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How do I let go of pent up anger towards an ex?

209 Answers
Last Updated: 05/22/2022 at 6:42am
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Top Rated Answers
SidMal007
February 10th, 2017 2:35pm
The relationship ended for a reason (or reasons). And no one person is 100% responsible for it. Each person contributes their share. So its important to learn from the mistakes one made, learn from the lesson that you got out of that relationship and use them as a stepping stone to move on to a better one. Looking back doesn't solve anything. Trying to channelize the rage into something positive like volunteering, helping others etc will help in reducing the rage.
Blaise23
August 19th, 2018 4:32pm
Anger is also a form of energy. So we love to express it. The thing is that, when we do so, we exert it on others or on things and cause harm to others as well as ourselves. The best thing to do is channel this energy to your desired work and let the anger help you to complete tasks that were impossible at normal times or you can use this energy on physical work like any martial arts, sports, dancing or music. This method of channelling not only helps to control anger but also avoids any damage caused by it.
Anonymous
November 26th, 2016 9:43am
When I feel angry, I like to listen to upbeat music that makes me feel empowered. Catchy girl band pop songs are my go-to. Gotta sing to it really loudly too. Add some dancing, and you can get out a lot of anger.
MeditationSavesLives
November 1st, 2018 4:03am
Realize that your worth is based on your opinion of yourself and not his/her opinion of you. Why are you angry towards your ex? You might have a really good reason! But you can't control how a person feels about you. Sure you can influence how they fell about you but if you base your happiness on how a person feels about you, you're risking your happiness on a volatile and an uncontrollable factor. Love yourself. If this person hurt you then move on and be grateful they aren't in your life anymore. If you invested into the relationship more than they did, then be proud of yourself because you did what you could and they will be missing out on a great person. Yeah it sucks that your effort wasn't reciprocated but you can make something as big a deal as you want or as small a deal as you want. The point is, you are in control and much more powerful than you think.
Relationshipexpert
March 20th, 2019 5:46pm
That's a hard question with a very hard answer. Depending on what your ex did, determines how long it'll take for you to let it go. Abuse takes a longer time to let go. Knowing that someone who was supposed to love you, hit you will leave you mentally messed up and it may take a longer time to forgive. Cheating may take a little bit to get over but it'll fade. Whatever the reason may be that is making you angry towards them, will not last forever. It may be hard to forgive them but you need to figure out a way to forgive them. It's your only chance of letting the anger go. The reason you are so angry is because what they did left you feeling betrayed and hurt. Forgive them and you will be free of the anger.
caringLove95
January 11th, 2020 7:01pm
you avoid them . Because avoiding someone makes you forget about what they look like and how they treated you.Also if you replace those memories with a friend or going to the same place you have memories with an ex with your bestie, makes you remember only the good memory (for example when you visit this place with your bestie replaces the bad memory with an ex). That is only my opinion and what may work for some may not work for others. I hope it will help you at least forget about the bad memories that cause the anger :)
Brittneym101
January 16th, 2017 10:39am
There are a lot of different ways to do this, but it's not going to happen over night. Most importantly you need to learn how to forgive. If you are still angry with your ex then chances are you never forgave them in regards to what has yo so angry in the first place. Most people like myself still holds onto anger or a grudge because they are things that were left unsaid that you feel like you can only let go of when confronting the ex or letting he/she know how you feel about everything. Take a step back, give your ex some space and if this is still troubling your heart/soul reach out to your ex. Let him/her know how you feel. However if they are with someone else, let it be known clear that you just want to be at peace and try to forgive and let go.
Scruffball
July 8th, 2018 6:44pm
To get over my own anger I looked at why I was angry at my ex in the first place. I was angry that our relationship had ended and that he had cheated on me. By seeing where my anger came from I was able to move past it. I hadn’t caused him to cheat, he had made that decision himself and because of that our relationship ended. I also focused on living my life and enjoying it. By doing this I was able to see that my life was not over and that I could stop being angry about the mistakes he made. If I continued to be angry I was only letting myself down and stopping my enjoyment.
