to be a better person for ourselves, first and foremost. We want to feel enough for ourselves, not to fulfil someone else’s expectations. If we want to be good enough for person A while person B wants something different, this can cause an identity crisis. If we have no stable sense of identity, will we be happy?
Moreover, maintaining healthy communication with ourselves is essential. We should be careful with how we talk to ourselves; we do not want to give more power to the cognitive distortions that say we are not good enough. This is why positive self-affirmations can be a powerful tool for healthy self-esteem.
Therapy is another option if we need professional help. Therapists can give us more useful information according to our specific situations. At the end of the day, though, therapy is not always available or accessible for everyone.
I hope this helps you figure out the next right thing to do to feel good enough. Good luck, and I hope you have a good time through the process of accepting and loving yourself, whoever you are.
Sometimes it's difficult to realise your self worth, as the negativity around you can sabotage your whole life. Others can not understand the emotions and more than the others it's your inner critic that keeps on giving you a negative self talk. And to top it all now a days even social media might force a perception about perfection into the mind making you feel at the bottom of everything. Human beings have a need of validation, this makes us believe we are not good enough if someone doesn't approve of us.
The good news is that you are not alone because everyone goes through this phase. Right now you only need to focus on your emotions and take the first step to build your self confidence. The best way to do that is by surrounding yourself with you loved ones, parents, partner or children. They can see in you the amazing person that you can't see. So, the right thing to do now is to take a small break from all the chaos that is building up in your mind. These chaos can be resorted only through communication, and if communication with family doesn't help you, therapy can also work wonders.
At the end of the day, if your mind is healthy and blooming then only you can create healthy relationships.
Please remember you are a strong person and you are loved.
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