Taylovesyou202
September 15th, 2019 4:16pm
I've had some awful ex's in the past. I've been lied to and cheated on, sexually assaulted and used. I understand how angry and frustrating being mistreated can be in a relationship, or having held in resentment towarda an ex. Even if nothing of the sort went wrong you can still have those nasty feelings bottled up inside and it's okay. Theyre valid, as are you. For me, the way I got over my anger with my ex's, I wrote letters to them, on paper. Telling them everything I felt. Everything they made me feel. Then I ripped the paper into shreds and burned each shred, piece by piece. Sometimes just venting or talking to someone can help(even if it's the ex themselves), you just let out all of that negative(but valid.) energy until you don't have those feelings. The process of forgiveness isn't easy but it all starts with letting go.. 💕✨🌸
lovelyPalm93
March 29th, 2018 2:26pm
In time this will just subside. You will find someone new who will make you wonder how you ever liked the first person in the first place! Just hold back from doing anything spiteful or petty in the meantime otherwise you could regret it.
hannahnicolee18
April 24th, 2020 2:20pm
How do you let go of pent up anger towards an ex? On the surface, that can seem like a very complex issue, but what you really need to understand is that, from my experience, your ex isn't waiting around for your forgiveness. All that anger that you're holding onto isn't hurting them in the slightest. In fact, they don't even know it's there. The only person who's carrying the weight of that anger and sadness is you. So, while it's important to lean the skills of forgiveness for others, it's more important to learn those forgiveness skills for yourself. Set yourself free. Recognize that by forgiving him or her, you're giving yourself permission to move on and be happy.
JacoEM
April 17th, 2020 7:22pm
Anger usually comes with a desire of a retribution of an idea of some justice. Unfortunately, that idea of justice is very subjective and it's not really something that will bring us peace. Looking for peace via this way comes from an immature point of view. Ultimately, what's done is done. If this person did something selfish or damaging, it talks really bad of them, but at least you are no longer tied to that person. It may have helped you discover something. Now you know what to avoid. As for you, to keep moving on, you need to let go of things you can't control. Don't lose time thinking of that anger, try to focus and what you want to achieve next and how to get there.
SilentSerenityy
February 9th, 2018 11:43am
The anger and hurt will pass as time goes on. You may feel anger because you still hold some feelings for them. What I've learned is that time does heal when it comes to moving on from an ex, but you can help yourself by maybe avoiding contact with them and blocking them on social media and then focusing on your life and building yourself up.
LiveMoreTherapy
April 8th, 2018 7:43pm
Repressed anger for long periods of time can negatively affect our mental health. Anger is an emotion we must accept and allow ourselves to feel. Accepting our emotions is one of the many steps we have to take in order to get our end results of letting go. In addition to accepting our anger, we must take our time and once we have self-control of our emotion we eventually get to the next step of analyzing the situation, such as asking yourself questions "why am I mad?" When we restrain our anger and do not become aware we can lead destructive lives by letting our emotions choose our behaviors in a negative way. This is one significant reason why it is crucial to communicate and have support throughout this time to release our inner thoughts, stress, etc. Through self-discovery we can find growth and we can come to a understanding. Nevertheless, taking your time to allow yourself to feel the emotion, to understand why you felt this way, to be around your support team (communicate), to find positive self-self-discovery (learning and growing from the situation) and to move forward will help one let go of anger. Setting goals and remembering to always communicate your feelings will be beneficial to your health in the future. Working on this will only help you progress to a healthier you! Also, recreation activities are a great addition to adding to your lifestyle.
Anonymous
June 5th, 2018 7:00am
By realizing that the anger you're holding towards them doesn't affect them in the slightest and only damages you.
enchantingSky79
January 11th, 2020 1:24pm
Remember that it is okay to feel this way but you must let it go. Go to the gym, take a boxing class, sing or dance while thinking about all the things he has done to anger you and use your anger in a creative way. Write a letter to him but don’t send it unless you really want to. In the letter, write everything that he has done to hurt you. Use the letter to vent. Talking to friends and maybe even seeing a counselor helps. Go for a run when you feel angry, it will help you release the anger and make you feel more calm. Do some yoga and meditation to calm yourself.
SpreeSpirit13
September 24th, 2017 4:12am
It's not easy, it is very difficult. But noody can tell you how to because everybody has different ways about it. The anger you feel is different, the person is different, you are different. Try to figure out what do you expect from him. It took me two years to leave my anger behind after he genuinly accepted his mistake. That's what i wanted him, a very genuine apology. He ruined that later but I took what would give me peace. With my other ex, all i needed was time. I made new friends, studied, found a new hobby. Do what suits you and the situation best.
madds101104
July 6th, 2018 5:20am
You should try and write about it or let it out like screaming into a pillow. You will have to realize that whatever happened, happened and you have to move on from it.
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2017 8:28am
The best thing you can do is move on. The more you think about whatever happened the more it'll get to you. You shouldn't spend time thinking about someone who made you unhappy and just move on and find someone who will make you happy.
GAddams
July 22nd, 2018 4:33pm
Remember that staying angry doesn't hurt anyone but you. A very wise man once said described it this way: "it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
CandlelightJones
July 5th, 2017 6:13am
Write about it--feel the pain, track the pain--where is it localized? Dig into the anger, parse out where it's coming from. Note the part I played in what I'm angry about. Was I complacent? Short-tempered? Shut down? Dig into the experience to learn from it and avoid repeating it. Exercise. Self-care. Get a massage, acupuncture. Talk to friends that are loving.
Anonymous
August 17th, 2019 12:40am
We've all been there. If it's not an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, it's an ex-friend. In my case, it was an ex-friend. We were friends for 9 years and when it finally fell apart, I was just so angry with her. We're usually angry with someone when we've been hurt or disappointed. I've noticed that. While I can't promise that you'll stop being angry with your ex forever, I can try to offer you some advice. Give yourself some space. Don't be around them physically or online. Give yourself time to think and feel. If you have all this pent up energy towards this person, its best not to direct your anger at them in a way you might regret. Do something productive. Try exercise. Do anything that keeps your mind off this person and redirect this pain into something positive. You need to move on. You can't be happy and angry at the same time.
souldirect
June 5th, 2017 12:17pm
Anger towards someone only damages the peace of one person - Your peace. Nothing in this world is worthy enough if it takes away your peace. Anger may be due to unresolved issues or incomplete closure. Try to talk to him/ her and see if you can discuss what's bugging you the most and then maybe you can work on it collectively or just by yourself. After doing this if you still have any hard feelings which don't seem to go away easily, indulge yourself into yoga or a dance class or any other hobby class that would make you feel good about yourself. Once you steal enjoying every little moment of your life, you will start loving your life and won't have any space or energy for negative things in your life. Speaking from a personal experience, this process will tale time but it will be totally worth it. ☺
Anonymous
November 18th, 2016 8:30pm
You could take up some kind of physical activity. Such as running, boxing, etc. This way you abled to let say, run longer than usual, burning out all the anger that you may feel to replace with the great feeling of exercising,
supportiveUnicorn25
February 2nd, 2017 8:14am
Try transferring your emtions onto a piece of paper. Write how you feel in the most words thatthat express your emotions the most. Then you can draw a stick man and think of it as your ex. You can destroy the paper, tear it up, burn it.
Franapy
November 4th, 2018 3:00pm
When it comes to ex's and feeling negative feelings towards them, that is completely normal. Depending on how the relationship ended, people tend to find different ways to cope. The best thing to do to let go of this anger is to distract yourself with doing things you enjoy (reading, watching shows, writing). Think about why you still feel such anger for the person, it is something that can be addressed? Try talking to someone and let them know how you feel, if it is really bothering you, maybe talk to your ex (if that option is available) and be honest with how you feel about them. Relationships are never something easy to get over, especially if you had very strong feelings for the person, and it is important to remember you are not alone. Understanding why you feel that way and addressing the people who are making you feel like this is the first step to forgiveness.
Greatfuljoy
November 18th, 2018 12:50pm
Write down on a piece of paper how you are feeling. Every single detail. Then rip it up, let this signify you letting go. You have poured your feelings and so there is nothing left to give. Take it as a learning experience and remember what makes you smile and do all the things you love. Life goes on regardless so don't waste any time on dwelling on any anger you have towards your ex. Remember, you are better than that. Don't let you ex have this much - if any power over you! Be the bigger person for yourself.
Popsicle1990
December 14th, 2016 7:07pm
A brilliant way to release some anger in a non aggressive way is writing. Write a letter to them with everything you are feeling all the wrongs you may feel have happened, dont think just write until you cant think of anything more and then just rip it or burn it ( safely). This way you dont have to engage with them but you have still released those thoughts and feelings
MissyK1992
November 2nd, 2016 3:36pm
Be positive. Just think like this. Hating someone will only make you tired and wasting your time, because he/she will not even feel pain while you're hating him/her. So, why wasting your time. Holding an anger is like holding a hot burning charcoal, it will only burn yourself.
brightMist22
May 14th, 2017 4:43pm
Just let go. If it wasn't ment to be this way letting go is the best thing to do. Your perfect girl is out there don't waste time on your exes